DISCLAIMER: This fanfic is NOT reflective of any views the author personally has of others, nor to attack anyone with similar or contrary beliefs. This whole thing is literally just some dumb fun to take a nice break from my usual stuff. I do update my chapters every so often. I'm just letting you know.

Some details are going to be wrong because I can't really spend too much time on the wiki, so forgive me if details don't exactly line up 1 to 1 w/ the lore, but you're also free to point these mistakes out as I release chapters so I may fix them when I have time.

Thank you for your time. Have fun!

Chapter 03 – Catching up

- Last time on A Hope in Hell -

Evelyn Brooks is a sinner that came to the Godforsaken to get her free drink - to which also happened to be the first drink in her existence, as she adjusts to her new reality as another resident in a sea of denizens in the circle of Pride.

Timothy is an extremely observant Hellhound that works as a bartender for "The Godforsaken" – an establishment set up in a cathedral somewhere in Hell. After facing his fair share of ne'er-do-wells committing various shenanigans on his property, Timothy is now currently dealing with a mysterious trespasser who calls himself "Church".

Church is a colossal weirdo with a scar over his right eye. He was caught hiding in a confession booth for an unknown amount of time. He claims that his death was collateral as part of a hit job that is being covered up (even though the driver told him to shut up once he got there).

As far as Timothy knows, it's just likely Church is simply making up a bunch of bollocks to get out of trouble.

Timothy is only giving Church ONE CHANCE to convince him not to yeet Church out the front door, due to the mention of I.M.P. – a small business that specializes in murdering people (but you've already seen the show, so you already know that).

Is there weight to Church's words or is he just lying to get out of trouble? Does he ACTUALLY have a list of names in his pocket, or is he lying?

Will Timothy have the patience to hear him out, or is Church to be at the mercy of the circle of pride once again?

Didn't Zack say he'd call to update Timothy on what's going on?

Stay tuned to find out in this current chapter of A Hope in Hell!

.

Church had the business card laid down flat on the booth table.

I.M.P. – IMMEDIATE MURDER PROFESSIONALS.

Evelyn stared at the card, perplexed.

There was no phone number nor address on it.

"… So." Timothy returned from cleaning the broken glass he dropped earlier. Taking a seat, he pulled out a vape from his pocket and pressed down the button.

He put the device to his muzzle, took in the deepest whiff he possibly could.

Releasing the button, he was ready to begin.

"There is-*AUGH-COUGH*" Timothy broke into a flabbergasted fit of coughing and hacking.

"*WHOA-COUGH* *CHOKE* *CHOKE*" Hot smoke, smog and vape poured out of his snout as Timothy could only respond with complete bewilder as the vape worked its way out.

"You okay there?" Evelyn tilted her head to the side, confused.

"*COUGH* *COUGH* *HACK*" Evelyn and Church stared in awkward silence as Timothy worked through the convulsion.

"Aaand that's why I don't smoke." Evelyn watched with a blank stare on her face.

"*Cough* *Cough*"

Eventually, Timothy got all the vapor out.

Awkward silence.

"Good stuff!" Timothy returned the vape to his pocket and got up from his seat.

"May I get anyone a glass of water?" He adjusted his blood-red Clerical Collar.

Evelyn and Church exchanged glances.

"Sure, I'll have one."

Church raised his finger but didn't answer. He looked at Timothy, then lowered and turned away.

"No problem." Timothy nodded, heading back to the bar.

The nu-metal that had been playing throughout the cathedral floor had stealthily replaced itself with ballads.

Awkward pause.

"So… Church! How long have you been here?" Evelyn tried to break the ice.

Church just sat in the booth, looking away and avoiding eye contact.

"Dude, you were just screaming at the top of your lungs about five minutes ago. Now you're the quiet kid from middle school. What's the problem?"

"I-, uh-… I'm…" Church swallowed, rubbing his forearms with his hands.

"Not the social type?"

"Extrovert! Huge one actually! Just-…" Church looked to the Cathedral walls and ceiling.

"Just not with-… well… uh-…"

"Just not with…?" Evelyn motioned at him, anticipating his answer.

Church bit his lip.

"Not with what? Dude, talk to me."

"Uhm-…" Church pointed at the Cathedral windows.

"I think the murals in the stain glass look pretty nice!"

Evelyn rubbed her face in frustration.

"Dude, why were you hiding in the confession booth? And why is Timothy complaining about you smelling of gasoline? How did you get that smell on you?" She just wanted to get this over with.

