A Vice-Captain's Sorrow

Hello hello, it sure has been a long time but I'm here to post something new once again. So I've been rewatching Bleach before I jump into the "Thousand Year Blood War" saga and there have been some moments that have jumped out at me and one of them being just how affected Matsumoto, Kira, Hisagi and Hinamori were by the Captains' betrayals. So I wanted to write something where we get a little in their heads about how they feel and dealt with everything and here we are.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of the characters.

It was the end of a long week. Around sunset Matsumoto had invited Kira out for drinks saying it had been a while since they last went out together, and Kira not having any plans in particular, agreed. The two vice-captains met at a bar and went inside. Matsumoto and Kira chose a booth and sat down, their drinks arrived not too long after. Half an hour into their drinking, Kira finally asked.

"Are you okay?"

"What do you mean?" she asked raising the cup to her lips once again.

"Surely we didn't come out to drink for nothing."

"You know I've never needed a reason to go drinking."

"Normally yes, but the timing is what gets me." he looked at her seriously, it really hadn't been that long since..., "Out of the two of us, you knew him longest." he watched her head fall slowly as if to contemplate his words.

Matsumoto bit her lip, thankful, at least, that Kira hadn't said his name. Was she running away from her feelings? From her grief? More like trying to drown them in alcohol, yet strangely enough, she didn't want to get drunk. They'd been here for almost an hour and Matsumoto had only had three drinks. Usually she'd have three drinks in less than ten minutes. But tonight she didn't want lose her senses, she didn't want her mind to lose its clarity because that would stop her from thinking about Gin and she didn't want that, even if she couldn't say it out loud.

"It doesn't matter who knew him the longest, the pain we feel is the same. And besides he was your Captain, the relationship between Captain and Lieutenant is a special one. I wasn't the only one he left behind."

"When he arrived on the battlefield with Aizen, when I felt his reiatsu again after so long, I was apprehensive but somewhere deep down that familiar feeling of his power was comforting. I'd been by his side for so long, I got too used to it and for a moment I thought things would go back to normal." Kira downed his cup and poured himself another, "Then when you and Hinamori-kun were fatally injured and I was the only one keeping you two alive, all my fears came rushing back, my fight with you, my confrontation with her, even now I still think about it." he sighed, "I wasn't strong enough to stop him."

"Neither of us was. I thought I could make him stay. I thought our history together would make him consider at least, but, that's not what happened. And you don't have to keep beating yourself up about any of that anymore, Kira. If you weren't there, I wouldn't have survived, it's that simple."

Kira stared into his own cup of sake, absorbing her words this time. She was right in the end about all of it, it didn't matter what their relationship was with Ichimaru-taichou, the point was that they'd both cared about him and they'd both subsequently lost him. And she was right about letting go of the past, although that would always be easier said than done. It would take a long time for him to forgive himself.

"Not to mention," she broke the silence that had settled between them, "We didn't really get any answers for it. He left without saying much. Aizen revealed his intentions to everyone, Shūhei fought Tousen and got some answers but you and me, nothing." she sighed and put her cup down.

"This feels familiar, like the first time he left us, the two of sat together talking, helping each other get back up. But I wonder," he took a sip from his cup of sake before continuing, "How many times can you lose someone before it becomes too difficult to get back up again?"

"I'm not sure and I don't think I want to know. I'm going to believe that as long as there are people ready to help you up when you haven't got the strength to do it yourself, you can come back from anything." she gave a small smile before refilling her cup and raising it, Kira followed and they both downed their sake.

Later that evening, Matsumoto made her way over to the Ninth Squad barracks to see if he'd be there, and unsurprisingly she found him in his office completing stacks of paperwork.

"Buried away in work as usual, eh Shūhei?" she stood at the door, waiting for him to look up.

"Rangiku, what brings you by?"

"You, actually. You up for a walk?"

"Thanks but, I've got a lot of work to finish." he then retuned his attention to the pile in front of him. He hadn't noticed her walking over to him. She walked to his side of the table and sat on the edge, watching him fill in documents.

"From what I hear from your squad, they haven't seen their vice-captain in almost two days."

