Suspended in the boundless dream, Senti gazed at her warped self.
Her past was nothing but a string of failures. The only one she wanted to protect, perished.
Only remorse indelibly etched on one's soul can change one's nature.
Where are you?
Senti wandered aimlessly in the infinite corridors and hatches of gunmetal grey and washed-off white, amidst hollow-eyed shades. There was something important she was looking for, she is quite certain… but…
It's not funny anymore. Where are you?
Someone picked her up, she thought.
How rude.
She could walk on her own. She wasn't some old timer, on one knee and dazed-
A sharp pain lanced through her soul. Something - something was wrong. Senti's legs gave and the person holding her up nearly stumbled, but held on to her. He was saying something. Senti laughed. Or he laughed? What's the joke here? Senti loved jokes.
Everything will be all right.
But that's not funny. That's a lie. It is not nice to lie. It will not be all right.
Nothing will ever be all right again.
Sounds of bone crunching and a man screaming, fading, muffling, as Senti sank into the abyss again.
What was the girl's name? The one with the dark bob and who was always a touch away from shrinking into herself. Heh. Shrinking. Senti saw that happened to Bianka. The look on her face that screamed 'saving the world is the purpose of my life' - even as SHE collapsed Bianka into a singularity.
That look reminded Senti of somebody. Somebody…
Agony pierced her very being and once more Senti faded away…
That girl was here again. She's whispering gentle words and - cleaning her arm? She was trying to smile and be encouraging.
Who was she kidding? Senti was the true master of sentience. Senti always knew. The girl was in as many pieces as her beloved Big Sister Bronya. Pieces. Six? No, it was five.
The girl kept up a string of chatter, as she dabbed ointment on Senti's fists and arms with aching gentleness, and started to wrap bandages around them. To while away the time, Senti shook her wrists and made the bracelets jingle.
Bracelets? And it was more clunking than jingling.
Come to think of it, these bracelets were far too large anyway. She pulled at them - and dimly she heard sounds of alarm as two large men standing guard behind the girl pointed their guns at Senti.
She heard the girl's frantic pleading as she stood between the guards and Senti.
Pleading.
Suddenly Senti wanted to grab the girl and shake her. It would be better that she knew now than later.
It won't work, they will always do what they always do, for the greater good.
Senti felt a rush of nausea at the very thought of the greater good, she stumbled to her feet, tearing off the bandages as she stood up - and rip off the shackles like bead bracelets even as they tore into her wrist. Sharp pain on her chest - and a girl screaming.
It wasn't Senti. Not this time, Senti thought.
The girl was back. Someone ought to tell her that the definition of madness was to keep doing something and expecting a different result.
Heh, madness.
The girl seemed agitated as she looked at the untouched pile of bedding and blankets in a corner. Senti wanted to explain to her she couldn't sleep, or she'd see her again.
Except that made no sense. Senti wanted to see her again. Right? Right.
Right?
Who is 'her'?
There were unshed tears in the girl's eyes as she wordlessly knelt next to Senti and started unwrapping a roll of bandages. She said nothing this time as she did her best to wrap up Senti's arm and hands, for what reason Senti could not fathom. It's only blood and bones, everyone had them.
Well, almost everyone. Welt didn't have any left by the time SHE was done with him.
Apparently satisfied with her little art project, the girl gingerly wrapped her arms around her, an awkward motion as Senti was half collapsed against the wall. Senti endured with patience and dignity. The girl did not let go. "Please don't hurt yourself anymore… we've had enough loss already. It isn't-" The girl chokes up at that, and she started and tried to finish her sentence several times, but only strangle sobs came out.
But Senti heard all the same. She was, after all, the master of sentience.
It isn't what she would have wanted.
Who IS she?
The bedroll remained untouched, as was the tray of food next to it.
Senti heard people heatedly thinking to each other outside her cell (Cell? Cell.) - where they thought she couldn't hear them. '
They hadn't the time nor the resources.
A Herrscher.
A waste.
Why was she still alive?
Traitor.
Final battle.
Dead.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. DEAD,
Maybe she should be dead too. It seemed only right.
If only.
Senti always knew how it was going to end.