"Uh… Deodorant?" Church sheepishly answered.

Evelyn gawked at him.

"Oh yes. You expect me to believe that you teleported into that confession booth via a magical case of deodorant."

Church blinked.

"… Considering I got a door slammed in my face via magic, that wouldn't surprise me, but that's not what I meant."

"Okay. What did you mean?"

"The gasoline smell is actually deodorant."

Evelyn blinked.

"Who the hell uses gasoline as a deodorant?"

"It was the only option I had at the time."

Evelyn rolled her eyes and tried to sip her brandy again.

"Damn, this is strong." She scrunched her nose, then looked at Church.

"Want some?"

"No thanks, I'm underage."

Evelyn blankly looked at Church.

"Why are you here?"

Church raised an eyebrow, confused.

"In Hell or at the bar?"

Evelyn facepalmed herself.

"Christ on a stick, you're an idiot."

"I'm sorry. I'm just-"

"Stop being sorry and just answer the original question!"

"Alright, alright." Church adjusted his position in the booth.

"I was-…" He swallowed.

"I'm on my way to a different city."

"Okay. What next?" Evelyn nodded, gesturing Church to continue.

"I- no, WE were escaping from some sort of light in the sky."

"And this light in the sky is dangerous because…?" Evelyn gestured.

"Exterminators. "

Pause.

"… Oh." Evelyn bit her lip.

"Wait, what?" She didn't process what he said.

"ANYWAY!" Church blurted, then cleared his throat.

"I've been down here for a little less than a week. I found a portfolio of people, whose profiles matched those that died in the same freak-incident I died in – the one with the magazine you got."

"… Huh!" Evelyn nodded, listening.

"I had a friend help me put a list of names together that compiled the details from the portfolio and the newspaper on the accident, so I could go over to Imp City and-... well..."

Church coughed.

"I-… I actually wanted a glass of water, but when asked, I was too scared to answer because I was worried I'd get that thrown in my face." He took in a deep breath and sighed, rubbing his face.

"Hell is a hell of a place."

Evelyn looked down at the table and nodded.

Timothy filled an extra glass of water, listening into the whole exchange with his Hellhound hearing.

"I don't know how else to explain it. Driver should be here any moment and explain better than I could. What more do you want from me?"

Timothy returned with the three drinks and placed them on the table.

*Thud*

The sound of the three thick, heavy glasses of water striking the table reverberated throughout the empty sanctuary floor of the Cathedral hall.

"Are those ballads?" Only now did Evelyn notice the change in music.

"Drink up, kid." Timothy passed him a glass.

"Wait, you were… listening to me?" Church blinked.

"Kid, I'm a hellhound." Timothy pointed at his own face.

Church took a sip. The water was a lukewarm, but Timothy didn't have ice, so this had to do.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know it was a bar when I entered to hide. I just thought it was a cathedral. Once I saw the furry come out, I was too scared to leave."

Timothy nodded.

"Well, I guess I should- Don't you ever fucking call me a furry again. I'll KILL you!"

Evelyn facepalmed.

"This is the most disastrous social encounter I've ever participated in!"

And then someone's phone started screaming death metal.

Timothy got up again to reach into his pocket and pull out his phone.

"Godforsaken. Timothy speaking." He held it to his ear, walking away from the booth.

"Oh yeah, Zack did say he'd call. I forgot about that." Church recalled.

Evelyn: "Who the hell is Zack?"

"Hey Zack. What's up?" Timothy shot a glance at church as he continued pacing on the sanctuary floor.

"Yearly extermination came early?" The Hellhound turned away to focus on the call.

"YEARLY?!" Church and Evelyn's jaws dropped.

"Damn. That's a curveball. Hope none of my customers got purged." Timothy sighed.

"Driver's still outside? Crap! Alright. Page him. Let him know I got the garage door."

Church tried to listen in on the call but couldn't make anything out. Timothy must have the phone ridiculously quiet.

"Church?" Timothy looked dead-on at the sinner, perplexed.

"Yeah, he was hiding in one of the confession booths. What was he-… never mind! I'll get ready for when Driver gets here. He can explain!"

Timothy hung up the phone.

"Church, why didn't you tell me you were friends with Zack?"

"I had a lot on my mind, and I guess it just didn't occur to me to bring up his name at the time?" Church shrugged.

