Thank you for the reviews.

You know what this means... only one chapter left to write. I think I am going to drop chapter 23 when I've almost finished 25, then drop 24 when I've finished 25 and then leave it a couple of days before dropping the last chapter. Then we can look forward towards the other fics I have planned.

Now, Eddie is confused. And maybe he is going a little insane over it all...

Chapter Twenty Two
Tuesday 22nd December

After having to buy the suit, Eddie found himself wanting to come up with the real explanation as to why he had to buy it.

The problem was that the only thing he could think of just seemed insane.

Because there was no way that Rachel could be planning their wedding behind his back.

Apart from him seeming like a madman for even thinking it, there was just way too much to sort out. Even for a small intimate wedding.

And he was sure that they couldn't get married in the week or so that Rachel would have to plan it in. Surely wherever Rachel could have planned it would have been fully booked up. Christmas, like the summer, would be an extremely busy time. And unless something drastic happened, not many people cancelled their weddings.

Mainly due to the amount of headspace he was giving the idea, Eddie attempted to turn to other, more useful, things to do. Like he had books to mark and presents to wrap. Rachel's especially as she was downstairs doing whatever she was doing. He went to the room that would slowly become the nursery over the next four months and noted what furniture was already in the room that they could use and what they needed to go out and buy. He even tidied it up a little more, with him finally sorting through the odd little bits that had been thrown in the room when he moved in.

It had been a quick move.

Which seemed to just sum up their relationship.

They had to move fast because of what they wanted to happen.

It was probably something that wouldn't be questioned because they were 40 and 39 (with him being the older one). If they were 20 years younger, then Eddie was sure that everyone would have had many concerns about how fast they were taking things.

And it was that thought alone that made Eddie think that he was crazy to think (not that he didn't already think the idea was insane) that Rachel was planning some secret wedding.

They did the getting together, having a baby and getting engaged things pretty quickly and they had both been quite vocal in wanting to enjoy part of their relationship for a while before getting married.

They were going to have a long engagement.

That was what they had decided.

And Rachel may have had a point about them thinking about where they wanted to book and the time of year that they wanted to get married. The nature of their job meant that they had to either get married at the weekend or in the holidays. Those were probably some of the most popular times. They might not get married for two or three years but he was sure that they would both be surprised to find out how many of those days had already been snapped up.

Eddie looked around the room that was going to be the nursery and knew that this was something that he definitely wanted.

He knew that he would have no problems in loving his daughter. Deep down, it would be there as well as his want to be a good father to her, but Eddie knew that, at times, he did wish that it wasn't happening. That it still felt all too soon even with Michael being five. Some days, to Eddie, it felt like it was only a month ago and he had to pinch himself when he saw Michael as the young boy that he was.

But now, he felt like he was ready.

As his mum had told him a number of times, there was no rhyme or rhythm to it. There was no telling that it was going to happen and just because it did happen, it didn't mean that it was going to happen again. It was one of those truly horrible shit things that just happened. No one was to blame. There was nothing that they could have done differently. It happened. And it was going to happen.

Not that Eddie knew that he could say that he would be completely happy with it all the time. The early years of his daughter's life were going to be the hardest for him. And while they were all rather rational concerns to have, he knew that he couldn't and shouldn't allow the memories to get to him. Rachel was relying on him to help her out. And he would want to be relied upon.

As the nursery had caught his attention, he decided that it was something that he should discuss with Rachel and wondered whether part of why they hadn't yet was down to her being unsure about how she thought that he would take it.

"I suppose now would be as good a time as any," Rachel said. "We've got all that stuff in there that needs to be sorted through."

"I think I've sorted most of mine," Eddie said. "I've got a couple of bits to throw away but I think most of it is good enough to go to charity."

"And after Christmas job then. Would we need…"

"Need what?"

She sighed as she turned from the sink to look at him. "Would we need new… everything?"

"Not necessarily. What are you thinking?"

"Like the cot and stuff."

"If you want. If not, I could ask Tony and Claire if they still have their one. Or we just ask around. Someone always knows someone who is getting rid of a cot or something to that effect. I don't mind the route that we go. Although, maybe the mattress. That might be the only thing that we will want to buy new."

"I just…" She sighed again but never picked up her sentence.

"The only thing we aren't doing is buying loads of clothes. She will grow out of them quicker than we can put her in them. No real outfits until she is older. And could we not get poppers? It is like… an army operation to get them done up as she's wriggling around."

