Despite everything, Hua was feeling - what was the word? - light, that's it - she was light. Giddy, even. She was finally home. She was on Mount Taixuan, and every blade of grass, every rock, every little way the hidden paths wind and twist was familiar to her. With every step she walked and every breath she took, she could feel the mark she made here. She could feel the hidden pulses of divine keys, of feathers of Fenghuang Down (and there were a lot of those), arranged in an intricate and yet intimately familiar pattern to shield it from Honkai, in this place where she had spent the longest in all her long years.
...except, of course, the cryopods. Hua pushed that memory away. That was the frozen testament of their - her failure. And Hua was no loser.
She turned to look at Fenghuang Down, who seemed to be as deeply engrossed as Hua was, walking by the cliffside, the cloud-shrouded horizon, inspecting her surroundings closely - looking at everything, in fact, except her.
Hua felt a need to remedy that, "Infinite possibilities await me here. All my memories, all my strength, here. I am not quite sure what I would choose just yet, but - that's fine. I have options. I am fine."
Fenghuang Down looked back at her, eyes unreadable. Anger sparked in Hua's chest. Had she not shown this feather forbearance? Had she not offered her peace and friendship? So why did she reject her?
Because you are an imposter.
Hua chose to ignore that little voice, "Not every feather is as wilful as you, you know."
And when the feather did not respond, Hua went on gamely, "See, see that one right there? You!"
A shade that bears a resemblance to Fenghuang Down manifested, insubstantial and weak, a pale shadow, just another feather bound to this place for reasons Hua simply could not recall. The form flickered and kept its eyes closed.
Look at it. How can anyone doubt that I am Hua?
She pour a fraction of her power into the shade, and the form seemed to solidify, and opened her eyes, "Who are you?"
"I am your mistress, return to me my power and memories."
The form nodded, and faded into tendrils of light, touched Hua, and she felt a rush of images and thoughts -
"I respect Eden's judgment. And I agree, of all the Flame-Chasers, you have the greatest potential, and you are least rooted in our era. It would be fair for humanity in the next era to have someone who can grow alongside them, and let them walk their own path." Dr Mei paused, and gently pat Hua's hand, "and where you can forge yours. And help them grow beyond our era - as you will grow beyond us."
Hua could feel Honkai energy disrupting Dr Mei's body from the brief contact, she looked sharply at Dr Mei, alarmed.
But Dr Mei only smiled back, "I wish this burden had not fallen on you. I wish a great many things these days." She drew a tremulous breath, "but we are out of time."
Hua made a face, it was ridiculous, why was she feeling sorry for Dr Mei, the architect of all her woes? Dr Mei was the one who put that ludicrous mission on Hua - Dr Mei and Eden. Easy for them to speak of duty and eras and potential, they did not have to endure thousands of years of loneliness and loss, on a project that was doomed to fail from the very start.
"It's Dr Mei." Hua said to Fenghuang Down. That seemed to have drawn the feather's attention, she looked uncertain for a moment, and looked away.
"It's probably something irrelevant, just - daily life, social interaction. I must have removed those memories because there was no reason to keep them."
"They are irrelevant. She was talking about Project Ember." Hua could not help the savage vindication she felt when Fenghuang Down's eyes widened for a moment, and pressed on, "Humanity lost miserably under her so-called leadership, the last sorry remnants had to hide like rats in deep shelter; Project Ark hadn't been in contact for fifteen centuries, and Project Veluka was lost in the Sea of Quanta. Dr Mei was a complete loser. I don't know why so many followed her."
"She was there when it mattered. She stood up and shouldered responsibilities too much for any to bear. Her courage and resolve was why so many followed her."
