Author's Note: Hopefully someone is still reading this one. I'm not getting any reviews and with the stat tracker not working I have no idea if you are still reading. But here is chapter ten of this saga. Happy reading…dark rolling sea.

CHAPTER TEN

Tom Chandler

Later that day Tom laid on his couch, his head resting in Sasha's lap, her hand massaging his scalp gently. He had his eyes closed. After their outburst this morning Tom had retreated inside himself for a while. Sasha had held to what she said. She had not left. He wondered if she would stay the night. He wondered if he wanted her to stay the night.

Her hand felt good against his scalp. He realized that he hadn't been haunted since the morning…other than sometimes he caught glimpses of his dad, or Darien on the other side of the room. Once Cossetti was staring at him, and then Tex. All of them had just flashed quickly, not hanging around. He shivered a little as her hand scratched gently behind his ear before her fingers feathered through his longer than usual hair. He rubbed his chin, then his jaw line, contemplating if he wanted to keep the beard he had started.

The silence was becoming oppressive for him, a weight pushing down on him. His ears were rushing with the sound of the blood inside his own body. He felt his brain relaxing, fogging over. Her hand stilled on his scalp, and he opened his eyes. He shifted slightly so he could look up at her and found her staring down at him, with intense eyes. Eyes full of worry, sorrow, pain and…love. He didn't deserve that love.

His brain flashed back to a younger Sasha, crushed, crying, heartbroken. He blinked and swallowed. He had been harsh that day, but he had to be. If he had not been harsh, he would not have been able to do what needed to be done. They could not continue their secret relationship without it causing issues in their careers. Besides, with their chosen career paths in the Navy…they would have never seen each other. She continued to lock eyes with him, and he felt uncomfortable enough to glance away. Her hand started to move again, her fingertips gliding against his scalp.

"I'm sorry," Tom blurted out quietly. He shifted again, so he was flat on his back, staring up at her. She stared down at him with confusion and he sucked in a deep breath.

"For what?" she whispered as her fingers trailed down the side of his face, tracing the line of his beard.

"For…leaving…at the academy. For how I handled…"

"Are you talking about our break up?" Sasha asked with a smile. Tom's brow knitted together.

"Yeah," he breathed out. "I'm just…I'm sorry. I should have…"

"We were kids, Tom," Sasha said with a shrug. "It had to happen. You just realized it before I did. I did figure out why you did what you did by the way."

"I just should have done it differently."

"That I agree with," Sasha said with a laugh. "But it still had to happen."

"I really did love you," Tom said with a sigh. "I love Darien too, but…not like…I don't know. It was different."

"All love is different," Sasha said softly. Tom nodded.

"I see them."

"What? Who?" Sasha asked and Tom knew she was confused by his sudden confession.

"All of them. Over there," Tom shifted and pointed to the other side of the room. I see my dad. Tex. Darien. Cossetti. I see Rachel. I see Ravit. Fucking Shaw. I see...all of them."

"All the time?" Sasha asked, the concern in her voice heavy. Tom shifted again, curling onto his side, facing her, closing his eyes. He felt her hand ruffle through his hair again. He never really realized how much he liked that.

"Not all the time. Most of the time. But not all at once."

"What do they do?"

"Sit there and judge me. I always fail."

"Tom," she said softly. Her voice shook. Tom kept his eyes closed.

"Sometimes I yell at them. Sometimes I cry at them. Sometimes…I just stare right back hoping they forgive me."

"They forgive you, Tom," Sasha whispered.

"I don't know. I think if they did, they wouldn't be there."

"No, they'll go away when you forgive yourself," Sasha replied gently. Tom opened his eyes, turned himself just enough to see her face.

"What do you mean?"

"They haunt you because you blame yourself for their deaths. You need to forgive yourself Tom. They can't forgive you. They're gone. But you can forgive yourself."

"I don't deserve to be forgiven," Tom sighed. He rotated onto his back again, his hand clasping on top of his chest. Sasha's hand stilled on his head, and she was quiet for a while. Tom finally opened his eyes, staring up at hers. "I don't deserve to be loved either," he whispered.

"You do," she said as her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. "You do deserve it. And there are a lot of people out there that love you."

"Like you?" Tom asked.

