Today this story is written by Station_19_espana station_19_espana

A/N: This One Shot has two well differentiated parts, in the first one it's just Andy and her thoughts and memories and in the second one, I'll just say that, the Magic of Christmas comes into play. English is not my language, so be kind with possible mistakes.

I had never thought of it this way before, but it had been so many Christmases since I had something that could approximate a Christmas that the rest of us mortals have, family meals, eggnog, carols here and there and a Christmas tree with its jingling lights. But there it was, a December 24th again with nothing resembling that, her Christmas of 2022 could only be defined with one word, Loneliness. And so, in the solitude of the apartment in which she had spent her last eight months and in which she had lived alone for the first time in her life, she found herself analyzing in her head what each of her previous Christmases had meant and what word would define them.

Christmas 2021: Uncertainty

Last Christmas, even though she celebrated it with her Family of 19, was a day after deciding to take that sepia-colored envelope out of the freezer and sign the divorce papers for good and even though she was accompanied, the emptiness she felt inside and the feeling of personal failure, did not allow her to be happy for a minute even though her façade pretended to say otherwise.

Christmas 2020: Anger

The year before, it was the most disastrous time of her life, couch surfing. Vic and Travis didn't remember she was at their home those days and went to lunch with their respective parents and she was left alone on her friends' couch, eating sugary cereal straight from the box and watching an absurdly romantic Christmas movie where miraculously all the main characters' dreams were fulfilled. She went to bed without finishing it, miracles don't exist, let alone happily ever after, at least not for her. She was so angry at the world, she was angry at being in a Station that wasn't hers, where work was just work, for not having anything resembling a home, angry at her friends because they let her be but didn't really see that she was standing by pure inertia and was a mess about to break into a thousand pieces. And she was angry, red with rage, at him, how could she think only of him, how could she be so selfish and even angrier at herself for undertaking a flight forward without being aware that she was breaking the best thing she had ever had in her entire life.

Christmas 2019: Heartbreak

At the time, she was so broken. She was single, angry at the world, angry at him for telling her they couldn't pass because they messed with their titles, at her for being foolish enough to fall madly in love with her boss, for taking a chance on a forbidden love that was shattering her in its wake. Broken because he had, in the end, just made her supposed best friend captain who went for the title behind her back, taking advantage of her vulnerability. And broken by the death of her friend who bled to death at her hands and angry at her father for deciding what was best for her without even consulting her. The words asking him to leave echoed over and over in her head and she didn't want to walk away, she was sure she wanted to be with him and it was what broke her heart the most, but even then she didn't have the courage to step forward as she did only a month later, when she told him she didn't want to be angry anymore and took the leap of faith and asked him to kiss her.

Christmas 2018: Hope

Although it had been a few years, she remembered it with absolute clarity. At that moment her life was changing as it never had before, though little did she know at the time that this was going to be her last halfway normal Christmas in many years.

After her Aid-Car accident, she had grown very close to her captain and was feeling things that at the time she didn't know, or didn't want to put a name to, but that's how she found herself that December 24 spending the day with him at his physical therapy clinic, and even Nurse Adams had brought them, half on the sly, a special meal and they spent it talking, laughing, playing games and watching silly movies. And on the 25th, yes that December 25th, the last one for her papi and Ryan, who came all the way from San Diego to celebrate the holiday with them and all the elements that had accompanied them since their earliest childhood were there. If I had known it was going to be the last one with them!

She couldn't and wouldn't keep thinking, she couldn't keep hurting herself any more. Especially since she wasn't going to solve anything at that point and her year had been terrible. Another one. Life was not about to give her a break.

First, in February, the closing of Station 23 under her captaincy. Yes, she was acting captain but the certain and true is that it was closed under her tenure and possibly, unintentionally she contributed to its closure, although she didn't want to think so. And that same night, that night..., the attempted rape that ended in homicide and that took her 48 hours in the dungeon and her temporary suspension as a firefighter, until in May the case was definitively closed and the trial was permanently suspended when it was determined that it had been in self-defense.