Hua wanted to laugh. She wanted to scream. She wanted to shake Fenghuang Down and made her understand. She wanted to shove her into the final days of Earth and showed her just how courage and resolve mattered. She settled for a rigid smile
"They clearly didn't follow her for her wisdom. She had courage and resolve - the courage of a moth flying into an inferno, and the resolve to fight to the last drop of everyone else's blood. Yay." Hua paused, mastering the roiling mass of rage and - something else - choking her, and in a level voice, "I am not following anyone this time round. Not Dr Mei, not Kevin, and definitely not that backstabbing little bastard Otto. I am my own master. And I will reverse all creation."
~o~
They had already lost.
Senti knew this. Buried deep within Fenghuang Down with her were shattered fragments of her memories, an unorganised mess of images, voices, and raw feelings, but they all pointed to one inescapable conclusion.
This story started and ended a long time ago, and there was no happy ending.
Even if Senti did not know the truth of this with cold certainty, she could see it in the face of everyone Hua saw. Everyone, MOTH or MANTIS, officer or men, and the few lucky - if living in a time such as this were truly good fortune - civilians, were subdued, shocked, and above all, lost. Everyone seemed to be going about whatever tasks they had like automatons. Even Hua's comrade-in-arms, a formidable collection of individuals, veterans of a thousand battles, and not easily given to despair.
She heard it in Eden's songs. She saw it in Vill-V's tear-stained eyes. She saw it in Kosma trying to explain to Griseo why they would not be going to Hy-Brasil on their leave.
Even Elysia lost her smile when she thought nobody was looking.
The MANTIS were spending longer and longer in the Elysian Realm, backing up their memories and undergoing various SO-1129-related procedures. Su and Vill-V were putting more time and resources into overseeing the cryogenic programme.
These were not the actions of people who believed victory was possible.
And Senti did not know what to do. She was here to bring Hua home. That - that was etched in Senti's soul, in the very core of her being. Senti did not think she could forget it even if she was broken into a million pieces again.
But where was home? In this world, it did not seem possible to run away from the fight, even if there was anywhere left to run to.
Even if Hua would let her.
Senti felt a surge of rage within so pure and intoxicating it could devour her alive, burn her inside out, a white-hot wave of all-consuming, suffocating hatred, like she would set aflame every last shard of her being, everything that she was and is and could ever be, spend every last ounce of her strength and scream her last breath at this blind force of destruction that knew nothing save to bring ruin.
And Senti was not sure what she was angry at - Honkai, or Hua's pig-headed, stubborn insistence on standing in the way of the blood-dimmed tide coming to bring destruction to humanity. Even when she was already broken into a thousand pieces, covered in wounds, inside and out. Even when-
Huh? Where did that come from?
Senti once again tried to centre her core, her essence. Fenghuang Down was a realm, a world all its own, the domain of sentience, of consciousness. If Senti was not careful she could lose herself in an endless dream, so Senti would not know where she ended or began. But it seemed to come easily to her, to maintain her core, her self, separate from the Herrscher of Sentience's core and authority.
That - sounded both wrong and right. And the question rose again, one Senti had tried for a long time to avoid. Ever since she got here on her mission.
Who am I?
It felt like it should matter, but Senti had already travelled half the world, and fought Herrschers by Hua's side without knowing the answer. She spent a majority of that time without even knowing her own name. Only that she was looking for somebody - looking for Hua, and then she would take Hua home.
Only she had no idea where home was, and how to get there.
But that no longer seemed to matter.
They had already lost the war.
And deep within, Senti knew that Hua would not survive the end of the world. She knew it like she knew nothing else, and the sheer truth of it pierced her soul and shattered her core all over again.
Deep within, a faint, mocking laughter, and a voice unheard.
Her suffering had just begun, my child.
They had already lost the war. Hua knew that. She could no longer pretend to herself that victory was possible, even a pyrrhic victory. In truth, when the world was reduced to three main cities, victory was already an oxymoron, a contradiction, an impossibility.
No, even before that.
The world could not go back to what it was.
There would be no new dawn. The last light had come and gone. What awaits now was only the long night.
All they could do was to see that the long night was not eternal.