"Yea, sure. I'm going to make sure Driver makes it in! Don't cause me trouble in the meantime." Timothy headed off deeper into the Cathedral, disappearing behind one of the service doors.

Church and Evelyn sat in the booth in awkward silence.

"So… Uh… Church!" Evelyn tried to start up the conversation again, switching back and forth between her brandy and the water Timothy gave her.

"What-… Uh… What do you enjoy?" She reached for straws, trying to continue something that resembled a normal conversation.

"Well, I-…" Church froze up, then looked away again.

"Dude, talk to me." Evelyn took a sip of water.

"I'm trying, but-…" Church worked out.

"What's wrong?"

"If I tell you, you promise not to laugh at me?" Church rubbed his hands.

"What is it? Seriously." Evelyn listened.

"I-…" Church braced himself.

"I have Rhabdophobia."

The music in the background cut-out, but no one noticed.

Straight Pause.

"I have no idea what that means." Evelyn Blinked.

"A phobia is an-"

"I know what a phobia is. What does Rudolph the red-nose reindeer have to do with it?" Evelyn's patience wore thin again.

Church fumbled for words.

"I'm deathly afraid of magic."

Pause.

Evelyn blinked.

"What does that have to do with social skills?"

"… Well, as a consequence of that - and me being in Hell, it means-"

The Cathedral front door burst open.

"DON'T LET IT IN!" A bunch of demons sprinted in and struggled to get the door back shut.

"CLOSE IT! CLOSE IT!"

Something tried to push the doors open, but the demons seemed able to get them shut.

"Alright! Someone reach for the-"

*Click*

The cathedral's locking mechanisms engaged on their own.

"… Deadbolts?"

*THUD!* *THUD!* *THUD!*

Whatever was outside was furious.

*THUD!* *THUD!* *THUD!* It knocked again.

Pause.

*THUD!* *THUD!* *THUD!*

Silence.

"Did it go away?"

The open signs in the Cathedral windows turned off.

"Well, we're stuck here."

Pause again.

"WHEW! That was close!" One of the demons – an imp, wiped the sweat off his forehead, smiling.

"We're alive!" The imp tried to lighten the mood a little.

Evelyn and Church sat quietly in their seats.

"I don't ever want to do this ever again!" Another demon nervously laughed.

"Extermination day was EARLY?! WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!"

The group started taking seats – some at the bar, some in the pew-booths. The Godforsaken went from quiet to populated in a literal moment's notice.

"Demons saved by literally going to church! The irony is so thick, I need a beer to wash it down!"

"If my dad hears about this, I won't hear the end of it."

One of the demons approached Evelyn and Church's booth.

"Excuse me, do you happen to know where the bathroom is?"

Evelyn and Church shrugged.

Then one of the service doors opened, revealing an outhouse sign and a tile interior.

"Oh, there? Okay. Thank you!"

"That wasn't us." Evelyn scratched her head.

"Wasn't Timothy either!" Church blinked, then looked around the cathedral again.

"Bartender!"

Almost as if on que, Timothy came through one of the other service doors, holding a container of ice.

"Hey Driver." Church waved.

Accompanying Timothy was a familiar-looking demon wearing sunglasses and dressed with the same blood-red Clerical collar.

Evelyn blinked.

Driver was complaining about something, but he dropped it the moment he saw the influx of customers.

"Right. Tim, I get the orders and Tabs. You get the drinks!"

"Ten-four!"

The pair got cracking.

"Name and phone number?" Driver took the giant book and started jotting.

"Hey, uh, when do you close?" One of the demons asked.

"A half-hour ago." Timothy took out a glass and started pouring.

The demon's eyes widened, double taking to the (currently locked) entrance, then back to the bar.

"Oh!" He took his drink, nervously chuckling.

Church took the I.M.P. business card and stuck it back in his pocket.

One of the demons started approaching Church and Evelyn's booth – a looker, if the two ever saw one.

"The Devil is a pretty lady in a red dress." Church described her in a heartbeat.

"Okay, Church. Just chill-out and watch me talk. This is how you have a normal conversation!" Evelyn scolded.

"Hey there you two. Am I interrupting something?" The red-dress demon twirled her tail.

"Nah. Wanna join us?" Evelyn put on a smile and stirred her brandy.

"Well, if you're gonna be so straight forward-…" She eyed Church like a piece of meat.

Church looked over to Evelyn.

"Uh, what do you mean by that?"

The demon took a seat and scooted over to Church.

"Hey there, Angel. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" She completely ignored Evelyn.

