Ozzy stood under the door frame of their ensuite bathroom, horrified and indignant. He was wearing bright yellow rubber gloves, a lime green apron, a surgical mask and wellies.
He knew he was probably being a bit over-the-top, but he didn't know what he might find when he started to clean, and wanted to take all necessary precautions.
It wasn't that Thrax was dirty, quite the opposite. He had a rigorous shower routine, including, but not limited to: showering twice a day, where he would lather himself head to toe with various different products; treating, sharpening and varnishing his claws; redoing his braids if there was even one strand of hair out of place; and applying moisturiser to every inch of himself.
The problem was, he never picked up after himself, and left all the creams, lotions and potions lying around on the floor, in the cabinets, on the windowsill, around the edge of the bath and basically on any surface he could find. Every nook and cranny was crammed with an assortment of bottles, pots and jars. Some of them he'd even leave on their side, allowing them to ooze all over the place.
Ozzy estimated that Thrax probably had three different products for every part of his body, and he could never understand what any of them did or comprehend what the point of it all was. He was perfectly content with his single bar of soap, which he used for everything and always left neatly on a little wooden holder after he was done with it, before carefully stepping around all of Thrax's fancy products and hurrying out of the bathroom.
He scanned the room and gulped, cautiously taking one step forward. Where do I even start?
He took a spray bottle out of the cupboard, closed his eyes and spritzed over the bathtub. The measurements must have been slightly off when they had bought it, because it was too small for Thrax to stretch his legs out in it. This meant that Ozzy was the only one to really use it, so he thought that it would be the least offensive place to start. At least it wouldn't be coated with a layer of gunge and grime from whatever products Thrax had used.
He knelt down and started scrubbing, grumbling under his breath about the great injustice that had befallen him.
Thrax peeked around the door and grinned at him. "I think you missed a spot there, Oz. I'm gonna take Donut for a walk and by the time I get back this place better be immaculate."
Ozzy scowled and threw a wet rag at him, just missing his head. Thrax laughed obnoxiously and turned around on his heels. As he walked off he yelled out, "if you keep treating me like this, I might just be tempted to give one of those thirty-three numbers a call. I know they'd be very happy to hear from me. Toodle-oo, baby."
Ozzy felt his rage building up inside of him like a volcano ready to explode. Thrax had tricked him, humiliated him, made him have one of the worst nights of his life, and if that wasn't enough, hadn't stopped bragging about winning their bet since they left the club the previous night.
He gripped onto the side of the bathtub until his knuckles turned white, and clenched his teeth so hard that he gave himself a headache.
He had to get his own back, Thrax needed to be knocked down a peg or two, or three. He exhaled sharply and continued cleaning, trying to think of a way to get back at him.
When he'd finished scrubbing the bathtub, he wiped his forehead with his arm and stood up.
As he scanned the room, he suddenly had an idea of pure brilliance. "Methinks it's time to play a little prank", he muttered under his breath, an evil grin smeared across his face and his eyes ablaze with excitement.
Thrax came back about an hour later to see Ozzy still huffing away in the bathroom. Shouldn't he be done by now? What the hell has he been doing all this time? Probably reading one of his dirty magazines…
He cleared his throat and knocked on the door frame, holding Donut under his arm. "Ahem, Cellderella, are you gonna be done anytime soon? Me and Donut want to take a shower."
Ozzy turned around with a lock of soggy, matted hair between his glove-clad fingers, a feral glint in his eyes. "If you weren't holding my baby, I'd chuck this at you right now."
Thrax felt his stomach churn at the sight of the drain hair, but composed himself and tried to think of a comeback.
"You know, that girl last night was very interested in Donut. She said she'd love to meet her sometime. You remember her, right? The one you spoke to at the bar?"
Ozzy flinched and stood up, throwing the hair in the bin. His shoulders were shaking with fury and he felt like his chest was going to explode. He readied himself to start hurling all sorts of insults and vicious remarks at Thrax, but stopped himself.
He knew that words wouldn't be able to penetrate his ridiculous ego in the slightest right now. He was riding too high off the back of all the compliments and sexual advances he had no doubt received in the club.