Somehow, Senti always knew. One last conflagration. Feathers burned to ashes. A final blaze of glory that nobody would witness.
For the greater good.
So she lied to herself, again, again and again. After all, she was the Herrscher of sentience, denial and delusion were the easiest things for her.
Senti told herself lie after lie, that there would be a different ending. That this time, things would turn out differently. That whoever gods may be would show some mercy.
That there could be a happy ending, if not for them, then for her.
If she could convince herself of that… if she could just have this little hope…
Then she could keep going.
So Senti lied to herself.
Again and again.
Over and over.
Senti always knew how it was going to end.
Alone.
She was Senti and she was not Senti.
Memories of fifty thousand years buried her.
It was so right and it was so wrong and Senti forcibly choked down something rising inside her, ugly and distorted, threatening to overwhelm everything Senti was, is and ever will be.
Nothing is ever going to be all right again.
But it's not important anymore. She was out of time. Senti pushed aside all her wants and doubts, and sealed them away.
She needed Senti.
Senti knew what to do.
~o~
Schicksal Sky Fleet Ship Hyperion
Position: Unknown
Zone: Sea of Quanta
Course: Unknown; Departing NavRef-001 at 54kn
Time: Unknown; Departed NavRef-001 127 hours ago
Senti blinked. There was no mistake, the bulkhead she was staring at was out of alignment. She'd been staring at it for long enough to be quite certain. How long had it been? Senti wasn't sure, she vaguely recalled several round of bells, which probably meant several shifts... and it didn't seem to matter anymore. It was - something to do. One thing just like another.
The bulkhead was quite clearly improperly installed. For shame. The access panels really gave it away.
Well, that and the fist-shaped craters dark with dried blood. Senti put her hands on the edge of the cot, and pushed, her arms shaking and sending stings of agony up and down her spine. She winced, but pushed herself up.
"You're up." The girl - Seele? - said as she stood at the hatch, hovering, unsure whether to flee or to take a tentative step into Senti's cell.
Senti sent her a flat look, "Whatever it is you wanted, the answer is no."
Seele seemed taken aback for a moment, and shrank back for a fraction of a second. Then something hardened in her eyes, "you are not the only one who lost someone, you know." She whispered, her voice quiet, but there was no mistaking the resolution.
"I lost everyone." Senti gritted out the words, one by one. This little girl dared to speak to her of loss? How dare -
Xiǎo Shí...
Senti froze at the sound of her voice. She looked around, eyes wild and darting - and - oh, Old Timer, standing there, just behind Seele. She looked... disappointed.
Don't look at me like that. Don't.
Senti felt someone's hand on her arm, "Senti?" Seele said, and tried to pull her towards her cot, but Seele might as well have been pulling at a marble statue, Senti was rooted to the spot. She dared not move even a hair's breadth, she dared not breathe, she dared not blink. It felt like if she stopped she'd never see her again, and that if she did anything or nothing Old Timer would be gone. She tried to drink in every detail, every impression, every little thing, over, over, and over, and stayed in this moment of her nightmare forever.
If she tried hard enough, maybe she could convince herself that this wasn't going to end like the last time, or the time before that, that there was going to be a different ending. Better ending. And she would pretend until the very end, until the moment she faded away.
She was the true master of Sentience, after all. Delusions came easily to her.
Senti reached out - and grasped nothing.
Ah, of course.
She felt a sense of déjà vu, as if she had done it before. Distractedly she seemed to recall that she promised herself not to try to reach, or touch, and just - live the moment forever.
Only she never did, of course.
Senti felt something shattered inside her once again.
Something strong wrenched her back to reality. Senti turned and saw the girl - saw Seele, looking down at her hands gripping her right hand. Seele's hands were cold, but it was warm. She was sitting next to Senti's cot. "How long?" Senti managed to squeeze the words out through a parched throat. Funny, she never needed to eat or drink before...
"A few hours." Seele said, voice hoarse. Senti noticed her red eyes and tear-stained face... and a part of her felt something unfamiliar, something eating at her, anger mixed with revulsion -
It's guilt, Xiǎo Shí.
"Don't you have anything better to do, Captain?"
