Author's Note: Sorry guys was out of town for the weekend with no time to write. Plus, I was finishing up an original work for publication on Amazon. If you're interested just message me and I'll let you know how to find it. Anywho...on to chapter twelve. Happy reading, dark rolling sea.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Tom Chandler
The Sun was rising outside. Light was streaming in through the slit in the curtains over the windows of Tom's bedroom. They had moved upstairs sometime around two. They had settled together on the bed. Tom was on his back, Sasha curled against his side, a leg over his, her arm over his chest. Her face was against his shoulder. She was asleep, but he was not. He hadn't slept much after he woke from the nightmare loop on the airplane. He had pretended to go back to sleep, to ease her mind and let her get some rest.
But once he was certain she was asleep, he opened his eyes and watched her sleep as he thought about what she was doing…and why she was doing it. She had already told him multiple times why she was doing this, but he just couldn't bring himself to feel worthy of that love. His had lost that privilege when he became a murderer. Because in all honesty, that was exactly what he was. Tom Chandler, murderer. The circumstances didn't matter right now, not to him. The fact that he could sit there on that plane and just pull the trigger.
Rachel Scott floated through his mind. He thought about what he had talked to Sasha about her. He wasn't one hundred percent honest, because knew deep down, that if Rachel had not died in the St. Louis hotel hallway, they would be together now. They would be the world's power couple. It would have happened as soon as she returned from Michener's goose chase around the country. Tom would have been ready. Tom would have said yes…and he was quite certain it would have worked.
He had come close to inviting her in that night. That was probably what stung the most. If he had just pushed that touch of fear down, trampled his own insecurities and just…asked her in for the night…she would have said yes. But as it falls, he only got the one kiss, which wasn't even really a kiss. There was a hug, and some intimate touches, but nothing concrete.
Then, Sasha walked right back into his life, and he was smacked with the past. All the feelings and emotions came crashing back. She was even more beautiful than when they were kids, and that's really all they were the first time. Two kids trying to make a mark in the United State Navy, on two very different avenues. Then full circle after the world went to hell. Seeing her after the pandemic. Knowing Sasha had survived had stirred something inside him. Spending that time running for their lives, rescuing the crew of the Nathan James, then on the ship coming home, he had realized that all those feelings he stuffed away all those years ago, were still there.
He gazed over her sleeping form, her grip on him tight. He liked the feel of her curled up into him. He trailed his fingers through her lose hair, soaking in the silky feel of each strand. If only he wasn't broken. If only he wasn't such a mess. Maybe their future would have been together. A second chance at true love.
But alas he was in no condition to be in a relationship. He was in no condition to take care of himself. He knew this. But he was also stubborn. He didn't want anyone to take care of him. He wanted…oblivion. He wanted to stop thinking. He wanted to stop feeling. He wanted to be the man he was eighteen months ago. But that man was gone. That man was fractured beyond repair. What man would come out of the wreckage was yet to be seen…if he came out at all.
Sasha seemed to think she could rebuild him. Put him back together. Maybe she could, but the cracks and fissures would still be there, still leave their scarring mark on his inner being. He may come out of this…but he would be a new man.
She was probably right. He was suffering from PTSD. He'd seen it in others. Seen them crack. He never believed it would happen to him. But here they were. The light was growing brighter, the sliver widening slightly. Sasha stirred next to him. Tom watched, he rotated onto his shoulder, so he was face to face with her, wrapping his fingers between hers. He stared at her face, still sleeping, but starting to come out of dreamland.
Her eyes fluttered softly, and Tom had an urge to lean in and kiss them, then the tip of her nose. But he managed to restrain himself. He could not start something he had no intention of finishing, no matter how tempting it was. She blinked a few more times, inhaling a deep breath. Tom continued to watch her as she focused in on his face.
"Morning," she whispered with a smile. Tom's lips tilted up in a brief smile before he sighed. Sasha pulled her hand from his and cupped the side of his jaw, her fingers scratching at his scruffy beard. "You, okay?"
