December 22 - Tea at the Manor

Draco woke the next morning and dressed. He began pacing his room at a loss as to what to do. Harry would be in the hallway any moment knocking on his door, wanting to talk to him. He was sure the other man wanted to apologize for kissing him. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to know how badly Harry regretted it. He didn't know if he could stand to hear that. He didn't think his heart could take it. If that made him a coward, he would just have to accept that.

He'd managed all the previous day to avoid being alone with Harry except for that one moment when the man had had what had to be a panic attack. Other than that it had been easy at the bonfire filled with Weasleys and children. Today, alone in the house it was going to be much tougher. Somehow even with ten children, there were always times when it was just the two of them in a room.

He quickly turned on the spot and apparated to the kitchen. If Harry caught him here, they wouldn't be alone long. He settled in at the table with a cup of tea, a few triangles of toast, and the Daily Prophet as he dipped his toast in tea a sudden idea came to him. By the time Harry came to the kitchen the room was filled with children as Freya, Teddy, Fiona, James, and Liam had already made their way down to breakfast. The other five followed Harry.

Breakfast was its usual chaotic endeavor. When it was over Draco stepped over to Harry.

"I hope you don't mind. I need to run to Mother's for a bit. I'd forgotten there are still gifts there and I need to check on her. I won't be long if you need me back."

Harry nodded, trying to keep the disappointment from his face. "We're fine, take as much time as you need. Tell Narcissa I said hello. You will be back for lunch, right?"

"I don't know. Along with the gifts I wanted to dig through some of my old things to give to the children. It may take a little bit. I'm sorry I should have thought of it before now."

"No, no, it's fine."

"Thank you, I'll see you later."

Draco returned to his room. He called himself a coward again and yet turned on the spot apparating out of Grimmauld Place and into his old bedroom at the Manor.

He stood looking around the room. He had once been so comfortable there. Once it had been his safe place, now it seemed empty, cold, sterile, so unlike his room at Grimmauld. There his room was filled with pictures from the children. One whole wall was covered in their drawings. Occasionally their toys made their way to his floor, though he could never figure out how it happened. The room looked like the room of someone well-loved. This room just didn't.

How did I live here for so long and not notice it? Even after living in the dorm filled with other boys and their personal items, a room much more lived in than this one he hadn't noticed. Seriously, how did I not notice? It might be that this room was so large compared to the one at Grimmauld Place. The furniture didn't come close to taking up the same amount of space. The walls were a dull white, nearly grey these days. The bed curtains were rich and luxurious but he'd come to prefer his bed without them. The fireplace in the room that hadn't been lit in his memory seemed to just be there. His belongings had all been put away and nothing was out in the room. It was just so sterile. Was it always this way? Didn't it ever look lived in? Was it only after He came to live here that I made it look this way?

He shook his head. The idea he'd had, the excuse he'd given to Harry, it was a good one. He could bring all of his old toys and books for the children to play with. They'd had the discussion, and it was unlikely he'd ever have children of his own. He should pass his things on to the closest thing he would have to children of his own. He began by opening the trunk and armoire and removing shrunken boxes that he then restored to their correct size. It didn't take long and he had the lid off of every box.

He'd been at work in the room for over an hour when Narcissa came to the door. "Draco dear, was I expecting you?"

"No Mother, I just wanted to collect some of my own things for the children."

"You could have had Kreacher come and get them or simply sent me a message and I would have packed them up for you."

"I know. I wanted to do it myself."

"What's going on? What happened?"

"Nothing, Mother."

"You're hiding," she observed.

"I am not," he denied.

"You think I don't know my own son well enough to know how he's feeling," she scoffed. "What happened with Harry?"

"What do you mean?"

"Draco dear you've been in love with that boy for years."

"He's not a boy Mother."

"I know. He's a grown man as are you. You're both adults, so, why won't you tell him how you feel?"

"It would never work. You know that as well as I do."

"You're underestimating both of you. That's enough. Come down to tea and we'll talk."

She waved her wand around the room collecting all the things the Draco had spread out, sending them flying into a box, shrinking down as they went, then shrinking the box. "Let's go."

