When the dust settled, a single walnut was dropped into the centre of the mighty circle.
Yoshi's tongue crept near, salivating like an ultimate swordfish.
Luigi turned to his red brother, both of their majestic mustaches blowing through the wind like uncharted treasures.
"Bro, I hate Nathan Drake," said Luigi finally, wiping his brow of the leftover ranch Pringles residue.
Toad was atop the clocktower watching the green one's saltiness. He blew up a balloon and floated down with all the grace of a swan.
Mario cocked his eyebrow like a rooster. "What are you doing here, Toad?" he asked in a semi-nervous tone that was all too furious in reality.
Toad took out his scimitar and sharpened it upon his portable grindstone. The whetting was so classy, like a pulchritudinous elm tree.
Luigi ducked into the corner and quacked. Yoshi followed and laid tongue into the tortillas. A Shy Guy near said corner folded over the tortilla and took a bite.
"Ow, you ravaged it, you accursed vandal..." grunted Yoshi like a raging tiger with lilies in his nostrils.
The Shy Guy simply redirected their attention back to Mario and Toad: the two vile rivals of strength, wisdom, and tenacious guilt.
"These forthcomings are so uncool," said Mario. He drew his pencil and penned an angry letter. "A..." he started.
"Do not finish, fiend!" Toad hollered, pointing the tip of his blade right at the big nose.
"B..." Mario continued. His face began to glow like a light bulb.
"This sheer terror is aching my beautiful heart!" shrieked Luigi, popping open the tap. He drank his seltzer with swaggy swigs.
Wario and Waluigi were on the eastern mountain range, espying the triumph of rivalry. "Wario, this is like the time we ate soup!" Waluigi called to his brotherly chum.
Wario thought about the soup incident and cried. His five tears hit a stone and the stone eroded instantaneously.
Waluigi dug his hand into the deep pit that had formed within the stone. He uncovered a shining diamond.
"It's a stone, Waluigi," said Wario. "You didn't make it."
"It's a football. I chiseled it!" Waluigi answered as he swallowed a pie whole. The pie went down the esophagus like a ghost.
Meanwhile, Mario was already on "M". This was the most powerful letter of them all. It was way more powerful than the previous letter which was so bad at getting women.
Toad started cutting Mario's pages from his spoken book of glory, but Mario was just too good at literature from the soul.
A Goomba showed up underneath Mario's boot. "I died in the past. What is my initiative now?"
Mario shook his head and poured gravy on the Goomba's head. The Goomba bathed and caught the leftover gravy in his mouth. Then he sprouted wings and flew back to Cambodia.
Luigi cried out for Cambodia because he liked geography so much. He just remembered how awful the world was without Sporcle quizzes and pulled out his CELLULAR DEVICE.
Beep Beep... said the phone anxiously.
"Hello, this is Don Pianta," said the voice on the talking machine.
Luigi screamed into the speaker and then tore off his overalls.
Yoshi bore witness to the most amazing set of boxers ever to grace the bloody planet. They had flowers and anchovies for a pattern. Such prints were fabled to only be available online which was really, really cool.
Toad had had enough though. He punched Mario's nose clean off his dumb face.
Mario smirked and picked the nose back up. He screwed it back onto his nose-spot and then cracked open a can of expired chili peppers. He then used the can as an amplifier of his own steamy Italian voice. He said "spaghetti" really hard like a rock star.
"I'm not so sure you are an evil one, but you certainly have icky tastes in music..." Toad seethed. He brought his scimitar down and chopped off all of Mario's toes.
Mario's lips curled into a nasty grin and he slurped up each severed toe. His toe-less feet grew begonias out of the wounds and now Mario had the eternal power of charisma.
Toad winced at the sight and returned his blade to underneath his cap. "This is why you're such a fat buffoon, Mario..." he said, holding a grudge as well as a mitochondrial tuna toothpaste.
"You can't tune pianos anymore, Toad," explained Mario mystically as his begonias grew to great lengths, encapsulating his entire figure. "Just remember... all walnuts are disallowed for tricky business..."
Toad sighed. "I see... I may not approve, but I understand this predicament."
"And that is why you fail..."

FIN