Triggers for this chapter IMPLIED CHILD ABUSE, EATING DISORDER NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIED, SELF-HARM, DEPRESSION

I hate jkr and i clearly don't own Harry Potter

I hope people enjoy this.

August 10th 1976

Everything hurt, his head hurt, his stomach ached desperate for the food he… his sides burned and he just desperately wanted it all to stop. Sirius kicked a rock angerly with his black motorcycle boots that Lily had given him as a gift.

He didn't know where to go he had been disowned; his face had been burned of the family tapestry. Sirius knew then that second as his mother burned away his name that he couldn't stay. He left then walked away without so much of a second glance as he walked out the door. He wandered around London for awhile unsure of where to go. Remus was to far away to make it practical, James and his family were on vacation, Peter's parents wouldn't let him stay there. Lily was muggle-born and that brought it's own set of issues, the McKinnon's probably wouldn't be caught dead with a Black in their house, Mary and him were not close, and Dorcas was gone too. Sirius wasn't sure who would take him in, none of his family would dare to glance across his face except for his Uncle and Andy.

He could go stay with Andy maybe if she was willing he could crash there for a bit. He didn't have a way to get there though. Maybe just maybe he could take the Knight Bus, he had taken it with James once before, he stuck out his hand and waited.

He glanced up at the dark night sky the full moon hanging there, haunting his thoughts. The moon always reminded him of Remus, of what they had lost.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think this is working?" Sirius said pulling away from Remus when he leaned in to kiss him.

What? Why?" Remus asked looking at him with critical eyes.

"I'm sorry, I hope that we can still be friends," Sirius said walking away. He couldn't believe that he had done that that he had actually done that, but it had to be better than what could have happened if he hadn't. Right?

"Sirius, I was looking for you my parents sent me a new record after I told them how much you loved the last one," Lily said give him a grin that dropped upon seeing his tear streaked eyes. "What happened?"

"I broke up with Remus," he said dropping to the floor on one of the many shifting staircases.

A loud honk pulled him out of his thoughts and a triple decker purple bus was in front of him. He slowly climbed up the steps, unsure in himself and what he was doing. He said nothing and just thought of where he wanted to go, laying down on one of the beds he waited there in silence. Before to long he felt the bus come to a stop and he got up and exited the bus.

The sight that greeted him was unfamiliar, it was a cute little house with a mailbox reading Tonks, Lily had explained what that meant, in the suburbs of what he assumed was London. If he had been thinking straight he would have waited until morning to go and knock, but he wasn't thinking straight. He was so tired yet also so wide awake at the same time. he went up and knocked on the door. Then he waited… and waited for what seemed like eternity. He wondered if this was a mistake, he was foolish to believe that his cousin would let him stay here. Sirius was about ready to call it quits and walk away, and then the door opened and he was greeted by a man he had only seen on a tapestry.

"Hi… umm is Andy here?" Sirius mumbled after a second.

"Who is it Ted?" A voice questioned from inside the house growing louder.

"I don't know," Ted said after a moment.

"Sirius, what are you doing here? Are you okay?" Andy asked quickly pushing past her husband to hug her cousin.

Sirius started to answer only to be cut off with.

"Don't answer that now, let's get you to bed, and then we can talk in the morning ok."

Sirius let himself be led into the house, a faint howl echoed outside as the door was slammed shut and protective and locking spells were put back in place.

Meanwhile when this was all happening. The wolf was alone in a shed in the middle of nowhere, howling even though nobody could hear him.

Sirius woke up to the faint sound of laughter and the smell of food. He rolled off of the couch, and got to his feet. He was still dressed in the clothes he had been wearing yesterday, the black skinny jeans and a faded Queen shirt that Lily had gifted him after seeing how much he loved their music. He left the very simple guest room that just contained a bed and walked down the stairs to where the sound was coming from. He entered the kitchen and was greeted with three smiling faces.

"Sirius your up," Andy said giving him a grin, her daughter in her arms.

"Hi, good morning, she's gotten so big," Sirius said gesturing to Dora.

"Yeah, she has, Dora say hi to Sirius," Andy said.

"Hi," Dora said with a wave, her hair changing color.

"Hey, I'm going to go visit the Weasley's and take Dora with me, give you two a chance to talk," Ted said taking his daughter from Andy and walking out the door.

"Do you want pancakes Sirius," Andy offered holding out a plate with one hand.

Sirius logically knew that not eating would probably be a red flag, but he honestly didn't care anymore. He just shook his head in responses. Andy frowned at him but didn't push it.

"Sirius, what happened?" Andy asked sitting down at the dining room table.

That was a good question one he didn't really have an answer for.

"I couldn't do it anymore," Sirius eventually settled on.

"Do what?" Andy asked looking at him with kind eyes. Sirius anxiously ran his hands through his hair, he wanted to tell the truth desperately wanted someone to save him, but he couldn't talk about it.

"Nothing. never mind," Sirius said he desperately wanted to breakdown and curl up into a ball but he couldn't do that right now.

"Sirius, what happened I can't help you if I don't know what is wrong," Andy sighed.