Draco stood and followed his mother down the stairs, down the hall to the sunny room at the back of the Manor.

"It doesn't matter what you say, Mother. It would never work."

"Perhaps you should tell me what occurred first that has put you in such a state."

He went to stand staring out over the gardens covering the back of the manor grounds, standing there with his arms wrapped around himself. He shared with her the story of the party two days before and the mistletoe. When he finished she said nothing. He turned to look at her. She was wearing a smile so large it nearly split her face.

"My dear, that's wonderful news. I had a feeling, you know."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, it's quite obvious that Harry feels the same way you do. I thought he might have months ago. It was confirmed recently. I simply wondered how long it would be before he made his move."

"How?"

"How what, Draco? I'm quite sure you realize the kiss was him making his move."

Draco closed his eyes and bit his lip for a moment. "We'll skip over the fact that I disagree with your interpretation of what occurred and go back to how you think it was confirmed that Harry might have feelings for me."

"I saw the way he looked at you while you were helping the children ice skate. He watches you when you're not looking."

"That's just an old habit that he has yet to break. As I said, it doesn't actually mean anything. He watched me for years the same as I watched him."

"You still watch him, when you think he isn't looking," she said, "and it is clear that you are watching each other for the same reason."

She paused when Blinky delivered a tea tray. "Come sit with me."

He sighed, but sat at the table across from her.

"Darling you must not sigh. It is incredibly poor manners and I know I raised you better than that." She poured a glass of tea and passed it to him along with a plate of Christmas biscuits. "You really should tell Harry how you feel."

"I can't."

"Can't?"

"Fine, I won't." One perfectly arched eyebrow shot skyward.

"I never took you for a foolish child."

"Oh really? I find that hard to believe. Not even when I was doing his bidding?"

"You were doing that for me. I know that and I don't know that you can call that foolish."

"Well, it certainly wasn't wise. It nearly ended up getting us all killed."

"Draco, why on Earth would you give up on a chance at happiness?" she asked, changing the subject.

"He can't be happy with me, not in our world, not after everything I've done. No one would allow it."

"He hardly seems the type of man to allow others to make his decisions for him."

"He's not."

"So why let that stop you?"

Draco shook his head. "Mother, I won't make his life more difficult. He's already had enough to deal with just allowing me to help raise the children."

"I really can't change your mind can I?" she observed.

"No Mother, but I do appreciate you trying. It will be what it will be. Someday he'll find someone else and I'll move home or to a flat of my own."

"And that's what you want?"

"No, it's not what I want. Of course, it's not what I want, but it's the only option."

"I disagree."

"I know you do and I love you for it."

Narcissa sighed much to Draco's amusement, though he didn't comment on it.

"So, have you made any progress on the tapestry?" she inquired.

"I've done all the research I can. I'm ready to try, but I don't want to upset him. What if he doesn't want it fixed?"

"He'll understand and appreciate the intention behind it even if he doesn't want it fixed. Though I think the fact that it is still in the room is a good sign."

"It's permanently stuck to the wall Mother."

"That charm was Aunt Walburga's specialty," she commented. "Mother would have her come over when she needed something new hung. It's amazing he didn't have to have all of the walls of that house redone."

"He did have to have a few removed and rebuilt. Walburga's portrait is somewhere screeching in a vault at Gringott's. Harry actually wondered if you might like to have it."

"I suppose I should add her to the family hall, it would be a shame if she molded away in a vault."

"But you really don't want her."

"No. She would probably be happier where she can wander back and forth among the family portraits however. I shall consider it. Back to the tapestry, when do you plan to attempt the repair?" she wanted to know.

"Christmas Eve after the children are in bed."

"So it will be done for Christmas Day."

"That's my goal," Draco said.

"And you don't think that perhaps a gift like that will reveal your feelings?"

"No, why would it?"

Narcissa pursed her lips. "Really?"

"Mother, you're overthinking things."

"Perhaps dear. I just want you to be happy."

"I know Mother, I know. I am."

"But not as happy as you could be," she said.

"I'm fine and I really should get back to work so I can get home."

"Whatever you say."

Draco stood, gave his mother a kiss on the cheek, and headed back to his room.