CHAPTER NINE

Tom Chandler

Tom stood in his living room in a clean pair of jeans and a fresh t-shirt. Sasha stood at his front door looking back at him. He had to admit he felt a smidge better after she forced him to shower and eat a meal. His stomach was not happy though. He sighed as he looked at her.

"You're not staying," he said. It was more statement than question. He saw the look of apology on her face.

"I can't. Not tonight."

"Okay," Tom said devoid of emotion. He kept the hurt from his voice. She was studying him as her hand was on the doorknob. Suddenly she broke from his door, walked quickly up to him, then her lips were on his, soft and slow. Tom was caught off guard but recovered quickly, kissing back in the same manner. It didn't go deeper, it didn't get heated, it was just…a wonderful kiss. She broke away from him, pursed her lips and sighed.

"I can't tonight. I have to check in on Kat."

"Nolan's kid?" Tom asked, as the pang of grief and regret washed through his body.

"Yes. I took custody of her tonight. I can't just dump her in the apartment and leave her to fend for herself," Sasha replied. Tom nodded slowly.

"You have an apartment here?" Tom asked as her words sunk in.

"Yes. For now," Sasha said. "I told you I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay," he said again. Sasha seemed frustrated with his answers, but he wasn't ready to put his feelings and thoughts out there. Not yet. Besides he couldn't pursue a relationship with her. He was broken, fractured beyond repair…and she deserved so much better than him.

"I'll be back in the morning, after I make sure Kat's okay for the day."

"Okay," Tom said again. Sasha sighed in frustration. She then nodded and walked out of his house. He stood in his living room and stared at his front door for a long while. He had made her a promise that he wouldn't drink tonight. He closed his eyes and felt the sting of betrayal as he knew he had lied to her. He might have followed through if she had stayed but being alone…with his thoughts…he knew he was not going to make it through the night.

An hour later he sat staring at the bottle on his coffee table. His mind was scattered and jumping through the cracks of his psyche. One minute he was in his living room the next he was on the oil rig as it exploded. The flashback was hard and heavy, and his broken brain thought it was the real deal again. When he came out of it, he was covered in sweat and breathing heavy. He downed a gulp of the whiskey and let the burn take him away.

He knew he needed to sleep. But he was afraid of sleep. As bad as the flashbacks and ghosts were when he was awake…they intensified tenfold while he was asleep unless he was in a blackout drunk state. The reason he had been drinking as heavily as he had been lately. Thinking of his promise to Sasha, his eyes burned with unshed tears.

"I'm sorry, Sash," he whispered as he drank from the bottle. He drowned himself over the next two hours and eventually the darkness of alcohol took his brain.

He was on the airplane. Tex was dead next to him. Shaw wouldn't shut up. Just stop talking he thought to himself as he stared at Tex's lifeless body. His friend. Dead because of him. His father was dead too…because of her. Life was crumbling around him, and Shaw just wouldn't shut up. She continued to talk, goad him. Her words were sinking in…but Tex's words were fighting against them. "It's not who you are." "You're a good man." The gun in his hand made his hand tingle. His eyes left Tex and traveled down to his hand, impulse fired inside his brain and in the moment, he had no notion of stopping the thought. He raised the gun and pulled the trigger. Shaw's mouth stopped as the bullet ripped through her, and she fell back.

A hand touched his shoulder. In his mentally unstable state, Tom Chandler jerked away from the touch. His hands came up defensively, combatively. He pushed and chopped at the air, pain, guilt, grief, fear, anger, regret, depression, all swirling inside him. Confusion and fear drove his actions. Had he not killed Shaw? Was she still alive after he shot her and coming after him? Did he miss someone on the plan? His brain was spinning wildly, and he almost missed her voice.

"Tom," she said, and the worry was evident in her tone. He shifted back again, not sure who he was hearing or what was going on. He looked around, trying to orient himself. "Hey, easy, easy," she said again. Tom stilled. Sasha? Did she come on the plane? "Tom, look at me," she said softly.

His eyes drifted up to find her face. Confusion flooded him. He wasn't sure where he was. She came closer to him and squatted down. Was he on the floor? His brain started to clear. Sasha reached out and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Tom, are you okay?" she asked gently. Tom thought about her question and a laugh started deep in his chest. It bubbled up and escaped out his mouth and it was ugly and harsh sounding, no trace of humor at all. Concern flooded her face and he tried to smile; he didn't think it worked as the concern deepened on her face. Her hand left his shoulder and cupped his face. "Talk to me," she pleaded. Tom closed his eyes and sucked air in through his nose. She shifted quickly, sitting down next to him, her shoulder rubbing against his.

