Joe's Note: Broke this in half when I started writing a subsequent chapter because I realized the two existing scenes were approximately each the size of one of my standard publishing chapters, and I didn't want to set the precedent of having 5,000 word crack fic chapters. That seemed like a hard target to hit when I'm generally writing one of these chapters in a single sitting after I get home from work. So if you read the original one-shot, this is all familiar territory to you.
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Howard, Jade, Alexander, Tibor, Alonsis2, Daniel, Clark, Adrien, erlking, ridillin, Haematite, Charles, Jacky, Edward, Andrew, Roofcrawler, Wil, PbookR, Samuel, Mikey, Beverly, Daniel, Charles, Crygon20, Subtle, Christopher, Stephen, Fablesrogue, Morgan, Joseph, Jason, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Marc, Ziryo, Chris, George, Koby, William, Devin, JJbelle, David, Gavin, TheTenthAncestor, Lookshy, Mauday, John, Roman, Warren, and Jess for sponsoring me on Patre0n, and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

Entering the observation room, Izuku came to an abrupt halt at the sight of all sixteen of his classmates - and All Might - staring directly at him. Awkwardly, he raised his hand. "Hey?"

"Bro!" Kirishima Eijiro was the first to break the silence, rushing forward to offer his hand to Izuku. "You have such a close relationship with your quirk! That's super manly!"

That... wasn't the reaction that Izuku had been expecting and judging by the looks that Kirishima was now receiving from everyone else in the room - especially Tokoyami Fumikage - it wasn't a widely held belief. Clasping hands with Kirishima, Izuku found his gaze drawn to Ashido Mina, who was staring at him particularly intently. Before he could ask why, she darted forward to grab him by the chest of his costume and shake him. "Your Stand sounds like my friend Toru."

Reaching up, Izuku rubbed the back of his head nervously. Shit. They absolutely had not planned for the eventuality of running into someone who knew her. How was he going to get out of this one. "Um, what a weird coincidence?"

Ashido leaned in closer, staring into his eyes with her exotic black and gold gaze. "You have a mostly invisible female quirk who follows you around and sounds like my friend. My friend with an invisibility quirk wouldn't tell me what her high school plans were. That seems like more than a coincidence to me."

Crap. They had lasted all of two days before being discovered. His senses finely honed from ten months of training with Toru, he unerringly turned to where he knew she was standing. He could hear her shifting position, and then a loud sigh. "Way to ruin literally the one good thing I had going for me, Mina-chan. Why couldn't you have been in 1-B? We would have been able to pull this off until at least the Sports Festival."

"Hagakure Toru! You can't just run around pretending to be someone's quirk!" Ashido crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at a spot roughly two feet to the left of where Izuku knew Toru actually was. "That's just weird. And how are you going to actually earn a living if you're busy pretending to be Midori's quirk?"

"WIth me, Izukun will be a professional hero and earn lots of money and use that to provide for me. He'll be my spice daddy."

"...spice daddy?"

"You know, like a sugar daddy except instead of sex, he pays me to punch people." Toru shifted, probably bringing her finger up to her chin the way Izuku knew she tended to when she was thinking. "I mean, there will probably be some sex. Eventually. We're dating. I'll probably marry him someday."

That... was the first that Izuku had heard of that. Not that he objected, because Toru was literally the only good thing to happen to him in the last eleven years, but... maybe that should have been a revelation to make to him first? In private? Leaning in, Ashido crowed victoriously. "See, that's exactly why you can't do this! First of all, congratulations and I want all the details. Secondly, how are you going to marry your boyfriend if you're his quirk? You can't marry a quirk."

Much to Izuku's surprise, a very uncomfortable looking Tokoyami slowly raised his hand. "Actually, as a sentient quirk, Dark Shadow was added to our family registration sheet when I was four and first manifested her. She legally exists as her own entity under Japanese law. Therefore if Dark Shadow ever met the right person, legally... I cannot say it would be impossible for her to file a marriage registration form and create a new registration sheet with the individual that she chooses to bond with."

Toru let out a victorious cry of her own at that bit of information. "See! I'll just get myself added to Izukun's family registration sheet as Invisible Touch, and then when we're eighteen - or however old we are when we're ready - we'll just create our own new family. Easy peasy."

"Wow. The more you know, I guess." Ashido looked baffled for a few seconds before collecting herself. "Okay, so... wait, do we have time for this or do we have to get to the next battle trial?"

In the corner of the room, All Might had pulled a bag of popcorn out of somewhere and was contentedly munching on it as he observed their conversation. "I'm invested in this story now, so I'm going to allow it. Although someone should probably point out that falsifying a quirk registry sheet is a crime."

