CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Tom Chandler

Later that night Tom lay in his bed with Sasha curled into his side. His mind was spinning out of control again. All the feelings of the night were bombarding him, and he was having trouble keeping up. He felt the pain of losing his wife and father, he felt the pain of losing his friends and the sailors under his command (I don't want any more funerals, Mike), he was feeling the pain of losing his kids (He didn't feel this was an accurate feeling, but he didn't know how else to explain the feeling.) He felt the turmoil of the things he did, he ordered, he fought against. He felt the mixed bag of emotions of the world he was trying to save (He still wasn't convinced it was worth saving and that humanity was worth the price he paid.)

He felt his chest tighten. He felt the air trapped inside him, neither coming out or getting in. He saw his vision narrow, peripheral all but disappear. He heard the rush of the ocean in his ears. His breathing became labored again. But then there were hands on his face. Cupping ever so gently, fingers brushing through his beard. Then there was weight over his hips, pinning him to the bed. He opened his eyes and there was Sasha, straddling him, cupping his face, lovingly staring back at him. Her lips were moving, but yet again, he couldn't hear her words.

He focused on her. He focused on her blue eyes, staring back at him. He focused on her face, and how much it meant to him. He had felt it in the truck. He had felt that switch flip. He had realized that even broken, he deserved love. That the only way to become whole again was to let that love in. He had to stop keeping it out. He had to open himself back up. Even if that meant losing again. He swallowed and tried to regulate his breathing as he stared into her eyes. She leaned down close to him, and Tom felt the weight inside his chest shrink. He felt the tightness of his airways expand. He saw his peripheral vision return, the ocean in his brain subsided.

"There you go," she whispered softly, her fingers still caressing his beard gently. Tom sighed and closed his eyes as the wave of panic passed. He hated the panic attacks. He felt Sasha shift, her body coming down and melting to his, her weight on his chest giving him a sense of grounding. He brought his arms up and around her, squeezing her tightly to him. His lips found her skin and he kissed her softly.

"Thank you," he mumbled against her hair.

"You don't have to thank me, Tom," she whispered back. He shifted, causing her to slide slightly. He wanted to see her face. He wanted…her. He felt his body reacting to the friction of hers and he sucked in a deep breath. He swallowed and licked his lips, then made a decision. He leaned forward and crushed his lips to hers.

She didn't respond at first and Tom felt that first icicle of doubt run down his spine. But he kept going because— he needed this. He needed her. He needed to…feel loved. He continued to kiss her, and finally she responded, coming back to him with the same fervor and passion. He thrust his tongue out and Sasha met it with her own. He felt her hips grind against his thigh, and he took it as a sign for more.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her and rolled them, flopping Sasha onto her back and coming up straddling her hips. He broke from the kiss and sat back on his knees, slowly grinding his erection over her center. He stared at her, silently asking her if they could continue, bending down, placing his fists on either side of her head, hovering just above her. She nodded and pushed up with her own hips and Tom gave in.

He pulled his shirt off over his head and tossed it away, then leaned down and crashed his lips to hers. Sasha sat up just enough, breaking contact with him, to pull her own sweater off and toss it aside. Tom trailed his lips down her jaw, her neck, her shoulder. Her hands tangled into the curls on the back of his head, before they skimmed down his back to his hips. Her fingers worked around and tugged at the fastening of his jeans.

He broke his mouth away from her and helped her remove his pants and boxers then worked on her own pants and panties. Once they were both naked Tom settled himself back over her and locked his lips on hers, claiming, demanding, passionate. Sasha hooked her leg around his ass and pulled him down, closer.

Once Tom pushed into her, it was hard a fast, but it was what Tom needed in that moment. When he felt her squeeze around him, her back arched back, a moan mixed with the sound of his name escaping her lips, he let himself lose control, pushing until moments later he felt his own release.

Collapsing next to her on the bed, Tom closed his eyes and tried to regain his breathing. He could feel Sasha's breaths coming hard and fast as well. He felt her wrap herself around him, her forehead resting against his own. He opened his eyes and found her blue ones staring right back at him.

"Thank you for loving me," he whispered and then gently kissed her lips. When he pulled back, he noticed a shine in her eyes. He brought his hand up to her jaw, his fingers tracing gently against her neck, his thumb sliding softly against her cheek.