"Sorry," he mumbled. She looked at him.

"For what?"

"I broke my promise," Tom said in a whisper. Sasha's hand slipped into his, her fingers curling between his, squeezing. A tear leaked from his eye. The dream still fresh in his mind, his stomach twisted.

"It's okay," she whispered near his ear and a chill ripped through his body. He felt more tears burning in his eyes. "What happened?"

"I couldn't take the flashbacks and the dreams. I…"

"Talk to me about it," she whispered. She pulled his hand with hers into her lap. Tom stared at the floor. "Why are you drinking so much?"

A rough laugh ripped through him again, sounding furious and sick. Sasha squeezed his hand. A wicked grin slipped onto his face as he felt like he was losing his mind.

"I like the blackout," he finally said to her. "I like the oblivion. It's better than the horrors of my mind."

"Tom, you're more than likely suffering from PTSD and alcohol is not the way to deal with it."

"Probably not, but it's the best I got…especially since Slattery took my gun."

"Are you suicidal?" She asked and her voice was rough and hard. Tom squinted his eyes, focusing on the floor between his feet. He bent his knees and licked at his dry lips. Was he? Probably. It would be a nice release from the torture of his mind. "Tom," she barked. He sighed.

"I don't know what to tell you, Sash, I really don't. Is it all the time? No. Are their moments? Yes."

"What haunts you?"

"Everyone. Everything."

"Will you see a professional?"

"Sasha," he said with anger.

"No. Think about your kids, Tom, think about your friends. Think about everyone else who went through…"

"I made the decisions. I sacrificed and what did the people do in return? They. Didn't. Care. They didn't care. They wanted to indulge in the—"

"We all sacrificed."

"Don't. I get that. I know, everyone else is hurting. But I carry the responsibility of those deaths. I made those choices and ordered everyone to do what I chose to have happen."

"Someone had to be in charge."

"And that was me. I'm the one that made them dead."

"Tom, you are not responsible for the deaths of—"

"Damn it, Sasha! I can't just—"

"I'm not asking you to just forget and move on!" she snapped back at him. Tom closed his mouth and swallowed hard.

"What are you asking me," he said, his voice dripping with anger. The pain searing through him like a hurricane.

"To take care of yourself and get help. You have Ashley and Sam to think about."

"Maybe they're better off without me."

"No," she barked hard. Tom looked at her. "Sam's already acting out, trying to get your attention."

"Slattery can—"

"What the actual fuck, Chandler?" Sasha raved at him. Her hand released his as she grabbed his face with both of her hands. "Seriously!"

Tom didn't know how to respond because he was ashamed by his answers he had given. He knew she was right. He dropped his chin to his chest and closed his eyes.

"We. Can. Fix. This." She ground out. Tom nodded. "Whether you think you're humpty dumpty or not, we can put you back together. You need to commit to it. You need to want it. It has to be for you, or it will not work. Do you understand that?"

"Why do you care so much?"

"Are you dense?" Sasha fired back and Tom's brow bunched in confusion.

"What?"

"Because I still love you," she whispered as a tear streaked down her face. "Damn it, Tom, I still love you, I always have. I probably always will and I…"

"Shh," Tom said as he reached up and put his fingers over her mouth. He didn't want to hear that. Not right now. He didn't want anyone to say they loved him because he didn't feel worthy of anybody's love. Sasha stopped. He let his hand drop and shook his head.

"I'm not giving up on you, and I'm not leaving you," she whispered before she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

Ashley Chandler

The next morning Ashley was getting ready for school. Sam was still asleep. Since he was on suspension, he didn't need to get ready. She sighed. Uncle Mike was gone again, apparently on his way to pick up Hannah and Abbey. Ashley was getting excited to see them again. She focused on getting her backpack ready and then headed to the kitchen to see if there was anything for breakfast.

She found a box of cereal and made a bowl. As she was eating Ms. Garnett came in and fixed a bowl of cereal. She sat down across from Ashley and started to eat. They ate in silence for a while until Ashley was done with hers. She then looked at Ms. Garnett.