Besides, he didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing him all riled up. Ozzy concluded that it would be much more rewarding to wait and see his reaction after his prank had unfolded.
He sighed and relaxed his shoulders, before cricking his neck from side to side. He took his gloves off and carried everything out of the bathroom, pushing past Thrax. "It's all yours", he mumbled, before grinning to himself and hurrying downstairs.
Thrax watched him leave and sighed. He knew he'd taken it too far this time. He cursed his own ego and lifted Donut up in front of his face. "Daddy Thrax has been a piece of shit to daddy Ozzy, yes he has. But we'll make it up to him, won't we?"
He took his clothes off and lathered himself with all of his various products, before stepping into the shower with Donut in his arms. He noticed how neatly Ozzy had organised all of his bottles for him and how clean he'd left the place. This only made him feel even worse, and he started nuzzling his cheek into Donut's face.
"What do you reckon, baby? Do you think a shiny new car would make it up to him?"
Meanwhile, Ozzy put all the cleaning products away and washed his hands. He made himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table with a small smile on his face. He knew it would only be a matter of time before…
"Argh! What the fuck?!"
Et voilà.
Ozzy sipped his coffee and gleefully hummed to himself as Thrax thundered down the stairs wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and a furious expression on his face.
Ozzy almost spat his coffee out onto the table when he saw him. His prank had gone perfectly. Knowing just how important Thrax's image was to him, he'd added some bleach to his hair mask while he was meant to be cleaning the bathroom.
Thrax's hair, which was normally a deep plum colour, was now a golden yellow.
Ozzy slammed his mug on the table and pointed his finger at him. "Ha! Gotcha! That'll teach ya to be a smug prick. Nobody messes with Osmosis Jones and gets away with it!"
"You've done it now", Thrax growled as he ran round the table trying to grab Ozzy to give him a piece of his mind.
"Uh oh." Ozzy slipped off his seat and darted under the table, jumping out the other side. He took Donut in his arms and ran to the corner of the living room. He held her in front of his face and tried to stifle a laugh as she licked his hand. "You can't hurt me now! I've got my cute little hostage!"
Thrax stormed across the room and towered over him, shaking with rage. "You just don't know when to stop, do ya, Jones? We agreed no more stupid pranks. How am I meant to go outside now?"
Ozzy put Donut under his arm and scowled up at Thrax. "I don't know when to stop? What about you?! You haven't let up since we came back from the bar, actin' like you're the fuckin' king. I know you planned all of this, I can tell."
"What the hell are you babbling about, Jones?"
He pointed his finger in his face and narrowed his eyes. "You tricked me last night. You egged me on, knowing that I'd lose. It was like some sick game of male egos, and you knew it would make me feel shit about myself."
Thrax huffed and waved his hand in front of Ozzy's face. "Don't take it so seriously, baby, it was just a little bet, and I won. End of story."
Ozzy put Donut on the sofa so he could gesticulate with his hands as he spoke. "It was a stupid bet! I had to go around gettin' molested by every disgustin' guy in that club just to stand a chance against you. I looked like some sort of desperate whore in there!"
Thrax smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. "And that means I deserve to get maimed and have to go out looking like a dodgy version of Marilyn Monroe?"
Ozzy let a small smile crawl across his face and he leant back against the wall, sighing deeply. He looked at Thrax with apologetic eyes as he suddenly felt a pang of guilt in his chest. It wasn't Thrax's fault that he'd had such a bad night. He'd merely put the bait on the hook and Ozzy had eagerly bitten.
"Yeah, I guess I did go a bit far. I mean, you didn't force me to accept the bet." He reached up and held a lock of Thrax's hair. "I'll go out and buy some purple dye later and we'll change it back. I gotta say though, it suits you. It matches your eyes."
Thrax grabbed Ozzy's wrist and led him to the sofa, where he sat down and pulled him onto his lap. Ozzy picked Donut up and stroked her chin.
"Sorry about being such a cock, Ozzy, and I'm sorry you didn't have a good time last night. We'll go out and celebrate properly, no stupid pranks or bets this time."
