Chapter 9: The Cloaca

"Where am...ptttuhhh...I? Is this some...ptuhhh...kind of extra...ptuhhh..ptttuh...large intestine? Ptuhhh!"
"No, it's my cloaca."
"I thought your...ptuhhhh...cloaca or vent...ptuhhh...or whatever you...ptuhhhh...call it was...ptuhhh...just your butt...ptuhhhh...hole."
"You're really going to need mouthwash to clean your mouth after inhaling so much of my feces. I told you to keep it shut until you're outside of me."
"What's a cloaca? Ptuhhhh!"
"A cloaca serves three main purposes. One, it's where solid waste comes from my rectum before I poop it out. Two, it is where my ureters dump my semi-solid urates. Three..."
"Wait, your...pthhh...pee comes into...ptuhhhh...here?"
"Yes. It's semi-solid because, unlike you mammals, I don't have a bladder. Makes it easier for us birds to fly."
"So I'm covered...ptuhhhh...in bird piss...ptuhhhh...and shit...ptuhhh?"
"Yes, and inhaling it too by continuing to talk. As I was saying, the third purpose of my cloaca is to lay eggs. The first hole opens into my coprodaeum, the top of my cloaca. That's where you came in. The other two holes empty in my urodeum. That's where my pee comes in and where eggs would come into the cloaca..."
"How do you...ptuhhhhh...lay an egg...ptuhhhh...without getting...ptuhhh...poop or pee...ptuhhh...on it? Ptuh!"
"You're so inquisitive that even getting feces and urates into your mouth doesn't stop you from asking endless questions. If you must know, my body extends the place where the egg would come into the cloaca right through the vent so that it lays it out directly, thus avoiding the poop and pee. Now, as I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, there is another hole, the vent, also called a cloaca too, and which you call my 'butthole' that is at the end of where you are now, my proctodeum. Tonight, I'll push you out of the vent and the both of us can finally get some relief. Now I suggest you stop asking questions before you get sick from inhaling so much waste."

Peter realized that she was right and that it was best not to say anything more till after he was excreted. He had already learned a lot about bird anatomy, that they had two stomachs (a proventriculus and a gizzard) and a crop and that their back end actually expelled poop and pee at the same time and even could lay eggs.

Time slowly dripped down as Peter languished in the proctodeum. Time wasn't the only thing dripping in either. Solid waste fell in from the coprodaeum and urates fell in from the urodeum. He now understood what Agnes had meant when she said that her pee was different than his pee. He had just gone, again, and it was all liquid. He had also gone #2 as well, figuring that, being inside a bird's butt, it really wouldn't matter if he pulled off his pants and underwear to go. He was glad that, unlike birds, he didn't have to go through one opening. That would sure be messy.

After being in the cloaca for only thirty minutes, he finally saw light for the first time in about two days. The hawk had a burst of flatulence that exited out her vent with a loud and smelly PHHHHBT! As the vent opened, even briefly, he shielded his eyes from the little bit of light that came in. With this short burst of light, he could see grayish black solid waste and whitish urates. He could also quickly take in four holes. One was at the end of the rectum and was in the corprodaeum. Two were in the urodeum, one the ureter and the other the passage where eggs came out. Beneath him in the proctodeum was the vent. This was the exit to the hawk's body. Now, all he had to do was wait till it was safe for the hawk to squeeze him through it. He sighed. It was going to be a long and agonizing wait.

Agnes also was feeling that the wait was slow. While she wasn't having to breathe in her own feces and urates and intestinal gas, she was feeling a sharp literal pain in her butt that was Peter Rabbit. She had squeezed unfertilized eggs, having remained a virgin so far and thus never had any hatching ones, though, she had had one suitor who had been interested and she was thinking that maybe, when this was all over, she would take him up on his offer as a sort of reward for her troubles with the Peter Rabbit ordeal, out of her cloaca before and that was a bit painful. But squeezing a whole rabbit out, that was going to be far worse. And to add insult to likely future injury, she couldn't reliever herself at all that day, and she normally went a few times a day. She also sighed. She agreed with Peter that it was going to be a long day.

While Agnes, as best as she could with the strain on her cloaca, went about her normal day, Peter's day was his worst ever. Not only did feces continually pile up on him through the day, but her urates kept landing on him. He was sure that his clothes were going to be ruined at this point. Now, he was beginning to fear that, even after excretion, that he wouldn't ever get the smell of the feces and urates and other smells of the bird's digestive tract out of his nostrils or off his body. It was all he could do not to hurl at the awful smell. And he didn't want to hurl because he hadn't eaten in over a day. Having long ago digested what he had foolishly thought was going to be his best feast ever, his stomach now was growling emptily. And he was thirsty and had nothing to drink, for he was not going to drink the hawk's urates, no matter how thirsty he was.

Finally, nightfall came and the hawk was released. He could feel as she flew off. "I am going to release you in about a minute. Get ready to drop." Agnes said.

Peter braced himself. The hawk grunted and her cloaca begin to pulsate, he could see a lot of light come in, even though it was night, there was still more light than he'd been exposed to in about 60 hours. The waste in front of him began to exit out the vent with a SPLAT and a SPLORT, depending on if it was feces or urates. However, as he himself reached the opening of the vent, his legs began to go through. However, his body was having a much harder time going through.

UNNNHHH! OHHHHH! UNNNNNNH! UNNNNH! AHHHH! The hawk grunted and groaned and pushed, as though she were laying an egg. However, despite her pushing, she couldn't manage to get the rabbit's torso through. Finally, after three minutes of a failed attempted to dislodge him out of her cloaca, she finally relented, and he was pulled back into her cloaca.

"What the hell! PTUHHH! PTUHHH! PHHT! What gives? I thought you were...PTUHHHH! PTUHHH! going to shit me out! PTUHHH! PTUHHH!" he snapped.

"I'm afraid you're too fat. I'm afraid we're just going to have to wait till you slim down a bit to go through and the waste behind you creates a strong enough force to push you through."

"How long will...PTUHHHH...that take? PTUHHH!"

"I'm afraid only time will tell."