Crap. Karma threw her head back and groaned.
"Mikasa—"
"Don't bother with some half-assed excuse. He brings you that cat and suddenly you're MIA all night?" Mikasa shook her head. "I thought you were smarter than this."
Karma slumped onto her bed. "I swear I would've told you everything, but I promised to keep it secret. And I didn't know it would turn into anything."
"You're still seeing him?" Mikasa was furious. "Just because he's your captain doesn't mean you have to sleep with him."
"What?" Karma paused. They were completely misunderstanding each other. She calmed her voice. "No, it's not like that."
"Then why else would he get you that cat if he's not bribing you for sex?"
"Because the night of graduation we slept together and he called it a mistake. I was super pissed at him." Karma picked at her fingernails. "That's why I was crying that night. The cat was his apology."
"Oh…so that's what went down in the alley." She tapped a finger on her knee. "I guess that makes sense, but the cat was a bit overkill. He could've just said sorry."
"Exactly," Karma said. "He wasn't just apologizing—he wanted a second chance."
"So you had another little fling and now it's all out of your system? Everything can go back to normal?" When Karma replied with a wan smile, Mikasa sighed. "Of course it's too much to hope that you're not sneaking around with our Scout Regiment Captain. Why do you have to be so goddamn complicated?"
Karma scoffed a laugh. Mikasa cracked a smile.
"You promise to keep this between us? I don't wanna get fucked for fucking," Karma said.
"You know I'd kill for you, Karma." Mikasa reached between their beds and squeezed her hand. Then she flashed a devious smirk, unsettling in the typically placid terrain of her features. "But you still haven't answered my question."
"What question?"
The smirk darkened. "How is Captain Levi in bed?" Was that a giggle?
Karma's face heated as if she'd popped open an oven. "Mikasa!" She disguised her abhorrent shock with a shove. "You are way too young to be asking those kinds of questions."
"Oh, come on. I don't need too many details—just a one word answer."
"Ok, fine. He's good."
"That's a cop-out."
Could she sum up Captain Levi in one word? The way he made her feel? How his voice dragged her from reality and his lips drugged her veins? How he always left her dazed and craving? "He's…intoxicating."
Mikasa's charcoal eyes widened. "Wow…sounds intense." She blinked. "No wonder you're taking such a risk for him."
"It's more than just the physical stuff, though. I really started falling for him in the pantry."
"When you stole the meat?"
"Yeah. He caught me red-handed with that patty then gave me fish too. Even though he knew it was all for the strays." Karma's blush deepened. "And I lied before about Trost. He saved me that day."
"That was a given," Mikasa said, leaning on her elbows, cheeks cupped.
"He's just…Captain Levi, I guess." Saying his name made her smile. She couldn't help it. "Sexy as all hell, of course, but also generous, forgiving, courteous, heroic…"
"Sounds like someone's in love." Mikasa's eyes were narrowed with humor.
"Oh please, don't give me that crap. You're the one in love with your brother"—Mikasa's cheeks flared cherry red—"Ha! I knew it!"
"He's not my real brother!" Mikasa turned away. Karma giggled, collapsing back on her mattress with a contented sigh.
"Mikasa." She propped on her elbow. "I'm so glad you finally know everything. It's been killing me to keep this all to myself. Thanks for being so…Mikasa-like."
"Mikasa-like?"
Karma grinned. "Trust me, it's one of the best compliments a person can receive."
"Karma."
"Captain."
The two shared a knowing smirk as they passed in the corridor. Karma turned her head back to watch him and he did the same. Both whirled back around, stifling smirks.
"Discreet," Mikasa murmured. Armin squinted his eyes.
"What are you talking about, Mikasa?" he said.
Karma swatted Mikasa's arm, then grasped it suddenly.
Eren's voice called out, stopping them like they'd reached the edge of a cliff.
"Eren!" Mikasa rushed toward him, grabbing his hand and ignoring his greeting to ask, "Are you alright? What did they do to you?!"