Ozzy nodded and kissed him on the cheek, before leaning against his chest and sighing. "You know why I was in such a hurry to leave last night?" He closed his eyes and dropped his head. "I got desperate and jealous when I saw all those girls around you and tried to get a real scary lookin' germ's number. Then he dragged me into the bathroom and forced himself on me..."
Thrax's eyes widened at that. "Wait, what?" He cupped Ozzy's chin and made him look up at him. "Ozzy, what did he do to you?!"
"It doesn't matter, I mean, I managed to get away before anything really happened."
"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"
"He was pretty rough with me after I made it clear I didn't wanna fuck him, but I jammed his keys in his face and he let me go."
Thrax tightened his grip on Ozzy's chin and kissed him on the cheek. "Good boy", he whispered, before letting go of his face and sighing softly. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"I-I was too upset last night, and you wouldn't stop braggin'. I didn't really feel like tellin' you anything to be honest."
Thrax inhaled sharply and pulled Ozzy into a hug. "I had no idea, I'm sorry. You're right, it was a stupid bet, and I've been a dickhead."
Ozzy reached up and started stroking Thrax's cheek, relaxing into him. "We both have. Oh also, well done for controllin' your temper back there! I could sense how much you wanted to punch me in the face for messin' with your precious hair." He held his hand up to high five him. "Congrats, pal."
Thrax high fived him and pulled him closer. "A month or so ago I would've killed you for this. You've proper softened me up, Oz."
"And you've turned me into an unscrupulous ex-cop."
"Hey, that's a fancy word!"
"Yeah well, I've been studyin' for the next time we play Scrabble. I plan on vanquishing you, mister Roja, and it shall be exquisite."
Thrax was leaning over the bathroom sink while Ozzy was humming away and pouring the purple dye into his hands.
"Hurry up, Jones, this sink is way too low and my back is killin' me. We need to buy a taller one next time we go shopping."
Ozzy ran over and started rubbing the dye into his hair. "No way! How am I meant to reach?"
"We'll get you one of those little step stools that they make for kids", Thrax replied, grinning.
Ozzy dug his nails into his scalp and leaned closer. "You better watch it, mister, I have plenty of other prank ideas up my sleeve."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Try me, big boy", he said in a low voice, and went back to gently massaging his head. Thrax closed his eyes and purred as he felt his whole body relaxing.
A shiver went down Ozzy's spine and he pressed himself against Thrax. "God, I love it when you make that noise. Do it again", he whispered.
Thrax felt Ozzy's bulge on his leg and tutted. "Put that weapon away, officer, and concentrate on fixing my hair. If you do a proper job, I'll make any noise you like."
After taking a second shower to wash out the dye, Thrax was sitting on the edge of the bed while Ozzy was standing behind him redoing his braids.
It wasn't exactly a professional dye job. It was a bit patchy and a much brighter purple than before, but at least it wasn't yellow. Ozzy, however, thought it had come out perfectly, and couldn't help but feel proud of himself.
"Y'know, I think I went into the wrong profession, I shoulda been a hair stylist or something. I was wasted on the force", he stated as he finished tying the last braid.
Thrax laughed and stood up to go look in the mirror. He cringed when he saw the faint orange patches all over, but softened his face when he noticed that Ozzy was watching him and waiting for his verdict.
"You did good, baby, thank you", he said, spinning round to face Ozzy again. He sauntered over to the bed and pushed him onto his back. He forced Ozzy's legs apart and leaned over him, placing his hands on either side of his head. Ozzy grinned and started fumbling to undo his belt, but Thrax tutted.
"Impatient as ever, Jones. You really think I'm that easy?"
Ozzy looked up at him and frowned. "What are you goin' on about? Get yer pants off."
"No, save it for later, baby. I'm not taking a third shower in the space of a few hours. The water bill's gonna be high enough already with how much you use those water guns I bought ya."
He leaned down to whisper in his ear, "besides, I love the thought of you being all hot and bothered. I want to see how long it takes for you to beg for me."
Ozzy smirked at him and crossed his arms over his chest. "Nah, I'm not gonna be the first one to start beggin' for it, you are. I can contain myself."
"Okay, well, we'll see", Thrax said smugly. He frowned then and said, "wait, does that mean that this is another bet?"
