Honestly, I'm surprised I haven't written a fic for LOZ yet. I grew up watching my dad playing the original and still watch my brother play BOTW-and beat seven or so times in the last few years. And I feel in love with this Webtoon called Growing Up Gerudo and was inspired to do the insane. Enjoy!

Me

"You there!" I jump up from the cold stone floor I didn't realize was weird at first, and reaching back for something other than my noodle arms to defend me. "How did you enter this sacred space?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I stall, eyeing the many swords pointed at me right now as I reach behind me. "But I'm willing to leave peacefully if you just put the swords-EAGH!"

I drop to the ground, shuddering, and the familiar looking sword drops next to me. But I don't try to figure it out as my mind is bombed with images of blond haired, blue eyed boys with the same sword and all dressed in green going through the most traumatic shit. What's most traumatic though, is that I recognize them and not just because I grew up with the franchise...

A shadow falls over me and I flinch as a hand jerks me out of those memories. "I can't believe it. After all this time, the sword to seal the darkness has been removed from it's resting place! Finally, the chosen hero has-"

The king of Hyrule stops short, rubbing my ears that are a lot rounder than his and my obvious feminine face features. "You're not-"

"This can't be right." He grumbles, dragging me away. The Master Sword, suddenly sheathed, is placed in my arms. "The chosen hero is a Hylian boy, not some strange girl."

"Okay, first, I'm genderfluid and my pronouns are they and them today, and second, reincarnation doesn't actually work like that so it's completely in the realm of possibility for your chosen hero to be-hey!"

"You will remain here until we figure this out." He commands, shoving me into a room. "Since no one else was in the sanctum, your drawing of the sword will be and must stay a secret. This has to be a mistake."

"Hey!" I yell, darting for the door. Wrenching at the locked door, I scream, "Let me out! Gods damn it, let me outta here you sexist pig!"

No answer, I expected it, but that doesn't make me any less angry. So, I look for another way out. Because like hell am I going to stay put and let some asshole be a bitch to me because I look nothing like every Link there is.

Lying on the bed is the familiar uniform of Hyrule's hero, which I promptly ignore. Instead for my disguise, I find a gray tunic and pants, black boots, and a long black cloak with a high collar. I debate for a while, but I take the sword with me. Not only do I need to defend myself, but I'd rather not leave a very powerful weapon in the hands of a misogynist.

Once the Master Sword is secured around my waist, I feel a buzz of magic surge through me. Thankfully, the room is on the first floor and the window's unlocked, so I easily slip out into the bushes. Let's see if this magic can do more than give me trauma.

"L'mun." I whisper, and watch my hands go transparent like the rest of my body. Once any passing guards are completely gone, I stand up, brush off the leaves, and start looking for the exit. Which I find by following more passing guards.

Am I going to be sought after by the king when he finds me gone? Yes. Would it have been smarter for me to stay there and try to reason with him about reincarnation and that he's totally sexist and probably more of an asshole than what I have seen so far? Fuck no, I'll figure it all by myself. Maybe Fi's still in there and is willing to help, since I pulled it out. Sure, I'm not Link-not even close-but I pulled it out! That means something, right?

"Fi, Hylia, or the three goddesses or fucking whoever!" I shout, stumbling over sand dunes. "If you can hear me, please for the love of all the gods at least show me what I'm doing here! I'm obviously not like every Link before me, my name's not even fucking Link! If you knew this was going to happen, why did you bring me here and let me pull the sword!"

I don't get an answer, unless you count the approaching monsters. After hitching a few rides, and managing to hide the Master Sword, I somehow made it to Gerudo desert and promptly got lost. Thankfully, I stole a few canteens of water and a bag of food from the stables where some guards left them, but they're already running low. And the monsters aren't good either, my cloak is already in tatters and blood drips from my nose as I stagger towards some ruined buildings before they can find me. I really liked that cloak, it's high collar and slits in the long fabric for arms makes me feel like a mage-a very almost dead one right now, but still.

Of course, the Master Sword is a monster attractor, so they find me nonetheless and my amateur skills are put to the test again.

Which is very amateur as a minute later, the Master Sword is yanked from my hands and I'm kicked into a wall. Coughing, I slide down as the lizalfos jump around, excited at the easy day they're having. One raises their boomerang...and then a brown blur grabs its neck.

