Melting the Ice

Took me a little longer to finish this chapter than I expected but it's finally done and I'm really happy with the end result. Hope you enjoy it too.

Disclaimer: Bleach doesn't belong to me.

Chapter 4: Thawing

Nightfall. The silence was calming, the lights in her room were off. She'd left her window open and it was currently where Hitsugaya was sitting, one foot on the window sill and the other hanging over the other side, watching her before looking back out to the sky. She wasn't asleep, at least not fully but her eyes were closed.

The full moon bathed them both in light and a cool breeze swept by. Everything felt so serene. Without words, everything felt like it was the way it was supposed to be. Hinamori opened her eyes to get a good look at him. The silvery white light of the moon made his hair and captain's haori almost glow and the breeze that came over them went through his hair making it move like wisps of silk. The way he looked at that moment, sitting like that with his back to her looking up at the moon, he looked like something out of a photograph.

"Are you going to come inside this time?" she asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

"I don't know, I think it would be strange if I watched you sleep all night." he turned to look at her.

"We both know that I wasn't asleep." she answered before sitting up.

Hitsugaya watched her fluff up her pillow and relax against it. Come to think it, he was only now noticing that Hinamori's hair was down. He'd only seen her like this a handful of times. When they were younger she'd tie her hair in pig-tails then, when they'd become Shinigami and her hair had gotten longer she styled it in the usual bun that everyone was used to seeing. But now her hair fell just below her shoulders, framing her face and her eyes looking at him with a softness. He liked seeing her like this, she looked beautiful.

But as beautiful as this moment was between them and how much he wanted it to last forever, seeing the unmistakable bags under her eyes reminded him that they were here for a reason. This wasn't one of their relaxing times where they spend hours together like all those years ago.

Hitsugaya got down from the his spot, fully in her room now but his body still faced outward and kept his eyes focused on the moon.

"You can ask me your question again, I won't dodge it this time." he took the lead in the conversation. It took a lot to realise that he was tense no matter how little his body language showed it.

He waited and waited, expecting a barrage of questions from her but nothing came. She remained silent, probably trying to gather her thoughts but, what completely surprised him was the pair of arms that wrapped around him. He hadn't even heard her get out of bed but here she was hugging him from behind, her chin on his shoulder.

For a moment they just stood like that. Hitsugaya looked down to see her arms around him and could feel her warmth behind him.

"You shouldn't be up on your feet." he looked over his shoulder.

"I'm fine."

"I can feel you shaking, I could order you to go back to bed."

"And you know I wouldn't listen even if you did." she wasn't going to give in, not yet. Not matter how weak she felt.

The longer she held on to him, the more he could feel his resolve slipping. She was fully embracing him while he was too afraid to be close to her right now because he was afraid he'd hurt her again, afraid she'd shatter if he got too close. Like the previous times she'd gotten hurt because he couldn't keep her safe. As hard as he tried to fight back his feelings, they were fighting back just as hard to be set free, to be exposed.

"I almost killed you..." his voice came out in a pained whisper, "How am I supposed to live with that? How can I ever face you again after that?"

Hinamori stayed silent and let him get everything out. He needed this, he needed her to hear this. She felt his body tense as he spoke. He was never one for being vulnerable.

"That's twice now that I've almost lost you. Twice that I failed to protect you." he finally raised his hands and put them over hers.

"It wasn't your fault." she held him tighter.

"Yes it was."

"Shiro-chan..." her hold on him loosened as he turned but her body gave in first and she fell forward. He'd caught her before she fell to the ground. Her breathing came out laboured, her body had reached its limit.

Hitsugaya picked her up and carried her back to her bed, she rested her head against his chest.

"Sorry," she held on to him a little longer until the dizziness dispelled.

"Good grief, you're always pushing yourself too far." he was scolding her but there was no sharpness in his voice. Hinamori smiled. If he could still scold her like old times then maybe things really could go back to normal.

