Melting the Ice

Chapter 3 is ready. Man this story really is taking on a life of its own. Everytime I think I'm done with a chapter, I just feel like adding in something else, like these characters are dictating this story. But anyways enjoy enjoy!

Disclaimer: Bleach doesn't belong to me.

Chapter 3: Cracks and Crevasses

Of all the times he'd told her to address him by his Captain title he never thought she would at a time like this, when it was just the two of them. The time when she could get away with not doing so and deliberately call him by the nickname she'd given him. He couldn't deny that it stung a little but now wasn't the time to indulge those feelings.

That small remark had subconsciously set the tone for how the rest of their conversation would go. Both of them were on their guard.

It's not supposed to be like this. Not with you.

"Aren't you going to come inside?" she asked trying to smile but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I think it's best if I stayed here."

Her shoulders lowered. Disappointment. Silence followed, neither of them knew what to say for the longest time and there was so much tension. Hinamori didn't want it to continue.

"Best for who exactly? Me or you?" she met his gaze, sharper than usual. "Do you think I'm afraid of you?" or are you trying to protect yourself? She didn't say that last part out loud.

"Aren't you?" he genuinely wanted to know.

"I'm not." she paused to gather her thoughts. "I thought I would be. I was worried how I'd feel seeing you again and I've had nightmares about what happened sure but, no, I'm not afraid of you."

Hitsugaya internally sighed in relief. So she'd been having nightmares as well.

"How are you feeling?"

"A lot better. Unohana-taichou says my body needs to rest a bit more but other than that I'm completely healed." she smiled and this time it was a genuine one.

"That's good to hear." he returned her smile.

"Why didn't you come sooner?" she finally asked the question they both knew was coming. He'd hoped he could avoid it for much longer though.

"Hinamori—

"I'm sure Rangiku-san told you she came to see me yesterday. I thought you'd come not long after but I guess I was wrong. So why…?" she could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she looked down at her hands clutching the blankets.

Shiro-chan… why?

Hitsugaya looked away from her, he really didn't like seeing her cry, even more so when he was the reason for it.

"Since when have you started actually calling me by my title?" he was avoiding the question, they both knew it but he couldn't bring himself to answer hers. He didn't want to disappoint her again. Hinamori looked up in shock at his question. "The one time you didn't have to, the one time we could be familiar with each other you choose to suddenly be formal." he didn't like where this was going but he was feeling too much. He'd suppressed his feelings for too long and they were looking for an outlet, the pain in his chest intensified.

"I didn't know what to expect when you came, I didn't even know when you would. And you think what we're doing now is being familiar? When you can't even be in the room with me?" What the hell was going on? Were they really fighting, now of all times? And why was he so upset? She had plenty more reason to be.

"It's not easy for things to just go back to how they were."

"Why not? Why can't it be that easy? We've known each other for so long nothing should've changed!" her own feelings had gotten the best her, she hadn't meant to shout but there was no taking it back.

"Everything's changed!" he'd yelled back, "Thing's have been different for a while now." he took a deep breath before continuing, "Can you honestly say you've let go of your feelings from back then when you tried to fight me? I told you it didn't matter anymore when you tried apologising to me but I can tell you're still not over that."

Hinamori was stunned into silence, she opened her mouth to say something, anything but, no words came out.

"Well it's the same for me. Being here now, when I should've dropped everything and come to see you yesterday. It's hard for me because I can't stop thinking about what happened." The pain was evident in his voice that it almost felt tangible for her, as if it had a presence of its own in her room. He wasn't even looking at her anymore, his gaze was somewhere far away.

"Isn't that why you're here? If things are so different now then we should be able talk about everything so we can move past this." she took in a breath, there was something she'd wanted to say since he arrived but was holding back but, if they were to move forward, she had to say it. "I was so confused when I woke up, Unohana-taichou told me how often you'd come see me, that made me happy. But then I was bursting with questions that I didn't have answers to and she answered as many as she could. The biggest one being what actually happened during that battle and in the back of mind I wondered why I wasn't hearing the answer from you."

"Hinamori, I can't talk about that, not yet." he sighed, "I just can't."

She wanted to reach out to him to ease his burden but her body still wasn't at full strength. Her head felt dizzy and she fell back against the pillows, her eyes began to cloud over with darkness. Hitsugaya hadn't missed that moment. He took that as his cue.

"You should rest some more, arguing isn't going to help you get better."

"Don't go yet, please." she pleaded weakly.

"I'll come back tomorrow night, I promise." he turned, gave her one last look then left.

Hitsugaya had stayed up for long periods of time before and felt the weight of lack of sleep before but compared to how exhausted he felt after seeing Hinamori, after their argument, it was incomparable.

That could've gone way better. He hadn't intended on arguing with his childhood friend while she was still recovering but here he was, brooding over it. He'd said he'd go see her again tomorrow, he'd promised her.

He rubbed his temples as lay back on his futon, staring at the ceiling. Sometimes the only way out is through. They were never going to get anywhere if they didn't say everything that needed to be said. He didn't want to disappoint her, that much was true but, how much worse would it be if they never patched things up and grew further and further apart. A future he didn't even want to consider. He turned on his side and tried to fall asleep.

Meanwhile, Hinamori was wide awake, going over everything they'd said to each other. She turned on her side so she was facing the window. The little she could see outside helped clear her head. It can't stay like this forever, I don't want it to.

The following morning Hitsugaya finished all his leftover paperwork and submitted it. He'd even read through the reports Matsumoto had brought in as well. After that he went back to intensive training. If he was going to see Hinamori again that night, he was going to do it with a calm head, all his frustrations let loose as he trained. He did not want them to fight again.

The members of the squad saw their captain being on top of things as usual: never slacking, always ready to train, efficient as usual. However, Matsumoto saw beyond this. He was too on top of things, he hadn't even scolded her for arriving late. Long story short, he was distracting himself with work then using training as a means to relieve his stress. But that was only delaying the inevitable. She knew from experience just how damaging it was to tell yourself you were okay and act like you were when you really weren't. If he didn't face her and verbalise how his guilt from almost killing her was eating him up inside, something would eventually snap.

"For someone supposedly taking it easy at his desk, you look anything but relaxed." Matsumoto commented as she put a cup of tea down in front of him.

"You're just too good at taking it easy." he gladly accepted the cup and took a sip. There was silence between as he took a few more sips of his tea. Once again he could tell she was trying to read him.

"I know you don't want me to ask so I won't but I will say this: I don't think Hinamori is the only one waiting." she held the tray to her chest and headed to the door, before walking out she finished her thought, "Maybe this whole process is taking so long is because you're waiting for her to absolve you but, she can't do that if she doesn't know you want that from her." Matsumoto closed the door behind her, her footsteps fading away until Hitsugaya was left in silence.

He sat back in his chair thinking over her words. Was that really what he was doing? Well in any event he agreed with what Matsumoto said. They were never going to get anywhere if they didn't talk about everything.

It was going to a long night, for both of them.

So close and yet so far, they've made some progress but Hitsugaya is still guarded about the main topic that they really need to talk about. Hopefully they get over that soon, of course I Know how it'll all go down haha, so stay tuned.

Well that's it from me-

Until the next chapter:

Ketsui Tasogare :-)