What do you (a baby vampaneze with five dollars) get for the uncle (a Vampire Prince who saved your life) who has everything? Well, you don't exactly know. But you have a cool aunt who can drive you to the mall and that's a start.

(Sure Darius is great and all but ngl this is first and foremost a character study in Gracie because this story is first and foremost a Christmas gift to myself.)

･ﾟ: on the 9th day of Christmas :･ﾟ:

"He's Making A List"

December 24th could've been a scene from a holiday Pinterest board. An overnight snow left the Shans' street glittering like diamonds under the glow of the outdoor Christmas lights. All was quiet in this corner of suburbia. Gracie had spent the entire morning curled up on the living room couch and didn't have plans to mobilize anytime soon.

She was proud of how well she'd adjusted to living hard and travelling constantly in the past eleven months. She was more confident than ever she'd made the right choice joining the clan. But there was a lot to be said for being cozy and doing absolutely nothing. This week of holidays had been the refreshing break she didn't know she needed til it happened.

The entire Home Alone franchise was airing on TV. Darren had fallen asleep in the recliner shortly after the plane took off without Kevin McCallister. The rest of the vampires and vampaneze hadn't bothered trying to reset their sleep routine; they were snoozing away the daylight hours in their respective quarters. Dermot was at work. Annie and Angela had gone to see a play at the nearby auditorium. Gracie essentially had the place to herself. Not a creature was stirring.

Except for the nine-year-old lurking in the corner of the room looking suspiciously like he had something on his mind. Up til now Darius had been playing with Legos upstairs. Gracie had kind of forgotten he was here.

"Aunt Gracie?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you busy this afternoon?"

She was intrigued. He looked like he was gearing up to ask her for a kidney or something.

"Need more context."

"Will you take me to the mall?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm completely free. We can go right now if you want."

"That'd be good."

"I'll get the keys. You wake Darren up." She sat upright but paused as her feet touched the floor. Darius was shaking his head as he leaned closer. His wide eyes darted surreptitiously to Darren's slumbering form, then back to Gracie.

"We need to go without Uncle Darren so I can get him a Christmas present!" Darius whispered at last.

So he wasn't after her kidney. But there was such plaintive desperation in his eyes, it may as well have been. Gracie forced herself not to laugh.

"Say no more. Let's go."

･ﾟ: ･ﾟ: :･ﾟ:･ﾟ

Darius was reserved for a kid his age. That was old news. And it was no surprise considering the dark twist his life had taken. But as Gracie drove the rented Escalade across town to the mall, she thought he seemed more subdued than usual. She didn't pry. They weren't close like that. But she considered Darren family, and that made Darius family too. So she let him mess around with the satellite radio on the drive and bought him a snack from the food court when they got there.

Then began the hunt.

Gods, she'd missed malls. With Arra's dagger strapped discreetly to her belt (always), a steaming Starbucks latte in hand, and All I Want For Christmas Is You pumping from the speakers, she felt like the peak version of herself. The refined sugar perked Darius up a little - but he wasn't exactly matching her energy.

"You look really serious for a kid holding an entire bag of cake pops." Gracie remarked as they weaved through hordes of frantic shoppers.

"I'm trying to think of the perfect present for Uncle Darren!"

"You don't know what you're looking for?"

"I'm working on it, okay? But what does he even need?"

"Damn. You made it sound like you already had a plan and all I had to do was drive."

"Forget about it! This was a stupid idea. Let's just go home." Darius threw his arms in the air, swinging the brown paper bag like a mace and almost hitting the old woman walking past him. There was a subtle quaver in his voice that didn't bode well.

"That's a little drastic. Just think about it for a minute." Gracie countered calmly. Calm worked best with this kid. "We haven't even been to any stores yet. And Darren isn't exactly complicated. We'll find something."

"I don't even know where to start! I feel like I barely know him!"

"You haven't known him that long. It's okay. What sorts of things does he talk about when you spend time together? Let's start there." Said Gracie. She had a few ideas. But this wasn't her mission. It was Darius's, and clearly it meant a lot to him. He just needed a little help to get the ball rolling.

Darius glanced dubiously up at her, green winter boots still scuffing squeakily across the tile floor. "Whenever we're together we only seem to talk about me." He admitted.