"Discreet," Karma parotted. Mikasa paused her worrying long enough to shoot Karma a frosty glare.
"Nothing. I'm totally fine," Eren said. Mikasa didn't seem convinced.
"I'm gonna kill that runt."
"Who? Captain Levi?" he said.
Karma blanched. "Mikasa," she said through her teeth with a pointed look.
Armin studied the girls. His eyes flitted from one to the other. Karma stiffened under the interrogation.
Mikasa calmed herself. "Right." She changed the subject, "Have you had lunch, Eren? We're heading to the mess hall. Sasha said there's meat—probably cause we're all gonna die tomorrow on the expedition."
Before Eren had a chance to answer, Karma said, "Actually, I need to head to the stables. Gotta feed my cat again—don't wait up!"
Had she sounded too eager? Armin was probably getting suspicious that she kept missing entire meals. Maybe she should've waited until midway through lunch this time. The excitement of another secret rendezvous with Captain Levi was making her careless.
"Your cat? Um, ok. Bye, Karma. We'll catch up later," Eren said, puzzled. They waved as Karma turned the other direction and left. Her heart lifted—they bought it. Again.
She and Captain Levi had been meeting in secret for over three weeks now. It was exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time.
Since they'd decided it was worth the risk, he no longer had any reason to avoid her. Between training sessions with Eren, she'd spot Levi lingering around the training grounds to give pointers to the new recruits, eating in the mess hall with his fellow commanders, or tending to the horses in the stables.
He'd received dozens of compliments for his pleasant demeanor; the words "idiots" and "brats" were almost eliminated from his vocabulary. Soldiers no longer held their breath as he walked past or tacked on the words "stickler" or "hard-ass" after his name.
The only one exempt from his pleasantries was Karma. Most soldiers would guess Captain Levi rather disliked her based on how hard he pushed her. How much criticism she received. He even grilled her in front of the whole regiment when Hange's Titans, Sawney and Bean, had been killed.
Outside of the seclusion of the stables, no one could accuse him of favoritism.
The momentary reminiscing distracted Karma long enough to walk face-first into Jean's chest. She stumbled back with a grunt and rubbed her forehead.
"Hey, watch it!" Jean said, scowling. His expression softened a bit when he realized it was Karma. The corridor was empty aside from them. The rest of the regiment was already seated in the mess hall. "You ditz. Why're you running?"
"I'm off to see Jean, but it looks like I found the wrong one," Karma said.
He almost cracked a smile. "Damn right I'm the wrong one. Don't expect any cuddles from me."
Jean brushed off his chest and continued down the hall. Karma was not about to let him have the last word, especially since his tone implied that she'd walked into him on purpose. That made her angry enough to say:
"Like I'd ever be that desperate, horse-face!"
Jean turned. He stomped over until they were inches apart. His towering figure glared down at her, but Karma didn't budge. She folded her arms and glowered right back.
He would never win in a battle of stubbornness, and he knew it.
So, instead, he changed tactics and plastered on a sly smile—he might as well have pulled out a knife. Karma took a half-step back.
"Oh c'mon. I bet you haven't had action in months. You'd kill for a night with me," he said.
Before she could tell him just how wrong he was, Karma bit her tongue. She couldn't even hint that she was seeing someone. But words failed her and Jean took her silence as an invitation. He stepped closer, caressing her arm. It felt like a violation. She tried to tug it out of his grasp, but he just grabbed her other arm, trapping her in front of him.
He bent his head toward hers. "See? I'm not so bad up close."
His breath misted her mouth. It wasn't entirely unpleasant. In fact, she could see—and taste—the appeal if she weren't already committed to someone else. She felt sick to her stomach.
"Stop, please." Her voice broke. It was all she could think to say.
Of course Jean would try to pull a move. Captain Levi himself had said that when you liked someone you teased them. At least in grade school. Did Jean really think her teasing meant that she liked him?