"You do deserve it, Tom," she replied in a hoarse whisper. He nodded.

"I think I figured that out," he admitted. He swallowed. "Thank you for bringing me back."

"Are you back?" she asked gently, and Tom sucked in a shuddering breath.

"I can see a path now. I know I'm loved. I know I'm forgiven. I just need to forgive myself," Tom sighed out as he rolled onto his back. Sasha shifted with him, her head resting on his chest, her leg draped gently over his. Her hand caressing his ribcage.

"It's a start," she replied.

"I think I want to see Ashley one on one," Tom said softly. "But I don't know if Slattery would allow that."

"Garnett will," Sasha reminded him. Tom shifted his head down a little and kissed the top of Sasha's head.

"You think so?"

"I think she's grown attached to Ashley. You said Garnett lost a daughter?"

"Yes, close to same age as Ashley," Tom replied.

"I think those two have…bonded."

"Ashley and Eng?"

"Eng?"

"Garnett," Tom clarified. "You think that Eng is filling Darien's role in Ashley's life?"

"I think yes. And Ashley is filling the daughter role for Garnett."

"Makes sense," Tom breathed out. "You think she'll agree to it?"

"Who, Garnett or Ashley?"

"Both, I suppose," Tom replied.

"I think so yes. But you can't go in like you were tonight. You have to find a way—"

"I'm not the same person I was at dinner," Tom cut her off. He surprised himself with that statement.

"What?" Sasha asked confused. Tom thought about what he meant.

"At dinner I didn't think I deserved to be loved. At dinner I didn't think that my children would ever forgive me. At dinner I let Mike's anger drive my ability to…I don't know. But I realized some things since then and I think…I think I can do better."

"I can talk with Garnett tomorrow. Unless you want to do it yourself?"

"I'll call her tomorrow. Hey, Sash?" Tom said as he felt the pull of sleep overtaking him.

"Yeah, Tom?"

"I love you," he mumbled as his eyes slipped closed.

Ashley Chandler

After Andrea left her room, Ashley was sitting on her bed thinking about her dad. Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock at the door. Ashley took a deep breath to clear her head.

"Come in," she said as she curled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The door opened slowly, and Sam stuck his head in.

"Hey, Ash, can I ask you something?" Sam said in a meek voice.

"Yeah, Sammy, what's up," she answered as she let her legs go and reached out for him to come to her. He slowly came across the floor and climbed onto her bed with her.

"Do you like living here?"

"I don't not like it. I wish I could go home. What about you?"

"I like it here. I don't think I want to go…home. Maybe…I feel like…here is home?"

"You can't give up on dad like that, Sam," Ashley said as the tears choked her voice. She watched Sam drop his chin to his chest and hug himself tighter.

"He gave up on me, Ash," Sam fired back. Ashley nodded.

"I know it can feel like that. But I think it's a lot worse than we thought. I think dad actually suffered a like mental break or something, Sam. He's in bad shape."

"And we weren't enough?"

"We were enough. I don't think anything could have stopped this after…after…" she trailed off. She couldn't bring herself to about the horrors of their grandfather dying. "You know we lost mom…but dad…he lost the last of his family. Mom, our aunts and uncle, cousins, grandpa, all of them…dad lost them."

"We did too," Sam said as his voice broke, and the tears fell.

"I know," she replied quickly. "It's really hard to explain but I think we need to make an effort. Dad's getting better."

"What was he like tonight?" Sam asked.

"Broken, a shell. He was…sad," Ashley replied thinking back over the night. "But that woman seemed to be helping."

"Woman?"

"Yeah. Ms. Garnett said she was Sasha Cooper or something like that. I didn't know her. But dad seemed…"

"Dad has a girlfriend?"

"I don't know, Sam," Ashley replied, and she felt Sam was angry again. "Look, Sam. We aren't capable of helping dad in the way he needs help. We just aren't able to help like that. But I think for him to get better moving forward we need to be a part of it."

"I don't know if I want to be," Sam sniffed. Ashley wrapped him in a hug and pulled her brother closer.

"It's okay, maybe with time you will want to be."

"Maybe," Sam replied pulling away. "Night, Ash," Sam continued as he jumped down from her bed.

"Night, Sam," Ashley replied to his retreating back, as the boy left her room. Ashley curled up on her bed and fell asleep.