"… Yes?" Church sheepishly answered.

"My, my! Well, if you let me, I could make that pain go away." She put her hand on Church's chest and moved uncomfortably closer.

Church cringed a little as the demon licked her lips. Something smelled wrong with her breath.

"Wha-?! Hello?! I'm right here!" Evelyn wasn't taking it too well.

"Hey, how about both of you come with me?" She grabbed Church around the waist and started pulling him almost into her.

"AND-!" Evelyn grabbed Church's arm.

"And why would we do that?!" She was loosing her patience.

"Because sister-…" The demon put a hand to her lips and blew Evelyn a kiss – that is, the "blow-kiss" manifested into something, and that airborne something blew right into Evelyn's face.

"I think you two could learn a thing or two, from a succubus such as myself!" She nodded.

Evelyn sneezed.

"… Did-... Did you just cast a spell on her?" Church was even more sheepish.

"Nothing strong. Now… watch!" The succubus twirled her hand, pointing at Evelyn.

"Church…" Evelyn started blushing.

"Church, I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend."

Pause.

"Wait, what?! That's not how the spell works!" The succubus summoned a pentagram in her hand and started analyzing the fine print.

"That's… out of the absolute blue, but... fine?" Church shrugged.

"Well, wait! The boyfriend's alive, which is why he's not with me, but if he died, I don't think he'd-"

"Na! Nah! We're not talking about this!" The succubus dispelled her magic.

Evelyn snapped out of her trance instantly, clasping her hands over her mouth.

Pause.

"How much of that did I blab?"

"I wasn't paying attention." Church shrugged again, lying.

"Wait, so you're NOT together?" The succubus asked.

"NO!" Both Church and Evelyn answered.

"Oh. Well, lucky me then!" The succubus blew another kiss into Church's face, again, casting a spell.

"*ACHOO!*" Church sneezed into his shirt.

"*COUGH!* *HACK!* *COUGH!*"

"Okay, lady. I don't know what your problem is, but I'm asking you to leave!" Evelyn was about done with this.

"If you insist. Come along now, Mr. Church!" She got up from her seat and beckoned Church to follow.

"*COUGH!* *HACK!*" He was still having a violent reaction.

"Okay, Lady. You have five seconds to undo whatever you did to my friend here."

Church eventually caught his breath.

"He's fine! See? Look at-…"

The entire cathedral started getting brighter.

"… Him?!"

If looks could kill, Church was half-way there.

"Lady, what did you do? Why is there a giant "X" above his eye? What did you cast on him?!"

"I- I just-…" The succubus dispelled her magic.

Church wasn't returning to normal. He released a smile that made the succubus and Evelyn shrink back.

"I dispelled it! I don't know what's-"

*BANG!*

Church snapped out of it. The light went away and the X over his eye dispelled.

Evelyn looked over and saw Timothy holding a smoking shotgun, Driver with a pistol, and everyone else in the bar pointing their weapons dead at Church.

"What the hell was THAT?!" One of the patrons asked.

"SHE did it!" Evelyn thought quick and pointed fingers at the succubus.

"No! I-"

"Hush it!" Timothy got out from behind the bar and started approaching, shotgun still pointed at Church.

"She came over here and she-"

"ZIP IT!" Timothy yelled again.

"Now listen close, you three! I'm gonna give you MY side of the story because it's the only one that matters here!"

Timothy looked over to Church.

"You ain't gonna go psycho-crazy on me?"

"Um, no?" Church was shocked at the question.

"Alright then!" Timothy slowly lowered the shotgun, still keeping an eye on him.

"I had ZERO customers all day, and now I have a full house at closing hours! If I didn't have Driver helping me, I would've kicked ALL your asses out for the exorcists to have fine dining!" Timothy pointed at the door.

"I'm tired! I haven't eaten since breakfast, but THIS is exactly what I know: YOU TWO, I told to stay out of trouble while I helped Driver park his car and get the ice in, while outside are a bunch of exorcists roaming about that can kill us by BLINKING!"

Timothy turned to the succubus.

"And then after I start making drinks, YOU go over – and frankly, I give zero fucks about WHY you did, but when I looked over, I saw Church there, looking uncomfortably close to them exorcist folk, and GLOWING LIKE THE FREAKING SUN! So, I put two-and-two together, and decided you all were pissing me off!"

Timothy took a deep breath.