"They hate me nothing I ever do is good enough for them, oh I got a single A on my O.W.L.S., and it's all Sirius how could you, and I fucking hate it, I hate it Andy, hate the way they make me feel like nothing I do is ever enough, I HATE them," Sirius blurted out before he could change his mind. He left out the part about the death mark, she didn't need to know that, and he quite honestly was still trying to process that.

"Oh Sirius," Andy sighed, compassion in her eyes, he looked down at the table.

"I'm sorry," Sirius muttered.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," Andy said.

"Don't I though?" Sirius inquired looking up at her, looking tired and worn out.

"No of course not," another voice through in appearing in the kitchen.

"Regulus?" Sirius questioned, looking at the tired eyes of his brother.

"Andy, Siri, I figured I would find you here," Regulus sighed running his hands through his short hair.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked cautiously shrinking in on himself in fear.

"I'm leaving to… and uh I brought my stuff with me, and yours for school, I had Kreacher use a shrinking spell," Regulus muttered under his breathe.

"Well I insist that the two of you stay here until Hogwarts," Andy grinned hugging Regulus who eagerly hugged her back.

"Really?" Regulus asked pulling away from Andy.

Of course guys, you are two of my favorite Blacks," Andy smiled, "Do you want some pancakes?"

Regulus grabbed one off of the plate and shoved it into his mouth. Looking to see if Sirius was eating out of the corner of his eye.

"Are you okay Siri?" Regulus asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Sirius replied, gaining him skeptical glances from Andy and Regulus.

"Eat something, please," Regulus begged turning towards his brother.

"I'm not hungry."

It was about a week after the full moon when Remus received a letter. A letter from someone that he had never expected to receive a letter from.

Lupin 15/08/1976

Or should I call you Remus considering the past relationship between you and my brother. Yes I know about that, contrary to popular belief my brother and I are relatively close. Just don't let the word get out. Now I am not asking for much, just maybe write a letter to Sirius, I know that is probably the last thing that you want to do. But Sirius has been a bit down recently and I thought hearing from you might cheer him up. I know you have no reason to after he broke up with you, just hear me out, my brother my Gryffindor to a fault Slytherin despising brother, willingly came into the Slytherin dorms after Dorcas gave him the password just to cry in my room. I don't know why he didn't go to Potter, but please just try to give him a chance.

Regulus

P.S. We will be staying with our cousin Andromeda Tonks for the remainder of the Summer.

There was a lot of information in that letter. He didn't know that Regulus was still close with Sirius, it made sense though why they hid it. There was talks of war around every corner and the rumors around the Black brothers were crazy. Tall tales about Death Eaters what ever those were and Dark Marks with families swearing allegiance every day supposedly.

There were so many things unsaid in the letter, something lurking beneath the surface. He read over it again trying to find anything that could show him what was going on. Remus worried his lip in between his teeth.

"Remus what's wrong?" Hope asked.

"Nothing, I am going to go to my bedroom for a bit," Remus said getting up and heading to his room in their humble little cottage far away from everyone and everything.

Once he was in his room he sat on his bed. His whole body ached his muscles were sore and his joints ached. All a part of being a werewolf, a monster, and now with his thoughts on Sirius he could practically hear his voice in his head, saying the sweet things he whispered when they were alone.

"Moony, you're not a monster, no monster could be as adorable as you."

"Moony, you are the best most honest hardworking person I know how could you be a monster."

He sighed Sirius always said the sweetest cheesiest romantic stuff when they were together. Remus missed what they were, and he hated that James had felt like he needed to pick aside and the he had picked Remus. James of course didn't know why his two best friends, but he knew there was something going on and that Sirius had been the one to do something to Remus.

It was all a bit to much thinking about Sirius after he had tried so hard to forget him. Tears in his eyes he grabbed his parchment and began to write.

"Sirius you got mail," Regulus said entering the room the two of them had been sharing. Sirius was still there curled up in bed.

"Okay, so," Sirius said burying himself deeper into the blankets.

"Don't you want to read it?" Regulus asked sitting down next to his brother.

"Don't care," Sirius murmured face down into a pillow.

"Will you at least eat something, please?" Regulus asked.

"Not hungry."

"How long are you going to keep punishing yourself?" Regulus asked gently.

"I'm not punishing myself."

"Sure, and I'm the bloody Queen of England," Regulus shot back dryly.

"Why did you follow me?" Sirius asked, still submerged in the blankets like they could protect him from the outside world.

"Because, I don't support mother and father, and I made that very vocal after you left," Regulus said softly.

"They didn't hurt you did they?" Sirius questioned worriedly.

"No."

The two brothers fell into silence after that content to just site there in one another's company.

"What if I read you the letter, Siri would that be okay?" Regulus asked.

"Sure go ahead," he said tiredly.

Regulus carefully broke the seal and read,

Dearest Sirius,

Can we try to be friends again this school year? I missed you and I know that James found it hard to avoid you since he didn't know what went down between us. So what do you say start over?

Remus

"Your friends love you brother, as do I and Andy, we don't want you to waste away."

"I'm not trying to."

"I know but it's what happening you can't let her win Sirius and this is her winning if she ever finds out that she destroyed you," Regulus said exiting the room to head back downstairs.