Day 1
Robert was dead, to begin with.
Ned let out a sigh as he made his way back towards the main keep of Winterfell. All he'd wanted to do upon arriving back home was crawl under the covers and get some sleep but with Robb still out in the field dealing with the Lannister forces Ser Rodrik had taken that as a reason for them to go get utterly drunk in Winterfell. Ned had tried to weakly protest but remembering Jory's death had quieted his tongue and made him decide to go.
Jory.
Just one of many names he had lost in King's Landing. So many good men had once more followed a Stark to the Red Keep and never left.
Damn it all.
As such Ned had gone drinking with Ser Rodrik and the night had turned from one drink to many. They had toasted Jory and commiserated over Ned's daughters hating him (Sansa because now she would never marry her 'sweet Joffrey' and Arya when he wouldn't let her tie Sansa up and stuff her in a storage room) and the fact that Ned hadn't be able to do a damn thing to fix things. And now Westeros was going to end up in a war.
He groaned as he heard distant cheers.
"What is there to be happy about?" Ned wondered aloud as he reached one of the side doors of the castle. He didn't feel like waiting for a servant so he decided to just slink in through the side. No need for them to see how drunk he was… he'd had so much the door knob looked like Robert's face.
"OW!"
It shouted like him too.
"Damn it all Ned!" the door knob declared, twisting up to scowl at him. Now that Ned looked at it he didn't remember the door knobs having double chins. "By the Seven Hells, is that how you greet your best friend?"
Ned stared at the door knob.
"What?" the door knob asked.
The Lord of Winterfell just shook his head and turned around, deciding to go find a dog kennel to sleep in. It worked for Tyrion Lannister.
"Damn it all, Ned, get your ass back over here! You hear me! Your King demands it! We have a whole thing we have to do about holiday spirit-" A milking maid walked by and the door knob suddenly stopped focusing on Ned. "Hey there! Come here… you ever polish a knob before? Lift your skirt up and come here! Think I'm the right height…"