"Makes sense. Family's very important to him. He cares about you." Gracie offered. It was true. Darren lit up whenever he talked about the kid. But Darius stopped in his tracks and swung around to face her like she'd said something appalling. He stood there staring with those huge, emotive eyes that made it so easy to forget he was the sole descendant of the Vampaneze Lord.

"That's why I need his gift to be perfect! What if he doesn't know how much I care about him?" He choked out. The word 'care' caught in his throat.

Gracie sighed and ran her hand through her hair. All she wanted was an overpriced latte, a buttery mall pretzel, and maybe a little detour to Lululemon. This was more than she bargained for. But she didn't have time to dwell on that. An irate-looking woman snapping into her cellphone was about to plow Darius over with the double-wide stroller she was pushing. Gracie quickly steered him out of harm's way and onto a bench next to the water fountain. (But not before shooting an eviscerating glare at the lady.)

"Darius, listen to me. I promise Darren already knows you care about him. I spend almost every waking moment with the guy, so I'm an expert."

Darius didn't look convinced. He didn't even look directly at her as he mumbled, "Are you sure?"

"Completely. And he'd be so upset if he knew you were stressing yourself out over him. So let's just pick a store and start looking."

At least he didn't argue. He even stuck closer to her than before as they merged back into the freeway of mall pedestrians.

"See anything that looks promising?" Gracie asked as they walked past store after store.

Darius shook his head, but he was scanning his surroundings with renewed interest. His mental gears were turning. That was a start.

"Lululemon has great socks. Got my dad a pair a few years ago. He loves them. Said it's the first time he's ever had warm feet in Vampire Mountain." Said Gracie, gesturing at the window display as they passed.

Darius frowned as he stared up at the big red logo on the wall. "I dunno. Mom never goes in that store. She says it's really expensive."

Worth a try. Interesting how his mind got hung up on the cost factor as opposed to who the hell would want socks for Christmas?! Socks at Christmas is an acquired taste - and it's rarely acquired by the age of nine.

"That's true. Darren's always losing his socks anyway. We'll keep looking." She paused, and added in a way she hoped sounded casual: "What kind of budget are we working with?"

Darius wrinkled his nose. "What's a budget?"

"How much money can you spend on this gift?"

"Oh! I have the five dollars Grandpa gave me for helping shovel the driveway yesterday!" Said Darius. His face lit up like a Christmas candle as he pulled the crumpled bill from his coat pocket and brandished it proudly. But only for a moment, then his sparkle dimmed and he added, "Is that gonna be enough?"

Gracie managed to catch herself before grimacing, and rearranged her face into a breezy smile. "Why don't I just buy the gift?"

"No, thank you." Said Darius with an impressive lack of hesitation. He shook his head firmly. "I want to buy it myself."

His determination was a little bit heartbreaking. Gracie tried to keep her expression neutral. Pity and patronization would make this even worse.

"I know you worked really hard for that five dollars. But everything's expensive these days." She ventured after taking a moment to consider her words. "I feel like I should warn you it might be tough to find something nice for that amount of money."

Darius looked on the precipice of a total meltdown. His chin was quivering and his eyes were pooling. Gracie tried again.

"Darius, I'm asking politely here. Friend to friend. Will you consider letting me help you with the gift? We can share the cost. It can be from both of us."

"I'll pay you back, I promise!" Darius blurted out. "It just… might be a while."

"That's fine. Take as long as you need." Said Gracie. She had no intention of collecting on the debt. But his cheeks were already flushed pink with humiliation, as if he'd failed somehow. As if he wasn't already smarter and more mature than any kid in his age bracket. He wiped his tears on his sleeve, and was about to wipe his running nose there too before Gracie pulled a Kleenex from her bag and shoved it into his hand.

"I heard my mom talking to Grandpa in the kitchen last night." Darius sniffled, so quietly it was hard to hear him over the Christmas music and clamouring crowds. "I guess she… she lost her job last week. But she didn't tell me."

"Oh. Fuck."

"I didn't wanna ask her for money. And I couldn't tell her I wanted to buy a gift for Uncle Darren, 'cause then she would've felt bad and tried to give me money anyway!"

"That's a lot of worrying for one nine-year-old to manage"

"I guess."

"If it gives you one less thing to worry about, I really don't mind helping you. Darren's my best friend. He deserves a nice present."

