The Jedi High Council's Notes on Assigning Individual Jedi to Missions

Kit Fisto

Loves water missions. Send him on as many water missions as possible.

Might be in love with Aayla Secura. Keep him away from missions with her as after her amnesia debacle, she's primarily been interested in Commander Bly and Kit Fisto has previously expressed in the presence of anonymous Council members the wish to teach Bly the purpose of Electric Judgement.

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Does not understand the meaning of the word "vacation." Will not take them if ordered. To prevent burnout, send him on "missions" that are actually vacations. Here are excuses that have worked on him:

Alderaan's lakes have exhibited odd Force phenomena. We need you to go visit them and watch for these phenomena. Don't bother the locals about it though as they're kind of upset about the Clone Wars because they're pacifist and you're a general.

Knight Skywalker keeps talking about this interesting diplomatic opportunity to gain supporters for the war by flying in a daredevil spaceship racecourse among an asteroid belt. He wants to go, but the race requires two pilots in the spaceship and of course he wants you as his companion. Unless you'd rather investigate these reports of malevolent butterflies in the Heliconia System.

The queen of Maltorra is missing her tooka and requested the Jedi's help to find it.

The Jedi are considering opening a Temple on the tropical world of Yuratsa. Additional sounding out of the location is required by a High Council member.

Anakin needs a vacation or he'll have a breakdown but Senator Amidala's schedule is packed full so he refuses to leave the planet.

Will only somewhat adhere to rules if Anakin Skywalker is present as he desires to "set a good example for the Chosen One." This has been determined to be a lie, but send him on as many missions with Anakin as possible if 37% adherence to the Jedi Code is desired.

Loves food. Really loves food. If assigned to a mission where the food cannot be trusted, Obi-Wan will not care. He will eat the food anyway. Not sure if his body is a hollow pit or he just has issues. Keep him away from the missions that require not eating the food because he will eat the food and say it was all part of his plan because he was "springing the trap."

Also likes to drink. See above about food. Not as bad as his food problem, though.

Thinks near-death experiences are fun. He has since he was twelve. Not sure what to do about that, but be aware he has issues.

Do not send him on missions with young single human female nobility. Even if he's not trying, they'll probably fall in love with him. The Jedi Order has gotten five separate official proposals of marriage for Obi-Wan from queens of planets. This is awkward. Master Windu does not like sending awkward political responses to infatuated political dignitaries.

He's allergic to hoi broth. For everyone's sake, keep him away from dinners where they serve hoi broth.

Yoda

Do not send him on missions involving small sentient reptilian species or eggs of aquatic species as he has no self-control and will eat them. Yoda has since learned self-control when encountering tasty sentient species.

Does not understand how to cook for humans. Do not give him this responsibility.

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SEND HIM TO MARIDUN. They have very long memories and they do not forget. They still burn him in effigy there.

I know you all see him as the honorable, respectable, rule-abiding Jedi Grandmaster that can do no wrong, but he's just as crazy as the rest of his lineage. YOU KNOW which lineage I'm talking about. Where do you think they got it from?

Anakin Skywalker

Is in love with Senator Amidala. If displaying disturbing dark tendencies, assign him to "guard" Senator Amidala on a diplomatic mission. Dark tendencies will diminish dramatically after said mission.

Will eat bugs for some reason. Make sure to tell him about native poisonous bugs when assigning him to a planet with poisonous bugs or he will eat them and throw up over a Council member while spouting nonsense due to being high.

Will race vehicles at any opportunity. If this would present a problem for a mission near a racing opportunity, assign a different knight.

Don't tell him how to complete a mission. He will do the exact opposite purely out of spite. He'll get the job done anyway, but that's not the point.

For some reason, he takes being told doing something is "stupid", "too dangerous", or "impossible" as a dare. Never utter these words around him. Nothing is ever too stupid, dangerous, or impossible for Anakin Skywalker to try. He could wind up setting his hair on fire and moping about it for weeks afterward. This will be miserable for the Council. DO NOT ALLOW HIS HAIR TO CATCH ON FIRE.

If not sent on missions with Obi-Wan for a couple of months, he will come on Obi-Wan's missions uninvited. Obi-Wan will then complain that Anakin hasn't learned proper respect for authority. Send Anakin on missions with Obi-Wan at more frequent intervals to prevent this.