"Everything okay?" Ms. Garnett asked softly. Ashley fought the emotion that bubbled through her chest.

"Not really," she mumbled as she fought back the tears building. Ms. Garnett smiled at her gently.

"It's okay, to not be okay," the older woman whispered as she reached across and squeezed Ashley's hand. Ashley tried to organize the thoughts whizzing through her mind. Mostly she was hurt and confused on how her and Sam were not enough for their dad. "What is it, Sweetie?"

"Just…I guess…it just hurts that my brother and I are not enough for our dad…" Ashley started and then trailed off. She wasn't sure what she wanted to say, and it was getting harder and harder to keep the tears at bay.

"Oh, honey," Ms. Garnett said as she stood and quickly walked around the table. She leaned down when she got to Ashley's chair and wrapped her arms around Ashley. Ashley felt the warmth from her embrace, making her miss her mom too.

"I miss my mom too," she whispered as the tears broke. Ms. Garnett squeezed harder pulling Ashley into her chest. Ashely turned and wrapped her arms around the woman and sobbed into her.

"I know, Sweetie, I know," Ms. Garnett whispered against Ashley's hair. When the sobs died down and Ashley pulled away, she wiped hurriedly at her face.

"Sorry," Ashley whispered quickly, embarrassed by her outburst. Ms. Garnett squatted down in front of her, her hands on Ashley's knees.

"You don't have to be sorry for expressing those emotions, Ashley. I'll always be here for you. I know I'm not your mom. And I know it sucks right now with your dad being the way he is. But in time your dad? He will be okay. And I know your mom will never come back, but you will always have me."

Ashley sniffed at her runny nose and nodded slowly. A small smile crept onto her lips as the woman's words seeped into her brain. She believed her fully. Maybe it would be okay.

"Are you taking me to school today?" Ashley asked as she tried to get herself under control.

"Yes."

"Okay. How long did Sam get suspended for?"

"The rest of the week. Kat Nolan too."

"She was defending Sammy," Ashley said softly. "She hates being at that shelter."

"She left the shelter last night. Ms. Cooper got custody of her."

"Oh," Ashley said. "Who is Ms. Cooper?"

"She was on the Nathan James with us after the incident in Viet Nam."

"Oh, okay. So, she's in the Navy?"

"Yes. She's in intelligence and works with Green and Burk on the land teams."

"Then why is she in Norfolk?" Ashley asked confused. She knew the land teams had not come back to Norfolk with the ship this time. They had stayed in St. Louis.

"It's a long story," Ms. Garnett said with a smile as she stood up. Ashley knew that was code for I don't really want to talk about that with you. She shrugged.

"Okay."

Mike Slattery

Mike had left Andrea and started toward Maryland. Once on the road he had called the base and registered his new address with the office. He was told it was official and the house was his. They asked about his assigned house, and he told them to give him a month then put it on the vacant list. He would go in and clean it out after he picked up his girls.

The drive to Maryland wasn't too bad. Just over three and a half hours in the truck and he was in Baltimore. He found an open hotel and was relieved when they said they had room available. He got into his room late that night and tried to settle on the bed, but his brain was wired with anticipation of getting his girls in the morning.

He spent a sleepless night, tossing and turning, before he got up and showered. Once he was showered, shaved, and dressed, he went out to his truck and drove to the orphanage address he had been provided with. His heart was hammering in his chest, his palms were sweaty. His mouth was dry, and excitement rocketed through his nerves.

He parked the truck and walked in the front doors. He followed the signs to the office and found Jane Willow, Andrea's friend. He knocked on her office door. An average size woman with short dark hair and deep brown eyes opened the door.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm Commander Slattery, Andrea Garnett's friend?"

"Oh yes! We have your girls."

"Yes, that's the thought. It's not confirmed but if I could see the two that are going by Hannah and Abbey Slattery we can find out," Mike said. He was bouncing on his feet as energy surged through him. Jane smiled at him and stepped aside inviting him into her office. She pointed to a chair and Mike sat down, perched on the edge of the cushion.

"I'll have them called to my office," Jane said as she circled around her desk and sat in her chair. She picked up her phone and dialed a number. She waited a moment then spoke quickly into the receiver. She asked that Mike's daughters be sent to her office. Mike sat, his leg bouncing, his hands twisting, eyes locked on the door with anticipation. It felt like time had stopped. And after when felt like hours, but in reality, was less than ten minutes, the door opened up and Abbey walked into the room.