Rachel laughed. "That is the sound advice I do need."

"It's a good thing that we are in this together."

In reality, it had been a very good distraction as they both went to the room to see what they could do about what was already there. And in making their piles of different things, it did all feel like things were taking a step closer to how they wanted things to be. And Eddie was glad that they both seemed very excited about it all.

But it brought Eddie's thoughts back to what Zoe had said and the suit. And maybe she did have a point. Leading to him going on his laptop to try and book them a weekend away somewhere. Maybe around his birthday. Just to treat them both before, like Zoe said, they didn't have any time for themselves anymore. Or if they did, they would have to include a little one.

And Eddie was certain that it was that thought, and that thought alone, that was keeping him sane over the purchase.

Everything with Eddie regarding the nursery made Rachel feel a little guilty about what she was doing.

Because she felt like this was something that they should be deciding together.

The proposal happened because of a rushed decision because she had been scared about losing Eddie.

The wedding was meant to be seen as her final commitment to him. That she was going to hold onto him and be better because she wanted him so much.

Loving Eddie was the easiest thing she could do and she wanted to do it for the rest of her life.

But maybe she had gone the wrong way about it.

Which is why she called Zoe. Who she suspected would get rather sick of her and Eddie constantly calling her at some point soon.

"Why don't you think you are doing the right thing?" Zoe asked.

"Well, I do think I have made most of the decisions in our relationship. From the baby to the proposal to now the wedding. Eddie should have some say, shouldn't he?"

"Rachel, you know what would have happened if you did leave it and made the decisions with Eddie, don't you?"

"No."

"It would have been you who would have made all the decisions." Zoe sighed. "I don't think that Eddie told me this to tell you but I'm going to anyway. He doesn't mind. When you take control. I think he completely understands how out of control your life has been so if you want to control every single aspect, then he is happy for that to happen. And the proposal? Once the shock wore off, he was glad that you did propose. Because, as he told me, he would have been sick with worry about whether he was doing the right thing and whether you would have wanted to get married. He doesn't want to push your boundaries because he knows too many people have.

"And I think we can all agree that the baby has pushed him out of his comfort zone more than it should have done but we all understand why he has had the difficulties that he has had. But he is excited to be a father again. To… have the opportunity to do it right this time. I know that we know that he didn't do anything wrong last time but there was like… three years where he didn't see Michael. He barely held Ella when she was born. To him, this feels like a second chance.

"So Rachel, I don't really think that you would be doing anything less than you are doing now in two or three years' time with Eddie by your side, planning it with you. And you said it yourself. You felt like you would be jealous of your own daughter because she got to automatically take the Lawson name and you would have to wait a little while longer to get it. The plan is in motion now, Rachel. I don't think you could stop it, even if you did have second thoughts."

Rachel did take in every word that Zoe said and she could see her point. It was like earlier when they were talking about the nursery. Eddie would give her pointers to what he thought but, ultimately, he left it up to her. And she was sure that Zoe was right. And she knew why Eddie saw things the way that he did. Because, to him, he had already done all of what they were doing. And he wanted the experience of it all to add up to what she thought it was going to be like. Which, when she said it like that to herself, felt lovely and a little annoying.

"I know. I know. I know. But." Rachel huffed. "It does just feel like I've taken the decisions away from him."

"The decisions that you would have made anyway."

"Okay but… as lovely as that sounds…"

"It's a bit annoying of him."

"Yes."

"Hey, you are the one that wants to marry him. You must have known what he was like before."

"Bearing how many work-related arguments we have, I half expected the same to be at home. Just in a different way. Without us both being too passionate about how things were going to happen. I'm not going to lie, it does make me feel a little funny."

"He is giving control to you rather than you taking it."

"Not going to make me feel any better, Zoe."

"Then, maybe, after this wedding, you need to sit down and talk about it. Because nothing is going to change if you don't."

Rachel sighed, knowing that it was true. But maybe the part that she disliked about it was that they spoke about being a partnership when it didn't seem like that. Just because she had the last say at work, it didn't mean that she wanted it that way at home. The dynamic of their marriage would have to be different. And they would have to find a way so that their professional and personal lives didn't blend in the same way that they seemed to do at the moment.

"Okay. Can I run by you how I think I am going to reveal to Eddie what is going on? Just I think that my plan for tomorrow will be to find the right words."

She could hear Zoe's relief as they turned to a better subject of conversation and the real reason why Rachel called was quickly forgotten as the last plans fell into place.