Mike Slattery

"You're safe now, you know that right?" Mike said gently as he rubbed Hannah's back. His young daughter nodded slowly against his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head and looked at Abbey who was watching him from her own bed. "What?"

"Nothing," Abbey said quickly, defensively, looking away from Mike. Mike sighed.

"Okay. We need to talk," Mike replied as he peeled Hannah off his chest and set her in his lap. She looked up at him confused but Abbey was staring at him again. He thought he saw a hint of anger in her eyes.

"About what, Daddy?" Hannah asked.

"About Ms. Garnett out there," Abbey huffed, jutting her thumb at the closed door.

"What about her? She's nice," Hannah said. Mike smiled. Abbey scowled.

"Is this going to be a problem?" Mike asked Abbey.

"Daddy, I don't know what we're talking about," Hannah said sounding confused. Mike looked at his younger daughter.

"Dad has a girlfriend, Hannah, you know what that means?"

"Who is your girlfriend, Daddy?"

"Are you dense?" Abbey snapped and Mike looked at her harshly.

"Hey," he barked. "Stop it, Abbey. Why are you angry?" Abbey crossed her arms over her chest and looked away, tears forming in her eyes. Mike looked back at Hannah. "Andrea and I are dating, Honey."

"Oh. Like she's our new mommy?" Hannah asked.

"She's not replacing your mother," Mike explained, looking at Abbey again. "It's new and she and I are still figuring things out. Abbey?"

"I don't like it," Abbey said with a shoulder shrug.

"Why not?" Hannah asked. Abbey glared at her.

"Because," Abbey said as her lip quivered.

"Honey, your mom is gone. Even if she were still here…even if—"

"I know. I knew everything. I know you two were about to divorce before you rapid deployed and left us in the pandemic."

"I didn't know what was going on back home," Mike said defensively. He paused and took a deep breath. "I swear I had no idea what was happening until I called your mother, and she told me about Lucas."

"It doesn't matter. You still left."

"It was my job. I'm still in the Navy."

"So, you'll leave again?" Abbey barked harshly.

"I don't know anymore. I'm still the captain of the Nathan James. I may have to deploy again yes."

"Then who will take care of us?" Hannah asked.

"I'll figure that out if and when it becomes an actual issue."

"So, you'll consider not deploying?" Abbey asked, arms still crossed tightly over her chest.

"I will, yes. Listen. You two are the most important things in my life. I'm so happy that I finally found you. And honestly, if it weren't for Andrea, I may not have found you," Mike explained. "Give her a chance?"

"I don't know," Abbey mumbled as she stretched out on her own bed. Mike frowned. Then leaned down and kissed the top of Hannah's head.

"You okay, Sweetheart?" Mike asked.

"Yes, Daddy," Hannah replied with a yawn. Mike tucked her back into her bed and stood up. He walked to the door and paused, turning back towards the room. He thought about what he could say to them but figured they just needed time to adjust to the idea. He sighed.

"Goodnight, girls," he said softly then flipped the light switch off and closed the door behind him. He walked to his living room hoping that Andrea had stuck around. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted her to stay the night with him. He let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding when he sat her still sitting on his couch. He stood behind it, dropping his hands to her shoulders, massaging gently.

"Mmmm," she breathed out as her head rolled forward. Mike continued to work his hands on her neck and shoulders. "That feels amazing," she whispered. Mike smirked. Then he leaned down and kissed her neck. He felt her lean into him. "Come sit down."

He let go of her shoulders and walked around the couch, dropping down next to her. She opened her eyes and brought her face up to look at him. He smiled as he reached out and ran the backs of his knuckles down the side of her face.

"So, are you staying," he asked quietly.

"Girls, okay?" she asked instead of answering. Mike licked his lips and rolled his eyes a little. He cocked his head to the side.

"They're okay for now. Are you staying," he asked a little more forcibly. The left side of Andrea's mouth twitched up into a half smile, and Mike felt a jolt run through him. He leaned forward, reaching out and pulling her to him. Their mouths collided and Mike kissed her soundly. When they broke apart, she finally answered his question.

"Yes, I'll stay tonight," she whispered as she leaned in and kissed him again. When they broke apart again, Mike stood abruptly and reached down for her hand. Once she had taken his, he yanked her to her feet and placed his hands on her hips.

