Author's Note: Hey Gang! I got this one done. Sorry about the big delays. This may be a thing here now. I'm working on a new original project that is sparking and taking off big time. So, I'm spending a lot of time working on that manuscript and characters and not on my fanfiction as much! But here is chapter 18 of this one. No idea when I'll work on A Helping Hand again, but I do plan on finishing it at some point. So far now...here's another chapter for this one. Happy reading...dark rolling sea.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Tom Chandler

The next morning Tom woke feeling better. It was the first night in as long as he could remember that he wasn't plagued by nightmares or weird dreams. Sasha was still asleep next to him in the bed, her back to him. He rolled onto his side, molding the front of his body to her back.

He buried his nose in her hair and inhaled deeply taking her scent in. He felt a clam wash through him. He felt her shift a little and tightened his hold on her. He felt the calm slipping. Intrusive thoughts were coming in.

He saw something out of the corner of his eye and moved his eyes in that direction. He felt his heart speed up and a tightness in his chest. His dad was standing in the corner of the room, staring, judging.

Tom swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face in her hair. His heart rate increased, his chest squeezed shut, tears built in his eyes. His throat constricted and his eyes burned. The panic was building inside him and struggled to get air in.

Guilt overwhelmed him. His actions had caused his dad's death. His decision to go back to sea had gotten his dad killed. His breathing came in great gasps as he tried to move air through his chest, which felt like he had a hundred-pound weight sitting on it. His ears pounded with the sound of crashing waves; his head spun. His dad stood…judging…forever judging him.

Sasha stirred. Tom felt the tears fall down his cheeks, and he clamped his eyes tight. He felt the sob catch in his throat, coming out a strangled gasp. His breathing increased as he panicked. He was going to suffocate.

Suddenly Sasha was facing him, her hands on his shoulders. Her legs intertwined with his own. Her face a mere inch from him. Her muffled words filtering in.

"Tom," she said. "Open your eyes."

He did. He obeyed her command without thought. He trusted her to be his center, his north. He stared into her blue, felt the connection. The outside world faded as he focused on her.

"That's it," she said. "Focus on me, you're okay. You're strong. Slow your breathing."

"Can't," he gasped and squeezed his eyes shut.

"You can," she replied, her fingers flexing on his shoulders, gently massaging his skin.

He opened his eyes again and concentrated on her fingers and the feeling on his shoulders. Slowly he felt the waves recede, his breathing slowed, the panic started to fade.

"There you go," she said gently. "Bring it back."

"Fuck," Tom ground out as he closed his eyes again. He seriously hated these panic attacks. They made him feel weak.

"What caused that one?" Sasha asked.

Tom felt a wave of panic flutter through him before he shoved it down. He opened his eyes and looked over at the corner of the room. His father was gone, thankfully. Sasha's eyes followed his, glancing at the corner as well.

"Who did you see," she said so gently. There was no shame, no accusation. Just love. She didn't make him feel like he was fucking crazy, because let's face it…he felt that way enough on his own. "Tom?" she prodded.

"My father," he ground out, he slipped his eyes closed and swallowed. "I feel like…I feel…like…he's…judging me. Fuck, I feel fucking crazy!" he yelled the last part.

"Shh," she cooed and slipped a hand against his face. "You're not crazy."

"Sure fucking feels like it," Tom breathed out. He rolled away and turned his back to her, feeling vulnerable. He hated that feeling. Sasha seemed to understand his aversion as she gave him space.

"You're not crazy, and you will get better. These will pass."

"I know, as soon as I forgive myself," Tom said mockingly as anger burned briefly. He closed his eyes. He expected her to reprimand him, to tell him he was being foolish, but she surprised him. She simply got out of bed. Tom stayed where he was, feeling embarrassed by his lack of control. His inability to fix his own brain.

After throwing a small pity party for himself, he reluctantly got up from the bed and moved into the bathroom. Once he was showered and dressed, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. Again, he debated keeping the beard and longer curly hair.

He sighed and pushed away from the sink and left the bathroom, going another day without shaving. He grabbed his cell phone and flopped onto his couch, staring at the screen. He was nervous to make this call. He was nervous to reach out. He wasn't sure how his daughter would receive him. He wasn't sure he could take it if she rejected him. Not yet. Not in the fragile spot he found himself in.

