No. 20—It's Been a Long Day
Going Into Shock | Fetal Position | Prisoner Trade
"But, Father, you've never wanted to do something like this before," Arthur said. "I don't understand." The higher taxes were one thing, and the excessive curfews, and the intense questioning of anyone that even so much as breathed wrong, but this just proved his father was acting far stranger than normal. Why would he mandate regular house-to-house searches of everyone's homes regardless of any present threat just to catch "any possible misdeeds?"
It was an absolutely crazy decree and Arthur wouldn't stand for it.
"If you don't understand, then you're a fool," Father snapped. "Threats to Camelot are growing by the day. This is the only way to mitigate them."
Arthur flinched. Fool. Father never did seem to be pleased with Arthur's deeds, but fool was harsh even for him. "You can't search our people's houses continually for no reason!" Arthur protested. "It's invasive, not to mention we don't have the manpower to constantly search the town and keep up the same level of security. It would be a logistical nightmare."
"If you truly cannot handle this, then you are a failure as the first knight and a failure as the crown prince," Father said. "There is no room for failures in this kingdom."
"But… Father…" Arthur's head spun, all his carefully plotted arguments fleeing him. No room for failures in the kingdom. What did that even mean? He shuttered his faltering heart behind its wall and plowed on. Whatever Father did to him, he couldn't let this slide. "I cannot stand and watch you destroy the kingdom we've fought so hard to build. Can you imagine the level of…distrust, of paranoia you would display if you go through with this? Camelot would be seen as weak. We would become a laughingstock to the other kingdoms! Please, Father, you must see reason."
Father balled his hands into fists. "You will show me some respect! How dare you accuse me of lacking reason! What right have you to question my actions?" He stepped forward, leaning into Arthur's face. "Who are you to dare challenge me?"
Arthur backed away, his heart slamming against his chest. "I'm your son. You've always welcomed my input before."
"That was my mistake," Father said, sneering. "I don't know what possessed me listening to a failure like you."
Arthur struggled to catch his breath. "I've always done…everything you ever asked of me. What more…must I do…before I measure up?"
"There is nothing you can do," Father said. "You are a failure in everything, in your swordsmanship, in your leadership, and in your compassion. Perhaps doing exactly as I say and conducting those searches promptly like I ordered you can convince me not to strip you of your title, but I seriously doubt it."
"All I've ever strived to do is make you proud of me." Prickles Arthur wouldn't acknowledge stung his eyes. "I'm sorry that in this instance I cannot, but I must stand up for our people. It is my duty, though you seem to have forgotten that. It's what you taught me to do, as your son."
"Then I regret having a son," Uther said.
"You can't mean that." The prickles slipped into tears that trailed down Arthur's cheeks. "Surely."
"I mean every word," Uther said. "Your mother and I did everything we could to have a son, but our efforts took her. I wish you had been taken instead."
Arthur shook his head. "No. No." He had told Gaius one birthday that he wished his mother had lived instead of him and then his father would finally be happy. The physician had frantically assured him that Father loved Arthur more than anything and wouldn't exchange Queen Ygraine for him. Arthur had taken him at his word.
But Gaius was wrong.
"I always hoped…you loved me," Arthur said. "I hoped I could make up for the loss of my mother, if only I worked hard enough, if I became the perfect son…"
"It didn't work," Uther said. "Nothing can. Go conduct the searches. Now."
Arthur shook his head, his throat swelling up. "I can't. I'm sorry."
Uther backhanded him hard. "Then you are of no further use to me. Consider yourself disowned. I expect you to remove yourself from my generous hospitality by sundown or you'll be arrested for trespassing."
Arthur grabbed his throbbing cheek. "Ye…yes…" He couldn't bring himself to say Father. He didn't have a father anymore. He didn't have the right to address the king so familiarly. "Yes, your majesty." He bowed low and deep, a servile bow the crown prince was exempted from, and stumbled out of the room.
"Well, how did it go?" Merlin asked. "Arthur? What did he say about the searches?"
Arthur stood frozen. His whole life had been stolen from him in just one conversation. Everything he had worked so hard for, gone. He had no father, no title, no future. He had dreamed of the actions he would take to improve Camelot, but now, he couldn't do them. He couldn't even stay among the people he loved, because he had no right to his quarters or the patronage of the king.
And his father regretted him even existing in the first place.
He had lost everything.
More tears spilled down his cheeks, but he couldn't bring himself to move.
"Arthur? What's wrong?" Merlin laid a hand on his arm. "What happened? Did Uther say something to you?"
"I no longer require your services," Arthur rasped. Merlin was the prince's manservant, but there was no prince anymore, and thus, no prince's manservant.
"What…?" Merlin said. "What do you…? Why?"
Arthur pulled himself out of Merlin's grasp and stumbled off. Merlin called after him, but he ignored the man.
Arthur was barely aware of himself as he packed. He shoved as many clothes as he could into a bag, grabbed a handful of his most treasured items, and a sword. He probably wasn't allowed to take his armor, and he didn't want to guess wrong, so best to err on the side of not taking things.