"You wanted to see us, Ms. Willow?" she asked, and Mike sprang to his feet. Hannah came in behind her sister and saw Mike first. The girl's face lit up and her eyes bugged huge.

"Daddy!?" she shrieked as she leaped into his arms. Mike caught her and pulled her securely into his chest, as Hannah wrapped her arms and legs around him. Abbey stopped in her tracks and stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Hey, Sweetheart," Mike said as he stepped forward with Hannah still wrapped around him. Tears built in Mike's eyes as he reached an arm out, circling it around Abbey's shoulders. Abbey wrapped her arms around him, her face tucking into the back of Hannah as the girls clung to him.

"I'm going to assume that answers the question. These are your daughters."

"Yes," Mike choked out, his throat tight with emotion. He swayed with his daughters, as the three of them clung tightly to each other.

"I'll give you some privacy then we can do the formal stuff," Jane Willow said as she rose from her desk and stepped out of the room. Once the door was shut, Mike peeled away from Abbey and set Hannah down on her feet. They were older now, it had been a year and a half since he had seen them, but they were his daughters.

"I'm so happy I found you girls," Mike said with a hitch in his voice. The tears slipped and he cried. Abbey nodded slowly and hooked an arm around her sister.

"We've been trying to get back to you, Daddy, but it wasn't easy."

"I know, Baby, I know," Mike said. "Your mom?" he asked softly. Abbey's face clouded with pain, and she shook her head as Hannah dropped her chin to her chest. "Red flu?"

"Yes. Mom died when we were in Deer Park. As soon as she got sick, she sent us away to keep us from getting it. Hannah and I had to make it on our own."

"I'm so sorry, girls," Mike said his heart breaking for his daughters. "I came to Deer Park, but I was too late."

"It's okay, Daddy," Hannah whispered.

"But I have you both now," Mike said softly. "I'll take you back to Norfolk with me."

"We're going home?" Abbey asked with relief.

"Sort of. I have a new house. A bigger house."

"Why do we need a bigger house?" Hannah asked.

"I'll explain it all later. Right now, let's get this official paperwork done and start for home."

"I can't wait, Dad," Abbey said with a smile. Mike stepped out and found Jane Willow waiting just down the hallway. They got the paperwork done and the girls packed up their meager possessions and Mike took them out to his truck. The ride back to Norfolk was filled with joyous conversation as they caught up on their time apart. Mike was happier than he had been in a long time.

They reached Norfolk and Mike pulled into the driveway on the new house. He put his truck in park as the three of them sat there staring at it. Mike turned to his daughters.

"This is our new house," he said with a smile.

"It's so pretty, Daddy," Hannah said. They got out and made their way into the house. Mike showed them the room that would be there's. Hannah was excited but Abbey looked at him curiously.

"Four bed-rooms," Abbey said as Hannah bounced away to explore the house.

"Yeah," Mike said. He still hadn't explained what was going on.

"But Hannah and I have to share," Abbey stated. It was not a question at all. Mike sighed.

"Yeah. Look. You can have your own room if you want. I can put Ashley in here with Hannah. Sam needs to have his own room being the only boy.

"Wait. Ashley and Sam. Like Ashley and Sam Chandler?"

"Yes," Mike replied. "Sorry, Honey, but I have custody of them right now. They're staying with a friend of mine until I can get them moved in here."

"Did they lose their parents too?" she asked quietly. Mike felt the pain work through him as he watched the emotions dance across his daughter's face. This was going to be challenging getting all four of these kids adjusted.

"Their mom and grandpa died."

"Red flu? What about Uncle Tom?"

"Aunt Darien died of the red flu. Grampa Jed died…another way," Mike explained. Uncle Tom is alive but right now…he…needs me to take care of the kids for him."

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know," Mike answered honestly. "Look. Just let me know if you want your own room. I know you're the oldest. Ashley and Hannah are about the same age so they can share if you want to…"

"Let me talk to Hannah," Abbey replied. Mike nodded slowly.

"Okay. Then we can go and…see what's left at the old house you might want. I don't think any of the clothes would fit although Hannah might be able to wear yours and some of your mom's stuff would fit you."

"I…okay," she said as a tear slipped down her face. Mike stepped forward and pulled her into his chest.

