Thank you for the reviews.

Well and truly behind now... I think this just hasn't been a good writing year for me...

Anyway, back to this. And my warning for the last chapter also relates to this one as well...

Chapter Ten
Thursday 10th December

There were many qualities that Rachel had that Eddie would be glad that their little girl would possess as well. The independence and inner strength was something that he completely and utterly admired.

The stubbornness.

That could stay with just Rachel.

As it was the thing grating on his nerves that morning.

She wasn't well.

She looked so pale and tired.

But she wouldn't take the day off work.

She wouldn't eat breakfast.

And she had the audacity to argue with him over the fact that he had left his mug and bowl in the sink. That he was going to wash up. With Philip's and, hopefully, hers. Once everyone had finished breakfast. Like he did every morning.

He tried to remind himself that they were in the rough week and that the news that had been dropped on them yesterday wasn't helping. That Rachel probably had so many memories brought up that it would explain her behaviour.

And he knew that work was usually her escape. That she would work until she couldn't any longer, forgetting about eating, drinking and sleeping.

Which was fine.

Not healthy.

But fine

When she was on her own and didn't have anyone to rely on.

When she wasn't 21 weeks pregnant.

He knew that she had brought work home. She always brought work home whether she would have the time or motivation to do it or not. She had her laptop and he was sure that they had worked together for long enough for her to trust him to look after the school for a day.

But no matter how he argued it, she wasn't going to budge.

She was going to work.

End of story.

And because of the argument that they'd had at home, Eddie knew that Rachel wouldn't want him pandering her over the course of the day. Well, that was how he took the glare when he placed a bottle of water, an apple and a mug of tea on her desk.

So he had a quiet word with Joyce.

Just to make sure that someone was looking after her.

And Eddie was glad when he found Kim. Mainly because she gave him the best news that she could have given him.

"Max isn't in today. There is a meeting at… one of the other schools. I wasn't particularly listening to him. He knows that I am not happy with how yesterday went."

Eddie nodded. "Well, he isn't the only one in the doghouse."

"How can you be in the doghouse?"

"I think it started with my mug and bowl in the kitchen sink moved onto the fact that she didn't care how ill she looked, she was going to work and ended with a glare because I tried to look after her by placing a bottle of water, an apple and tea on her desk."

"Ouch."

"I'm not winning any best fiancé awards today."

"She didn't look well yesterday."

"Can you keep an eye on her? I've got Joyce on the job but I think between the three of us, everything should be okay. Maybe go and tell her Max isn't in today. That might help slightly."

"Does that mean anything minor to you and anything major to Rachel?"

"Only if you are sure that it won't get back to her."

Eddie didn't tell Kim how close to home things were to Rachel. He didn't tell Kim about how he thought that he was failing her. He didn't tell her how he feared that Rachel would kick him out like Alison did. And how that would kill him.

He did tell Zoe when it felt like it was threatening to strangle him. Without giving too many details about how similar the events that Gina was going through were to what Rachel went through. He couldn't take her reassurances that he was doing everything in his power to help but he made it sound like he did, just to make sure that Zoe didn't tell his mum. It was a strange thing to be scared of at his age but he was worried about what she would say or do. The last thing he needed was his mum interfering as well (no matter how much he did love his mum).

It was just one of those days that he knew that he would have to roll with the punches and hoped that everything would be okay once things had calmed down. And he knew that things were only going to get worse before they got better.

Time had very little meaning to Rachel.

She didn't know whether it was still the morning or if it had turned into the afternoon.

She couldn't remember the last time that she had seen Eddie or Kim or Joyce.

She didn't even know if she had seen anyone else all day.

She didn't know how long it had been since she started staring off into the distance, the memories playing in her eyes, masking the present with the past.

She didn't know when the first tears came.

She didn't know when she let out her first sob.

All she knew was that it had hit her and it had hit her hard. The few memories that she did have of her mother played over and over again before they sunk into the memory of her passing and the funeral and how her dad had acted.

Over and over again.

She heard every insult that he had said at the time again.

She started to feel every slap and punch as well.

There was no way of telling how long she had been like that.

She had no idea what had alerted Eddie to how she was but the moment that she saw him, it all just disappeared. It was strange how safe he made her feel. How he could just banish the memories away. It was his superpower. His secret superpower.

And falling into his arms was easy.

Because she knew that it was the only place she was going to find any comfort.

When Rachel played back the last 24 hours in her mind, she found all of her mistakes. She knew exactly where she went wrong and how she had managed to make things worse for herself.

And she knew where it all began.