"I guess we just can't help ourselves", Ozzy replied as he wiggled out from under Thrax. He spat on his hand and held it out for him to shake. "The loser is whoever gives in first, but, let's be honest, we're both gonna end up winners if you really think about it."
Thrax grimaced at the saliva dripping down Ozzy's palm, but begrudgingly shook on the bet. He wiped his hand on Ozzy's shirt and shot him a big grin.
"We're still going out tonight though, right? I fancy Chinese food, let's go to that new place, I think it's probably the only place in the neighbourhood that we haven't been banned from yet."
The sexual mind games started straight away, neither one of them pulling any punches. Thrax did his weight-lifting exercises in the living room shirtless while Ozzy was trying to watch his cartoons. Ozzy hit back by putting on the frilly pink apron and strutting about the kitchen while Thrax was trying to read his newspaper.
Neither of them batted an eye.
Thrax pressed himself against Ozzy and purred in his ear while he did the washing up. Ozzy retorted by quickly turning around, throwing his head back and softly moaning Thrax's name while rubbing himself against him.
They showed no signs of yielding.
Then they brought out the big guns. Ozzy put on the collar, lead and leather thong from Halloween and straddled Thrax's lap while he tried to drink his afternoon coffee. Thrax countered by hiding behind the archway and waiting until Ozzy was walking by before shoving him against a wall and pinning his arms above his head.
They didn't give in.
A few hours of teasing and torment later, it was time for them to start getting ready to go out. Both of them were practically shaking with desire, and the sexual tension in the house was palpable.
Ozzy had chosen to wear the same purple short shorts that he'd worn when they smuggled alcohol into Lola, but this time he'd paired it with a tight, black, see-through top, not unlike the one that Thrax had bought for him after they had left Frank. He'd accessorised with some heeled black combat boots and the hypothalamus chain around his neck.
Thrax was taking a shirt out of the wardrobe, and turned around to hold it up to the light. His eyes landed on Ozzy and his jaw dropped when he saw how he was dressed. "For fuck's sake", he hissed
Ozzy caught him staring and slowly walked across the room towards him. Thrax followed Ozzy with his eyes as he dipped under his arms and put himself between him and the wardrobe. He turned away from Thrax and bent over in front of him, pretending to be looking for something in one of the drawers.
"Ozzy, I know what you're doing."
Ozzy pressed his butt against Thrax's thigh and gasped. "Oops! I didn't see ya there, Daddy."
Thrax grinned and jumped back, causing Ozzy to fall backwards onto the floor. "Ow, you shit, what the fuck's your problem?", he yelled, before remembering himself and smiling up at him sweetly.
He put his arms around Thrax's leg and slowly stood up, making sure to rub himself against him as much as possible.
"What are you doing? You look like a horny chihuahua humping their owner's leg."
Ozzy scowled up at him and punched his thigh. "Whatever, I'm ready to go, aren't you gonna get dressed?"
Thrax hesitated for a moment and looked at himself in the mirror. His chest was looking particularly muscular today, and he turned to admire the way the light was bouncing over his toned abs. He smiled and shook his head. "Nah, baby, I'm ready."
"But you're only wearin' a pair of jeans!"
"Yeah, and what of it?"
"It's the last day of November, you ninny."
"Are you sayin' you can't handle me like this, baby?" He shot Ozzy a villainous grin, before saying, "oh, I forgot one thing…" He grabbed a bobble from the dresser and started tying up his braids.
Ozzy's hands tensed into fists, that bastard, he knows that's my weakness.
Thrax chuckled low in his throat and tilted his head back as he tightened the bobble, this win is in the bag.
They walked down the street towards the restaurant, Thrax desperately trying not to show how cold he was.
"You alright there, big boy? You look awfully chilly", Ozzy jeered as he skipped alongside him. He had chosen to wear Thrax's cloak over his outfit, at least until they reached the restaurant.
"I-I'm f-fine…", Thrax uttered, his teeth chattering. "Are w-we almost there?"
"Yeah it's just around the corner, but what's the rush? Don't you fancy a nice, romantic stroll with your beloved fiancé first?"