"No," Tom sighed out. No point in lying to her, that was kind of pointless.
"What can I do to help?" Sasha asked as she flexed her fingers. Tom closed his eyes as the heat traveled down his body from her touch. He swallowed and thought about her question.
"Invent a time machine," he whispered, his voice cracking. It was heavy with emotion.
"I'm sorry," she said, then leaned in and kissed him gently. Slowly she pulled back, and Tom closed his eyes. "Talk to me."
"About what?" Tom breathed out.
"Anything. Everything."
"I don't know what to talk about."
"Do you want to get better?"
"I don't know. I don't know if I deserve to get better."
"Stop punishing yourself, Tom," Sasha said as her hand caressed his cheek. Tom closed his eyes again, his body craving more of her touch. Visions of their past flashed through his mind. He breathed deeply through his nose.
"I deserve it."
"Stop saying that. You don't deserve punishment. You are a hero, Tom," Sasha continued. Tom shook his head as he bit his lower lip.
"No. I'm just a guy who did some shit. Some of it good, some of it bad. Some of it unforgiveable."
"It's all forgivable, Tom, but you have to start with yourself."
"How can I forgive myself for leaving my family unprotected…more than once. How can I forgive myself for Tex giving his life so I could live?"
"And you think Tex would want you to throw away the life he saved?" Sasha barked angrily and Tom pulled back slightly. Her tone and harshness surprising him. Her words sinking in. "And you think your dad would be happy you're sitting here punishing yourself after the sacrifice he made?"
"Because I failed!" Tom barked back at her. "I failed to protect him. I failed to protect—"
"No, you didn't. You had a job to do."
"I should have given it to someone else. I shouldn't have gone and—"
"Then you would be dead, Tom Chandler."
"Maybe that would be better!"
"No," she breathed out, the tears forming in her eyes, then spilling down her cheeks. "No, it wouldn't. Your kids would be orphans. Alone—"
"They aren't alone now. Besides, I figure they'll never forgive me anyway."
"You have to try."
"I don't have to do anything."
"Will you try for me?" She asked as both her hands came up to the sides of his face, her thumbs caressing against the skin on his face, her fingers buried in the hair of his beard. Tom swallowed hard, the licked his lips. Sasha was studying his face intently, waiting for some clue as to what he was going to do. He closed his eyes and squeezed them shut, willing the tears to go away. He didn't know what he was going to do.
"I don't know," he whispered in a broken voice.
Ashley Chandler
When Ashley came into the house, Sam was standing in the living room with his bag on his feet staring at the floor. Ashley looked around and then she heard a squeal of delight from her right. She turned slightly as she saw a blur rush across the room towards her.
"Ash!" Hannah squealed again as the girl skidded to a stop in front of Ashley and wrapped her arms around her. Ashley smiled broadly and wrapped her arms around her friend.
"I missed you, Hannah," Ashley whispered, as if raising her voice would shatter the mirage and it would all be a lie. They squeezed each other tight.
"I missed you too. Are you living with us?"
"Yeah, for now. My dad's…sick."
"Oh," she replied as they pulled apart. Hannah looked over her shoulder. "Hey, Sammy."
"Hey," Sam said gruffly without even looking up. Abbey then came into the room with a smile.
"Hey, Chandler kids."
"Hey, Abbey," Ash replied with a small finger wave.
"Dad, Hannah and I are all settled into our new room."
"Good. Ashley and Sam, you two can follow me and I'll show you to your rooms upstairs."
"Okay," Ashley replied, as she fell into line behind him.
"Fine," Sam mumbled as he fell in behind Ashley.
Once she was shown her room and everyone settled down, Ashley pulled out the few things she had brought with her and tried to make her new room her own. Once she had things put away, she walked to the next door down and knocked slightly.
"It's me, Sammy," she said, knowing he probably wouldn't answer anyone else.