"They worry too much."

Why do you think I'm here? I'm worried too."

The care in her voice made him falter, as much as he wanted to give her all his attention, if he stopped now his mind would start racing. And all the emotions he'd buried about Tousen would come flooding back to the surface, and he just couldn't deal with that again.

"Shūhei, please..." she put her hand over his that was holding the brush. His hand immediately stopped moving. The tenderness with which she'd said his name, her gentle touch, she had his full attention now. He put the brush down and stood up, his eyes locking with her own. Both of them had a lot going on, she wore her pain so openly, her eyes basically glistening in their grief unlike his own which he tried to keep as neutral as possible but, she was always a little too good at reading him.

She stood up as well, standing right in front of him, she was only slightly shorter than him. "Take it from someone who's an expert at ignoring problems, distracting yourself won't work forever." she cupped his cheek, taking in how tired he looked. "We all need to take a step back to breathe."

Shūhei let out a deep sigh and managed a small smile. She was right and he wasn't going to fight her on that. She smiled up at him before linking her arm with his and leading them out the office.

It was a beautiful night, the full moon lit up the sky. It was surprisingly quiet, what time was it? From the silence it was definitely after midnight. Just how long had he been working? Shūhei took in a deep breath of fresh air, already feeling his head clear, he'd definitely needed this. Being in the office for almost two days straight wasn't good for him. But the best part of this was that he was walking with Rangiku. They'd been pretty close before but, these past few weeks after the battle with Aizen, they'd become even closer. Be it meeting up for drinks, going for walks like right now or letting out their vulnerabilities, they'd found comfort in each other.

"So what prompted this visit?"

"Like I said, I'm worried about you, about all of us." she held his arm a little tighter.

"All of us?"

"You, me, Hinamori and Kira. We're all in the same boat. Missing and grieving the Captains that betrayed us. They lied to everyone sure, but, for the four of us it's different, it's more personal. We trained under them, looked up to them, we were close..." she'd said that last part more to herself. They'd reached a grassy clearing, heading to a large tree.

Dammit, she could feel the corners of her eyes stinging and her vision blurred. She didn't want to cry but she couldn't stop the tears, Shūhei pulled her into his arms and hugged her.

"Sorry..." she put her arms around him and rested her forehead on his chest, closing her eyes. "I'm supposed to be the one making sure you're alright." she let out a short sigh and held him a little tighter.

"And while you're doing that who's making sure you're alright?" There was a long pause after that. She really didn't want to think about it too much. Making sure everyone around her was alright was her way of feeling like she still had some part of her life under control, that she wasn't being torn apart inside. Rangiku turned her head to the side and looked outward. Wow, she really hadn't been paying attention during their walk. She remembered being on the path just outside the Ninth's barracks but now they were in a clearing pretty high up, sitting under a large tree. She knew this place. She'd found Shūhei here a few times, it was where he usually came to talk to Tousen-taichou. The view was magnificent.

"I'm fine." she tried to sound like she really was.

"None of us are fine and I think that's okay. We all did what we could but in the end it wasn't enough." He looked outwards, gathering his thoughts, "Being cut down by your own superior, that's a pain unlike any other, Hinamori and I share that in common. But with Tousen-taichou, we almost had him back. He'd taught me so much, I couldn't just let him continue on that path of destruction. Komamura-taichou and I, we talked to him, we even fought him to try make him see reason and for a time he did. His last few moments of life, he was back, he saw me for the first time and reached out..." he faded off, his chest growing heavy from the weight of his pain. He lowered his head, resting it on hers.

"Before he was taken from you, something we have in common. Watching the people we cared so much about die right in front of us. But at the very least," she looked up to meet Shūhei's gaze, his tears had fallen as had hers, "Tousen-taichou got to see what a beautiful person you are." her words had filled something in him at that moment. She was always good at making other people feel better and being there for them. And now she'd given him a comfort he'd always hold on to.

He'd held on to her a little tighter and never wanted to let go.

A few days later Matsumoto and Hinamori took a day off to relax at an onsen. Soaking in the hot water did wonders for their muscles, relaxing them immediately.