The lizalfos screams as it's flung away and the others don't stand a chance against the giant blur. Soon, they're all scurrying away and the blur kneels over me and holds out something. "This is the real thing. Are you the-"

"Hero?" I chuckle, and then immediately regret it. "Yeah, for about a minute before the king decided I couldn't be the hero, because I'm not like every other one before me. So, I guess I'm the Unchosen Hero or whatever. Hey, that's got a nice ring to it, given the situation. Maybe you can be the hero instead. Bet you'll be better than I was the one minute I got to be."

The blur quietly stands and leaves me blinking at the glaring sun behind transition glasses. So, I close my eyes and accept that I'm going to die painfully. But then, I feel shade fall over me again and strong hands pick me up bridal style.

"Sorry." They whisper as I wince when they accidentally rub against my sunburned skin. Then, I'm covered by the guy's soft, but itchy cloak. "But this is what heroes do, right?"

"Hell if I know. Remember, I wasn't one for very long."

"Ganondorf, thank Hylia you missed the sand-who is this?"

"The Hero, they have the Master Sword." I wince again as my face is uncovered, but my eyes refuse to open. "And they said the strangest thing for the Hero to say."

"Well, you can tell once they're not dying-"

"Ugh..." I groan, feeling my spine crack. "Dear gods, please let it have been a weird ass lifelike dream-"

It takes a minute to register the dark shadow with orange eyes over me. "AH!"

"Woah, hey!" The shadow disappears as a blurred woman rushes in. "I got you, you're okay. What happened?"

"I saw-well, I thought I saw something over me. But without my glasses-"

"Hang on, I'll get them for you." The woman helps me sit up in a comfortable position. "But first, let's apply some cream to those cheeks."

I wince again as she pulls a slightly damp towel off my forehead, and then apply cream to my face, mostly my cheeks. It stings a little, but I know that means it's working on my sunburn.

"...I'm Nabooru." She suddenly speaks as she moves from my face to my torso. They aren't burnt, but as she undos the bandages and cleans them, it's obvious they're mostly broken. Stupid Moblins and their strong arms.

"Mercedes." I grit out as she rubs something on my back, trying not to scream. "I go by Cede as well. I use they and them pronouns."

"Nice to meet you." Nabooru absently says as she pulls a silk like shirt over my head, causing my face to burn of something else. "Are you hungry?"

I nod slightly as my stomach makes a more definitive answer. Nabooru hands me my glasses before helping me out of the bed-thank the gods I'm already wearing a skirt-and out of the room into an atrium, then into a large hallway with arched open windows for walls. Several other red headed women walk around us, not so subtly watching me cling to Nabooru. A migraine starts in the middle of my forehead, and if I wasn't using her as a life line, I'd be sprawled on the long rug.

At the end of the hallway, Nabooru lets go of me just long enough to open a pair of large wooden doors, the same height as the hallway arches. Then she leads me into a giant open dining hall, where other Gerudos eat from a buffet. My stomach growls again, sounding a lot like there's a Chimera or something in me.

Nabooru seats me not far from the door, then says as she leaves, "I'm going to go get you a plate. Drink some water okay?"

I nod before grabbing the cup of water in front of me. My hands shake like leaves in a tornado as I carefully lift the rim to my mouth…

"So!" I hack up a storm as the cold water splashes all over my face. The Gerudo doesn't seem to care as she plops herself on the pillow next to me with a sneer. "You're the newest incarnation of the Hero, huh? Too high and mighty to answer me?"

I struggle to breathe as she laughs, "Oh wait, that's right. You don't talk!"

"I do talk." I snarl, much to her surprise. Rubbing my forehead where my migraine grows rapidly-shit, not again-I growl out, "It's just a little hard to do so when you're trying to get water out of your lungs!"

"Well, whatever." She huffs. "I don't know what you want with us, but I know you've somehow charmed our Dragmire into trusting you. But I don't. I'm gonna find out what you're planning and-"

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?!" She grabs my shoulder roughly and I snap.

"Please, for the love of the gods, shut the fuck up!" I glare, black spots dancing around the side of my head. "I'm no Hero, that bastard of a king thinks I'm a mistake! I don't give a fuck about what he thinks, and I certianly don't give two shits about your opinion, which I didn't ask fo by the way. And as much as I'd love to prove it, I don't know if you noticed given how riled up you are, but I-"

"What's going on?"