Seele reared back as if struck, and Senti felt that unfamiliar sentiment eating at her again, "last I looked things weren't looking too good." Senti added hastily, and she felt laughter welling up within her, threatening to burst out until she laughed herself to tears.
Not looking too good! Ha! Special promotional deal! Twelve thousand for the price of 7 billion! What a bargain!
Of course, it wasn't just Senti who lost everyone. They all lost everyone. At least Senti got to see the Old Timer before - Bronya...
Senti closed her eyes, and trying not to burst. Seele deserved to know. But not from her. Not now. Not yet. Out of sheer force of habit, Senti briefly opened her mind and let her essence roam, and barely had time to raise her barriers lest the tide of despair overwhelm her.
Fourteen thousand. Well done. That's almost a viable genetic pool.
But Senti sensed something else without meaning to. It was obvious in retrospect - so obvious Senti wondered why she did not see it earlier. The girl next to her - was - entirely alone in her mind.
Oh. Oh no.
"I - sharing a body is overrated, you know, been there, done that, got kicked out to a pure honkai energy form."
Senti immediately shut up at the stricken look on Seele's face.
Well done, Senti, you really are surpassing yourself today.
The Onyx Simurgh clad in mourning black smirked at Senti, leaning against the cell's tiny desk. Senti sent her a dirty look, and pulled the smaller girl into an awkward embrace, the way she remembered Fu Hua used to do to comfort the distraught.
"Look, I'll help you, whatever it is, not like I have anything better to do anyway, so... Don't cry, please?" Senti said weakly, aware of how little those words mean.
Senti felt the girl shuddering, trying her hardest to stay in one piece, as if just the slightest push and she would fall apart again.
That makes the two of us, girl.
After frankly too long awkwardly trying to comfort the girl, Senti managed to coax from Seele the gist of things on the Hyperion... and it was not good.
Seele was nominally acting captain, as the surviving ranking Schicksal officer (brevet, but there we were) on a Schicksal vessel, as Senti had gathered. But the ship only had a skeleton crew - every last able-bodied sailor and officer went to the Moon - and she had taken on anyone they came across that could fit onto the ship.
It was too few. Entirely too few. Only fourteen thousand... and liable to drop further in a matter of days, as the wounded were in dire need of medical treatment, and there simply wasn't enough medical resources on board.
Stores - were already at a critical level. Food, clean water, air and power all had to be strictly rationed. The ship's power plants were fully operational and fuelled - thank heavens for small mercies - but running the engines, the life support and the shielding against the Sea of Quanta's corrosion, as well as the defences against the leviathans roaming the Sea called upon most of it. The Hyperion was a fine ship, one of the finest Earth had to offer, but she was never meant to be a long-term Sea of Quanta exploration vessel, and lacked everything from equipment to storage facilities to life support systems.
That was the other reason Seele was acting Captain. She was - adapted to the Sea of Quanta, and was able to navigate a safe path away from lost Earth... but that was three days ago, and now...
...now they were lost.
Barely six days into the voyage of the Hyperion, sure to rival the Odyssey and the Aeneid, and it seemed that the journey may prove... shorter than anticipated.
And tension was starting to surface. Even in that brief survey, Senti felt it. The people were probably too shell-shocked to do anything for the first few days, but as shock wore off and despair set in, things could get ugly, and fast. This was not a proper crew trained to work together, this was whatever the Hyperion, Anti-Entropy and Schicksal was able to grab on their way to flee Earth. Mostly civilians, some military from various nations, and a sad collection of non-combatants and the sick and disabled service members from Anti-Entropy and Schicksal, deemed unfit to fight in the Final Battle.
They needed leadership. They needed organisation.
Above all, they needed hope. And that was why Senti found herself at the Shenzhou quarters.
"Commissar Zhèng ." Senti nodded to the wizen-looking Shenzhou man in casual trousers and shirt that he wore like a dress uniform, with piercing dark eyes he couldn't quite hide under his bushy white brows, who were whispering orders to a man - no, a boy - in uniform far too baggy and short for his tall and lanky frame. The boy saluted Zhèng, and turned around, his eyes widening as he saw Senti, and whispered a greeting that's entirely against protocol, and fled.
