-So I'm just happily minding my own business when some prick shakes me awake!

"Hey! hey! are you awake?"

No. I am asleep. Obviously, despite me being asleep whoever this is-wait

maybe I should open my eyes..

"Are you a robot?" I say with glee I don't actually have, he eats it up tho.

"Yes! I am!" and then he goes on to tell me he's the ultimate robot? an Ultimate?

"The ultimate robot! Can you shoot lasers from your eyes!?" I'm almost actually interested!-

"wh-No I can't! I'm just like you!..mostly" He is sensitive about robot related subjects? What kind of idiotic creator would allow their AI to be so shitty?? As soon as he mentions robophobia I'm out.

Good thing I've been avoiding people's hands my entire career, Haha..wait do I have a job?..

Let's just ignore that concerning thought for now.

Me and my superior agility get past the sensitive piece of metal, aaand I have no idea where I am, Great.

Before the "first metal snowflake" can catch me I my make way-face first into something soft??

"Oh! I'm so sorry I didn't see you there, are you alright?"

I walked right into her tits..woops

"Oh don't worry about it, your tits cushioned my landing" to be fair I did fall on my ass. She clearly didn't expect me to say something like that..did she think I was a kid?

"OH! I'm sorry I thought you were a-"

She did, huh, is this school-I'm assuming it's a school I mean the place I was so rudely awoken in had a whole desk in it, is this school full of gullible idiots?

She said her name is Kaede Akamatsu, the Ultimate Pianist, huh.

Three whole Ultimates in a school together..totally not suspicious at all.

She keeps talking for a while but my unresponsiveness starts to concern her, "Hey are you okay? Did you hit your head?" The hell? she sounds like a mom.

"Uh no?"

"Then why were you zoning out?" I was thinking unlike everyone else..ah.

I have only met two-er One person and one robot..

"I was saying we should stick together and explore this place, maybe we can find others!" Would that be a good thing tho? we have no idea where we are, why we are here, or how we are here.

And she wants to get buddy buddy with fucking strangers??

"Mhhh, I don't think I've heard your name" haha I almost sound polite.

"I..already told you, Kaede the Ultimate Pianist..did you already forget?" It's actually pretty funny that she almost looks offended.

"Noooooo, I totally knew that already" I absolutely forgot.

She gives me the softest judging look I have ever seen, "Riiight..I've told you my name, so what's yours?"

I gasp dramatically, cause why not.

"Psh I dunno Kaede Akimatsoo, are you sure I didn't already tell you?~" For a moment she looks super flustered.

"That's a lie!" Heh, back to mild bitterness, she sighs

"If you didn't want me to know your name you could've just said so.."

pff-She looks so sad.

"Oh No~ I so wanna tell you, cause I'm probably the coolest guy you'll ever meet!" She looks just about ready to walk away, that was quick.

"My name is Kazuichi Soda! The Ultimate writer!" I say proudly..hehe

"Okay, Kazuichi do you want to come with me or not?"

Oh she still thinks that's even on the table?

"Naw babe, I'm good"

She furrows her brows, have I ever met someone so accurately blonde? hmm.

She finally decides our conversation is getting too annoying and starts walking away..it wouldn't be so dumb to know who else it here.

"Wha-I thought you said you weren't going with me??" I wonder how long it'll take her to realize I'm messing with her?

"I lied" Hehehe, she almost looks disappointed.

"I don't get you.." We make our way around, some boring looking girl runs to us as soon as we turn the corner.

It's a school! There are a lot of corners to turn!

She also introduces herself, Tsumugi Shirogane, the Ultimate cosplayer? The hell is that Ultimate supposed to be good for?

"Wow!! That's a really shitty Ultimate!" Tsumugi looks like she might cry.

"Wh-what room do you have to say that?"

"I'm the ultimate Judge! I think I have the right to say wether your ultimate sucks or not."

Kaede might actually be catching on, or at least she knows that's a lie, hehe

"Don't listen to him Tsumugi he's been like this ever since we met, he likes to lie"

Hehe, "WhYyYyYy WoUlD yOu SaY sOmEtHiNg So MeAn!!" I could've been the ultimate actor.

"w..I didn't mean like that" She's almost pleading, haha.

"How are you sure he's not just lying again?" Hmmm? Tsumugi has a better sense than I would expect from a cosplayer!

Perhaps I should keep an eye on her?

..Nah

At some point Kaede decides to just tell everyone we come across to meet up in the lunchroom? What kind of richass school just has a fully stocked kitchen in their lunchroom??

"-Shuichi Saihara, Ultimate Detective."

eh? A detective?~

Now I can work with that. "A detective! Have you figured out how we got here yet detective chan~?"

Literally everyone seemed to have forgot I was here, well I guess they have pretty bad object permanence. "Uhm, no..not yet"

"Awww, I guess your as useless as the rest of them then?"I say oh so happily.

What I find odd is that everyone but Detective Chan argues he couldn't already know..

These kids clearly don't get it.

"Don't be so mean! Main characters don't always have that kind of advantage!"

main..Characters?

My grin darkens "I don't know what you think is going on, but we're not in some dumb anime"

She shivers "I..I didn't s..Say that we were in an anime.."

If I Roll my eyes anymore I think they'll be sore.

They ignore me, everyone takes turns saying who they are.

Sadly the damned robot is still here, I bet whatever bastard kidnapped us hacked into him so they can watch us...

guess I'll be a dick to him :)

Some weird purple themed astronaut gets all sweet with dearest Detective chan~ I don't remember ever seeing him..

I must have not payed much attention to miss a bright purple astronaut.

I wonder if I should mess with him? He also has a very long haired girl wearing red with him..she is giving me a bad feeling, what is her ultimate?

"Hey! Star nerd! What's her ultimate?!" I yell obnoxiously pointing at said girl.

"Uh, she's the ultimate childcare giver" Yeah,No that does not sound right.

Not to be rude or anything she gives me more ultimate police officer than caregiver.

"Who are you?" I back the hell up as soon as I realize she's right behind me, is she a fucking ninja??

Damn her, my flinch will not go unnoticed by all, how am I supposed to be goofy and mean if I'm seen as a scared kid?!

wait..

Have I told anyone my real name yet?

"He said he is Kazuich Soda the ultimate writer-"

Woops!

"That's a lie!" totally forgot about that lie tho, Haha.

She gives me a you seriously can't just be normal?? look, she definitely reminds me of a family member of some kind..she could totally be a school teacher with her attitude.

"My real name is Kokichi Ouma, I'm the Ultimate Supreme Leader!" I resist the urge to say evil, I somehow think they would all take that to heart if I did say that..

Damned Idiots