Tom was beginning to understand what Sasha had been trying to tell him. His psyche was teetering on the edge right now, about to careen off a cliff and shatter at the bottom of a very deep ravine. Simple things were triggering panic attacks, something that was really bothering him. Maybe he wasn't ready yet, but at the same time…he needed to talk to Ashley. He had to explain his side, he felt this deep within himself that he absolutely needed to tell her his side of this before it was too late.

And why Ashley? Because he got the sense that maybe, she understood this was beyond his control. Sam…he did not understand that, and he knew his son felt like he had betrayed them. It was going to take much more to fix that relationship. He dialed. Andrea picked up.

"Hey, Captain," she said softly. He paused, freezing up. He closed his eyes and tried to maintain his breathing. "Everything okay?"

"Uh…yeah," he managed. He caught movement from the corner of his eye and turned to see Sasha step into the living room. She gave him a reassuring smile and he took a deep breath.

"Is there something I can help with?" Andrea was asking. Tom refocused on the phone.

"Yeah, actually," he replied. He cleared his throat. "I was wondering if…I wanted to…can I come over and talk to Ashley just her and me?"

"You think that's a good idea?" Andrea asked gently. There was no anger, no accusation, no resentment in her voice. Her question was purely out of concern. He just didn't know if the concern was for him…or Ashley. Sasha came up behind the couch and dropped her hands to his shoulders.

"I don't know…for either of us…but I want to…no I need to talk to her. I need to tell her my side—"

"Mike's not telling them anything," Andrea cut him off and Tom frowned.

"I didn't mean to imply that Mike was," Tom said feeling defeated. "This is really hard," he whispered without thinking. His chest tightened and he took a deep shuddering breath.

"Today, after school. My house, not Mike's," Andrea replied after a long pause. Tom closed his eyes as tears slipped down his face. "She gets off at three and I'll have her here by three thirty."

"I'll be there," Tom choked out around the lump in his throat. The line cut and he dropped his phone into his lap. Sasha bent down and wrapped her arms around his upper body, her ear pressing against his.

"It's going to be okay," she whispered. He shook his head side to side because he didn't know that. He couldn't possibly know if this was going to be…okay. He felt like the world was splintering and he was falling into the voided crevice left behind.

Ashley Chandler

The next morning Ashley went to school. It was another boring day that she muddled through. Her concentration was shot. She could not focus on anything her teachers were saying. She struggled to keep up with the conversations with Ginger, Hannah, and Zane.

Her mind was swirling with everything that had happened last night. She was very worried about her dad. After seeing him in the state he was in her views on what was going on shifted. She was understanding that he had had some kind of huge mental break.

It was understandable. She knew a little more than Sammy did about the stress and pressure their dad had been under. She saw in his eyes that he was…different. That scared her. He was a different man now. How would their relationship be going forward? Could he get back to being similar to what he had been?

Losing so much of their lives in the past three years had been devastating to her and Sam, but their dad had the added burdens of his duty thrown on top. How many friends had he seen killed? He much of that guilt sat squarely on his shoulders now.

She knew it was going to take time to fix, time to mend the rift between them. She worried about Sammy. He was younger, didn't understand the complexity of what was happening. He was harboring those feelings of abandonment and relishing in the feeling of Uncle Mike's love.

And who was Sasha Cooper. Did her dad really have a girlfriend? Would he do that without talking to them first? In his state of mind now she believed he would move forward without talking to them first. Andrea had said Cooper was good for him. That she was helping him get better. Ashley pushed down the feelings of…she didn't know what she was feeling. She decided she needed to give Cooper a chance.

It had been a year and a half since her mom had died. Maybe it was time for her dad to move on. All of this was swirling in her mind as school droned on around her. Luckily, she managed to get through the day without too much interaction. She felt like hiding in a hole and crying.

The day was nearing an end when one of the teachers approached her. Ashley was lost in thought and didn't see her come up. She nearly jumped from her skin when a hand gently touched her shoulder.

"Sorry, you didn't seem to hear me when I said your name," Ms. Kindebalm said gently. Ashley looked up at the woman.

"Oh, sorry, I was…" Ashley said trailing off.

"Thinking," the woman offered with a smile. Ashley nodded slowly.

"Sorry, it's been a rough couple of days," Ashley said with a weak smile. The teacher nodded.

"I've noticed you're more withdrawn the last few days. Is everything okay?"