"You can come in," Sam said. She stepped into his room and closed the door behind her. She turned and saw her brother laying on the bed staring at the ceiling. She went over and laid down on the bed with him.
"You, okay?"
"No, and I wish everyone would stop asking me that question."
"I'm sorry," Ash said as she sighed. "I know it's really tough right now."
"I hate my life."
"It's not that bad. We can make a fresh start, with Uncle Mike and Ms. Garnett."
"I want mom and dad though," Sam said with a watery voice. Ashley glanced over at him and saw the tears on his face. Sam wiped viciously at them. "I want grampa."
"Things we can't have anymore."
"I know," Sam said with a shuddering breath. "And dad quit on us."
"He did for now. There's a chance he could—"
"Whatever. He doesn't care."
"I don't know about that, Sam. But he is hurting right now."
"Yeah? So am I," Sam said as he turned away from her.
"I know," Ashley whispered. "How long are you suspended from school?"
"The rest of the week. So tomorrow yet. I go back Monday."
"Okay. No more fights?"
"Probably not. I think maybe…maybe he's right."
"What? Who?"
"That big kid. Maybe he was right."
"About dad?"
"All of it," Sam mumbled, and Ashley was sure he was still crying.
"It'll be up to you how you think about dad, Sam. No one can tell you what you think about him."
Sam never replied and he grew quiet. Ashley stood up and leaned over him and found him asleep. She covered him with a blanket and then went down to the living room. Hannah and Uncle Mike were sitting on the couch talking, while Abbey sat in the chair. They all looked up at she came down.
"Hey, Ash, join us," Uncle Mike said softly. She smiled then sat down on the floor near the couch. The conversation was light as they all talked about things that had happened.
Sometime later Ashley was feeling tired. She excused herself from the room and went up to her own bed. It didn't take long before she was fast asleep. Sometime in the night there was a yell and a half scream. Ashley bolted upright in her bed. She heard another shout and realized it was Sam.
She jumped from her bed and walked over to his room. She saw Uncle Mike open the door and walk into Sam's bedroom, so she stopped and stood in the hallway for a moment. Things quieted down in Sam's room, so Ashley tuned and walked back to her own room. Once she was comfortable on the bed again, she fell fast asleep.
Mike Slattery
Once Mike had all the kids in the house asleep, he checked his phone. There was a message from Andrea asking if they were settled in. He smiled as he walked back to the living room. He fired a text back saying yes and that all the kids were asleep. As he settled into the couch and wrapped the throw blanket over himself his phone was vibrating with a call. He glanced at the caller ID and smiled.
"Hey," he said as he settled back against his cushions.
"Hey. Everyone settling in, okay?" Andrea asked.
"Yeah. Sam's angry, Hannan and Abbey have some trauma to work through, and Ashley is…I'm not sure about her."
"She's okay," Andrea replied quickly.
"You sure?" Mike asked.
"Yeah. We've talked, Mike. She's…her and Sam both will have a lot to work through."
"You think Cooper can fix Tom?"
"I don't know. Have you heard from either?"
"No, other than making sure Kat gets to school once her suspension is over."
"If you need help getting kids to school just let me know."
"I will. Hey, about earlier."
"It's okay."
"No, I mean yeah, but I wanted to…explain…I don't know. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable with that kiss," Mike said softly. Andrea was quiet on the other end for a long while and Mike hoped it didn't make things awkward. Finally, she spoke again.
"It's okay, I like…" Andrea began but abruptly cut herself off. "It's okay." Mike was intrigued by her response and wondered what she was going to say before she caught herself. He had been thinking about the kiss all night.
"I already miss you," Mike blurted out without too much thought. He cringed a little. He felt like he was coming across as needy. He swallowed. "Sorry."
"Stop apologizing for your feelings," Andrea whispered into his ear and Mike felt his body flush. What did she mean by that? They were both quiet, simply listening to the other breath. After a long pause. "Mike?"
