Karma downed a glass of sour wine. The fogginess made the celebrations tolerable, but she found herself constantly looking toward the back door.

He never did come back to the party. He must've left through the alley.

"Are the strays alright, Karma?" Eren's voice snapped her from the door. He and Armin were holding plates of mini cheese sandwiches and potato crisps. Mikasa was beside them, giving Karma a strange expression—raised brows, chin tilted downward.

"The strays?"

"Yeah, you came back from the alley pretty upset."

The alley? Her tongue swelled like a dry sponge in a puddle. Had everyone seen her enter the party in tears? Did they know who she was with?

"Um—"

"Remember? You told me some of the strays didn't show up for feeding time?" Mikasa underscored her expression. Karma had never said that.

"Oh. Uh, yeah some of them were missing. I hope they didn't find a new alley," Karma said. Lying always made her sweaty. Her shirt clung to her back, sticky like jam.

"I'm sure they're fine. It's probably because it's so late," Armin said. He crunched into a chip. Crumbs flaked onto his fingers.

Karma nodded. "Probably."

The wine fizzled out of her head like it had been sucked through a funnel. She was tempted to drink more, but tomorrow was her first official day as a Scout, and she didn't want to be hung over.

Instead, she excused herself and brisked towards the dormitory quarters to avoid Mikasa and the inevitable confrontation that she was not emotionally ready for. That she was forbidden from discussing.

Her hair frizzed as she entered the women's washroom. Running showers fogged the mirrors. The white tiles had dirty grout lines and footprint-shaped puddles. A sink faucet blubbed from a perpetual leak.

A few girls in MP jackets were flossing, gossiping, or washing their faces. Their chatter wafted with the condensation.

The shower stall closest to the wall with a flimsy, white curtain would offer her some privacy—Karma had a lot of emotions to vent.

She closed the curtain and undressed, grateful to be alone with her body again. It was so strange sharing it with someone else. She'd felt so vulnerable.

She turned the faucet until the water rushed out in wisps of steam. She let it wash away the traces of Captain Levi. She scrubbed the sensitive areas he'd touched. The hair he'd inhaled. Her lips and cheeks.

But the more of him she erased from her body, the more his body filled her mind—the flex of his arms as they gripped her against the door. The smell of his hair when he kissed her neck. His steady breaths. The heated tension splitting like a snapped tendon before seizing up again at that word: Mistake.

Why did she put herself out there like that? Of course she couldn't have a real relationship with Levi when he was her captain. Why did she fool herself into thinking otherwise? He wasn't out of her system. In fact, now that she knew what she was missing—and now that the wine had cleared from her head—she felt more parched than ever. It was a new form of torture.

The hot water hid her tears, but an unbidden sob echoed in the stall. She covered the sound with a cough, hoping no one in the washroom had heard.

"Karma? Are you crying?" Mikasa's voice came from the sinks. A faucet shut off. She'd probably been brushing her teeth, waiting for Karma to finish showering so she could confront her.

Karma sighed. She'd been so careful to avoid Mikasa—she'd even taken a misleading route in case she was followed, backtracking and cutting through the library. But, of course, nothing gets past an Ackerman. Karma watched the suds drain by her toes. Water trailed in warm ribbons down her skin. "I'm fine—I promise. It's just been a long night."

"No, something happened."

"What happened?" Sasha called from the next shower over.

Of course privacy was too much to ask.

"Nothing you guys need to worry about. It was just a mistake." The word tasted like vinegar.

"A mistake?" Mikasa said. Her silhouette was barely visible through the curtain. It looked like her arms were crossed.

"Yeah." Karma hoped that would be the end of the discussion. She wanted to return to her sulking. But Sasha pressed her.

"Was it during the party? I don't remember seeing you for a good chunk. Then again, everything was a bit fuzzy."

Of course they wouldn't drop it. She'd promised Captain Levi that no one would find out. Not even trustworthy Mikasa, and especially not meatloaf-brained Sasha—she'd sell out Karma's secret for the crumbs on Armin's fingers. Even if she was angry at Levi, Karma couldn't risk anything leaking.

"It's just personal stuff. Don't worry about me," she said.

"It's kinda hard not to worry. I mean, I'd cry over a potato, but you, like, never cry," Sasha said. Karma could hear her shuffling into a towel.

"I cry all the time. I'm just usually better at hiding it." Karma shut off the water and dabbed dry. She slipped on her clothes and swished the curtain open. "See, I'm fine."

Mikasa put her toothbrush down. She studied her. "I'm with Sasha on this one."

Karma threw her neck back and sighed. "Okay, you win. Just forget you saw me cry. I'd hate for Jean to find out—could you imagine the harassment?"

Instead of answering, Mikasa pulled her into a hug. For some reason, all of the emotions Karma tried to dam beneath the surface burst free.

She sobbed into Mikasa's shoulder until the washroom was nearly empty. Only Sasha was left, brushing knots out of her hair in front of the mirrors, and one of the showers was still running.

Karma pulled back from Mikasa, leaving a dark blotch on her shoulder. She swiped her cheeks dry with a loud sniffle. "Sorry, I think I wrecked your jacket."