"Comrade Herrscher." Zhèng said, face a picture of studied neutrality. "Good of you to join us."
"Cut the passive-aggressive bullshit. I am sorry I wasn't ... active sooner. I am here now. Captain Vollerei will address the crew at sixth bell. She wants you at her side. We needed to present a united front. We can count on your support, can't we?" Senti drew on her memories - the Old Timer's memories - of the innumerable times she had taken charge in a crisis situation, no matter how unsure she felt. Sharp, precise, to the point, and straightforward.
Just like she used to do.
Zhèng regarded Senti for a long moment, and nodded briskly, "we'll have a report ready for the Captain by fifth bell."
Senti sensed no duplicity in the man. He was evidently smart enough not to try to lie to the Herrscher of Sentience.
"Walk with me." Zhèng said, and Senti fell into step next to the man.
His section - which was the hangar deck - was a tent city laid out in a neat grid, men and women - mostly women - dressed in civilian clothing were rushing to and from, but there seemed to be a purpose to them, at least, even if most of them had the same look of stark shock, like children who didn't know why they were being punished - in their eyes that Senti knew was in her own eyes if anybody looked deep enough. Seele told Senti that Zhèng was simply the ranking Party member of a small Shenzhou military air fleet port near Arc City that the Hyperion stopped at before heading to the Deep, and he negotiated passage for - all that he was able to gather, mostly civilians holed up at the base, but also some Workers and Peasants' Red Army personnel.
The price was that his unit would hold back the tide of Honkai beasts and the living dead long enough for the Hyperion to stock up, refuel and be on its way. Senti gathered that originally Zhèng was supposed to lead the rear guard, but... something happened, and now, Zhèng's here.
Senti almost pitied the man.
And this was likely the last surviving population of Shenzhou, Twenty-five hundred strong. A sad legacy for the Azure Empyrean's eternal vigil.
In the corner of her eyes, Senti saw a flash of blue fabric fluttering, as of someone in blue robes - her blue robes -
Oh, it was just a mother carrying her child in wrapped in blue blankets.
Senti could sense the Honkai corruption in her, and quietly brushed against the girl's mind, weaving a beautiful little dream, where Summer nights are long and full of stars and laughter, and all her friends and family did not perish in a rain of fire.
It seemed obscenely too little, too late.
"We've enough supplies - the bare essentials, for maybe a fortnight, two if we go on starvation rations right now - that's just the bare essentials, there'll be shortfalls in - well, everything. Bandages. Gloves. Tampons. Painkillers. We do have plenty of drone parts, though. And - oh, spares and ammunition for Anti-Entropy Shaman and Spider-class mechs."
For all the good that's going to do us.
"Never fear, my friend." Senti said, "for the Master of Sentience is here."
Sentience is the Fount of All Souls - and I alone am the master of Sentience.
Ha!
Senti had to suppress the laughter that threatened to bubble and burst out of her. From the fearful look some of the civilians were casting her way, she was not altogether successful.
No matter.
Old Timer, I'll do what you can't anymore. I'll stand watch. I'll watch over Shenzhou.
My past was nothing but a failure. Those I wanted to protect, all perished.
The words came to Senti, unbidden. And oh, she had no idea what she was saying. She had no idea what weight those words carried. Until now. Until now.
There was the unspoken tension that most of the supplies on board belonged to Shenzhou - or at least, it was taken from Shenzhou. But Commissar Zhèng made no demands on that, for now.
What would be the point? They were adrift in the Sea of Quanta, and Earth was lost. Even if they were to hoard everything it would only have given them another few months more.
And starting World War III on the last ark of humanity seemed... perverse, especially after everything everyone else sacrificed to buy them this chance.
And so, here they were, an eclectic group, gathered in the Captain's ready room, with Seele perched uneasily on the edge of the Captain's seat behind the console-desk, presiding over the last leaders of humanity. Senti stood behind the Captain's chair, casually leaning against her spear, a not-so gentle reminder of who - or what stood behind the Captain.
The Last Hero. The Last Flame-Chaser. The Last of the Rebel Herrschers.
Senti was smiling so hard her face was starting to hurt. But it was either that or start screaming.