"Now, with that said, you ain't gonna start no shit in the Godforsaken no more, or I'm defenestrating you out the belltower after putting a couple 4-gauge buckshot rounds through your guts! Am I clear?!"

Church bowed his head.

"Yes, Mr. Timothy."

Timothy looked at Evelyn.

"Wha-?!" At first she felt mad, but then saw Timothy's shotgun.

"I'm sorry." She sheepishly muttered.

And then lastly, Timothy looked at the Succubus.

"… What?"

Timothy chambered the next round of his 4-guage shotgun.

"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!"

Pause.

"This shotgun was made to shoot down airplanes. Just thought I'd let you know." Timothy returned to his spot behind the counter, putting the shotgun back in its hidden place.

"Alright boys and girls – he's not an exorcist! Back to drinking!"

Timothy pounded on the walls of the cathedral.

"And play something snazzy! The silent suspense is killing me!"

"Who is he even talking to?" Evelyn whispered.

Without any input whatsoever, the jukebox fired up and started playing some Big Tuna.

"Sweet home Alabama?!" One of the patrons blinked, bamboozled by the music choice.

"It's the clean version that was made for a videogame, I think." Another patron answered.

The customers slowly started putting their guns and weapons away, one by one, returning to their drinks.

Church got up from his seat and started heading for one of the service doors.

"Wha-?! Hey! You mind at least explaining to me what that was about?!" Evelyn caught up.

"Church! Church." She moved to put her hand on his shoulder.

"What was-"

Church shoved her hand away. The "X" returned over his scarred eye.

Evelyn stepped back, genuinely freaked-out.

Church snapped out of it again, dissipating the "X" the moment he saw Evelyn's reaction.

"I'm sorry. I didn't-…" Church couldn't find the words.

He turned back and disappeared behind one of the service doors.

Evelyn stood there for a moment.

She turned around and started making her way back to the succubus.

"The fuck did you do to him?!"

"I-…" The succubus worked up the courage to answer.

"MIGHT have casted an illusion spell to make me look like someone he loved in the past…?"

Evelyn stared blankly at the (honestly ridiculous) answer.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"

The succubus took a sip of her drink.

"No one I've ever casted the spell on had ever reacted like that before."

"WELL, HOW'D IT WORK OUT FOR YA, YOU BIMBO?!"

Hell, hath no fury like a woman scorned – or perhaps in this case, Evelyn's particular scorn.

. . .

Church walked into the room.

"It wasn't my fault."

He lined his back to the wall and slid down.

Church sat there, blinking, thinking, meditating.

He remained like that for a while.

"Her face, her eyes, her voice…"

For a moment, he smiled.

"After school… when my dad still had the chapel…"

A fond memory returned.

"We sat together on the bench; our first kiss."

He remembered that moment fondly.

"I'm holding you; you're holding me. We're at your-"

And then the bad memory came.

Church was at the door to her family's house. He stopped by to visit after school because he hadn't seen her all day.

He opened the door…

"Church?" Timothy opened the door to the room.

Church cleaned his face.

"How long was I away?" He sniffled.

"Enough." Timothy answered.

"I'm sorry."

"Church, you're fine. Just don't do that thing with your eye again: You're going to scare the customers away or get yourself shot."

Timothy stepped out of the room.

"Oh, and your first drink is still on the house. Just thought I'd let you know!"

"But I'm underage!"

"We're in Hell, you idiot! THERE IS NO DRINKING AGE!"

Church analyzed the room he was in: It was small, with a dusty confession booth to the side. What caught Church's eye was a humble altar that was present below a humble window, letting in the red light from outside.

At the base of the altar was a fallen ornament: a metal crucifix.

Church bent down and gently grasped the ornament. Slowly, he rose and returned the cross to it's place on the altar.

"I know you can't hear me down here big G… but, honestly, it's just natural for me to speak to you." Church adjusted his clothes.

"Ironic. Even now, here in literal hell, I'm still worshiping the same God that threw me down here." Church held the silver cross in his hands, adjusting the necklace.

"What can I say? Habits die hard. Ain't I right?" Church looked at the altar again before leaving the room.

"Please, if she's down here, all I ask is that we just don't ever run into each other. I don't think she'd ever want to see me again, and I don't think I could bear the thought of her being down here."

Church walked back out the door.

The light from the window cleared from red to white, but nobody noticed.

12/20/22 edit

Removed the ending segment, because it reveals a couple cards a little too early.

Thank you for your time. Have a great rest of your day!