Hinamori leaned her head back and let out a content sigh, surrounded by steam. "Thanks for inviting me Rangiku-san, I really needed this."

"Of course! After everything that's happened and now that you're finally healed again, we deserve a day off." she said, getting in the water herself.

For a few minutes the two vice-captains soaked in silence, simply enjoying the atmosphere but after a while Matsumoto spoke up first.

"Have you spoken to him yet?" she asked gently.

"I have, not too long after I woke up actually."

When Hitsugaya had come to see her, it was so quiet between them at first. Neither of them knew what to say to each other or even where to start but eventually they had talked. Things weren't perfect between them and there was still so much more to talk about but they were definitely on the road to getting better.

"He told me what happened. It took him a while but eventually he told me. Aizen, that bastard, really used you again."

"And to think I showed up to the battle still calling him Aizen-taichou." Hinamori sank into the water until her chin was dipped in. Matsumoto remembered that moment so clearly, she'd called him by his title with such seriousness that it stung. She remembered wanting to correct her friend, that the enemy before them was no longer her Captain.

"It's not your fault—

"Out of all us vice-captains who got betrayed, I should be feeling the most relieved that he's gone, carrying the least amount of pain but I can't say that." Hinamori started trembling as she fought back her tears. "Why did I think he could be reasoned with, that he could be changed back? After all he did, especially to me, I should've hated him the most—" she was overcome with emotion, unable to keep her sobs quiet anymore she let it all out. Matsumoto waded over to her and hugged her.

"I hate that I'm not happy that he's gone, what's wrong with me?!"

"Nothing is wrong with you, Hinamori." Matsumoto calmed her down and rubbed her back, "You are one of the kindest, most caring people I know. You see the good in others and you're always ready to help. Aizen took advantage of that, took advantage of the fact that you care for people and care about your squad. You served your captain to the best of your abilities cared about him. Finding out it was all a lie would shake anyone. That's how we all felt when those three Captains turned on us. Kira, me, Shūhei, we're all still reeling from what happened. You're not alone in this. I still miss Gin so much, so does Kira. The same goes for Shūhei and his Captain. We have feelings that were betrayed but that doesn't make us bad people." she hoped Hinamori would be comforted by her words and deep within herself she hoped that she'd believe her own words as well.

"So where do we go from here? I feel like I'm carrying so much, I might be crushed by it. The shame I feel for even thinking about Aizen still stings and then there's what happened with Shiro-chan..." her hand instinctively went to her chest where he'd run her through, "I just don't know. The four of us look crazy for feeling this way."

"You two will get back to normal eventually, it might take some time but you'll get there. It'll take time for all of us to be honest." she gave her friend a reassuring smile.

"And what about you Rangiku-san? I just spilled all my tears and feelings, your turn." Hinamori said with a genuine smile.

"I already had my crying time, believe it or not, with Shūhei. I'm still a mess on the inside but with time and all of you, I'll be okay."

"Oh so you and Shūhei, huh?" a small teasing smile appeared on Hinamori's face.

"It's not like that," she chuckled but then thought again, "Well, actually..."

The two ladies laughed and carried on talking enjoying their time together and in the process, a small sense of healing began.

And this was the fate of the four vice-captains who could only relate to each other. When one of them was down, the others would come rushing to their aid. No one else in Soul Society could understand the complexity of their pain and the bonds they'd lost nor the new ones they'd created with each other. They'd made it a routine to meet up as often as possible, usually in the late hours of the night. They'd gather for drinks or a meal and let out their pains and sorrows, their tears and fond memories of those they'd missed and comfort each other. They'd sit back and let their vulnerabilities disappear into the night, feeling lighter by the time they'd parted ways.

It was their bond forged through fire and pain, it was unshakable. If nothing else, they were grateful for what the experience had given them in the end, stronger friendships and the opportunity for love to develop once again.

And there you have it. My little story focused on the vice-captains and how they're trying to move forwards, hope you enjoyed. Lemme know what you think.

Well that's it from me-

Until the next story:

Ketsui Tasogare :-)