"I'm so happy I found you two," he whispered as he hugged her tightly.

Kat Nolan

Kat Nolan spent a sleepless night sitting in her room. Around three in the morning she went out into the living room heading for the kitchen. She was a little surprised to find Sasha Cooper sitting on the couch in the dark staring at the wall. Kat stopped and smiled as Sasha's gaze slowly landed on her.

"Can't sleep?" Sasha asked quietly. Kat shrugged her shoulders.

"Nope. Got a lot on my mind," Kat said softly.

"Have a seat. Maybe we can help each other." Kat hesitated a moment then gave in and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. Sasha's eyes followed her. "What's on your mind?"

"Missing my dad. I mean I haven't had him in my life a lot, but I guess I got used to having him over those last six months."

"He was a good man."

"I know. He taught me a lot of things. None of it useful for normal everyday life, but what he taught me is so much more."

"Tex had a different style."

"He did. I miss him," Kat said as tears slipped down her face.

"I know. It's always hard to lose a parent."

"You lost yours?"

"Before the red flu I lost my mom. I'm assuming my dad died during the pandemic."

"You don't know?"

"I don't. But a lot of us don't know what happened to our loved ones."

"I know what happened to mine. First, I lost my mom to the red flu. Then my dad…for protecting Captain Chandler."

"Who is also a good man," Sasha said. Kat could hear the love in her tone. She looked at Sasha for a long moment.

"You love him, don't you?"

"Yes. I always have."

"And you have a history with him?"

"Yes. We were together a long time ago."

"So, if you still love him…what happened?"

"He…he left me back then."

"Why?"

"I thought we were talking about you," Sasha replied with a chuckle.

"Sorry, I was…curious."

"I know. We were at the academy when we were together. It was bad for our careers if we stayed together. He made a choice and broke off the relationship."

"Wow."

"I think he knew then that we both wanted different things out of life at that point. Looking back, he made the right decision. We both went on to marry other people."

"You're married?"

"I'm a widow," Sasha said, a hint of sadness in her voice. Kat nodded.

"Fucking red flu," Kat breathed out. Sasha nodded and looked away from Kat towards the wall. "How do I get over the anger I feel about my dad?"

"You have to find a way to forgive Tom Chandler," Sasha said. Kat looked at her, tears filling her eyes.

"How?" she whispered as the first tear slipped down her cheek.

"I don't know, Honey, I really don't. But you have to find a way within yourself to forgive him. That's the only way the anger will go away. Why are you angry with him?"

"I think…I don't know."

"But I think you do, Kat, I think you know exactly what the problem is."

"But it's…I'm mad that my dad died on that plane. I'm mad that the only guy that walked off that plan quit."

"He didn't just quit, Kat. Shaw broke him. She kidnapped his kids. She had her goons kill his dad in front of his kids. Ashley had Jed's blood on her when they got those kids off the plane."

"Why did my dad have to die?" Kat said as her chest heaved.

"Because your dad was a true hero. He was a selfless guy who did things for the greater good. He knew that if he didn't go onto that plane and help Tom Chandler that Shaw and her people would kill him."

"And why is Tom Chandler more important than my dad?" Kat spat back angrily.

"He's not. Tex was protecting a friend. A good friend."

"Who protected him!" Kat yelled. "Who had his back! Who made sure he was okay! Because they failed."

"I know, Kat, I know. And that's why Tom is broken. Shaw did things that took such a toll on Tom's soul that he fractured inside."

"So, he quit."

"You keep using that word. Why?"

"I don't know," she spat out, her chest heaving with trying to get air in.

"I know that it's hard right now. I know you're angry and you need someone to blame. But Tom Chandler is a good man, and he is struggling with his own mental health right now. That's actually why I'm here in Norfolk. So, just keep in mind that he's hurting too."

"Does he love you back?"

"I don't know. I think he does," Sasha said. Kat nodded slowly, her cheeks wet with tears, her arms crossed tightly over her middle. She fought with her emotions. Sasha scooted over and dropped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her closer into her side. Kat allowed her to do so and swallowed harshly. They sat like that for a long moment then Kat pulled away. She stood up.

"I'm going to try to sleep," Kat mumbled as she walked off. Kat went back to her room and buried herself under her blanket. Eventually she fell asleep.

TO BE CONTINUED…