Keep the flame alive. Keep humanity alive. Keep civilisation alive.
Duty did not end with the death of hope.
Hua took a deep breath, her hand hovering over the door of Mobius' laboratory, preparing to knock-
-and find herself in a barren field of grey slate and dark crystal flowers. In the distance long, threatening shadows tower over her. And in front of her stood Fenghuang Down, face flushed with anger and form shaking and flickering wildly, a collage of shadows battered by an invisible storm of wrath surging at Hua.
"You can't be this bloody dumb, old timer. Mobius is going to hurt you. That snake will be the end of us all if Honkai isn't up to the job."
Hua sighed, "her methods are questionable. I know that. I -"
"QUESTIONABLE?" Fenghuang Down exploded at Hua's words, "Questionable was taking advantage of a patient's concern and state of mind and manipulating them into giving consent, that's Mobius on a good day! After all that she had already done to you… She still wants more! She wanted to experiment on you with the core of corruption, and you wanted to go along with that?"
"Dr Mobius…" Hua took a deep breath. "I can't say no to her. Not because she always seemed to talk me around." Hua smiled at Fenghuang down, a hint of irony. She was the mistress of Fenghuang Down, the divine key of sentience, after all, she really should not be this easily persuaded. "But because I knew what she said was right. The war is already lost. It is the best chance we have to salvage something from what remained, when there was still something to salvage." Hua paused, and took a deep breath, "I am the best chance we have now. We can no longer afford to lose anyone, and I am tough, I'll survive. It's a necessary sacrifice."
A pause, Hua reached a hand out to Fenghuang Down, "I'll be okay."
The storm battering Hua stilled. Fenghuang Down looked at her, the invisible tempest coalescing into a patchwork image. It looked hauntingly like Hua herself, but he eyes were a deep, blood red, and Hua almost choked up at the depth of sadness in them.
"So that's it, then? The lonely hero, going bravely on to her noble sacrifice?" Fenghuang Down's tone was mocking, but it did nothing to mask her sadness. Above all, Fenghuang Down sounded tired.
"I - I never wanted to be a hero." Hua said, in a small voice. "I wanted a lot of things. I wanted friends. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to find my own path. No one who had seen the things we did would want to be a hero."
Hua took a deep breath, "above all, I think I preferred a world that doesn't need little girls and boys to become heroes. But-"
Hua looked at Fenghuang Down, who was holding her gaze like she was devouring every sight of her, like if she looked away Hua would disappear. Hua felt a little faint at the sheer intensity of that.
"It's not up to us, is it? When duty falls to you… you can't run away. Civilisation will truly be done with if we all ran away and did what we want. It's okay. I am afraid."
"But I am ready."
Fenghuang Down screamed, feral and primal, and her form distorting and shattering, shredded by razor winds, and the dream world blurred and crumbled -
-and Hua found herself in front of Dr Mobius' laboratory door. She took another deep breath, and knocked.
Senti squeezed her eyes shut and covered her ears. Suspended deep within her own dream, an endless expanse where there was nothing but meaningless fragments of sound and fury, without significance or context, flashes of memories and sensations, signifying nothing, Senti could lose herself, if she tried.
Then maybe she would not have to hear the screams Hua bite back, when the Serpent cut and cut and cut and asked Hua-
Do you see? Do you see? Do you see?
Stop. Stop it.
Tell me what you see. Help me understand.
Another voice laughs, incredulous and delighted, inside Senti's dream.
Oh, this is too precious. THIS is what you defied our purpose - defied ME for? So you could curl up and cry while she is sliced open bit by bit?
None of this is happening. If Senti could delve deeper into her own fragments it would overload her senses so she would not-
So you would not hear your precious Hua scream? No wait, she's not even screaming, she's far too stubborn and noble to cry for help. She probably thinks it would cause strife when humanity could least afford it. It's so sweet I could cry. Aww, better watch out for that, she's biting her lips so hard she might bite right through them.