"I do. I told you that. I do love you, Tom," Sasha said as the tears spilled. He watched as one slowly tracked down her face, to her jaw, before rolling to her chin. It fell, landing on his cheek. Something in that sent a pain through Tom.

"Why?" he breathed out as his chest felt tight.

"Why what?" she asked. He watched as more tears fell, no more landed on his face.

"Why do you love me?"

"You're a good man, Tom. You're tough, handsome, honorable. You have a great sense of humor, your protective of those you love. You're a true leader and people just follow you."

"I'm not that man anymore," Tom said as he closed his eyes again. "He got broken."

"But you are still him, Tom. You just have to believe that. You need to believe in yourself again."

"And if I can't?"

"Then I'll believe in you until you can," she whispered as her hand resumed massaging his scalp. Tom felt his chest tighten as his eyes burned. His throat was thick, and a lump had risen. He didn't deserve this. He deserved to be punished.

"You shouldn't. I deserve to be punished."

"For what?"

"For all of it. For everything. For—"

"For, being you?"

"Maybe," Tom sighed. He was feeling the withdrawals from not drinking all day. His eyes closed as exhaustion was seeping through his body.

"I wish you could see you through my eyes," she whispered. Tom didn't open his eyes, he simple nodded. Between not feeling well, the exhaustion, and the feeling of her massaging his head, Tom felt sleep take him.

Ashley Chandler

After Ms. Garnett had dropped her at school, Ashley made her way to her classroom. She avoided making eye contact in the hallways, as half the school stared at her as she walked by. Great, she thought. Thanks, Sammy. She sucked in a deep breath and sat down pulling out her notebook and a pen. She started to draw to take her mind off of everything.

Someone came in and heavily sat down in the seat next to Ashley. She didn't look up from her drawing but could see Ginger's shoes. Ashley continued to draw.

"Hey," Ginger whispered. Her voice seemed down. Ashley glanced up and saw dark circles under the girl's eyes.

"Hey, you look like you didn't get much sleep."

"No, one of the older girls at the shelter is harassing me. I was afraid to sleep last night after Kat left."

"I heard she got out of the shelter."

"Yeah. Good for her," Ginger said with a shrug. Ashley could see she was holding back tears.

"Your day will come, too," Ashley said gently with a small smile before returning to her drawing.

"You're pretty good at that," Ginger said. Ashley just nodded. She didn't want to really talk about it. She didn't want to talk about much of anything right now. After her talk with Ms. Garnett this morning, she just wanted her own mom back.

"Thanks," Ashley mumbled as the class was filling up with other students. Soon they were getting started and Ashley reluctantly tucked her drawing away. School went slowly that day.

Ashley managed to avoid everyone for the most part. Her and Ginger ate lunch together in relative silence which was okay with Ashley. She wasn't in the mood for conversation anyway. She was thinking about what Ms. Garnett said. Apparently, she was moving again. But the Slattery girls were coming home. She had to admit she was looking forward to seeing them. It was a little sliver from the past life, something from before the world was turned upside down.

As the day ended Ashley gathered her stuff and headed out the front door. She was almost out the door when someone stepped into her path and blocked it. Ashley felt her heart quicken. She, like Sammy, had been targeted sometimes when it came to who they were. People liked to pick on them. She glanced up and saw a boy she knew standing there, staring at her. His name was Zain Bowers. His dad was a teacher at the school.

"Hey, Ash," he said, his voice cracking a little on her name, he had a nervous smile on his face. Good, she thought, this wasn't a confrontation, at least that's what she hoped.

"Hey, Z," she said back softly.

"How's your brother today?"

"Angry. Getting to sleep in," she said as she twisted her lips to the side. Zain laughed.

"Did he get in trouble?"

"Not really, at home…" Ashley began then frowned. Was that really home? What should she call it?

"How'd your dad take him getting suspended?" Zain asked. And there it was. Her dad didn't even care.

"I don't know. Hey, my rides here," Ashley said, jabbing a finger at Ms. Garnett's car.

"Oh," Zain said turning to look. "Who is that?"

"A friend. She's giving me a ride home. See you tomorrow, Z," Ashley said. Zain gave her another nervous smile and she gave him one right back.

"Hey!" he hollered when she was almost to the car. She turned back and looked at him.

"What?" she said.