"Yeah?" he croaked out. She paused again.
"I liked it when you kissed me," she confessed, and Mike felt his heart speed up a little.
"I liked kissing you," Mike replied.
"What are we doing?"
"I don't know. But ever since we got on dry land, I've missed you. Now…I don't know…with the kids it's…"
"Okay. It's okay."
"But I got mine back and—"
"Mike, stop," Andrea said gently, and he did. He felt the guilt wash through him. He knew it wasn't his fault and he knew that Andrea wouldn't hold it against him, but he felt the guilt still the same. "Mike?"
"What?" He asked as he pushed his feelings down once again. But she didn't answer. Whatever it was she wanted to say or ask didn't come out. Mike waited, listening to her breath on the other side of the phone, wishing she was next to him on the couch. Wishing she would move in here.
"Goodnight, Mike," she said, a strange waver to her voice. Mike's brow creased in concern, but he didn't push it right now.
"Goodnight, Andrea. Talk to you tomorrow," Mike said softly.
"Tomorrow," Andrea replied then the line went dead. Mike tossed his phone onto the coffee table and leaned back into the cushions blowing out a deep breath.
His mind went to Andrea. He thought about how it was to be with her. He thought about how it was to be under the same roof. He thought about what it felt like to kiss her. His heart stirred and his body heated.
Mike then thought back. He thought about them on the James. How he had admired her from afar during the chase for the cure. How that had morphed into a crush as he got to know her a little more. After the human trials that crush had deepened just a little. Then they had become the command team of the James after Chandler took the CNO job. They spent a lot more time together, getting to really know one another. That deeper crush morphed into more.
The grief sessions together, the late nights on the deck in the dark together, the hostage situation in the jungle. It had all morphed him again. He realized that somewhere along the way─ he had fallen in love with Andrea Garnett. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. But what was he going to do about it? A sound brought him out of his reverie, and he sat forward as he opened his eyes. Abbey stood in the doorway to the living room, watching him.
"What's wrong, Abbs?" Mike asked. "Couldn't sleep?"
"Sorry. I just…I'm not used to being…safe," Abbey said drawn out. Mike's heart crushed. He picked up a hand and waved her over to him.
"Come here," he said softly. She walked over to him and slumped down onto the couch next to him. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side. "You're one hundred percent safe with me."
"I know, Daddy," she whispered back. "But what happens when you deploy? Momma is gone, Grampa and Grandma didn't survive the pandemic. All your friends are in the Navy."
"I know, Sweetie. I know. We'll figure something out."
"But you'll still go away?" Abbey asked. Mike studied her face slowly. What were his plans now? What did he want to do with his life? Now that he was a single dad, he was going to have to rethink his life goals. This thought frightened him a little. His next thought was of Andrea and how he wanted to talk it all out with her. He smiled a little at that one. "What?"
"Huh?" Mike asked.
"I asked if you'll still go away, your eyes went far away then you smiled."
"Oh," Mike said. He leaned over and kissed Abbey's temple. "I was just thinking. Listen. I don't have a clue what my job is going to entail. Right now, I'm Stateside for a while. The ship is getting major repairs. The James went thought a lot. I have to do some thinking about what I want to do next."
"Okay, Dad, but…" Abbey said. Mike could hear the fear in her face. She paused for a long moment.
"What's on your mind, Abbs?"
"It's been a long time since Hannah, and I have had stability. It's been a long time since I haven't been on guard. I just want to be able to…relax. I just want to…be a kid again."
"Oh, Sweetie," Mike said pulling her into his chest again. "And you will. We will get to that point."
"Okay," she sighed against him. Mike held her like that for a long while. She had fallen asleep in his arms, and he smiled, wondering when the last time that had happened.