Suddenly, Izuku found himself very glad that Toru had talked him out of taking that particular step in perpetuating their scheme. "Actually, I'm still registered as quirkless. I wrote Invisible Touch in as my quirk on my school application, but I don't think lying on a school application is actually a criminal act. Frowned upon, and the principal may expel us when he finds out, but not actually illegal."

"Oh. Very well then." All Might waved them on before stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. "By all means, continue."

Clearing her throat, Yaoyorozu Momo drew the room's attention to herself. "I feel as if this won't stand up to the intense media scrutiny that heroes are routinely placed under. The idea of presenting yourself as his quirk, but also the idea of you marrying him someday. Especially if Midoriya actually succeeds at his goal of becoming a professional hero, someone somewhere is going to going to make the same connection as Ashido and this entire scheme of yours will come tumbling down."

Izuku exchanged a look with Toru, and then she snapped her fingers excitedly. "I've got it! Uraraka-chan! I've seen the way you look at Izukun. I need you to marry Izukun so you can be the public face of the relationship and I can be the shy wife who avoids cameras and he looks like just an ordinary guy who's in a slightly less conventional relationship. And so that's why nobody ever sees me, not because I'm invisible and pretending to be his quirk."

"...what the fuck?" Uraraka looked at the pair with wide eyes, bringing her hands up in front of herself as she flapped them anxiously. "I mean, yes, he's cute and I was hoping that he was single but wouldn't it just be easier for you to... be your own hero?"

Reaching into one of the pouches on Izuku's belt, Toru pulled out a thin pair of white gloves so that her hands would be visible as she ticked points off on her fingers. "First of all, you wouldn't understand, it's for the bit. Second of all, you would think so but no. Third of all, if I'm my own hero then Izukun doesn't have a quirk anymore and how's he going to be a hero?"

Uraraka slumped a little bit at that question. Given that she - and everyone else in the room - was there because they wanted to be a hero, the idea of stripping Izuku of his chance at being a hero evidently sat poorly with them. Before she could reply, Mina was leaning in again. "Wait can I marry Midori then? I mean, you're like, my best friend so I want to support you in this and it makes more sense than Uraraka. No offense, Uraraka-chan. I mean, if you really are into him, we could both marry him or something?"

"Is that even legal?" Uraraka canted her head to the side curiously. "I mean, if a quirk can marry then I suppose it can't be too illegal to just, file two different marriage registration forms and all of us pile onto the same family sheet?"

Mina nodded excitedly. "They passed the law legalizing that during the Age of Troubles, when the population really began to bottom out. We would all have to have the same last name, so we'd really want to think things through before the first two people filed. It's not legal to have different last names, although you can use your maiden name socially if you want. Weird thing I found out when I was writing one of my All Might/Endeavor shipping fics. So I mean... I guess Midoriya Mina doesn't sound bad."

There was a soft croak and then Asui Tsuyu pushed her way forward. "Can I get in on that? Statistically speaking, mutant quirk users tend to have bad luck with romance and... well, Midoriya-san is cute enough."

Thrusting both fists into the air, Toru let out a victorious cheer. "Hero polycule! We can be our own team!"

From the corner, All Might raised a buttery hand. "I'm sorry, did Ashido-shoujo say something about All Might and Endeavor fiction?"

"Oh yeah, I've got the most reviewed story on Archive of Our Own's real person category for my slow burn enemies-to-lovers story where you and Endeavor hook up. It's currently on one hundred and forty-seven chapters and two point four million words long." Ashido offered a peace sign before realizing who she was talking to and flushing a darker shade of pink. "But enough about me! Toru! Are you just holding your hands up really high or did you have a growth spurt?"

Toru offered a peace sign in response. "I have no idea how you missed it because I wear clothes most of the time so you should have noticed me growing but yeah. I shot up like, a solid thirty centimeters in the last year. I'm now a hundred and eighty three centimeters tall."

Reaching out, Ashido grabbed at Toru's wrists and then traced back along her arms, her eyes growing wider and wider. "Holy shit, you're fucking jacked!" Ghosting her hands over Toru's chest, she ventured downward to her stomach. "Oh my God, your abs!"

"Yeah, we had this idea where I would make Izukun look like he was levitating by picking him up by the back of his costume but that didn't really fit the Stand gimmick so we discarded it." Toru reached down, grabbing Ashido's hands and pulling them away from her stomach. "Also don't just touch my bare stomach like that. I'm ticklish."

Ashido's brow furrowed as she stared up at Toru. "Wait a minute, I thought you had some sort of invisible costume. Or that maybe you discovered how to make other things go invisible. Are you... are you naked?"