Senti screamed, a storm of fury raging across her dream, battering against the cage that was Fenghuang Down. She threw her whole consciousness, all her anger and hate, against the restraints, again, and again, and again. Pushing against the cage, searching for the smallest weakness, only for all the pressure to suddenly vanish-
-and Senti found herself - somewhere else. It was no longer Fenghuang Down - or her own dream. There was nothing - no light, no sound, not even space - just a void, without beginning or end.
No. Not quite. Senti - heard/saw/sensed/felt someone crying. Everything about this was wrong. Senti knew instinctively that she did not really sense someone crying - the information was imparted, somehow, Senti simply knew.
Senti focused, and - she made out a form, curled up, and crying in the void. Senti - closed in and looked.
"Hey." It felt like the right thing to say. The girl showed no sign she had heard Senti. But something about her felt familiar, the fabric of the girl's mind, the emptiness, the despair, the hollowness that came after all the rage and hatred was gone-
"Hey. I know you. You're that Rin girl. You're the Herrscher."
The girl looked up, eyes unfocused and empty, she opened her mouth, and closed it, no sound came.
Senti felt a twinge, something familiar - regret. She knew the sensation, Senti realised, the feeling that ate her from within. Despair, guilt, powerlessness, the feeling that consumed you from within, the certainty that nothing would ever be alright again...
Senti knelt down next to the girl, and tentatively touched her arm. Memories unbidden rushed into Senti's mind. Sakura. Her eyes empty and dead. Sakura. As you plunged your hand into her heart. Sakura. Smiling even as blood poured from her mouth. Sakura. Sakura. SAKURA.
Despair surged into Senti's mind - and Senti pushed against the tide, pushing and pushing against images of Sakura dying at her hands, against the red glare of nuclear rockets launching, against the savage satisfaction as she hurt and hurt and hurt those who hurt her, pushing past images of driving a spear against Hua, smashing her feather apart-
-and Senti looked Rin in the eyes, "I've got you. I've got you." Senti murmured as she enfolded the girl in her arms, and enfolded her mind in pleasant dreams, pushing aside every fear and regret, dulling and muting them until nothing but pale shadows remained, memories of death and horror faded into mere shades, and Rin was just a fox cub trapped in a box, dreaming of running free, and of a big sister who did not die protecting her.
I've got you. I've got you.
The reports were worse than they feared. The last Honkai-boosted thermonuclear devices were terrifyingly effective. Of the last three cities of Mankind, nothing remained. Whoever died in the initial pulse of sunfire and then the shock wave were the lucky ones. The Honkai radiation would finish off whoever was left. None of the deep shelters had responded, and the drone footage showed no signs of life, human or otherwise.
The thirty thousand-strong people at the base were all that remained of humanity.
And true to form, humans were already looking for ways to blame each other. There were murmurs against Dr Mei's leadership, rumours that it was the Flame-Chasers, the half-human, half-Honkai monsters that betrayed them, there were footage of Kevin confronting Sakura… and it did not help that Kalpas killed all the surviving guards of Level 33, the ones responsible for Rin's murder.
Humanity could ill-afford any division now.
Elysia smiled, a secret little smile.
Maybe it would not be so bad that the leading lady played the charming villainess for a change.
She would miss her friends dearly, and she was sorry for leaving them.
But the truth is, Elysia loved. She loved her friends. She loved her enemies. She loved everyone. She loved the world.
And that was the truth, no matter what she was born as, no matter what her purpose was.
She will reorder the constellations.
Hua staggered, and leaned against the wall for support. She was still weak from Dr Mobius' ministrations.
An endless void. A little girl, curled up and crying.
Melancholy overwhelmed her, she felt like she was drowning in icy grief, her entire self numbing to the world.
But she had to keep going. She had to hold on.
Strong arms steady her, she looked over, eyes unfocused, and saw a flash of pink.