If she told him that she didn't—if she said she hated him—it would only make him want her more. He would only try harder. She was physically and verbally trapped.
"Don't be nervous, Karma. You've kissed a guy before, haven't you?"
He was leaning in closer. She turned her face away, holding her breath and squeezing her eyes shut. Her heart thudded, but it wasn't from desire.
When his lips were only a breath away he reeled back, cackling. "You should see your face! Like I'd ever kiss some cat-brained brat."
The moment he let her go, Karma scrambled away.
What the hell was that?! When Levi finds out—
Karma paused. What could Levi do? If he retaliated, it would be obvious that he had personal interest in the matter since Jean didn't actually do anything. Though he got damn close. Karma huffed and stomped the rest of the way to the stables, pissed that Jean was going to get away with this.
People were always getting away with getting their way.
Levi glanced up when she entered. She slammed the wooden door behind her.
"Where've you been? If you have a list of secret lovers, I better be number one." When Karma didn't so much as blink, he knew something was wrong. "What happened?" His voice was as gentle as a butterfly wing—a side to him no one else got to see.
She sighed, slumping beside him on the green cloak laid out like a quilt. He'd snuck out an array of apples, cheeses, and bread for a make-shift picnic. She grabbed a piece of crust and picked at it.
"Stupid Jean tried to kiss me." She avoided Levi's eyes, knowing they'd be boiling.
"That son of a bitch—"
"Levi." She squeezed his shoulder. He relaxed under her touch.
"Dammit. This'll keep happening if idiots like Jean think you're available." He pressed his lips against her temple, murmuring, "Stop being so goddamn gorgeous, Karma."
Those words mingled with the heat of his breath drugged her. Her anger was forgotten. She sighed when he pressed his lips against hers, like he was trying to imprint the shape of them onto her. He tasted like apples.
"Maybe I'll send his ass to the stables again," he said between kisses.
"Whatever, that was all me."
"Fine, but next time it'll be me."
She fingered the cravat around his neck, sliding her hand down his chest. "Then let's give him a mess to clean."
They kissed until kisses weren't enough. Then, skin to skin wasn't enough. She wanted to melt into him, to surround herself with nothing but Levi. His strong arms, his sharp features, his hard chest.
In the silent minutes after the euphoria, tangled together, they pretended they had all the time in the world. This was just another drowsy afternoon filled with each other's company. There was no plausible chance this could be the last time.
The illusion melted when Levi sat up.
He silently handed her clothes and helped button up her blouse as he always did, an excuse to touch her again, to caress her waist and chest. But his hands didn't linger.
"Something wrong?" Karma said.
"Tomorrow's the expedition." He preoccupied himself by smoothing her hair, avoiding her eyes, an inebriating shade of brandy.
"Don't tell me you're worried." Karma laughed, but stopped at his somber expression. What did Captain Levi have to fear? Titans feared him.
"I've never felt like this before an expedition. My gut keeps clenching up."
"That sounds like worry. But there's nothing to worry about—"
"What?!" She flinched at his tone. "Don't be stupid." Karma fought the urge to feel offended—Levi was just anxious. She wondered if this was the first time he'd felt it.
"Are you worried about me?" Karma said. A tiny meow chimed; Jean sauntered over and curled against her leg.
"Well, I'm not worried about the damn cat." Levi bent to scratch Jean's ears and cracked a half-smile. "You really picked an awful name—we should change it."
"We? Does that mean you're finally claiming partial ownership?"
"Not if he's named after my rival," he said. Karma sputtered a laugh.
"Your 'rival' can change his name. And horse-face doesn't stand a chance, especially after tonight."
"What's tonight?"
Karma straightened his cravat. "You're meeting me here for dinner, of course."
"Twice in one day? Haven't got me out of your system yet?"
"Not even close, Captain."
But her smile waned. Could tonight be the last time?
The expedition had been some far-off phantasm, but now reality had caught up. It was tomorrow. And despite the past month of diligent training, Karma wasn't ready.