"Can I sit next to you in class tomorrow?" he asked, his cheeks and ears turning bright red. Ashley smiled.

"Sure. Just don't take Ginger's seat," she said with a smile as her own face and ears turned hot.

Zain smiled at her as she turned and climbed into Ms. Garnett's car. They pulled away from the school and Ms. Garnett kept glancing over at her. Ashley shifted in her seat, feeling a little uncomfortable. Finally, Ms. Garnett spoke.

"Mike made it back with his daughters," she said softly. Ashley looked at her, eyes wide.

"It really was them?"

"Yes," she said with a smile. "He is getting them settled into the new house. Do you want me to take you there…or back to my house?"

"I…don't know. Where's Sam?"

"At my house. He's still locked in his room for now. I've seen him twice…once he came out for food and a drink…and then a second time to use the bathroom."

"Sounds like Sam. He's hurting so bad."

"I know, Sweetie. Mike and I are going to try to help him the best we can."

"Are he and I moving in with Uncle Mike?"

"That's the plan. But I'll always be available for you," Ms. Garnett said. Ashley nodded slowly.

"But you're not living there?"

"I…no…it's not…" she stammered. Ashley nodded.

"It's okay."

"Okay," she replied. Ashley could tell that question had made her uncomfortable. "So, do you want to go back to my house or the new house?"

"Can we go back to your house for now? I'd like to go over to the new place with Sam."

"Can do," Ms. Garnett said with a smile as she drove back to her place. "School go, okay?"

"As okay as it can go, I guess," Ashley replied with a sigh.

They were quiet the rest of the trip and then Ashley went straight to Sam's room and knocked on his door. She waited but he didn't open it. She knocked again.

"Sam, it's me," she said as she knocked a third time. She heard him get up and come to the door. It unlocked and opened a sliver. She pushed it open the rest of the way as her brother tromped back to the bed.

"What," he said as he flopped heavily onto his back.

"Uncle Mike got a new house. He also found Abbey and Hannah."

"Great," Sam said with a watery voice. "You get your friends back."

"I know, Sam. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Not your fault. I want dad."

"I know," Ashley said, her voice quivering with emotion. "Hopefully soon."

"He doesn't care about us anymore, Ashley," Sam said with anger. Ashley felt the tears burn her eyes. "We're stuck here, with Uncle Mike and Ms. Garnett."

"Well with Uncle Mike anyway," Ashley replied. "I don't think Ms. Garnett is going to move to the new house."

"Whatever, it doesn't even matter," he tossed out angrily.

"Sam, you need too—"

"Don't try to head shrink me, Ash," Sam retorted, and Ashley nodded.

"Sorry. But you should get your stuff packed up. I think we're going to be moving tonight."

"Great, yippie, so fantastic," Sam spouted off sarcastically. "Whatever."

"I'm sorry, Sammy," Ashley breathed out. "I wish I could make it all better." That seemed to get his attention and he turned towards her.

"Hey," he said gently, the anger seemingly gone. "It's not your fault," he continued quietly. Ashley felt the tears fall. She was so tired of crying. Sam gave her a weak smile, breathing in a ragged breath. "I'm sorry I'm angry all the time. It's not you."

"I know, Sammy, I know. You miss mom and grandpa and your mad at dad."

"He abandoned us."

"I know it feels that way, Sam, but it's just…give it time."

"Whatever. Maybe I'm broken too," he said with venom and then his tears were falling. She had no idea how to fix it and it tore at her heart.

Mike Slattery

Mike sat at the foreign kitchen table, that was now his. He sighed. Abbey was in the bedroom with Hannah talking about the room assignments and what was going to happen. Mike had offered to stay but Abbey asked that he give them some time to discuss it. It was going to take time for everyone to adjust he told himself. They had been living on their own for a while, Abbey was used to making the decisions. It was going to be hard to find a balance Mike feared. He picked at a nick on the tabletop waiting. He decided to call Garnett while he waited. She picked up quickly.

"Hey," she greeted him.

"Hey," he said as the toll of the emotional day sounded in his voice.

"You sound drained," Garnett said softly into his ear. Hearing her voice buoyed him a little. He smiled.

"I am. It's been emotional."

