Prompt #12: A trip to the Rockefeller tree lighting leads to romance

My Kind of Present

~oOo~

"I can't believe you're going to the tree lighting!" Fin says with excitement that barely disguises how he really feels. Olivia shoots him a warning look, but his eyes stay on Noah who is too happy to realize Fin's true feelings.

"Meghan Trainor is performing," Noah tells him. "My friend Isabel is going so I asked Mom if we could go too."

"And she said yes," Fin says, looking up at Olivia. His expression says it all, and she's momentarily embarrassed to be going to such a commercial and touristy event. His fake smile widens and she wants to shoot him just to wipe the smart-ass look off his face.

Olivia has always liked the Rockefeller tree and has watched the lighting on TV more than a few times. What she isn't interested in is spending a night standing shoulder to shoulder in a huge crowd with blaring music and not enough available bathrooms.

There were some things in this city that she loves that were designed for everyone but New Yorkers themselves, and this was one of them. If given the choice, she would have preferred to avoid midtown altogether, but Noah had his heart set on seeing his favorite singer with one of his best friends. After two nights of begging, she finally gave in.

"Yes, I did," she says confidently. Fin can make fun as much as he wants, but she knows he would do anything for his family too, even if it meant spending a night in Rockefeller Center. "Ready to go, Noah?"

He nods and pulls a striped knit hat over his curls. Olivia wraps her arm around his shoulders and gives the squad room a once-over.

"Fin, you're in charge. If anything happens—"

"Boss, enjoy the night off," he says with a smile. "It's not every day you get to see the world's most famous tree get all dolled up for the holidays."

Noah gives Fin a huge smile while she glares at him.

"Bye Liv," Fin says, enjoying messing with her. "Have fun."

~oOo~

Elliot had spent the afternoon checking in on a suspect near the park. Since the weather had been unseasonably warm, he'd decided to walk most of the way, which he was regretting now that the sun had gone down and it had gotten cold. As he heads back to his car, intending on stopping somewhere to get a coffee to warm up, he finds himself mixed up in throngs of people all walking in the same direction. He looks at his watch, as if that will give him some hint as to what was happening, before finally realizing he was just a block away from Rockefeller Center.

He hadn't known the tree was being lit tonight. When the kids were little, they kept track of these things for him, but on his own, he had no idea. Logically he knows it must be lit somewhere around the beginning of December, but life has been so busy lately, he never seems to know what day it is.

He doesn't know what had made him decide to head toward the tree, but as Elliot fights his way through the tourists and squirming children, he has to admit that there is something nice about the air of excitement. Working in law enforcement could send you down a path of believing the worst in people, but looking around at everyone who chose to spend their night watching a giant evergreen light up the city, he's happy to see that it's not all bad.

He walks through the crowd, wandering aimlessly as he lets the excitement wash over him. He can hear bits of conversations from the people around him, talking about shopping or what they want to eat after the tree is lit. Someone is performing on a pop-up stage with their bright and cheery Christmas song blasting from the speakers. It's nothing he would ever listen to by choice, but it all works. It's Christmas at its peak; shiny, glittery, and loud.

The tree looms over the skating rink, still unlit, and Elliot looks at his watch. He assumes the lights won't go on for another fifteen minutes or so, judging by how he remembers this thing ran when he used to watch it on TV with the kids.

He chuckles to himself, though not happily. All at once, he realizes how absurd it is that he is here for the first time, standing in Rockefeller Center waiting for the tree to be lit, and his kids are all off living lives of their own. Any Christmas cheer he'd been feeling drains out of him as he considers the holiday season he has in store; chasing criminals, getting shot at, and going home alone.

He's overstayed his welcome at this event. Any joy he felt has been replaced with sadness. He no longer wants the coffee that had led him in this direction, but there's probably a liquor store nearby where he can grab a bottle of Scotch to bring home so he can wallow in a funk.

Elliot puts his hands in his pockets and turns back towards Sixth Ave. And then he sees her. He could recognize her anywhere. He doesn't have to see her face; he knows all of her, her hair, her body.

Liv is no more than twenty feet away, watching the woman singing on stage with her arm wrapped comfortably around her son.

~oOo~

"I been kinda lonely,

I know that you want me,

And, baby, I want you.

You're my kind of present."

Olivia's heard a lot of Meghan Trainor's songs, sharing an apartment with one of her biggest fans, but this one is suddenly striking a chord. Maybe it's all the happy families standing around her or maybe it's the loneliness that the holidays often bring, but she doesn't like where her mind is wandering.

She lowers her arm from Noah's shoulder so he can dance with his friend Isabel. She watches him, longing for the freedom that he must feel without the burdens of adult life and adult issues weighing him down. She can't remember the last time she felt that free.