"That makes me happy," Mike whispered as they stared at each other.

"You called me your girlfriend," Andrea said, her hands settling on Mike's chest.

"Is that a problem?" Mike asked with a smirk. "Because that's exactly what I meant."

"No," she said with a smile. "No problem."

Mike grinned and sucked in a deep breath through his nose. He leaned down and captured her lips with his, kissing her slowly at first. As the kiss continued it heated up and Mike felt the rush of blood to his crotch.

He broke the kiss and slipped his hand into hers tugging her along as he made his way towards his bedroom. Andrea didn't resist and Mike worked to control his nerves.

Once inside his room he shut his door. He turned to find Andrea sitting on the edge of his bed and he walked towards her, slipping between her legs and bending down, placing his hands next to her on the bed. He paused an inch from her, hovering. She smiled at him as her hand came up and touched his face.

"I never suspected this to happen," Mike whispered as he turned his head slightly and kissed her fingers as they skimmed his skin. "I don't even know when it happened."

"It happened slowly and over time," Andrea replied softly tilting her head slightly.

"So, you feel it too," Mike said. It was a statement not a question. She nodded slowly then closed the gap and kissed him. Mike pressed into the kiss. He felt her hands skirt down his sides and then the hem of his shirt was moving up. He pulled away and raised his arms over his head, letting her pull his sweater over his head. Once his sweater and undershirt were off, he leaned back down. Her eyes were on his chest, her fingers gently gliding over his exposed skin.

Mike dipped his forehead against hers and she brought her eyes back up. His fingers gripped the hem of her sweater and played with it for a long moment, before he started to slowly raise it. She leaned back slightly and raised her arms up, letting him slide the garment off of her. He tossed it over his shoulder and brought his hands to the impossibly smooth skin of her torso. His eyes dropping to her bra clad breasts.

"You're beautiful," he murmured as his hand cupped her breasts in his palms. She reached around back and unhooked her bra letting it fall forward. Mike pulled his hands back long enough for it to slip down her arms then they were right back on them. His thumbs rolling gently over her perky nipples.

Andrea reached for his belt as he dropped his mouth to her left breast, kissing around her areola before sucking the nipple into his mouth. She undid his belt and unzipped his jeans before popping the button. He felt the denim fabric sliding down his legs as he continued to tongue her breast. He grunted as he felt her cool, soft fingers curl around his erection and stroke gently. He pulled his mouth free and crushed it to her mouth. Her hand squeezed as she slid it up and down his shaft, her thumb running over the tip each time.

"Fuck," Mike grunted out as his hips thrust forward into her grip. He closed his eyes and Andrea bent down pushing him back a little. He damn near lost control when he felt her mouth encircle the tip of his penis then slide down the shaft. "Double fuck," he ground out. His hands went to the back of her head, as she continued to suck on him. He felt his balls tighten and he tugged her head up off of him. "Not yet," he grumbled, and she nodded in understanding.

Andrea scooted back onto the bed and stared up at him and he reached down and undid her jeans. She lifted her hips as he pulled them down, along with her panties, dropping them to the floor. He kneeled down at the edge of the bed and pulled her legs towards him, putting her knees over his shoulders.

He leaned in and licked her slit from the bottom to her clit, inhaling her scent. He heard her moan, and her hips came up towards him, pushing against his tongue. He smirked and then found her clit, wrapping his tongue around it and sucking.

He worked his fingers in and moved them in and out as he sucked, relishing in the sounds coming from her. He knew she was close, and he wanted her to come. She tried to pull his head up, but he resisted and sucked harder on her clit. Her hips bucked hard against his mouth as her body went rigid against him.

"Holy fuck, Mike," she breathed out in a low moan as he felt her spasm against his fingers. As she was coming down from her orgasm, he shifted her legs back to the bed and then leaned over to the night table, pulling out a condom from the drawer. He slipped it on and then crawled over her prone panting body.

He smiled as he leaned down and kissed her slowly, tongues dancing together, lips sucking, teeth scraping. When she bit his lower lip Mike reached down, lined himself up, and pushed into her with a single thrust.