A flash of green and the wings of the Scouts swept around her shoulders, reminding her of the hero who'd sliced the boulders.
Karma felt like a hero herself in the cloak worn by the famous Captain Levi. The very cloak that rippled across his back as he slaid countless beasts and defended humanity.
Levi clasped it near her collarbone.
"What's this for?" she said. It was still warm even after laying on the floor.
"The new recruits are getting their cloaks today for the expedition. Thought you could have mine." The way he said it made it almost seem like a goodbye. Karma's eyes stung.
"Why? What're you gonna wear?" She tried to suck the welling tears back in.
"Yours. It's one-size-fits-most." He swiped a runaway tear.
"You're giving me this old piece of junk while you get the shiny new one? That hardly seems fair." Karma sniveled. More tears leaked.
Jean mewed as if he could sense her distress. She pulled him into her arms. Captain Levi hugged them both against his chest.
"I'd feel better if you took a piece of me with you." He pulled her back and cupped her cheeks. "You can do this, Karma. When I say you're the ideal Scout, it's not to stroke your ego."
She choked on a sob. "But I've never killed a Titan before. I'm no good at fighting, only protecting."
"That's all fighting is."
He kissed her as though it were the last they'd share. She knew it wouldn't be. They still had tonight, but every kiss was precious all the same. She kissed him back through her tears, a mix of salt and tart apples.
A distant bell chimed at the top of the hour.
"Dammit. You know the drill," he said. Karma nodded, watching him slip out the door. She counted slowly in her head, petting Jean from head to tail, until she reached one hundred.
"Be good, Jean," she said and planted a kiss on his head that made him writhe. "Psh, spoiled. The other Jean would've loved that."
Though she didn't see Levi at training, she felt him in the cloak around her shoulders. As though his strong arms were wrapped around her. It smelled like him, a pleasant blend of pine and soap.
When dinner came around, she decided to play it safe. She would show face at the mess hall and eat at a normal pace, as if she weren't dying to slip away to her sanctuary in the stables. As if she had nothing better to do than sit and eat with her comrades. Then she'd sneak off.
"Dang, Captain Levi sounds like a badass!" Conny piped up at the tail end of one of Eren's training stories.
All of the Scouts had donned their new cloaks. Most of them seemed eager for the action that would kill them tomorrow.
"Yeah. It was cool getting to see him on such a personal level. He's just like everyone says—cold and tough. Not a gentle bone in his body," Eren said.
Karma scoffed, covering it up as though she'd choked on a sip of water.
"You good, Karma?" Armin said.
She wanted to tell them what Captain Levi was really like beneath that tough exterior. How tender and romantic he could be. But she just nodded in response.
"Yeah, it just went down the wrong pipe," she croaked.
She anticipated Jean responding with something like "Can't even drink water right?" or "You need more practice with pipes," but the jerk was nowhere to be seen. Probably hiding, too embarrassed to face her after trying to kiss her and getting rejected.
The thought still made her angry.
"Well, I think that guy could stand to ease up," Mikasa said to Eren. "He pushes you too far."
"Don't worry, I'm tough enough to handle myself." Eren turned to Karma. "So when am I gonna meet that cat? I hear he's really fat. Makes sense since you feed him so much."
Perfect opportunity.
"I actually need to go feed him right now. He's not fat enough, I guess," Karma said, standing up. Eren stood up after her.
"Can I help? I'd love to—"
"No, no!" She couldn't sound too fraught or Armin might get suspicious. "He's, um, very grumpy when he's hungry. Why don't I bring him by later after I feed him?"
Eren sat back down. "Oh, okay."
She leizured out of the mess hall, but sprinted once she reached the empty corridor. She dashed across the grassy grounds only pausing to catch her breath in front of the stable door. She smoothed her hair and blouse before entering.
"Sorry I'm late—"
She froze. Levi wasn't there to greet her. There was no make-shift picnic or cloak blanketing the ground. There was only Jean, arms folded and eyes narrowed.