And Senti didn't think she would ever stop if she let herself start again.
Commissar Zhèng inclined his head slightly in greeting, and caught her eyes for a moment, whether in acknowledgement or encouragement, or a signal to the other leaders... Senti was not sure and frankly did not care.
Mayor Muthiah of Sambok, a beanpole of a man with half-lidded eyes did not look too impress at the display, and turned to whisper in the ear of Colonel Lewis of the First and Only, ranking officer of the United States armed forces. The short black woman in unranked desert fatigues had a matronly face clearly used to smiling frowned at that, and sent a dirty look at Director Nicholson sitting opposite... Nicholson of AUT Mining & Shipping who just happened to have a survey ship near the Deep when the world ended. Nicholson affected not to notice as he was deep in conversation with Dr Nagamitsu. Grey Serpent - the Grey Serpent now, Senti supposed, was looking over everything with his one eye.
Senti banged the butt of her spear on the floor once. Silence descended upon the room.
"Lieutenant Seele Vollerei, Acting Overseer of Schicksal, Acting Captain of the SSFS Hyperion presiding." Came the AI's smooth voice announcing the commencement of the meeting.
Senti tried not to wince, and succeeded in grimacing instead. The ranking Valkyrie of Schicksal was... a lieutenant. A brevet rank, in actuality. Then again, so was the Old Timer -
No. NO. Don't.
Seele cleared her throat.
"Earth was beyond saving. Our last stand was a futile one."
Steady on, Seele, are we sure we're striking the right tone here?
"I will not speak of glory. We all know there was no glory, and few enough left to sing the songs of the fallen. There was no greater purpose. There was no victory."
Seele closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.
"They knew all that. They were terrified. The men and women who stood alongside the Valkyries and Herrschers. They stood. For us. They were not heroes. They were terrified. They doubted. Yet they stood. For us."
There was a long moment of silence as Seele turned and look at each of the leaders in the eyes.
"They were no heroes, no saviours. They were stubborn fools, one and all. They were those who answered when the call came."
"They were the ones who may bleed, break, burn and die, but they will not bend. Hail the departed."
A smattering of small hails were heard around the table.
"Hail the departed!"
The cheer was louder this time.
"Our journey will be harder. Harder even than dying. They died yesterday, so we - so humanity - will have a tomorrow. So let's make sure there is going to be one."
"That's where I come in." Senti stepped forward, "I am sure we all know what the supply situation looks like. We have a month and a half at best. Three weeks, most likely. Maths don't lie. In any other situation, we'd be thinking the unthinkable. Letting the weak die, draw lots, freeze half the population. That kind of things."
"Luckily for you, I am here. I alone have the power to find a world bubble for you to travel to."
The room erupted.
Seele looked - well, as she had looked ever since Senti woke up. Tired, anxious, fragile... barely in one piece - but held together all the same, because she was needed, and she was done running away. Her clasped and unclasped her hands, and then fussed over the controls as Dr Nagamitsu ran a final diagnostic cycle over the machine - the memory mining device Otto Apocalypse constructed and Senti is now strapped into. Nagamitsu was hardly the best candidate to check up on neurological devices turned into a psi-amplification engine, being the head of a weapons lab, not a neurologist - but at least this one was in charge of psychic defences, close enough - he's the 19th, or was it 20th Nagamitsu? Senti was not sure, Schicksal's staff turnover had been a little... high lately.
Join Schicksal, save the world! You may die in horrible agony, but at least the promotion prospects are good!
Nagamitsu secured the halo to Senti's head, and slipped the HUD goggles on. "Testing, you should see a grid pattern with numbers, report the figures and any discolouration or distortion you may observe."
I remember this thing. That little bastard Otto strapped Old Timer into it once.
I should have made it last the last time I killed him.
"Are you sure you are up to this?" Seele said in a small voice. "Maybe I-"
"The Rain in Spain falls mainly in the - who WROTE this crap? I mean, at least put in something random, the mind compensates for errors, you know, that's why you don't proof-read your own work." Senti elected to ignore Seele.
"Just call out the words and the figures, Herrscher."
"That's Madam Herrscher of Sentience to you, Doc." Senti grumbled and started repeating the figures that showed up on the HUD.
