A. N. : More details about this AU can be found on my tumblr (crescentmoonrider) under the tags "Haunted Hallway AU" and "School Mystery".
Giyuu is alone when he wakes up.
Of course he is, life isn't a movie, Tsutako needs to work, there's no way she could stay by his side the whole time he was –
How long was he out ?
He blinks at the ceiling. The ceiling does nothing in return.
Head hurts. Shoulder, too. He can't move, not even his eyes, or it feels like his body will tear apart. Calling for someone is impossible, even if he wanted to.
He doesn't want to.
So he closes his eyes again.
When Tsutako comes, when he is awake again, she holds his hand and cries a little. It's weird, seeing her cry, she hasn't done that in so, so long.
She doesn't mention Sabito. That's alright, Giyuu was badly hurt, she was probably too worried about him to think to ask around. Or Sabito escaped unscathed and then there's just no need to worry, and he will come to Giyuu very soon. That has to be it.
It has to.
Giyuu's skull feels like very painful jelly, so he can't say anything. Even if he did, he wouldn't ask. Tsutako looks bad enough as is, and he wants to pretend for a little while longer.
He tires really fast, falls asleep while she holds his hand and talks to him.
It's probably very rude.
Tsutako comes and goes, and after some time, Giyuu can talk again.
Sabito didn't come to see Giyuu, not even once, and Tsutako still doesn't mention him.
It's getting harder and harder to pretend, the knot in Giyuu's stomach keeps on growing, the same as when he was standing in front of that hallway. But he can't upset Tsutako. So he doesn't ask, even though he can now.
He thinks he doesn't want to know, really.
A boy from school comes by, Giyuu can't remember his name – doesn't want to remember it, he was the one who came up with that test of courage, the one who called Giyuu a coward until Sabito said they'd go together.
Giyuu finds he is alright with hurting him.
The boy apologizes, apologizes again, says he'll leave now, but Giyuu doesn't let him. He can't get up yet, can't hold that boy by the arm and stop him, but he can talk now, and he wants to.
So he asks about Sabito. And he knows the answer, really, has known since he woke up in the hospital, alive, even though he really shouldn't be.
He knows the answer.
It still hurts when the boy says Sabito didn't come back. Burns, even, like Giyuu's entire body has been set on fire, starting with the insides.
It's his fault.
Sabito is dead, gone, gone forever, and it's Giyuu's fault. Because he was too much of a coward to go into the hallway on his own, even though Sabito had already gone once and came back from it.
Giyuu can't breathe. Can't hear. Can't see, can't feel anything but Sabito being dead and it being his fault.
It's too much.
He tears at the bandages on his head – his fault his fault Sabito is dead – and the pain feels a little more like his own, like something real that should happen, and a little less like Sabito not being here anymore.
People come to stop him and hold him down and he screams.
Tsutako comes by again, holds his hand, says she's sorry. It doesn't make sense, Giyuu thinks. She doesn't have anything to be sorry about.
She's not the one who killed Sabito. That was him. She shouldn't be sorry. Shouldn't hold his hand and try to comfort him.
It would be easier if she called him the murderer he is, but she's too nice for that, and Giyuu doesn't want her to cry again, so he doesn't say anything.
It must be hard on her, to be the sister of someone like him.
Sabito's parents visit him, and he doesn't expect it. He thought they wouldn't want to see his face again.
They don't shout at him, don't get angry, don't call him a murderer.
They bring flowers, say they're sorry for not visiting earlier, that they're glad he's doing well, that Sabito would be glad too, if he was here.
But he isn't, he isn't and it's Giyuu's fault, why doesn't anyone see this ?
He wants them to be angry, to acknowledge the truth of his guilt, to stop pretending and lying and acting like he is something they ought to be sorry for.
They should be blaming him.
He doesn't understand why they don't.
When they leave, he doesn't stop them. They're hurting well enough as is. He stole their son, doing anything, saying anything, would be far too cruel. He can't hurt them more, doesn't want to either.
He throws the flower vase on the ground once they're gone. The water spreads on the floor, bathes the ceramic shards and drowns the get-well card until it becomes unreadable. Giyuu just watches from his bed, one minute, two, then he thinks maybe he should pick up the pieces. Someone could step on them, and then they would get hurt.
His head is throbbing and he can't move his left arm, and when he tries to get up, tries to clean up the mess he made, he falls. Now there's blood on the floor too, and it's his fault.
The nurse who comes to help doesn't blame him though. No one does.
Tsutako comes by and Giyuu tells her he threw the vase on purpose.
She doesn't scold him.
He thinks maybe people don't hear him anymore, maybe they don't see him, don't see how terrible he is. Maybe he's a ghost even though he's alive.
You don't speak ill of the dead. But Giyuu isn't dead. Sabito is.
And it's Giyuu's fault.