Watching the happiness on her son's face always makes her happy, but tonight she wishes she had some of that for herself. Simple companionship. Someone who was not her child or her employee, who she could share these special moments with.

The song ends and the crowd erupts into cheers and applause. Olivia looks at her watch. It's nearly nine, which means the tree should go up in lights any minute now. She looks down at Noah and Isabel who are laughing and talking excitedly, and something suddenly catches her eye.

There's no stillness in this crowd. People are shifting from foot to foot, leaning down to help children with mittens and hats, but through the people, standing as still as a statue, she sees Elliot. Their eyes meet and the corner of his mouth turns up in a smile.

Olivia hasn't been able to truly grasp where the two of them stand since he moved back to the city, but seeing him here, knowing that there's always a chance they could end up in the same place at the same time without an ocean between them, she can't help but smile.

"Mom!" Noah calls, pulling on her sleeve. "Can I go with Isabel after they light the tree? We want to get hot chocolate."

She looks down at him and then back up at Elliot, who is now moving through the crowd, heading toward them.

"Uh," she starts, distracted and already forgetting what Noah had asked her.

"Hey," Elliot says when he reaches them. His smile is cocky, like he's very proud of himself for finding them there. Despite herself, Olivia likes it.

"Hi, Detective Stabler!" Noah says, as if bumping into him is the most natural thing in the world, and Olivia wonders if maybe it is.

~oOo~

Elliot can't get over how beautiful she is. He'd always found Olivia attractive, even in the days when he shouldn't have thought of her that way, but there's something about her now that is just…more. It's almost overwhelming.

"Having a good time?" he asks Noah, but his response is cut off by the crowd loudly starting a countdown. His eyes drift to Liv's before turning to the tree.

"Eight! Seven! Six!"

Elliot steals another look at his former partner, her eyes glued to the tree. He takes in the moment, all of it, committing it to memory, before joining in the shouts. "Three! Two! One!"

And there it is, the symbol of Christmas in New York. The crowd cheers as the rainbow-colored lights blink on, the tree's star shining bright like a beacon of happiness. Elliot feels his eyes start to glass over and he's momentarily embarrassed by how emotional he's getting. It's been a tough couple of years. Hell, it's been a tough couple of decades. Things like this are few and far between. It's all hitting him harder than he would have expected.

"Hey," Liv says, pulling him from his thoughts. "You okay?"

"Yeah, it's just…" he sniffs, trying to will the tears in his eyes to dry up. "It's…yeah. I'm good."

"I know how you feel," she says, and her arm brushes gently up against his own.

"So can I go?" Noah asks and Elliot watches this woman he's known for what feels like his entire life switch into mom mode.

"Is it okay with Isabel's parents?"

"It's fine with us," a woman with dark black curls and a bright smiling face tells her. "We can bring him home after, if you'd like."

"Sure," Olivia says, wrapping her arm around Noah. "That would be great. Be good, okay?"

Noah gives her the slightest nod and turns back to whatever he was talking about with his friend. The girl's parents say goodbye, and they start to make their way toward Fifth Avenue.

Olivia watches her son leave before turning back to the tree, quietly looking at the lights as if she's the only one there.

"What are you doing here, El?" she asks without looking away. "I never took you for the tree-lighting type."

"I was in the area," he says, and he likes how it sounds sarcastic when it's really nothing but the truth.

Olivia glances at him in question but he just shrugs. He can't wipe the smile off of his face. They haven't seen each other much lately. He can't speak for her, but he's been too busy to do much more than hang on for the ride and he assumes her life isn't much different. When he does get the chance to see her, it's like something comes over him. Simply put, he's happy. It's like he can forget all the pressures on his shoulders from Bell, crime families, and casino builders, and just breathe.

"How 'bout you?" he asks.

"Noah wanted to see Meghan Trainor," she says, turning slightly to face him. "I'm glad we came. I know he had a good time."

The crowd is starting to dissipate and Elliot suddenly worries that their time together is running short. "Do you have any plans for the rest of the night?"

Olivia's face turns to a mix of nervousness and uncertainty. She always seems to get this way when he leads the conversation in this direction. She's guarded, and he knows he's to blame for that, but he's hopeful that at some point they will be able to move beyond her distrust.

"Well, I should—"

"Liv," he says, cutting her off. He wants to say more. He wants to tell her that it's him, the person who has known her since she was a young detective. He wants to tell her that he's not going to hurt her, not ever again. He wants to repair what is broken between them and earn back her trust.

But he doesn't say any of it. He watches her, his eyes locked on hers, and he knows that she understands. She just isn't ready to believe it yet. She gives him a small smile and looks down at her feet.