The night was shattered by a yell then a strangled scream. There was more yelling. Mike gently untangled himself from Abbey and then moved upstairs and then down the hallway towards Sam's room. When he got to the door another yell came from inside and Mike sighed. He heard another door open behind him as he stepped into Sam's room, but it closed again.
He closed the door behind him and looked at the boy tossing and turning on the bed. Sam was sweaty and his face was twisted in anguish. He yelled again and then let out a scream. That broke Mike's indecision and he rushed across the room, scooping Sam up into her arms and holding him.
"Hey, hey, Sam, it's okay, it's just a dream, Buddy," he said softly. Memories of Lucas flashed through his mind and Mike fought back the tears of grief that ripped through him like a hurricane. "Hey, Sammy, wake up, kiddo."
Sam's eyes fluttered and then he was fighting Mike to get free. Mike immediately loosened his arms, letting the boy gently back onto the bed. Sam scrambled away from him, panting hard, eyes wild, darting around the dark room.
"It's Uncle Mike," Mike whispered quietly. "It was just a dream."
Sam seemed to register what was happening and who he was. The boy's body immediately went from tense, to slumped against the mattress. Then he let out a wail that cut right through Mike. Mike dropped down onto the mattress with him and scooped him against his chest. Sam clung to him tightly as he cried.
"It's okay," Mike said softly as he rubbed the boy's back, Sam's face tucked tightly against his shirt. "Want to talk about what it was?"
"Grampa," Sam said in a shaky voice. "They killed him. They took us."
"That's a scary one," Mike said as he closed his eyes. Mike's brain flashed on a similar situation he had with Lucas shortly before he deployed on the Nathan James the first time and he squeezed his eyes shut against the memory. "You know you're safe here, right?"
"I was safe with Grampa too, until I wasn't," Sam said, his chest shuddering. Mike pursed his lips. That was sound logic and Mike had no way to make him feel better.
"I know. It's a tough situation and I'm so sorry you had to go through it," Mike continued, still stroking the boy's back. Sam squeezed his arms tighter and buried his face into Mike's ribs.
"I want it to go back. I want my life back," Sam cried.
"I can't do that, Buddy, but I can be here for you now," Mike said.
"At least someone is," Sam said, his voice muffled. Mike felt his heart break then anger at Tom surged through him.
"You will always have me, Sam," Mike said. Fuck it. He was going to be Sam's dad as long as he had to. "Just know that your dad does love you,"
"Funny way to show it," Sam snapped quietly. Mike squeezed a little harder.
"He's hurting in a way you and I can't understand right now."
"I'm hurting too!" Sam screamed as he pushed away and sobbed. He dove into the pillow and covered his face. Mike gently laid down next to him, and rubbed his back, as the boy shuddered with sobs.
"I know, Sam. I know," Mike said. There was nothing else to say right now. He just let Sam cry it out. Soon the sobs slowed, and the tears stopped. Sam rolled onto his side and faced Mike. Mike could see the pain and grief and horror in the boy's eyes, and he felt crushed inside.
"Will it get better?" Sam whispered; his voice hoarse from the emotional outpouring.
"In time. If you let me help," Mike said as he reached over and squeezed Sam's shoulder. Sam contemplated his words then closed his eyes and nodded slowly. "Just promise to come talk to me about the big emotions and the pain. Just me and you. I'll help you work through it in every way I can."
"Okay," Sam said. Mike could hear the exhaustion in the boy's voice.
"Get some sleep, Buddy," Mike said.
"Will you stay in here? I don't want to be alone."
"Of course," Mike said as he settled himself back against the bed. Sam nodded and then crashed into Mike's chest, his little arms wrapping tightly around him. Mike wrapped his arms around Sam and held him tight.
Eventually Sam fell asleep like that, and Mike didn't dare move. He felt the emotion overwhelm him and Mike fell asleep as silent tears streamed down his face.
Kat Nolan
Kat woke the next morning. The apartment was still empty. She didn't have school again today, so she grabbed something to eat then went into the living room. She flipped on the television and settled on some old sitcom. She wished they would get set up to make new shows and movies, but that was going to take some time.