And then the downward spiral of her two best friends, Jack and Maya, Maya and Jack. For various reasons they had spiraled into self-destruction and she tried to be there for both of them but they could only be the ones to rectify it and fortunately by the end of the year they were both getting better with professional help and from people who wanted them close to them. But she had been so upset to see her "family" slowly falling apart.

And then there was that other thing, I wouldn't even know how to define it, but him. Always him, over and over again him, for better and for worse, him. After her attempted rape, he reached out to her again, listened when he had to listen, spoke when she needed words of encouragement or cheer, he knew her so well that he always knew what to say or not say to make her feel good. And there they were again, restarting that powerful friendship that had been dormant in those last two years, he opened up to her and she to him, she was so enjoying his company, his complicity, his friendship, because even if she hadn't told him, he was still her safest place. So his betrayal, made her mad, pissed off and angry. Yes, he had betrayed their friendship, she was supporting him in every way possible and he lied to her, to her face, over and over again. Moreover, she wasn't just angry about the lie and the breach of trust, she was pissed off because it had been with her, with her Chief, when did he stop caring about the rules, the ranks? As hard as he gave her a hard time in the beginnings of their love, now he no longer seemed to care about everything that identified him with this Robert she fell in love with, possibly forever. Who was she kidding, now it was just her with her memories and her thoughts.

And finally, the "icing" on the cake of 2022. She had spent a couple of months experiencing some unexpected romance, Eli had shown up in her life and her friends' lives without anyone calling him and even though he seemed a bit chaotic he turned out to be a fun person who showed more than intentional interest in her. But she wasn't ready to settle down in any way, she was fine with her sporadic relationships, with random dates, but finding out that Robert had a secret now yes and now no relationship with Chief Ross, and especially finding out that he had blatantly lied to her face when she gave him her absolute trust and support, hurt in a way that was impossible to describe. And if, on top of that sense of betrayal, there were the voices of her mother and her friends telling her that Eli seemed like a nice guy and that he was her type, that she was no longer old enough to go jumping from one guy to another randomly and that this would provide her with some emotional stability. So she thought maybe everyone was right and it wouldn't hurt to try.

And that's how she found herself, going on dates with the guy, and even though he wasn't Robert, he was providing her with laughter, some relaxation and she was starting to appreciate their moments together, it all felt so easy and lighthearted that she was enjoying it, she really was. And at that moment, BOOM! Everything blew up again, it had only been a few days of that and I was trying to digest it. It turns out that Eli was actually a comedic actor, monologuing here and there and had been hired by Dixon to play to his advantage and nullify Travis' actions on his way to the mayoralty. And even though the guy told her it was just a job and that with her his intentions were real, she couldn't even look him in the face, she despised him in a way she wasn't even able to define and not because she didn't have epithets to define him, she could think of hundreds and none of them had a kind definition.

She felt so foolish, so absurd for not having trusted herself, her initial instinct and having been dragged by everyone else into a relationship she didn't really want, and just when she was really beginning to feel that maybe it hadn't been such a bad idea, this happens. How many setbacks can one person endure?

That's what her thoughts were on when the doorbell rang, which was odd because she wasn't expecting anyone, let alone on a day like that.

When she opened the door there was Robert, her first instinct was to slam it in his face, she was still so angry with him, but how could she resist that smile as he told her, while showing her what he was carrying in his hands "I bring you a peace offering: chicken tikka masala of the kind you like so much to celebrate Christmas".

She had to smile at him and as she stepped aside to let him pass, she heard from down the hall "Don't close the door we're here."

"Vic?" she asked incredulously as she saw that it was indeed Vic followed closely by Theo, two trays of freshly made perogies in her hands and a punch bowl full of Christmas eggnog in his hands.

"I can't believe it, what are you guys doing here" said Andy.

"You used to be smarter" said Vic jokingly "the time you spent at Station 23 definitely ended up affecting you."

"Hey, hey" said Theo and Andy in unison and the four of them ended up bursting into a fit of giggles.

She hadn't even had time to make it to the kitchen island when her doorbell rang again. "Who can it be now?"