"Oh my god," she hissed out as her eyes closed and her fingernails dug into his skin. He ducked his head and started to pepper her neck with kisses as he started to thrust his hips in a slow steady rock. Her hips matched him, then urged him faster. "More, Mike, faster, harder," she breathed out.

Mike obliged. He braced his hands above her head and started to pound harder into her, setting a frantic rhythm as she pulled her knees up to her chest, changing the angle. Mike felt the orgasm building inside him, his balls tightening. Then Andrea was moaning his name again as he felt her insides flutter then clamp around him rhythmically signaling her orgasm was complete. Thrusting a few more times, Mike felt himself release as his eyes rolled back.

"Holy fuck, Andrea," he grunted out as he continued to thrust through his orgasm. When he couldn't go anymore, he fell to the side of her, both of them panting.

"Damn, Slattery, that was fucking wonderful," she whispered in his ear before he felt her tongue dip into his ear canal then her teeth rake down his ear lobe.

Kat Nolan

Kat sat in the front passenger seat leaning her head against the window, watching as the night blurred passed them on the way to the airfield. She had all her meager possessions with her. Kara had been quiet, and Kat didn't know what to say. They were almost there when Kara finally spoke.

"How have you been since you got to Norfolk?" Kara asked.

"Better since Ms. Cooper got me out of the shelter."

"Shelter?"

"Yeah. The Navy dumped me in a homeless shelter for girls here. Captain Slattery and Ms. Cooper worked together to get me out. But I guess Chandler was more important than me."

"That's not true," Kara said defensively. Kat shrugged.

"Cooper got me out and dumped me into an apartment over a month ago," Kat shrugged. "She visits like maybe once a week."

"From what she told me it's been pretty rough going in the Chandler house."

"Fuck him," Kat said quietly as she looked out the window trying not to cry. She jumped a little when a hand landed on her shoulder.

"It's not his fault," Kara said softly. Kat bit at the inside of her lip to slow the anger that was bubbling over.

"He got my dad killed," Kat spat out. "My dad wouldn't have been there if Chandler—"

"He would have. Your dad and Tom Chandler were good friends."

"Whatever they just met—"

"I don't think you understand. Your dad would have done anything to save—"

"He did. He gave his life and Chandler walks away."

"That day took a big toll on Tom Chandler."

"Good. It took a big toll on me too," Kat replied then pursed her lips and shook her head.

"I know it's hard to lose someone you love," Kara said gently as her hand squeezed on Kat's shoulder. Then her hand retreated, and Kat turned towards the window as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Sorry. I know you look up to the captain. But it's hard to not blame him for my dad's death."

"He blames himself for your dad's death," Kara said softly and Kat wasn't sure how to take that statement. She shrugged her shoulders wishing the pain that was just stirred up would drop away. She pulled her phone out and texted Ray.

Fuck this pain. I'm so over this.

Kara took the hint and stopped talking as they pulled into the airfield. Kat saw a large military cargo plane sitting on the runway. Kara pulled the car up to a hanger and parked. A uniformed solider greeted her and she showed him some paperwork and her credentials and said something while pointing at Kat.

The uniformed solider nodded and then pointed towards the cargo plane as the engines roared to life. Kara nodded and walked over to the back seat and pulled the baby out in his carrier. She then turned towards Kat.

"We're all set, our ride is ready for takeoff. Straight flight to St. Louis," Kara shouted over the noise of the engines.

"We're riding on that?" Kat asked pointing towards the big plane.

"Yep, quickest ride I could arrange. Commercial isn't really up and running just yet."

"Right," Kat said as she felt her phone vibrate. Kat slid it from her pocket and saw a text from Ray.

What's wrong Baby?

She smiled a little at his text then blew out a breath. She gathered her bag and followed Kara towards the plane. Once they were in the cargo plane and situated, Kat pulled her phone out again.

I'm ok. I'm moving to St.L right now. Some1 brought up Chan and thought about my dad.

She hit send and leaned her head back against the metal bulkhead of the plane. Someone was talking but Kat wasn't really paying attention. Kara leaned over.

"Fasten that seat belt around you, we'll be taking off in two minutes."

"Okay," Kat replied as she did up the seat restraint. She felt her phone vibrate.

St.L = St. Louis?!

Yes

Kat smiled as she fired the text back to him. Ray was going to be stationed in St. Louis in a week's time.

TO BE CONTINUED…