She was wondering where she should start, and who she should call when she remembered she had that kid Ray's number from the ship. He had given it to her before the world went to shit and she had never texted him. She had forgot about it. She opened her phone up and called up his number.
Hey this is Kat, from the ship. Do you remember me?
She hit send and then waited. Settling into the couch she focused on the television. She had to admit the show was pretty funny and she found herself laughing. It felt good to laugh and be carefree. A whole episode passed before she heard her phone ding. She looked down and saw a message from Ray.
Of course, I remember you. How are you?
She contemplated how to answer that question. She wasn't quite ready to lay it all on him. She remembered he had been cute, and funny, and she had been excited he gave her his number.
Won't lie. Things are rough. But I'm doing okay.
She hit send and tossed her phone aside. She was watching the next show, this one not as funny, and sighed. She stretched out on the couch and tried to just zone out. Her phone dinged. She reached for it and smiled. Another message from Ray.
I'm on break. Can I call you?
Yes.
She typed and hit send without hesitation. She sat up on the couch and felt the nervous energy rush through her. Her phone rang and she quickly grabbed it and answered it.
"Hey," she said trying to sound casual. Her heart was thumping.
"Hi. I was wondering if you were ever going to contact me."
"I…things kind of went to shit after you gave me your number."
"Oh…yeah, I know. I'm really sorry about your dad."
"Thanks," she mumbled. She really didn't want to talk about that right now. "So, what are you on break from?"
"I'm in duty."
"What kind of duty?"
"Just because my ship isn't at sea doesn't mean I'm not still on duty."
"Makes sense," she said with a little laugh.
"Right now, I'm helping work on the fixing up the Nathan James."
"Sounds exciting."
"Not really," Ray said with a laugh. There was a slight pause. "Where'd you end up?"
"Norfolk. The Navy dumped me in a homeless shelter for girls."
"Whoa, that sucks."
"It did. But then Ms. Cooper came back and got me out. I think Captain Slattery called her."
"That's cool. So, you're living with her now?"
"Well, I'm living in her apartment. I don't hardly see her."
"How come you aren't in school?"
"I got suspended."
"For what?" Ray asked with a laugh.
"Fighting."
"Now why doesn't that surprise me," he said gently, and Kat could hear the smile in his voice.
"I didn't start it," Kat said defensively.
"But I'm sure you finished it," he said playfully, and Kat felt herself blush. She swallowed.
"Well, the kid was about to pummel Tom Chandler's boy."
"Oh damn. So, you stepped in?"
"Yeah. Slattery asked me to watch out for Sam and Ash. So, I stepped in and took the big kid out. Sam was mad."
"How are the Chandlers?"
"Ash and Sam are living with Slattery and Commander Garnett. Sam seems angry. Ash is quiet."
"Where's Chandler?" Ray asked confused. Kat felt the anger flare in her.
"Drunk last I heard," Kat said harshly. There was a pause on the other end.
"Oh," Ray said then another pause. "So, what are your plans now?"
"I'm stuck going to school until I figure out a way to get out of everything."
"And if you get out of school then what? A job?"
"I was thinking about the Navy."
"Oh yeah?" Ray said, his voice full of excitement.
"They've kind of changed the requirements to get in now. Seeing that there's a shortage of people. So, if you want to I'm sure you can get into basic with no issue. You're already pretty qualified. I also heard they're getting the academy up to train more officers. You're smart enough to get in there too."
"Awe, thanks," Kat said as another blush rolled through her.
"Hey, I have to go, break's ending. Can we talk again soon?"
"Of course," Kat said with a smile.
"Cool. Hang in there. Talk to you soon," Ray said warmly then the line went dead, and Kat tossed her phone aside. She was extra excited now after Ray had said they changed the requirements. She just needed to get her foot in the door.
TO BE CONTINUED…