Darius managed a nod as he wiped his nose one last time. To Gracie's immense relief he looked hopeful as he peered up at her again. "You have lots of money, right? 'Cause your dad is a Prince?"

"No. I have lots of money because I was a lawyer before I changed careers, and I haven't paid rent in eleven months. Let's keep looking."

･ﾟ: ･ﾟ: :･ﾟ:･ﾟ

You'd think having a financial backer would've made the process easier. But having an entire mall full of choices at his fingertips seemed to cause Darius even more doubt than his original budget did.

First was the kiosk of novelty keychains with an endless variety of names engraved on them. Truth be told they were kind of tacky and Gracie would've bypassed them completely. But Darius was all in. And this was his mission, so Gracie zipped her lips and breathed a silent sigh of relief when they realized the Darrens were out of stock.

They shook it off and carried on. Next stop was the Build-A-Bear workshop. Darius's eyes just about popped out of his head at the sight of them.

"Look! They even have vampire bears!"

Gracie cringed, but managed to pass it off as a kinda-smile. "Wow. They sure do."

"Think Uncle Darren would like one?"

"I think he'd like anything you gave him. But there's a good chance Vancha would make fun of him for the rest of his life. Just something to consider. Totally your choice, though."

"Oh. I probably shouldn't do that to him."

"Let's keep looking."

There was a shoe store around the corner. That seemed promising. Darren was due for a new pair. Just last week he'd been complaining about the sorry state his were in. Darius picked out a pair that were actually very on-brand for Darren, and he managed it without Gracie's help. She was impressed. Until she realized neither of them had any idea what size Darren wore. And even if they did, Vancha had recently warned him he was due for some kind of warp-speed vampiric puberty evolution "any month now". Any garment that fit him now would become redundant after that. The poor sucker.

"What if we get him an extra-extra-large shirt? So even if he gets as big as The Rock he'll still be able to wear it?" Darius asked earnestly, pointing at the window of a novelty t-shirt store. It wasn't really a practical idea, but the store looked fun so they gave it a try. Gracie immediately knew it was a miscalculation.

"I Heart Beer And Titties… My Other Ride Is Your Mom… Organ Donor… what do these even mean?" Darius wondered aloud as he browsed. That last one did not say organ donor but Gracie wasn't about to correct him. She tried to play it casual, dismissing the question with a shrug. Nothing piques a nine-year-old's interest like something taboo.

"I'm all for a dirty joke, but they aren't even trying to be clever." She muttered to herself, nose wrinkling in disdain as she dug through the clearance bin. But she quickly spun around as she heard Darius inquire loudly as he pointed at a shirt hanging from the wall,

"What are those stick people doing?"

The stick people were, to put it elegantly, working to grow their stick family.

"I have no idea. Let's go get pretzels."

･ﾟ: ･ﾟ: :･ﾟ:･ﾟ

A corner booth in the food court became something of a war room as they sat down (pretzels in hand) and attempted to rebuild their strategy from the ground up. When Gracie went for her second Starbucks run of the day Darius swore he could handle his own latte. But nine-year-olds actually haven't the faintest idea what they can and can't handle. Gracie realized that as she watched the kid visibly jittering on the other side of the booth.

She decided to redirect his energy for a moment. The fruitless gift hunt already had him anxious enough without the espresso on top.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I caught Santa Claus in Vampire Mountain when I was little?" She inquired seriously.

"Santa visited Vampire Mountain?" He asked, regarding her with a blend of skepticism and intrigue. At the ripe old age of nine, he was teetering on the cusp of belief where Santa was concerned. Gracie already knew that, because she heard him picking his grandmother's brain about it the previous day.

"Santa visits everyone." Said Gracie. "We put a tree in the Hall of Princes that year. I was almost asleep when I heard a ho-ho-ho outside my room. I went out and saw him walking down the corridor. Then I followed him right into the Hall, and snuck up on him as he was putting presents under the tree."

"Really?"

"Really really."

No, really. This actually happened. The only detail she was leaving out was that Santa had been Paris wearing Seba's cloak. Darius nodded as he mulled over the information he'd been given.

"Will Santa be able to find me even though I'm at Grandma and Grandpa's house?" He asked at last.