Both of us wince at the booming voice, looking up to find a towering Gerudo man. I bite the inside of my cheek, shit he looks furious…

"Dragmire!" The girl shoots to her feet-not before glaring at me when I don't move. "I was just having a chat with the Hylian-"

"Who looks like they're going to pass out any minute." I yelp as he picks me up, bridal style. He's not wrong though. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"Nabooru…" I start, wishing most of that water didn't end up in my lungs. "Brought me here to get some food…"

"Well, you can have it in bed." He declares, marching me out of the dining hall. I don't see the girl's face, but flabbergasted would probably be the correct term for her face at this moment.

Nali

"This is bullshit…" I grumble, carrying the tray of food Nabooru unceremoniously shoved into my hands after the Dragmire told her. "I can't believe they're trusting this Hylian, the Hero no less!"

I bang on the door of the Hylian's temporary room, only to receive no response. "You're plotting already? I saw through that act back in the hall…"

The Hylian looks wearily at me as I barge in, barely lifting their head to show their pained face. I catch a glimpse of annoyance in their green-brown eyes, but it's quickly clouded with tiredness.

"What?" They whisper, looking right at the food. Yeesh, they sound worse than in the dining hall.

"I-I came to give you some food." I mutter, placing the tray on the nightstand, next to their round, gold glasses. Leaning against it is the legendary blade, nothing really legendary right now.

"Oh. Kay." I watch them struggle to slowly sit up and reach for the bowl with trembling hands-

"Hey…" They start, squinting at me when I take the bowl. "What are ya doing?"

"You're going to get soup all over the bed if you eat while shaking like a leaf." I huff, getting a spoonful and holding it out. This is stupid, like they're actually going to-

"Nyam." I nearly jerk the spoon out of their mouth. As they pull away, I look everywhere where their searching eyes aren't, landing on a lone freckle on the inside of their left ear. "Wow, that's good. What kind of soup is this?"

"How can you be so trusting? You're a Hylian."

They snort, rubbing their ear-wait a minute… "I'm a human actually, from another universe. My name's Mercedes, or Cede for short."

"Nali." Then I shake my head in confusion as they snack on a bread roll. "Wait, what do you mean 'another universe'? How were you able to pull the sword?"

"Fuck if I know." They mutter, their face falling into some sort of numbness. "However I did it, I doubt I'm going to be celebrated and welcomed everywhere like my past incarnations."

"The Hylian king wasn't ecstatic to finally have his hero here to root out all evil?"

"He shoved me into a room after I pulled the sword and said, and I quote, 'You will remain here until we figure this out. Since no one else was in the sanctum, your drawing of the sword will be and must stay a secret. This has to be a mistake.'" They huff, "Like hell I was going to listen, so I left."

"Just left?" I hand them another spoonful of soup, still focusing on that freckle. "How'd you not get caught?"

"Invisibility spell." They say as if it was obvious. "Then used glamour to disguise the Master Sword once I was out of Castle Town so no one got suspicious."

"You used fashion to disguise the sword that can seal darkness?"

"Not glamour as in fashion. Glamour as in magic." They squint at my face before sighing and holding out their hand. "Give me the sword and I'll show you."

"What?"

"It doesn't take that much energy." They assure me, "...Do you trust me?"

"No." I deadpan, which causes them to smile a little for some reason. Grumbling, I hand the sword to them. "But I'm curious."

"Well, you know what they say. Curiosity killed the cat…" They chuckle, as my jaw drops when the unmistakable sheath transforms into a black one with strange markings. "But satisfaction brought it back."

"How?" Before Mercedes can tell me, I cut them off. "That was a rhetorical question…for now. I don't need to get into any more trouble by making your health worse."

As I leave, Mercedes calls, "So…tomorrow?"

I can't decide if I'm going to regret this or not.

Ganondorf

"I know what you're doing."

I flinch as Nabooru appears in our room, leaning on the door frame. "Doing what Nabs? You're saying I don't have to do this paperwork?"

"No, avoiding them. It's been a week since you brought them here." She sighs. "Go talk to Mercedes."

Their panicked face from day one flashes in my head. "Nabs…"

"It's not what you think." My wife attempts to assure me. Then she drags me out of my chair and shoves me out the door. "Go."