"F-fuck you, J-Jones." He grabbed Ozzy by the collar and dragged him towards the restaurant.
The host saw them both approaching and gulped. He'd been warned about these two perverts before, soiling every public space in the city and leaving nothing but filth in their wake. He had to find a way to get rid of them.
"Good evening, sirs. I'm sorry, but you need a reservation to get in here. Did you call beforehand to book?"
Ozzy shook his head and rummaged around in Thrax's cloak pocket. "No, but we do have loads of cash. Give us a table in the corner out of the way, my good man." He chucked the money at him and dragged Thrax into the restaurant by the wrist, not giving the host a chance to protest.
They found a booth in the corner and pushed past a waiter to get to it. Thrax laughed at him. "You know, you've become even more brazen lately. I don't know how I put up with you."
Ozzy looked up at him and whispered, "because I let you fuck me in public."
Thrax rolled his eyes and grabbed the menu from the middle of the table. Ozzy waved the waiter over and smiled sweetly at him. "We already know what we want. Give us a huge bowl of ice cream, some strawberries and… and some yoghurt! That's his favourite."
Thrax elbowed him in the ribs and cleared his throat. "Ignore him. Please tell me you have alcohol? Okay, bring us whatever alcohol you have and then we'll order our food."
Ozzy mouthed the word 'yoghurt' at the waiter and Thrax hit him round the head with the menu, failing to hide the smile that was now creeping over his face.
"You're such a little rapscallion, Jones. What were you planning on doing, lathering me with yoghurt and licking it off right here in the middle of this restaurant? Are you that desperate to win this bet?"
Ozzy nodded enthusiastically and leaned in to whisper in Thrax's ear. "Yep, oh and just so you know, I'm not wearing anythin' under these shorts." He brushed his lips over his ear and quietly hummed.
Thrax shifted in his seat and dug his claw into his hand, hoping that the pain would take his mind off the heat now travelling down to his groin.
The waiter came back with a bottle of wine and a big bowl of yoghurt, and Ozzy's eyes lit up. Thrax grit his teeth and groaned, before banging his forehead on the table below him.
"Uh, is he okay?", the waiter asked, pointing at Thrax.
Ozzy waved his hand in the air and smiled. "Yeah yeah, he's just a bit cold. Don't worry, I'll heat him up", he said cheerfully as he trailed his fingers up Thrax's thigh.
Thrax kicked Ozzy's shin and sat back up. They ordered their food and Ozzy waited for the waiter to shuffle off before dipping his fingers in the yoghurt. He closed his eyes and slowly sucked it off each finger, moaning softly.
Thrax poured himself a glass of wine and brought it to his lips with a shaking hand.
Ozzy softly traced his fingers up and down Thrax's arm, before slipping his boots off and running his toes over the front of his jeans.
Thrax chugged his drink in one go and screwed his eyes shut as he slammed the glass back down on the table.
Ozzy smirked and pushed the table away from them slightly, allowing him to straddle Thrax's lap. He pressed his crotch against Thrax's and sighed in his ear.
He could feel that Thrax was already rock hard underneath his jeans and knew that it couldn't be long until the need to grab him and fuck him silly would take over. Ozzy needed to win this bet and get him back for last night, and he was willing to do just about anything to achieve it.
Thrax inhaled sharply and tried to calm his mind. Lust was already coursing through him and lighting a fire below, and he knew deep down that he'd lost this bet the second Ozzy had put on those purple shorts.
He leaned his head back slightly and smiled. This was one bet that he might not mind losing, but he wanted to see just how far Ozzy would go first.
Ozzy tugged at Thrax's hair, forcing his head back, and grazed his lips against his neck. He slowly ran his tongue along his collarbone as he trailed his fingers down his front, before caressing him just above his belt.
Thrax bit his lip and groaned deep in his throat, sending vibrations through Ozzy's whole body. Ozzy grinned, I've got you now, let's turn it up a notch, shall we?
He threw his arms around Thrax's neck and arched his body towards him, tilting his head back slightly. He screwed his eyes shut and bit his lip as he rubbed against Thrax's crotch with his own.