Opening her door there stood her mother, pot in hand of what could only be, if her scent wasn't deceiving her, arroz con gandules "Feliz Navidad Mija" and after saying this, Robert who was attentive to everything, took the pot out of her hands to allow mother and daughter to melt into an embrace.

"Will you let us in? ...we want one of those tight hugs too and as you can see our hands are full and this tres leches cake grandma's recipe weighs like a ton."

" Tia Sandra, Tio Johnny, cousin Michel!. I can't believe it, I'm so happy to have you all here. Just when I thought loneliness was going to be my only company, looking at you all" at that moment neither wanted to, nor could she hold back the tears that streamed down her face and they were automatically engulfed in a collective embrace that reminded her of the one when Robert and Dean came out of the dungeon, memories that she did nothing to stop her tears. On one side her mother and on the other her ex, if only for a few seconds, she involuntarily leaned into him and inhaled him, and allowed herself to feel him, just for an instant, that thing she knew was still there even if she didn't want to think about it.

"I really can't believe you guys have done all this for me, that we are all here together celebrating Christmas. It means so much more than I am able to put into words."

"Give all the credit to Sullivan mija, in my case he took on an impossible flight that I could not have afforded at this time and on such short notice. But there was no way he would take no for an answer, he told me that second chances have to be lived to the fullest and now that we were well there was no way we were going to spend Christmas alone each on one side of the country" Elena said with her voice half broken with emotion at the end of the sentence, knowing how many Christmases she had been alone on the other side of the country while her daughter thought her dead.

"He can be very persuasive when he wants to be, believe me I know that well" she said as she looked at him and saw him uncomfortable because he doesn't like to be the center of attention in a conversation, but she also saw that gleam, that sparkle, in his eyes of when he was proud for something he had done.

"I know it well niece, he was so insistent that we come and also that we do it with some Puerto Rican recipe that reminded you of your childhood Christmas" pointed out Sandra, who is not known for her discretion, something that was clear in how she finished what she was saying "Really, niece, I don't know how you let a man like this get away. Look at him, in case you've forgotten what he looked like, because he's so handsome."

"SANDRA!" Johnny and Elena shouted in unison.

"What?! I just said what we're all thinking"

"Come on, let's focus on the now" said Robert lightening the mood "besides, I wasn't as good a husband as I would have liked."

Quickly, between all of them they set up a Christmas table. "El burrito sabanero", her childhood carol, playing in the background and Andy felt happy but still had something in her gut that wouldn't let her be totally happy.

She noticed he was in the kitchen and went to him and whispered close so no one else would hear "You set this all up because since Ross is definitely leaving you, you remembered me?" She knew she wasn't being fair, that he had apologized to her a hundred times and told her how lost he was when a friendly face showed up, that he didn't at first want her to be under public judgment, that he thought maybe it could get serious, but it was clear she just wanted a momentary diversion and that he for the Chief could never live up to what her position meant. He also apologized because he understood as he never had before, how Andy must have felt when she thought he was putting his titles above her love and marriage.

"Possibly she's lonely too and I could have gone to her and I'm sure she wouldn't turn me down on a night like tonight. But I chose to come here, I chose to mobilize the people you love and who love you and I swear I would do it a thousand times just to see how your face lit up when you saw what I had prepared."

A "Robert" between a whisper and a wail came from her lips. "We did so many things wrong, but thank you, for everything, for showing up in my life, for making me feel and for today, for bringing me the magic of Christmas."

"Anytime" he smiled at her to add "And one of these days we should sit down and talk, because only love can hurt like this" and with that he gave a kiss on the cheek to a surprised before as he headed to the table again.

And so, they ate, they laughed, they sang and for a moment that night everything seemed perfect, and she imagined that if she hadn't rushed into her nefarious decisions, that could have been her life on a daily basis.

But for today, leftovers on the table, her punch in her hand, dropped on Robert's chest and surrounded by her family, blood and chosen one, she thought as she listened to Vic intoning with his prodigious voice "Silent Night", that maybe Christmas can have some magic and maybe this was being her Christmas miracle.