"Neurological readings are normal, all signs within design parameters. We're as ready as we'll ever be." Dr Nagamitsu said after starring at the readouts for one final moment.
"No heroics, please, just find the closest world bubble we can sail to, and give us the course data." Seele said after a long pause, starring at her feet.
"I am the Herrscher of Sentience, Seele." Senti said.
And I know what to do.
Sentience is the Fount of All Souls - and I alone am the master of Sentience.
Senti closed her eyes, calling upon every last ounce of her sovereign power, that which was her birthright, and cast her mind beyond, over the Sea of Fate, and over the World Tree.
She was Senti and she was the Herrscher of Sentience and she was Fu Hua and she was a thousand other things and nothing. Her consciousness is tearing itself apart, dividing and sub-dividing, each sliver a mirror of her soul, seeking, searching, finding.
I can do this. I must do this.
Senti knew what to do.
She was born a Herrscher. She had complete mastery over the power of sentience, of consciousness. She had always been able to seek out and pinpoint every spark of life. It came to her as naturally as breathing or eyesight.
Project Valuka.
Back on Earth, she was contained to one world, the tyranny of distance meant that her power did not extend far even in that one world.
In the Sea of Quanta, where spacetime itself is meaningless...
Senti is not so restricted.
The only thing that can constrain her power was her ability to focus.
Su had to look one by one, at the leaves of the World Tree.
Senti can reach every mind - every soul that had, has and will ever exist.
That is her power. The power of the true master of sentience.
As she spread across distances and aeons, Senti faded, an echo, then an echo of an echo...
Every world a piece of her visited was the same.
No world had defeated Honkai.
And in every world where there is a Fu Hua...
She made the same choice.
No. No. No. This cannot be how it ends.
Senti reached further, splintered herself further, until her self is but a fine mist dusting every spark of sentience, and pushed.
A universe where Honkai exploded in the heart of the Galaxy, sending out waves of corruptive influence. A God sits on an empty throne, his soul locked in eternal struggle with Honkai.
A universe so far off from the Tree's sight that Honkai energy was weak and diluted, and existed in collapsed fluid form.
A universe where civilisation learnt to not advance beyond certain stages, and stayed primitive, to evade the sight of Honkai. Wizard-kings and priest-kings ruled over groaning masses.
A universe that locked its possibilities into elements and sealed itself from the greater multiverse.
A universe where Honkai coalesced into crystals, fought over for aeons for the chance of supreme mastery over all the cosmic forces.
Adrift in the void between realities, the Ferryman collect ether singularities in a scheme which madness exceeded even Project Stigma, in the hope of the final defeat of Honkai.
In every place Senti echoed...
Honkai was not defeated. It could be stayed. It could be delayed.
It could not be denied.
Fate willed it so. The invisible threads that connected everything... everything ended in collapse. Everything ended in - Honkai.
Senti dissipated across the endless void and infinite possibilities of existence.
Everything. Everywhere. All at once.
And then she saw.
Everything was possible.
For a price.
Will you do it?
Yes.
Even if it costs everything?
Yes.
You'll abandon your duty. Abandon these people, for no certain gain.
Yes.
You'll forget yourself, too. Is that alright?
Yes.
You'll forget her.
...yes.
And Senti proceeded.
I will reverse all creation.
~o~
Author's notes:
I have tried to portray Senti's turmoil and madness in a somewhat convincing manner, if it ended up being an incoherent mess...
Well, Senti was an incoherent mess.
Sharp-eyed readers may notice during the scene when Senti cast her mind over the whole of the multiverse that some of the worlds described sounded suspiciously familiar, worlds that don't belong to the Honkai continuity. Rest assured they are mere glimpses intended to represent just how far Senti reached to find her answer, and will play no further part in the story.
This chapter was written while listening to Zyrah Rose's cover of Oblivion ( zR-ulrxtxvY ):
Since I was young
I knew I'd find you
But our love was a song
Sung by a dying swan
And in the night, you hear me calling
You hear me calling
And in your dreams (in your dreams)
You see me falling, falling.
You can't tell me this isn't basically the Sentihua story.