Then, he heard Thrax softly moan his name. Ozzy opened his eyes to see him gazing back at him, totally entranced. His breathing was ragged, his eyes were hazy and his face was flushed.
Ozzy leaned in slightly, staring into his eyes. This win is in the motherfuckin' bag. He grazed his lips against Thrax's and whispered, "I can't wait to feel your cock inside me, Daddy."
"Right, that's it!", Thrax shouted as he punched the table, making the other diners jump. Ozzy was delighted as he was grabbed around the waist and carried out of the restaurant.
Thrax swivelled his head around and chose a car at random, before breaking the window, opening the door and throwing Ozzy inside. He climbed in after him and ripped his shorts off.
Ozzy started to gloat, but Thrax balled his shorts up and shoved them into his mouth. "Yes, you win, now shut the fuck up and enjoy your reward."
He undid his belt and pulled his trousers off, hitting his head against the roof multiple times. The car was way too small for this, but Thrax didn't give a shit.
He pinned Ozzy's hands by his sides and gave him a look that made him feel like his very soul was on fire.
Ozzy moaned through the gag and arched his back as Thrax took him in his mouth, thinking, God, I hope whoever owns this car has insurance.
Thrax and Ozzy were both standing next to the car, completely naked, being yelled at by the host of the restaurant as the firefighters put out the flames around them.
They looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes and stifled a laugh, while trying to cover themselves as much as possible with their hands.
Apparently the car belonged to the restaurant host, and he was hurling every insult under the sun at both of them.
"You DEGENERATES! You perverted, sordid, unprincipled, depraved FREAKS!"
Thrax leaned over to Ozzy and whispered, "he's talking about you, y'know."
"Hey, I wasn't the one who decided to 'turn up the heat'."
The host looked inside the car and gasped. "Is that SHIT on my car seats? Did one of you shit yourself?!"
Ozzy cleared his throat. "No, sir, they're just burn marks because Thrax is feverish."
Thrax burst out laughing, pulled Ozzy under his arm and started walking off. The host yelled after them, "you're banned from my restaurant for life!", and Ozzy turned around and shouted, "yeah like we haven't heard that one before!"
They walked home hand in hand, unabashed by the fact that they were still completely naked save for the hypothalamus chain around Ozzy's neck and the cloak over Thrax's shoulders. Ozzy looked up at Thrax and shot him a big grin, and Thrax stopped walking to pull him into a heated kiss.
Ozzy bit him on the lip and pulled away slightly. "I love you so much. Literally every moment with you is so much fun. I never thought I could be this truly happy."
Thrax pinched his cheek and tugged his arm to get him to keep walking. They passed a newsstand and something caught Ozzy's eye. "Hey, hold on a second", he said, bending down to pick up a newspaper. "Look at the headline, it says that Lola has a sore throat, and that her temperature has been dropping in the last few days…"
"Yeah, tell me about it", Thrax replied, shivering. "Let's go Jones, I'm fuckin' freezing."
"But… doesn't this worry you? What if she's sick?"
Thrax waved his hand in the air. "Nah, it's probably just the change in the weather affecting her. She's had all her shots, don't worry about it, baby."
Ozzy hesitated before dropping the newspaper and looping his arm through Thrax's. They continued walking back home, but Ozzy couldn't get his mind to stop racing. Thrax noticed that Ozzy was especially quiet and squeezed his hand.
"It'll be fine, I'm sure it's just a cold or something."
"That's what they said about you!" He pulled his arm away and frowned. "I don't know how to explain it, but I've got this feelin' in my gut tellin' me that there's something more to this."
He sighed and wrapped his arms around Thrax's waist, looking up at him with big, pleading eyes. "Please, I need you to believe me. Back in Frank, I went to the mayor and told him about you even before you held your meeting, but everyone just thought I was an idiot tryna cause trouble. Luckily, I trusted myself enough to follow my instincts, and I was right. I'm gettin' exactly the same feeling right now as I had when I saw that saliva boat you torched."
Thrax ran his claws up and down his back and smiled. "Okay, Detective Jones, then it's decided. First thing tomorrow, we'll start investigating. Consider me your sexy sidekick."