I walk out into the brisque morning, suddenly worried about meeting this Hylian. No, not any Hylian, the Hero-who already has the sword to seal the darkness. Even if they're not here because of the king, even if they seem to not like the king, surely they must know about my arm…

"Bonk."

I freeze, hand poised to knock on a door that's already open. Looking down, I find the strange Hylian backing up a step before taking off their glasses to clean them. I had practiced in my head over and over what I was going to say to them, but all that comes out is, "Did you just say 'bonk'?"

"Yup." They nod, unfazed that I'm here. "I say random things all the time. Like when I'm startled, I meow. I don't know why, I don't know when it started, and frankly, I just let it happen."

"I see." I don't see. "Wait…where do you think you're going?"

"Break…fast?" Their voice raises with uncertainty as they rub their right ear.

They don't look like they're going to kneel over soon, but there are still some bandages peeking out from their clothes, and their face is mostly peeled. "You should be resting. In bed."

"But I do." They reason, trying to step past me. "Not only am I hungry, but I need to stretch out my legs every once and a while. I feel like I'm going insane since I don't have any of my stories to work on, so this helps! Albeit only a little."

"Stories?"

"I'm a writer." I blink and suddenly they're on their way to the dining hall. "Before I got summoned to the sanctum to get berated by a bastard of a guy, I had a little over thirty novels going on, not counting the story I published last month. I'm always writing, and recently I've only been able to do it in my head. Which means the moment my brain switches to work on another story, I forget all the good stuff for a different one. And it's driving me absolutely bonkers."

Walking alongside them, I absently hold my fingers a ways to them and barely manage to suppress a jolt when Mercedes takes hold of my hand. Looks like they're not as well as they're acting. "I'm sure I can find some journals and pens for you. But after this, it's right to bed."

"Yes, Dad." They sigh. Then they halt and stutter, "I mean sir, sire? Dragmire, ah…shit…"

"Ganondorf." I manage to get out. "Or Ganon."

They snort, and my worries that the hatred the past Heros had would be in them lower significantly. But a new worry thrusts in when they quietly ask, "So…how soon do you want me to leave?"

"Leave?" I stop them and have them face me, but they don't meet my eyes. "Do you want to leave?"

"Not really…" They shrug, fidgeting with their bracelet, their rings. "I'm kinda broke right now, but I can figure something out. I don't mind becoming a wanderer… But I'm sure you want me out of your hair as soon as possible-"

"No."

"Pardon?"

"Wait, I mean, you don't have to leave if you don't want to." I quickly explain, cupping the side of their face very lightly, after they subtly flinch. "I don't want you to do something just because you think someone else wants that of you."

Mercedes opens and closes their mouth, at a loss for words. Then, they give a nervous grin, "Well, you became a dad real fast, didn't ya?"

"How old are you?" I look them up and down. They have a mature face but-

"Seventeen." They stick out their tongue. "Back home, I'm less than a year away from being a legal adult."

Chuckling, I ruffle their light brown hair, making it stick out in weirder forms than before. "Eh, you look a lot younger, kid. I wouldn't mind being your new dad. Anyways, let's get some breakfast."

"What? Hey!" They stumble after me into the dining hall. "Slow down, your legs are longer than mine!"

Panting, they take a seat next to me, and immediately snatch a roll off of my tray. Tearing off a small piece, they mumble, "Jesus, it's been a while since I had to ask someone to slow down. Usually, I'm the person with the faster stride."

"Well, I'm used to having everyone chase me down, and not always because of my good looks." As Mercedes snorts, I feel ready enough to ask something that's been bugging me since I found them. "Mercedes, how did you get to Gerudo Desert?"

"Walked."

Everyone within a five foot radius immediately choked on something, like me with my water. "What."

"Okay, I hitched a ride here and there from people willing to let a broke teen do so for a while." They mumble, fidgeting again. "But, yeah, for the most part, I just walked. Didn't get lost until I got to the desert, so I call that a win in my book."

"...I'm sorry, I'm still getting over the fact that you walked, most of the way, from Castle Town to the Gerudo Desert?!"

"What?" They shrug, not at all seeing how I'm concerned. "I like walking."

This Hero is very different from their past incarnations indeed.