She let out a sigh once he'd placed her back on the bed while he sat on the edge. Their eyes finally met and Hinamori reached out to cup his cheek, seeing tears at the corners of his eyes, matching her own tear filled eyes. Her other hand reached out and she'd cupped his face between her hands and leaned in a little.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." he pinched his eyes closed, fighting back tears but ultimately they fell. He wasn't sure if she'd forgive him, he felt that he didn't deserve to be forgiven but he needed her to know how sorry he was. Apologising would never be enough for him but it was all he could do for now.

Hinamori hugged him, her own tears falling. She couldn't even remember the last time he'd cried in front of her. Although thinking back, he'd never actually cried in front of her, unlike herself who'd done so a few times.

He'd always been in control of his feelings, sometimes a little too well where it reached the point of simply bottling them up, which was never a good sign. But the fact that he was being so vulnerable, showing her his tears, spoke volumes about how much he was weighed down by his guilt.

"I forgive you," she started. "I already forgave you."

Hitsugaya looked up, his teary eyes meeting hers. Not that he thought she would joke at a time like this but when he looked into her eyes, there wasn't a hint of sadness, pain, resentment or anything of the like, he just couldn't believe it. As he looked into her eyes, for the first time in a long time he'd seen some of their usual sparkle in them. Behind the tiredness that always seemed to be in them, there was a strength in them too.

After she'd said those words, all their feelings from before came back. They talked about everything. Their shared guilt at hurting the other, Hinamori waking up after Aizen had struck her down, her arrival on the battlefield that lead to the unfortunate tricking of Hitsugaya and the other captains. Hinamori had even shared her own pain and feeling guilty about always being the cause of his pain but Hitsugaya assured her that he'd never seen her as a burden.

They talked for hours and the longer they did the more it felt like things were going back to normal.

"Shiro-chan, I won't ask you you to forget about what happened or that we carry on as if it didn't but, I want you to hear me when I say this again: I forgive you." she held his hands, "And knowing you as well as I do, I know it'll take you a long time to accept that but I really hope that one day you'll forgive yourself too. I don't want you feeling nervous or guilty everytime we see each other. At some point I want us to get together and celebrate the holidays again, watch fireworks, talk for hours and even sit through you trying to scold me for not calling you Hitsugaya-taichou." she said that last part with a smile and saw his lips turn upward as well.

"I just want you back, I don't ever want to lose you."

"I hear you, and I don't want to lose you either." he looked down at their joined hands.

She was right, that it would definitely take him a long time to move past this and he was grateful that she understood that. He may never forgive himself but a considerable burden was lifted from his shoulders knowing that she had. It would take them both time to get back to their old rhythm but they had that time. Neither wanted to lose the other, they meant too much to each other. So for now all they could do was try their best. And that was more than enough.

Slowly but surely, it was getting lighter in the room, the sun would be up in just over an hour. They both looked towards the window, acknowledging that their time was almost up. Hitsugaya was about to get up but Hinamori held his arm before he could.

"Could you stay, just a little longer?" she asked hesitantly. She wanted him to stay with her but she also didn't want to trouble him. He was probably just as tired as she was, seeing that they'd talked all night plus if anyone walked in and saw the two of them this close it would raise a lot of questions… "Actually never mind, it's alright—

But she never got to finish her sentence before she felt him move closer. He was sitting right next to her, his arm around her, holding her against his chest.

"I'll go when you're asleep." his head was resting on hers, he was smiling. She got more comfortable and snuggled against him, a smile on her face as well.

"Thank you." she closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

I'm the one who should be thanking you, Hinamori. I promise, I'll get strong enough to protect you, always.

But he'd kept that to himself. There would be plenty of time to tell her that seeing that they'd be spending more time together in the foreseeable future and if he had it his way, for the rest of their lives.

I've gotta say, writing Hitsugaya is such a joy. My goodness I really enjoyed writing his thoughts and dialogue in this fic, maybe I should write more about him haha, but I'll see about that. Also funny thing about this fic is that it was inspired by a scene between Hinamori and Hitsugaya in a filler. The scene itself is like less than three minutes long but damn it clearly had enough impact for my brain to come with this whole story, haha. Anyways thanks for reading and sticking by until the end.

Well that's it from me-

Until the next story:

Ketsui Tasogare :-)