Pulling one hand out of Ashido's grip, Toru waved it in the space between their bodies. "Not anymore. I'm wearing gloves now."

"Which means you were naked. Holy shit, girl, we need to get you something made of DNA-infused fibers or something. Especially before winter sets in. Unless your plan is to be a seasonal hero and just not go out during the cold months." Ashido shook her head in disbelief before raising her free hand and making little popping gestures. "Speaking of your quirk, what was that shimmery thing you were doing during the fight? I thought your quirk was just being invisible?"

Leaning in, Toru draped herself over Izuku's shoulder. "That's the entire reason I agreed to be a Stand! There I was just sorta making my way through life being invisible, which wasn't a bad quirk for an espionage or infiltration hero but wasn't really A-list material. Then I met Izukun and he helped me realize that my real quirk is refracting light. Once we figured that out, I taught myself how to do more than just make myself invisible. Like my Stand form. I also have a ranged attack now. I wanted to call it Kamehameha but that was crossing properties and could lead to product confusion. And we both went on an exercise and diet plan, so we're both built as fuck now. And I know how to kick box! Which is how I defeated Baka-go."

From the back of the room, Bakugo let out a scoff. "You got lucky. Now that I'm on to you, I'll beat you next time."

"You think so? Mina-chan, hold my gloves." Peeling her white gloves off, Toru passed them to Ashido before heading for the back of the room. Izuku tracked her light footfalls back toward where Bakugo was standing, and then the blond boy let out a grunt before collapsing to one knee. Then his head rocked sideways, blood exploding from his nose as he went crashing down onto his side on the floor. "I have so many years of bullying to repay you for, and I'm going to get my revenge for every single one of them. You're my bitch, Baka-go. You can't explode what you can't see, and what you can't see can fuck you up good."

Sighing, All Might pushed up onto his toes to see over the crowd of students. "Invisible Touch-shoujo, please refrain from attacking your classmates outside of designated classroom activities. You'll have plenty of chances to beat up Bakugo-shonen for a grade."

Toru came skipping back over to Izuku and Mina, retrieving her gloves from the pink-skinned girl and offering All Might a thumbs up. "I will absolutely beat up Bakugo for a grade as often as you'll let me. And you can call me Hagakure-shoujo, since the jig is pretty obviously up at this point."

"Can do, Hagakure-shoujo!" Offering a thumbs up of his own, All Might wiped his hand on his costume before tucking his snack back away to somewhere that Izuku couldn't see. "Now, are we done talking about the deception that you and Midoriya-shonen have been perpetuating? Because we still do have several other matches to get through today."

Asui pushed her way a little closer to where Izuku and Toru were standing. "If you don't mind, I'd like to talk quietly with Hagakure-san and Midoriya-san while we wait for the next match to start. If I'm going to be marrying Midoriya-san, I think I should probably get to know him better first." Turning to Izuku, she offered a cheerful little wave. "Call me Tsu."

Staring at Asui - Tsuyu? Tsu? - with wide eyes, Izuku just nodded slowly. He'd thought that everyone had been joking when they were talking about polyamory and alternatives to Toru's plan for him to marry his own 'quirk'. Evidently... not? As All Might led Team B and Team I out of the observation room, he rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Nice to meet you, Tsu-san. Your quirk is Frog, right?"

"Yep, and I'm a frog with needs, so this works out well for me." Tsuyu brought her finger up to the corner of her mouth as she peered up at him, a tic very similar to one he was used to with Toru. "Do you think you'd be able to help me get the most out of my quirk like you did with Hagakure-san?"

Reaching out, Toru offered Tsuyu a gloved hand. "If we're going to be sharing a boyfriend, you can definitely call me Toru. And you can call him Izuku. Or Izukun. Or Midori like Mina does. That's super cute."

Ashido brushed past where Tsuyu and Toru were shaking hands, draping herself across Izuku's left side and making him stiffen anxiously. "You can all call me Mina, of course, of course. And that sounds like an awesome idea. I'd love to hear what ideas Midori has about my quirk too."

Crowding in next to Tsuyu, Uraraka nodded eagerly. "Call me Ochako! And I'd love some help with my quirk. It's pretty basic, I just... float stuff. Including myself, but yeah. Floating stuff is all I can do for now."

Toru glanced over at Izuku before reaching into the belt pouch that held their phone. Theirs because she couldn't really keep one on her while getting the most out of her quirk, and her phone had actually been considerably better than his. He still maintained a separate phone for when he and Toru were apart, but it was currently powered off and buried in the bottom of his backpack back in their classroom at the moment. "Okay, everyone give me your contact information and we'll set up a group chat. And then maybe... cafe date after school today?"

This was... not how Izuku pictured his second day of high school going.