How many times have I said that when asked how I was? Usually by Kitty or Doc. And usually after being shot.
I've lost count of how many bullet wounds I have had, although Doc has a record, of course, as he keeps one on every injury, ailment, birth, or death he attends. The day I first pinned on this badge I knew such wounds were the possible price I would pay in exchange for fulfilling my duties.
I believe I was made for this job. I am far from being a perfect person or man, but have always felt a strong, almost overwhelming need and desire to protect others. Even before I turned my rather aimless young life to the law. God has blessed me with sharp eyesight, lightning fast reflexes, and an almost uncanny and instinctive ability to sense and respond to danger. Then there is my body. I have always been big, strong, and coordinated. Even as a young boy, I defended the small and weak from bullies, and rescued countless injured animals. My mother was tolerant and loving, and would tend to my cuts and bruises with careful, sad acceptance. On my fifth birthday, she took me for a walk through the open fields, and surrounded by the sweet scent of wild flowers, had sat me down beside her beneath a blooming apple tree.
"Matty, the Good Lord gave you life, and an exceptionally strong body, for a special reason. There's no denying the way you want to protect those smaller and weaker and in need. Use your gift wisely."
I was only five, and didn't understand, but never forgot her words. So serious, so fierce, yet said in a voice full of emotion and pride. We were not a demonstrative family, but she had pulled me against her so tightly that it was hard to breathe. Kissing my head, she had released me, stood up, and started for home, with me following behind, watching her in wonder.
Thirty years later, with my dear mother gone for twenty-five of them, and she never saw me become a man, and a lawman. But I think she knows. One thing I am glad of is her being spared seeing me injured so many times, but she was right about my 'strong body.' Even Doc has frequently shaken his curly, graying head in amazement at my rapid recovery abilities, and sometimes even at my very survival.
Kitty is an extraordinary woman in so many ways, and I wish Ma could have met her. Yes, Kitty is strikingly beautiful. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen. But she is much, much more than that. No one has ever understood me as she does. She asks so little of me in return for my often infrequent and unreliable availability. Whether it has been one night or two silent weeks since she has seen me, her arms always welcome me home with the same loving embrace. Yes, she has been mighty upset with me at times, her disappointment reaching a breaking point, but we always work it out. Kitty has an unlimited capacity for love.
In an angry moment, Doc once grabbed my arm in a surprisingly strong grip and pulled me back inside his office before I left on a search for a killer. I had just said a quick "See you later," when he had yanked on my arm and angrily blurted;
"MATT! Don't be so glib when I tell you to be careful! You young fool! Don't you realize that Kitty feels every bullet that hits you?! And maybe even more painfully since it hits her heart! I have seen it even if you don't! And there is no way for me to sew up or bandage those wounds!"
His anger had left as quickly as it had erupted, and as he released his grip from my arm, he had sighed, dropped his head and silently stood there like a deflated balloon.
'Yeah, I know Doc,' was all I could softly say, and I had put my hand on one of his sagging shoulders.
Looking up at me with those wise, sharp blue-gray eyes, he had swiped his hand over his mustache and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry Matt. See you when you get back, Son."
I had gone down those steep wooden steps in a thoughtful mood, knowing I was never intentionally reckless, but also knowing there was nothing I could change about the way I did my job. I did it well and sometimes there was a personal price to pay.
I managed to come back in ten days, uninjured, but weary to the bone, hungry, unshaven, and with prairie dust in every crevasse. But I had gotten my man. Alive. And turned him over to the sheriff in Hays. All I wanted was a bath, a shave, and a long sleep in a bed. Once I saw Kitty, that is, and put her mind at ease.
Pausing at the Long Branch's bat-wing doors, and looking in, my searching eyes found her with her back to me, talking to the barkeep. As I admired the lovely shape of her, topped by that glorious red hair, she suddenly stiffened, and turned her head towards me. Now I have seen many wonderful sights in my life, but none fills me with such a warm flush of pure pleasure and pride as when Kitty's beautiful eyes meet mine after an absence. For those few moments, there is no one else in that noisy saloon. Or in Dodge. She never notices my filthy, unshaven appearance, smelling of the trail, but only sees ME.
Without a word between us, she took my hand and led me upstairs to her room. While I peeled off my clothes, she filled the tub with hot water. Afterwards, she was waiting for me in the big brass bed by the open window. The sweet scent of lilacs wafted in on the warm breeze rippling the lace curtains. Moonlight backlit her long hair in a soft glow, and turned her bare shoulders to creamy beauty. Weary as I was, I wanted her as I always do, and always will. Padding across the floor towards her, I watched her admiring eyes go up and down my naked body. She could see that I wasn't as tired as I had first seemed.
I awoke in that magical hour before dawn. When night is slipping away and soft daylight is easing in. I kept my eyes closed and my breathing slow and regular as Kitty did her tabulation of the many marks from my past wounds. Her fingers were feather soft on my skin as they traced each raised, irregular scar. She knew each one and periodically needed to acknowledge their undeniable presence. When she had finished, I felt her roll on top of me, her full breasts pressed against my chest. Opening my eyes, I looked into her large, luminous ones, so full of humor and intelligence and love, and wrapped my arms around her. Pulling her even closer, I put my mouth against her soft, welcoming lips, and we kissed deeply.
If I have ever felt better, I can't remember when.
End.