"Coffee," he says, making her look back up. "That's all I'm asking. Or pizza. Whatever. I just want to spend some time with you, without vests and bomb threats. Just to talk."

He watches her smile and look around Rockefeller Center, trying to settle the struggle within herself, unsure what she wants to say.

"Look, you said you wanted this to be a friendship," he says, feeling brave and ready to show her what he wants. He takes her hand and her eyes snap back to his. "And I like to get coffee with my friends."

Olivia looks down at her hand in his and back up at his eyes. Hers are glassy and her mouth opens and closes as she tries to come up with a response. She looks scared, which is the last thing he wants her to be, especially after all the times he has already put himself out there for her, so he gives her hand a squeeze.

"Just say yes."

She looks at him for a moment and sighs, closing her eyes. "Okay."

~oOo~

Olivia doesn't know exactly how they got to this point, but she's walking down Fifth Avenue with her fingers entwined in Elliot's.

That's not actually true. She does know how they got here. Elliot had taken her hand in front of the tree and he'd never let go. Now they are walking, palms pressed together and arms swinging gently, as if they do this sort of thing all the time. If she wasn't so nervous she would laugh.

"Any plans for Christmas?" he asks suddenly.

"Uh," she starts, the feel of his hand in hers making it hard to remember how she planned on spending the holiday. "Noah and I will make a big breakfast and open gifts. Hopefully, I won't get called into the precinct."

"And for dinner?" he asks and she knows he's smiling, even without looking at him. She can hear it in his voice.

"El—"

"Liv."

"I know what you're doing," she says as she stops and slips her hand from his.

"Then why won't you let me do it?" His face is earnest with his eyebrows pulled down towards his eyes.

"Elliot—"

"Liv. I'm serious," he says and she can feel her pulse in her throat. "We've been dancing around this for years. I think you know what I want here."

"I know," she says, trying to look anywhere but at him. "But…your wife…died, and your kids…"

She sees him move, his hand covering his mouth and scratching at his chin.

"There's just been so much time," she says. "So much has happened, while you were gone…since you came back."

"I know," he says. "I know."

She hadn't meant to upset him, but she's scared; scared of what he means to her, scared of what it would be like if they crossed that line. Scared that he'll leave her again.

But the last thing she wants to do is hurt him.

It's her turn to reach out. She takes his hand and he looks up at her in surprise. "I just… I never thought this would happen. You left and I had to move on with my life. I thought I would never see you again, and now you're here."

"Been here for a while."

She gives her head a small shake and smirks at him, looking at his face from the corner of her eye. "Yeah, I know. And sometimes I don't know what to make of that. Sometimes, when we're working together it feels like you never left. But other times… Sometimes I catch myself…"

"Catch yourself, what?"

"Imagining," she says, not truly ready to be honest but giving into it anyway. "How it could have been. How it could be."

"Then why do you keep pushing me away?" he asks and she gives him a look. He nods in understanding and they fall into silence. Her hand is still in his and realizing that makes her heart rate jump.

"What if…" She stops, not sure where she wants to take her question. How can she tell this man, the man with whom she had shared the longest relationship of her life, that she's afraid he'll leave again? That she's afraid he'll love her? That she's afraid they could be happy?

Or that it could all fall apart and she'll be left alone, with nothing?

"What if I leave?" Elliot asks, reading her mind. "What if I…what if I break your heart?"

She feels tears in her eyes and looks away. "I should really get back before Noah gets home."

"You're not getting out of this." His voice is rough and firm.

"Elliot, I can't," she says, starting to move away from him. It's all too much. She's standing on the edge of a cliff and she doesn't know if it's time to jump before she falls.

"Listen," he says, stopping her with a hand on her shoulder. "All I'm asking is for a chance. To see what happens if we…if this friendship can be more. Go to dinner with me. Or lunch. This week, or next week. I don't care. I just want to spend time with you. Let me."

She knows the answer, deep in her soul, and it's screaming to come out. She's always been brave, but with this man standing in front of her, the one she has always wanted to be with, all her strength is gone.

She's scared. More scared than she's ever been in her life.

Elliot reaches out and his fingertips graze her face as he tucks an errant piece of hair behind her ear. His touch is soft and gentle and reminds her of all the times he's protected her, kept her safe, made sure that she was okay. She closes her eyes and takes a breath, deeper than she's been able to in a long time.

She's ready to jump. No, she's ready to leap.

Olivia smiles, squeezes his hand tighter….

"Okay."

The author of this A Merry SVU Season story will be revealed in January

Author's Note: I was so excited to write this prompt! The tree lighting in Rockefeller Center just happens to fall on the exact date that these stories are due, so it was kismet.