Once he had packed his bags, he donned the cloak Merlin had given him when he had gone under cover and wandered without realizing where he was going until he wound up in an abandoned alley somewhere in the Lower Town. He curled up at the end of the alley and leaned his head against the nearest wall, letting everything go numb so Father's words—"I wish you had been taken instead"—would stop bouncing around in his mind.
Merlin ran through the castle to Gaius's chambers. "Something's wrong with Arthur. He talked with Uther and when he came out, he was crying and then he just sacked me."
Gaius straightened from a pile of books he was bent over. "Uther's been enchanted by a were-bird. I need your help un-enchanting him and defeating the were-bird. I fear it plans to take over Camelot."
Merlin's shoulders dropped. Another existential threat to the kingdom. Fantastic. "I guess Arthur will have to wait." He trudged over to the books and plopped himself down.
Merlin stood, holding the water he had doused over the king that was supposed to bring him to his senses. "How do you feel, your Majesty?"
Uther put a hand to his head, then cursed. "Where's Arthur?"
"I…I don't know, he sacked me hours ago. I haven't seen him since," Merlin said.
"We must find him!" Uther bolted out of the throne room, not even noticing the dead were-bird on the floor next to him.
"What on earth was all that about?" Gaius asked.
Merlin shrugged. "I have no idea." But the pit in his stomach told him didn't harbor well for Arthur. He ran after the king, his heart thumping hard. He never should have ignored his friend's distress to focus on the were-bird!
"What did you say to Arthur?" Merlin called to Uther.
"Something terrible," Uther said. "I didn't mean any of it, but…I'm not sure Arthur will understand that."
Merlin didn't have time for this. He peeled away from the king to search the castle for Arthur.
He had only searched a few rooms when his magic prodded him. He ran blindly, following his magic, until he wound up in the Lower Town. He turned into an abandoned alley.
Arthur huddled against a wall, shuddering. He was white and his eyes were glazed. A bruise blossomed on his cheek.
Merlin knelt in front of him, laying his hand on Arthur's shoulder. "Arthur? Can you hear me?"
Arthur jerked his eyes up to Merlin. "What…what are you doing here?"
"I came to find you," Merlin said. "Are you all right?"
Arthur dropped his eyes, leaning his head against the wall again. "I need to find somewhere to stay the night."
"Why? What did Uther say to you?" Merlin asked. Why wouldn't Arthur just stay in his own room?
"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Arthur said. "He wouldn't mean that."
Merlin examined him. His pupils were slightly dilated. Not a good sign. Merlin put the back of his hand to Arthur's forehead. His skin was clammy. All signs that he might be in shock.
"Arthur, what happened?" Merlin asked.
Arthur squinted at him. "Why are you here? I can't pay you. I haven't got the money." He stirred and grabbed his sword. "You want the sword back, don't you? Here." He held the sword out to Merlin.
"Why would I…" Merlin pushed the sword down. "Arthur, your father was enchanted. Whatever he said, he didn't mean it."
Arthur shook his head. "You didn't hear him. He hates me."
"Arthur!" Uther shouted. He ran up behind Merlin. "Arthur, I've been looking everywhere for you."
Arthur shrank away from him, his breath coming quick. "I already left the castle. I did what you wanted. You have no grounds to arrest me."
"No, I…" Uther dropped to his knees in the filthy alleyway in front of his son. "Arthur, I was enchanted. None of what I said was true. You are my son, and you are very precious to me."
Arthur shook his head, pressing his hands to his temples. "No. No." He began to hyperventilate.
"He's in shock," Merlin said. "Perhaps it's best you don't press him, your Majesty. I need your help to get him back to Gaius."
"Of course." Uther readily helped his son to his feet and supported him through the streets. Arthur barely noticed his father by his side, his eyes far too wide and his breath coming in panicked bursts.
The streets to the castle had never seemed so long, but finally, Arthur was safe in Gaius's chambers where the physician had returned during the search. Merlin and Uther helped him over to the bed sitting out.
"Arthur's going into shock," Merlin told Gaius.
Gaius nodded. "Your majesty, I need you to step out so I can tend Arthur."
"Of course." Uther left the room with one last glance at Arthur.
Merlin collapsed next to Arthur on the floor near the bed. "What do we do?"
Gaius grabbed a vial. "The only thing we can. Drink up, sire." He held the vial up to Arthur's lips. The prince obediently drank.
Within moments, he was out.
Uther lingered by Gaius's door. His boy had awoken already, but he hadn't had the courage to walk in and explain his horrible words. Instead, he listened and spied in by the door like a common servant.
Arthur was crying on Gaius's shoulder, his arms wrapped tight around the physician. "It was horrible, Gaius. You should have seen his face. He hates me. He would rather I have died instead of my mother. I told you. I told you a long time ago and you said I was wrong, but I was right!" He sobbed harder.
"Oh, Arthur." Gaius rubbed the boy's back, comforting him where Uther could not. "He was under an enchantment. Nothing he said came from his heart."
Arthur shook his head. "You're wrong. He hates me. I know he does."
And despite his son's distress, Uther couldn't bring himself to walk in and correct his son's mistaken beliefs. He was too ashamed.
Yet, as he walked away, his shame only grew.
Perhaps tomorrow, he would find the words to assuage his broken son.