It began on Monday morning, when Max mentioned the date that the meeting might be moved to. The moment the 14th entered her mind and she started to actually think about it, she was in a completely different mindset and one that was dangerous.

Which wasn't then helped when Max kept asking on the Tuesday about it.

And it wasn't like Rachel wasn't aware that the 14th was coming up. But it was in the back of her mind. Where it needed to be for her own mental wellbeing.

So because she started stressing about the upcoming anniversary, she started to make herself ill.

Most of her headache came from stress. Most of the time, nausea was caused by stress (although, the pregnancy had caused its fair share of that as well). Stress stopped from eating and drinking and thinking.

Eddie was right that morning.

She shouldn't have gone into work.

But then she was grateful that she was at work. Because that was where Eddie was and if she'd had the same moment of panic that she did have, then she wasn't sure whether she would have gotten herself out of it. She wasn't sure that she wouldn't have been like that for hours, until Eddie came home and found her. She wasn't sure what damage she would have done to herself or her daughter in that time.

And she was sure that she had put her daughter under the same amount of stress that she had put herself. There was no way that she couldn't have. They were, sort of, sharing a body.

So when Eddie placed the food in front of her, she gladly took it and forced herself not to eat it greedily as she realised how hungry she was. When he bought her a tea, she asked him to stay with her for a bit, if he had the time. And they spoke about Michael and about what he was doing at school and when they were next going to have him and everything like that. There were a couple of family events and Rachel mentioned Cathy just to hear the joy in Eddie's voice about his eldest (and favourite) niece coming home from university soon.

She knew that she hadn't been fair on Eddie. Maybe for the whole ten days of the month so far.

The only way she really knew how to rectify that was to sit him down and talk about it. Which is something that she despised doing, just because she wasn't good at talking, but she knew was necessary for them.

Which was a conversation for when they were home. Away from prying ears (even if Max wasn't in).

"Eddie, I am so sorry for this morning." Rachel said.

"It's fine."

"No. No. No. It was far from fine. I recognise that Eddie. I got too caught up in myself. I only thought about myself. And I treated you awfully for it when there was absolutely no need for me to do so. This morning. Last night. Maybe even the last ten days."

Eddie looked a little unsure as he wiped up the last glass and put it away in the cupboard. He hung the tea towel up to dry and she became a little more worried about what he was going to say.

"This morning did hurt." He said. "I did call Zoe."

"About?"

"Well… I don't really want to be thrown out again."

"So I have let my hurt, hurt you."

"No."

"Yes, Eddie."

"I don't have the memories you do."

"And I you."

"But…"

"No, we aren't doing that. Both our loss and the trauma relating to it are valid. The ways that we have learnt to deal with it might err on the side of being unhealthy. Mine definitely. Just because mine is… more relevant now, doesn't mean that it is any worse or whatever."

"What happened with you earlier?"

"Something that happens from time to time. I remember about Mum. About the good times. Or goodish times. Then they slowly morph into memories of Dad. And I still feel it. The way he… used to knock me about. Every… punch and slap and… I feel it all. Over again. In the past, it used to be so bad that I… would have to physically hurt myself to get out." She paused for a moment. "I know you want me home today. But I was glad I was at school. And that you came. Despite you having every right to… not to."

"I wouldn't leave you out on your own, Rachel."

"I don't really know how the weekend will be. I don't know whether… I am going to get out of it what I thought I did when I agreed to it."

"We don't have to go."

"And let Melissa go on her own?"

"Yeah, forgot you were the better sister."

Rachel let out a little laugh. "I will make things up to you, Eddie. You do deserve me to. You put up with a lot from me."

"Just let me knock Max out tomorrow and that will have that side of things sorted."

"You know I can't allow you to do that."

"Not even when this is all over."

Rachel took a moment to think about it. "Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"I wouldn't mind a repeat of Stuart Hordley."

"Was that the moment then?"

"What moment?"

"The moment you fell in love with me."

When Rachel had thought about it, she felt like she couldn't pinpoint one event which led to her platonic feelings for Eddie to turn into romantic ones. But maybe Eddie had found it. The turning point. The moment when she was certain that he wasn't like the other men that had been in her life. Because he wasn't violent to her. He was violent to other people because of her.

"Maybe." She repeated.

Eddie took a couple of steps towards her before holding his hands out to her, pulling her out of her chair. She didn't quite think that she deserved to find the comfort that she did in his arms but she took it anyway. She would find a way to make it up to him. She would have to.

"Everything's going to be okay. Okay?" He said. "We will get through this."

It was a blip.

It was her resorting back to old habits.

And those habits needed to die and change.

And that was the plan for the next 12 months.

Because she knew that she could never ever treat Eddie that way ever again.