Summary: Obi Wan "dies" during the Hardeen mission. Anakin struggles to cope.
"OBI WAN!" Anakin cried. He saw Ahsoka. And he saw the body of his former master- his brother- his father. Anakin ran up to Ahsoka, each step seeming to rip more of his heart out than the last. He crumpled to his knees, his mind spinning. Obi Wan- His master, father, brother and so much more. His light in the darkness that threatened to overtake him. His refuge… his grabbed Obi Wan's body, hugging it. He'd never let go. Because when- if he let go, Obi Wan would be dead, but as long as Anakin held on tight, Obi Wan would be with him. Obi Wan would be alive.
He'd never, ever, let go again.
Anakin didn't know how many hours passed where he sat like that, his cried and cried until his eyes hurt and he cried some more. He cried and sobbed until his throat felt like sandpaper, his eyes as if he opened them when buried in sand. But the tears came one after the other after the other. The never ending pain. The cold body he was hugging tightly. Teh weight in his chest that made it hurt to breathe, because every breath he took was one Obi Wan should've taken. But Obi Wan was gone. Anakin couldn't do it. In the past… who know how long, Anakin had cried more than he ever had in his life, sat stiller than he ever had. Hurt more than he ever had. He'd fail the promise he'd made when he said goodbye to his mother. He'd failed again. He wasn't aware of anything but Obi Wan. Obi Wan and the hold that ripped itself into Anakin's heart. The hole that made it impossible to feel anything but pain. The hole that seemed to be getting bigger. The hold that he knew would never again be filled.
"Anakin, Master, come on." Anakin just cried harder. He wouldn't- couldn't move. Everything in the force hurt and he hated how powerful he was in it. He felt everything triple that of a ordinary Jedi. it hurt. He felt the bond he had between him and his master rip itself apart, and it hurt. It hurt like nothing else every had. It burned, yet stung, yet throbed, and smarted. It shredded Anakin's mind to pieces and burned the remnants. He felt dizzy and weak. What was the point of being so powerful if he couldn't stop the people most important to him from dying? What was the point in life?
Suddenly Anakin was grabbed by the hope that maybe- maybe he could join his master. He could join him in the force. Then he wouldn't be so miserable- so lonely.
As soon as he had the thought, he closed it down. He could not do that to Ahsoka.
The torn pieces of his bond- the one he cherished- were screaming in denial, bleeding and piercing Anakin's consciousness. Anakin scrambled to get away from the source of pain, to find most of it was driven by his emotions of regret, guilt, and loss. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Just finding a way to escape the hurt and pain of everything.
Anakin clutched the cold, still body in his hands. when he needed the soothing precence of his brother the most, happened to be when his brother... left him.
Everything- evey little tiny thing- reminded him of when he'd lost. In all honesty, if not for what his leaving would do to Ahsoka and Padme, Anakin would've killed himself by now. of course, no one could know this.
Anakin didn't know how long he sat there sobbing, just that every second felt like a melania. after what felt like at least a billion life times, Mace walked over. Anakin made an effort to still his breath as Mace bent down next to him, "Anakin? we need the body for the funeral."
Anakin swallowed down the lump in his throat and nodded, relinquishing his vice-like hold on Obi Wan. he just wanted Mace to go away.
Mace scooped up Obi Wans lifeless body, and left. without his lifeline, the Pain increased. Slowly, Anakin got up, and walked into the nearest speeder.
No, he couldn't go to Padme. she wouldn't've heard the news yet, and Anakin really didn't want to tell her. Sighing, Anakin realized he should go to the temple and comfort Ahsoka.
Once at the temple, Anakin went to his quarters. he knocked on Ahsoka's closed bedroom door, and hugged her when she came out. Ahsoka burst into tears, and Anakin carried her over to the sofa. "Shh, It's alright. Its going to be alright..." he said softly, wiping away her tears.
they fell asleep like that; Anakin with his arms wrapped confortingly around Ahsoka.
Morning came and with it, the renewal of pain.
Anakin woke up first, unable to get enough akr in his lungs. he'd had the worse nightmare Obi Wan had died!
Oh wait.
that was reality.
everything crushed down on him and he suddenly found himself on the refresher floor, throwing up everything he'd had in the past week or so.
he felt Ahsoka force precence stir from the other room... he really didn't want company... Anakin closed and locked the door. he needed something to do.
he was all stick from the cold sweat from his nightmare; he'd take a shower.
Ahsoka is knocking on the door, saying it's been a whole hour. how could that much time have passed already?!? Anakin tried not to dawn on it too much as he quickly go dressed and emerged.
"you good?" Ahsoka said raising an eyebrow. to this Anakin had no reply. he doubted he'd ever be 'good' again.
he strumbled into his room- still wishing to be alone, but the pain was too much and he felt himself falling.
He caught himself on his left hand cutting open his wrist on a sharp edge of one of the parts he had laying around.
If Anakin had known what kind of path such a simple thing as falling would do to his life.
if only.
Anakin got up, and went back to the fresher, washing the stinging wound.
he watched the blood tinted water swirl down the faucet- and realized somthing.
his pain wasn't so painful. masked by the physical pain.
Anakin smiled to himself.
He found his solution.
A/N Another story! (please do condem me, I know it's been a while since i posted on some other ones) Aaaand, it about Hardeen... again :) plz don't be mad; I just rlly think Clone Wars did a horrible job on this arc. Anakin was sad for what-like one minute, and mad at the council for what- thirty seconds? pht! I need to fix that! plus, it suuuch a great arc. especially for my arena- hurt/comfort, whump, and angst!! I have a ao3 account under my user name right now (Eboing_Skywalker) but I will not be posting stories under that account. I use it to book mark, and you should be able to see the stories I bookmark, so if you want something to read while I'm not posting, you can look there. its still gonna take a while for me to put all my favs. on there tho. I know I'm not a big A/N person, but there's a lot I want to say-like are you guys mad at me for making such a long A/N? are the abbreviations in the a/n bothering you? give me some feedback- even on A/N's!!
don't forget to leave a review! cya!