Ashley thought about her question. She thought about if she wanted to involve someone at the school she barely knew. She decided that no. She wanted to discuss this with Andrea, not some stranger who could cause more issues for her dad.

"Yes. It'll be fine. Everyone has something right now."

"That's true," the teacher responded studying Ashley's face. Ashley forced a smile to the front.

"Thanks for asking though. If I need something, I'll let you know."

"Okay. I'm always available."

"Thanks," Ashley said then hurried away. She and Hannah met up with Sam and Abbey and the four of them walked out of the school. Andrea had come to get them today. She gave Ashley a smile and Ashley wondered what was going on. Andrea took the other three home but asked Ashley if she wanted to go to her house instead.

"Yeah, I think I need some quiet tonight."

On the drive over Andrea was quiet, but Ashley could tell she wanted to talk about something. Ashley gave her some space and time, but they were nearing Andrea's house and Andrea seemed to get more nervous with each second.

"Is something going on?" Ashley asked. Andrea looked over at her then nodded slowly.

"Your dad will be here tonight. He wanted some one-on-one time to talk to you tonight and we decided here was better."

"Because Uncle Mike might have said no."

"It's not that Mike doesn't want you and your dad to see each other—"

"I know he's just worried. And mad at my dad."

"Yes and no. He's angry but it's not necessarily at your dad."

"I don't understand," Ashley said confused.

"We can discuss that another time. Are you okay with seeing your dad tonight?"

"Yes," Ashely breathed out. "I understand why what happened happened. I miss him but I don't want to…"

"Make it worse?"

"Will that happen?" Ashley asked suddenly scared she may hurt her dad just by being there.

"Listen, Sweetie, it's not you. Okay? Know that. It's not you. I can't say one way or the other what will happen with your dad. Okay? But in order to move forward? We need to try."

"I think I understand what you're saying," Ashley said as the pulled up to Andrea's house. They sat in silence for a while, staring. Andrea finally moved to get out of the SUV and Ashley followed.

She went inside and sat down on the floor in the living room, using the low coffee table to spread her work out. She got her homework done as Andrea worked on something in the kitchen. Ashley watched the clock, growing more and more nervous as the time her dad was going to show up got closer and closer.

Mike Slattery

Mike lay awake after Andrea had drifted off to sleep. She was tucked against his chest, as he lay on his side, his arm gently draped over her hips. His brain was spinning with everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.

He had solidified his relationship with Andrea. He had told the girls about said relationship. He had seen Tom and seen what had become of his best friend. He had blown up at Tom, he had listened to what Sasha had to say. He was confused on how he should feel about it all.

He thought about the state Tom was in when he was here and it broke Mike's heart a little bit. As much as he wanted to be angry at Tom for…abandoning his responsibilities, he couldn't anymore. He just couldn't. Pain and fear replaced the anger for Tom.

Especially after talking with Sasha when Tom had walked out. He could see now that it wasn't a choice. Tom didn't consciously give up his kids. He didn't consciously walk away from everything. He had broken. Quite literally broken. And it scared him that maybe with the right circumstances…that could be him too.

He could have been the one to fracture and splinter like Tom had. There had been just a little bit more pressure on Tom than Mike and it had been the difference. He knew he was going to have to make a better effort to move forward. He was going to have to try to help his friend come to terms with everything.

Mike shifted a little, trying to get more comfortable, but insomnia was taking hold. He bent his head slightly so he could look at Andrea, curled into him, sleeping. His heart warmed. He hoped that tonight was the start of their relationship moving forward even more. He had realized that he was in love with this woman. He wanted her here…every night…with him.

He shifted again, closing his eyes, and trying to will himself to sleep. It didn't work. He blew out a frustrated sigh and shifted again.

"If you keep doing that neither of us are going to get any sleep," Andrea said groggily. Mike squeezed her a little tighter.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out. "I can't seem to get to sleep tonight.

"I've noticed," she said then yawned. She rotated and scooted a little, so they were face to face. She searched his eyes. Her hand came up and stroked the side of his face. "What's wrong?"

"Just a lot on my mind."

"Share with me," she whispered. Mike thought a moment.

"I told both girls about us," Mike said softly. Andrea smiled at him.

"And?"

"I'm not sure Hannah fully understands, other than she asked if you were her new mom," Mike started. Andrea smiled at that. "Abbey is…angry."

"That's not an untypical response to a parent getting a new significant other," Andrea said gently. Mike nodded slowly.