"I can imagine," she said, emotion creeping into her voice. Mike frowned. He wondered what kind of toll this was taking on her own pyche.

"You, okay?"

"I'm fine," she answered quickly. Mike frowned again but let it drop.

"The girls are okay with the new house. I'm going to take them to the old house soon so we can pack up the things there."

"Are you sure you're up for that today?" she asked, concern in her voice. Mike smiled.

"I think we can handle it. Did you tell Ashley and Sam?"

"Yes. Ashley is hurting pretty badly. And Sam is so angry. I'm not sure what to do with them, honestly."

"I know. We'll figure something out. I just wanted to check in with you. I'll see you later tonight."

"Okay," Garnett replied and then the line went dead.

Finally, the girls came into the kitchen and slowly sat down at the table with him. He frowned.

"Hannah wants me to share the room with her. So, for now I'm going to share with her. Ashley and Sam can have their own rooms," Abbey said. Mike smiled.

"Good. Glad that's settled. Do you want to go to the old house with me and start the process of moving our stuff here?"

"I want to stay here," Hannah said suddenly, her eyes shiny with tears. Abbey took hold of her sister's hand.

"That's okay too," Mike said. He knew his daughters had been through a lot since he had seen them last. "Abbey?"

"I'll go with you," she said, but Mike wasn't convinced she really wanted to. He thought maybe she was putting up a brave front. He nodded.

"Abbey will you be okay here by yourself? I can drop you off at my friend's house. I think Sam is there."

"Is Ashley?" Hannah asked brightening.

"Um, no. She'd still be at school right now."

"Oh. Why isn't Sam?" Hannah asked.

"He…got in trouble. Got the rest of the week off on suspension.

"What did he do?" Abbey asked with a smile on her face. "He's so quiet and docile."

"I guess not right now. He picked a fight with an older student. He's been harassed at school for being a Chandler."

"Are we going to school?" Hannah asked, a tinge of worry in her voice.

"Yes, I'll enroll you guys tomorrow."

"Oh," Hannah said, nervousness leaking out. Mike frowned again.

"You'll make friends."

"Okay," Hannah whispered. "Can I stay here while you're gone?"

"Uh," Mike began. He glanced at Abbey, and she nodded slightly with a small shrug of her shoulders. "Sure."

An hour later he and Abbey were at the old house. Mike felt gut punched as soon as he walked in the door. The same oppressive heaviness was in the air, the same thick air filled his lungs. He swallowed back the tears building. He missed Lucas.

Abbey had gone through her old room. Taken what she wanted, which wasn't a lot. Told him he could do whatever with the rest. Mike had told her to box it all up as they found boxes in the garage and Mike made a note to get some more. He had gone into Hannah's room and grabbed a few things he thought she might like. He looked over her clothing and sighed. There didn't appear to be anything that would still fit her. He walked into Abbey's room and found her boxing up some clothes.

"Do you think any of those will fit Hannah?" Mike asked as he came in the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. Abbey paused, staring at a shirt. She looked up at her dad.

"Yeah, I think some of it will. I'll pick out some things she'll like."

"Good. Can I ask some questions?" Mike continued. Abbey looked up at him with a sad smile.

"Okay."

"If you don't want to…or can't answer…I'll understand," Mike continued.

"Okay," Abbey said again as she set aside a couple of her old shirts.

"After your brother died," Mike started and he saw Abbey's chest heave a little, her eyes turn shiny. He felt a lump catch in his own throat. "How was your mom?"

"It was bad, Dad. We didn't know…we didn't…it was all new then."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there," Mike choked out as the tears slipped. Abbey stopped what she was doing and stared at him, her own tears spilling. "And then you went to Deer Park?"

"Yeah, pretty soon after. Somehow, we all didn't get it. I think Mom made sure of that. But we were all okay. So, Mom moved us to the safe zone."

"Then what happened?" Mike asked.

"Someone brought the virus into the safe zone," Abbey said as she brought her knees to her chest and hugged them tight. "People started to get sick…and die."

"Your mother?"

"Yeah," Abbey said with a heave of her chest and fresh tears. Mike was crying too.

"But you and Hannah?"

"She made us leave her as soon as she knew," Abbey sobbed. "She made me promise to take my sister and find a safe place."

"Oh, Baby," Mike said as he dropped to the floor and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly to his chest. "I'm so sorry you went through this."