"If Santa can open the doors to the Hall of Princes, I think he can figure out where you are."

That seemed to be enough reassurance for now. His face brightened once more and he took another slurp of latte.

"Alright. Let's get back to business here. We don't want to spend our whole Christmas Eve in this mall." Gracie added. "I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to just answer without thinking too hard about it."

"Okay. I'm ready."

"What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear Uncle Darren?"

Darius blurted out his answer before she finished the sentence. "My dad."

Gracie has a strong poker face but that one got a momentary blank stare out of her. Because there wasn't a therapist on the planet qualified to unpack that one.

"…Fair enough." She replied lightly. "Let's try that again. I'll be more specific this time. What's the funnest thing you've ever done with Uncle Darren?"

"Oh, I know! A couple months ago when he came to visit me, we went for a long walk in the forest by my mom's apartment. He tried to show me a few fighting moves - just in case, you know?"

"I know."

"I was really bad at it. I tried my best but I just couldn't do the moves he was showing me. But he didn't even get mad! He was so nice. He told me everyone learns at their own speed, and that's okay."

"He's right. And I'm sure you did fine."

"I don't know about that. But anyway, on our walk home we passed the playground at my school. He asked if I wanted to stop there. But I hate school, so I said no."

"A nine year old who hates school. How original."

"Then he saw a soccer ball somebody left there. He said if I let him show me just one trick, we could go get candy after. Then we played soccer for like two hours." The more Darius talked, the wider his smile got. "It was so much fun. He's really good at it! And by the time we were finished playing, I'd gotten better at controlling my strength and speed and all that stuff! And we weren't even practicing fighting! It was all from playing soccer!"

By the time Darius finished the story, he was beaming from ear to ear. And finally he looked just as excited as every other little kid running around this mall.

"You said that was about three months ago, right?" Said Gracie.

"Yeah. September."

"I remember that. Darren was so happy when he got back to our campsite after that visit with you. He said it was the most fun he'd had in years. He's so proud to be your uncle"

The kid's eyes went huge. Like that was some kind of incredible revelation. "He is?!"

Gracie sighed. "Just assume everything I tell you is true."

"That's why I need to find him a perfect gift! I don't want him to forget how much he helped me. What? Why are you looking me like that?"

"I think you just figured your gift out."

"No, I haven't figured out anything! There's nothing in this stupid mall!"

"Yes, there is! It's right there in front of you!"

"Where? The bra store?!"

"Not literally in front of you. You're killing me! Just think about it for a second. You want to give him something that'll remind him of the happy times you've had together. And your happiest time was playing soccer… please don't make me spell it out for you."

No spelling required. The smile that broke across the kid's face was brighter than every fluorescent light fixture in this entire building combined as he shouted, "Oh! I've got it!"

Gracie was about ready to stand up in her chair and jump for joy but she settled for raising her paper Starbucks cup and "clinking" it against Darius's as a toast. "Never doubted you for a second."

He nodded eagerly, but paused one final time.

"…It's a soccer ball, right?"

"You tell me. It was your idea."

"Yeah. It's a soccer ball!"

Complimentary bonus meta:

This was actually one of the first Christmas oneshots I started working on, and it was meant to be part of something else but it kind of got away from me. I never planned on fleshing out Gracie's dynamic with Darius because I never had a reason to.

This chapter made me realize that these two really do have a unique and special friendship. While Darren is the one true Uncle to this kid, their circumstances force him into a more paternal role. With that said, Darren is NOT trying to be the designated father figure in Darius's life; Annie is alive and well to parent her son. But Annie is still human, and that leaves her at a loss for how to guide Darius through life in some ways. And because Darren is a vampire, he's equipped to help Darius in ways Annie can't.

What I'm getting at is Darren doesn't really have the bandwidth to be all that to Darius, AND also be the fun, chill, bad-influence-but-protects-you-with-their-life, bail-you-out-of-jail uncle. But that's what Aunt Gracie is for.

And hey, if you want more of whatever this is, I frequently post my streams of consciousness on my CDF-centric Twitter account, m1kaverleth. I do also have a CDF IG account under the same name although I'm less active on there. I don't post much on Tumblr these days but I can be found at mikaverleth. I'm keeping it alive for when Elon kills the bird app.

Most of all, thanks for being here!

roxy