"It's fine. Did you get it all out of your system?"

What a choice of words. "I think so."

"Good because we need to talk."

Karma had been hiding from this conversation all night.

Mikasa pulled her out of the washroom to an empty, stone hall. "I covered for you, but if people find out you were in the alley with Captain Levi, that would stir up all kinds of rumors. Why were you crying? What did he do?" She kept her voice low.

"It's not what he did, it's what he said."

"The mistake thing?" Mikasa said. Karma nodded. "What was the mistake?"

"He…said it was a mistake for me to join the Scouts." That much was true.

"He did?! That dick. Is that why he pulled you aside before graduation too?"

"Yeah. He told me to join the MPs, but I didn't. In the alley, he said that was a huge mistake and it hurt my feelings." The lie was just a series of partial truths. Karma didn't break a sweat.

"Hey, don't feel bad. That would've made anyone cry. I'm sorry he was such a dick."

"Yeah, he was a dick."

"Want me to kill him for you?" Mikasa asked like she was offering sprinkles on a cupcake.

"You'd really do that for me?" Karma grinned.

"Oh, trust me. It would be my pleasure."

Rickety, horse-drawn wagons hauled the Scouts from Trost to the Survey Corps HQ.

The soldiers received room assignments by gender and rank, which Karma was grateful for. If rooms were decided by age, she would have been separated from Mikasa. And there was no way she could survive without her, the wiser and stronger of the two.

"You good? You've been quiet all morning," Mikasa said as they unpacked their trunks. They were assigned a small room with a pair of neatly-tucked twin beds and two wooden dressers.

"It's dumb, but Erwin said I couldn't bring the strays. It's not like they were even my pets, but I miss them," Karma said.

Mikasa pulled open another drawer, unloading rolls of socks and underwear as she spoke. "Sure they were. You fed them and loved them. I'm sure they miss you too." She added after a pause, "I'm really sorry. At least now you can just focus on training."

"Hmmm." Karma closed her dresser. "Maybe you're right."

An expedition was scheduled to carve a new path from Wall Rose to Wall Maria. In a month, they'd trek those rickety, horse-drawn wagons through Titan territory—a nightmare of toddlers and teeth. She could imagine Erwin's face, shadowed, sorrowed, leading the remaining home.

This time, the cartfuls of casualties had names.

Unbeknownst to Mikasa, missing the strays wouldn't be her only distraction from training, given the man training them. How could she pretend like he was out of her system when his sharp eyes catch her in the lunch line? When he slashes his swords and the muscles of his sculpted arms tighten? When he gives her an order and his jaw clenches in that alluring way?

Maybe dying in the expedition would be a mercy.

Training that morning was a blur of shooting cables, slashing swords, and strategizing attack formations—which, of course, Armin excelled at. But, strangely enough, there was no sign of Captain Levi.

Once it was finally time for a meal break, the recruits were limp with exhaustion.

Karma hardly had any appetite for her bland potato rations and slab of buttered bread. Instead, she sipped lukewarm water, chin in hand. As her eyes batted about the mess hall, her mind battled her dread and desire to see Captain Levi. But he wasn't there either.

Was he avoiding her? The thought almost made Karma smile; he would only avoid her if he had a reason. Unresolved feelings. Anger. Whatever it was, he had to feel some way towards her—some overpowering emotion trapped her in his thoughts enough for him to learn her schedule and plan his accordingly.

It was a small victory.

"You need to eat more than that, Karma," Armin said, yanking her back to the rumble and fork clinking of the mess hall.

"Yeah, Sasha's definitely gonna steal your food." Mikasa glared a few seats down.

"That's fine. I'm not hungry." Karma took another sip of water. Mikasa didn't seem in the mood to argue and returned to her meal. Armin's eyes were squinted with worry, but he continued eating as well. Karma realized someone was missing.

"Where's Eren?"

"Doing special training to control his Titan ability," Armin said through a mouthful of thick, vegetable-filled stew.

Mikasa's eyes were unfocused on her plate. Her fingers picked at a thread on her sleeve.

"You worried about him?" Karma said. Mikasa nodded, strands of dark hair falling to shield her eyes.

"Who would've guessed Mikasa Ackerman had a soft side?" Jean called from across the table. Mikasa reddened, but Karma raged.

"Her soft side is still harder than you, you flacid fu—"

Mikasa clasped a hand on Karma's arm. Karma lowered the fork meant for Jean's eye. "It's alright—you don't need to defend me. I'm only worried because I know Captain Levi isn't going easy on him," Mikasa said.

"Captain Levi's with Eren?"

"Yeah."

Karma should feel relieved. If he was training Eren, then she wouldn't see him until the expedition. No more embarrassment or muddling through her feelings—her dread of him breathed.

But her desire choked—he wasn't avoiding her after all.

Her heart plummeted to her gut. So much for that victory…

"Oh…"

Now she'd really lost her appetite. And Sasha somehow knew it.

"You gonna finish that?"

Karma shook her head and scooted her plate away.