Believes in "asking forgiveness rather than permission". Check on him frequently if he appears shifty in Council reports during missions.

Is really good at accidentally blowing things up. Be aware.

Keep away from strong magnets. He has a prosthetic arm. The result is hilarious, but not for Anakin. A sulky Anakin is an unpleasant Anakin.

Extremely gullible. Use this information with caution.

If he encounters slavers on a mission, he will go after them to stop them no matter what anyone else says. It's best to preemptively assign him to stop slavers so that he thinks he's just obeying the Council.

Quinlan Vos

Pretty sure he's on the dark side now? Or fallen in love with a dark sider? I don't know, it's pretty confusing, but he's not in a good place right now and could be pretty dangerous.

Mace Windu

Doesn't like Anakin Skywalker. Get-along shirts don't help. Please don't ask.

Has a tendency to turn apprentices to the dark side. Is possibly turning to the dark side himself. Please watch carefully and say, "Purple bubbles," if noticing dark tendencies. He likes purple bubbles.

Politics stress him out. A lot. As does Anakin Skywalker. You think Mace is bald by choice?

Siri Tachi

Do not under ANY circumstances send her to Mandalore or on any mission where she might encounter Satine Kryze. The duchess doesn't know how to keep her kriffing mouth shut and thinks her relationship with Obi-Wan meant more than it did. Siri did a lot of things while she was Zora and she will not hesitate to take Satine out for claiming to have more pull than Siri does with her man.

I know it might be tempting to assign Obi-Wan and Siri to missions where they have to masquerade as a couple, but trust me. This is a bad idea. They will go above and beyond to "keep their cover." If the mission hadn't ended when it did, there would have been baby Kenobis. The galaxy cannot handle more Kenobis.

Ki-Adi-Mundi

The guy didn't really react when his entire family was killed. I'm 99 percent sure he's a psychopath. I don't trust him.

Depa Billaba

Do not under any circumstances send her to Haruun Kal. She will turn to the Dark Side, slip into a coma, and die. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. Anakin Skywalker had nightmares about it for three weeks straight and he barely even knows Depa. NEVER EVER SEND DEPA TO HARUUN KAL OR YOU WILL HAVE HELL TO PAY.

Pong Krell

Thinks Alderaan isn't real. Do not argue with him about this. He cannot be convinced otherwise. Even sending him to Alderaan didn't help.

Weirdly obsessed with frogs. I think he breeds them.

He won't show you his comm logs. So don't ask.

I'm, like, 95% certain he's turned to the Dark Side and is now a Separatist spy, but the Chancellor insists we keep sending him on missions, so what can you do?

Reeft

Afraid of bugs. Don't send him on missions to help sentient bug species. Just don't.

REALLY likes food. Never take him to a buffet. You will regret it.

Bant

Super sweet, but one of Obi-Wan's best friends, so do with that information what you will.

Great actor!

Garen Muln

Trouble sitting still, he has. Master this, he never will. Always on the move, he must be.

Things can catch on fire around him.

Don't ever send him on a mission with Anakin Skywalker. The galaxy would probably explode.

Plo Koon

Don't tell him I said this, but I think he has attachment issues. Seven different Jedi initiates call him dad on a semi regular basis. He had petitioned to adopt children he found on missions multiple times. He's a nice guy and all, but he can't just keep coming back with babies.

Shaak Ti

I've seen her die so many times…. I think she's learned the secret to immortality. Do you know how many times I've reported her death just to find her in the cafeteria the next morning? Shaak Ti's funeral is becoming just another Taungsday!

Qui-Gon Jinn

UGH

He won't follow your orders. No matter how hard you try.

Should we really be letting him raise children? Really? Are we sure this is a good idea?

He fell in love. She died. Don't ask.

Hypocrite. MASSIVE hypocrite.

On the last day of every other month he has tea with Master Dooku. He must be back from his missions to make that appointment. The last time he wasn't, Master Dooku almost overthrew the state.

What a maroon.

Someone needs to close this file before Obi-Wan joins the Council because I don't think he'd appreciate the notes.

Yan Dooku

This file has been edited: Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord. Why doesn't anyone believe me?

Does anyone even look at this file anymore? Come on, I haven't been gone that long.