"We left. I fell in with a group of other girls. Some older some younger. We kind of took care of each other, looked out for each other. At that point there were some scary people and things going on."

"I can only imagine. I saw some of those things firsthand on our mission."

"To make the cure?"

"Yes, it eventually became a mission to find the cure. What happened next?" Mike prodded her to continue.

"Next, we were living with a group of girls. Ten of us. There were a couple older girls I think the ages ranged from early twenties to like ten maybe?"

"But that didn't last?" Mike asked.

"No. One day when some girls went on a supply run, some guys followed them back. Hannah had gone with a girl named Quinn. On their way back they picked up a tail, but Quinn didn't know."

"A tail?" Mike asked cautiously.

"A couple of guys apparently followed them to our safe house. Quinn and another older girl, Reece, talked to them. Unfortunately, they trusted what they said and let them in the house," Abbey replied with pain in her voice. Mike felt his chest tighten with anger.

"Baby, what happened?" Mike said as he squeezed her tighter.

"Some more guys showed up and the two they let in…let them in."

"Damn it," Mike hissed out his teeth. He felt Abbey shake against his chest. "Shh, it's okay. You're safe now. I'll protect you from anyone."

"I know, Dad," she whispered against his shirt. "They tried to attack us. They wanted to…"

"I can imagine what they wanted from you all," Mike said through gritted teeth.

"Quinn and Reece started to fight them, and another girl Jamie joined in while yelling at the rest of us to get clear. But we saw what…Dad, they…"

"It's okay, Baby, you don't have to tell me the details," Mike whispered as he stroked his hand through her hair.

"They raped them, Daddy, I saw them," Abbey said with a shuddering voice.

"Shhh," Mike urged as he felt his cheeks warm with his tears. He wanted to find those boys and kill them. "They didn't hurt you…or Hannah?"

"No," Abbey said as she drew in a breath and seemed to find some strength. "We got clear. About six of us, I think? But we got separated in the woods. I had Hannah and a girl named Kinlee with me. She was only like ten, Dad."

"You made it, though," Mike said. Abbey nodded against him.

"All the way to Baltimore where we ended up being picked up by the police force and then dropped with Ms. Willow at the orphanage. Kinlee is still there."

"What did your sister see?"

"I'm not sure, but she has nightmares about it."

"I'm sure she does," Mike said gently. Abbey pulled away from him and he reluctantly let his arms drop. He sat on the floor next to her. "I love you, Abbs, you know that right?"

"Yeah, Dad, I know."

"I never stopped looking for you. I was just…"

"On a mission. I know. We tried to find you, but it wasn't easy to find someone who knew what was going on."

"I can imagine things were chaotic. But I found you now. You're safe with me again," Mike said with a sniff.

"Until you deploy again," she said with a sad smile. Mike felt his heart drop.

"Yeah," he breathed out. "I'll figure all this out. I promise."

"Okay."

"Finish up in here. Do you want to look at your mom's clothes before we leave?"

"Maybe. Can you get some and bring them in here? I'll keep packing boxes and pick some more things for Hannah."

"Okay," Mike said as he rose to his feet.

Kat Nolan

Sasha was gone all day but that didn't bother Kat. She was enjoying the peace and quiet of the apartment. She was thinking about her future and what she wanted to do with her life. She was turning sixteen soon, not quite old enough to become an adult in society but she wondered what was available to her.

Thinking about what careers would suit her she thought about joining the Navy. It would give her stability, a place to live, a job, and a life. She figured she should talk to Cooper, or maybe even Slattery about it. They would know what she needed to do, and who to actually talk to.

The day ticked by, and Kat found a book to read. She was settled into the couch, reading and lost track of time. She had no idea how late it had gotten when she yawned and felt the fatigue roll through her.

She checked the time and was surprised to see it was past ten in the evening. She frowned. Sasha still wasn't here. Oh well, it's not like Kat couldn't take care of herself. And Sasha had told her she would be working on Chandler.

She made herself a quick dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. Then she retreated to her room and thought some more about joining the Navy. She decided it was the route she wanted to take, now all she had to do was learn the requirements and fulfill them as quickly as possible. She didn't want to be anyone's burden.

TO BE CONTINUED…