"Yes, I know. And I know it's difficult for her. But it makes things more…tricky."

"Are you going to let her dictate—"

"No," Mike replied quickly before she could even finish. "No," he said again. "I'm just…as a father I don't like that she doesn't like—"

"It's all a bit much and a bit fast for them."

"This wasn't fast," Mike said as he touched her cheek with his thumb.

"For us…no," she said. "But the girls just came in. It's a lot to take in."

"I know," Mike sighed.

"What else is bothering you," she breathed out.

"Tom," Mike confessed and closed his eyes.

"You feel guilty about how you reacted tonight?"

"I…maybe. I also…it's starting to strike close to home the more I think about it. I think I was trying to…barricade how this felt so that I didn't start thinking that…it could be me."

"How so?" she asked, and Mike sighed and shook his head a little. His eyes burned as tears formed. He worked to keep them at bay.

"I could be where he is. Very easily, I think. Just a little different twist and I think…if I had been in his shoes, I would be right where he is."

"And that scares you?"

"Absolutely," Mike whispered. "And I was so fucking hard on him tonight. I felt so angry that he dumped his kids and—"

"Sam isn't Lucas," Andrea said cutting him off and Mike froze. "And Tom didn't dump his kids."

"I know that now. I know that…what Sasha said. I know now," Mike continued ignoring her statement about Sam and Lucas. "I think I may have done damage tonight."

"It wasn't intentional. Tom will know that. Sasha knows that. It's hard for everyone."

"I still did it. And I have to face the fact that I did that to my best friend."

"Then face it and do better going forward. Be the friend he needs," she said so gently that Mike lost control and tears slipped from the corners of his eyes. She caught them with her thumbs and wiped them away. She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips.

"I love you," he whispered as she pulled back. She smiled at him.

"I love, you, too," she said as she snuggled into his chest.

Mike settled against her and felt his eyes slowly growing heavy. He squeezed Andrea against himself briefly then let her go as they both shifted into more comfortable sleeping positions. Mike drifted to sleep feeling a little bit better about things.

Kat Nolan

The flight was loud and bumpy. But it sure beat the fourteen hour drive it would have been from Norfolk to St. Louis. Kara Green had left her alone most of the flight as she held and cuddled her baby boy. Kat was okay with that as she thought about how her life was going to change.

Living with the Greens would give her a better chance of getting into the Navy. She would be exposed to a lot more people and maybe she'd get to do what she wanted. She wasn't quite sure what that was but with her marksmanship she was sure they'd find something for her to do.

The other reason she was excited was that Ray would be in St. Louis by the end of the week. The Nathan James was still in Mayport being repaired but his part of that was ending and he was being sent to St. Louis for training. They would be able to actually spend time together instead of phone calls and texts.

Kat didn't know what the Green's plans were for her yet, but she expected to be put in school. Hopefully she wouldn't have to go for much longer, but she understood the necessity for it. It would help her get into the Navy as well.

Towards the middle of the flight, she started thinking about her dad. It hurt. She didn't like to think about him like this, because she didn't want to feel that pain. It sucked. She rolled in her seat, so she wasn't facing Kara and worked to keep her tears silent.

She knew she should probably deal with this grief sooner than later, but it was easier to just push it all away. Pretend like she was fine, live her life as if nothing had changed. Losing both her parents in the last two years had taken its toll on her, but she hid it well.

When the plane landed, she wiped her face clean and hoped it wasn't too red. She could blame it all on lack of sleep as well, she thought. She and Kara gathered up their things and headed off the plane. Once on the runway, Kara directed Kat to follow her to a car. There was a black SUV parked just outside a hanger.

Kara went into the hanger and came back out with a set of keys and the climbed into the vehicle. The drive back to the house was quiet. Frankie was sleeping in the back seat, Kat was lost in her own thoughts, and Kara was concentrating on driving. They pulled into the driveway and Kara parked but didn't get out. Kat looked over at her.

"You, okay?" Kara asked. Kat didn't answer right away, and she continued. "Lots of big changes in your life the last couple of months."

"I'll live," Kat said with a shoulder shrug.

"If you ever want to talk about anything…you can come to me," Kara said gently then she got out of the vehicle and started to get Frankie out. Kat sat a moment longer, reigning in her emotions then got out and followed Kara into the house.

TO BE CONTINUED…