"Here, here, Hua, you know it's alright to lean on your friends when you are tired, right? Let's get you somewhere safe."
"Eden is wait-"
"My good Eden will understand, I'll tell her you need rest. Whatever it is, I am sure it can wait. It simply won't do to tire out a beautiful girl like you ."
Hua leaned against Elysia.
When she opened her eyes again, she found herself in her quarters, on her bed, Elysia looking down at her.
"How long…"
"Only a few hours. I had Prometheus cancel all your appointments for the night. Doctor's orders." Elysia hums a happy tune, but there was something in her eyes, in the way she was looking at her.
"Elysia… what-"
The kettle whistled. Elysia sprang up.
"Oh, the tea is ready! Let me take care of that!"
Hua felt Fenghuang Down pulse dully, but she was too tired to wonder why. Elysia soon came back with a tray holding a mug, it smelt of herbs and honey. It was not the way she was used to taking her tea, but it was - comforting.
Elysia set the tray down on her bedside table, and sat down on the bed next to Hua. Hua took the mug and sipped, hot, fragrant steam filled her and she felt a little more awake. Hua smiled at Elysia in gratitude, and Elysia smiled back, and slid something back into her pocket - it looked like a letter of some kind, pink envelope, and did Hua see a hint of Elysia's beautiful cursive hand? Elysia smiled at her quizzical look, but said nothing, only putting a hand on Hua's arm, squeezing gently.
"Remember, Hua, when you are tired, you can rely on your friends, just as they rely on you. You're strong, but even you can't just carry everything yourself. That's Kevin's job ." Elysia stuck her tongue out, and smirked.
Hua smiled back, a little uncertain. There was little enough behind her smile. Only 12 Flame-Chasers were left now, and she had heard some disturbing talk, that Dr Mei and Dr Mobius - but that was impossible. Elysia was the best of them, along with Kevin and Dr Mei. Hua put the thought out of her mind and scolded herself for even giving the idea any credence. Just more rumours, understandable given the circumstances.
It'll all be over soon, one way or another. Dr Mei calculated that the Honkai eruption signatures had 14 cycles, and they had already defeated - no, survived 12. One way or another, the end was in sight. She looked at Elysia, whose smile faltered for a moment, before beaming back at Hua, and took her free hand with both of hers, "I'll be with you, always. We all will be. You're not alone. Remember that, if you remember nothing else."
Surprised, Hua could only nod.
Oh. Right. Hua supposed they would all die together, if nothing else. And if fate was kind, perhaps they might even go to the cryopods together, and witness the birth of a new world.
Senti peered through Hua's eyes. There was not really much of a view from within Vill-V's SO-1129 memory upload pod, just a fogged up window facing the Golden Courtyard's high semi-arched ceilings, but it was something to do. Hua was - what else? Reviewing memories of battle and trying to evolve her tactics, and noting weaknesses and room for improvement. For Hua, room for improvement was always 'everything'. Senti did not think Hua would ever think anything she did could meet Hua's own standards of perfection.
There was something different about the Elysian Realm (really, Elysia?) though, it was clearly not a mere memory archive, that could have been done just by copying the base database to Vill-V's Perpetual Information Protection Block-based Offline Immersive Environment (simplicity was, apparently, not a word that existed in Vill-V's vocabulary)… and maybe add an ELF or two to curate the information. It was far too resource-intensive, and for its stated purpose of passing on information to the new age it was extremely inefficient, and its function was apparently entirely duplicated by Project Ember's own archives.
Oh yes, Project Ember. Little Miss Better Than You thought it was a good idea to pass it on to Hua, and of course Hua accepted after the barest of hesitation - and no, not because she thought for herself for once, no, only because she thought she was not up to the task. Typical. And Senti just knew Hua was going to work herself into a frenzy trying to fulfil an impossible duty -
Huh?
Senti stopped, she was faintly aware that something about Project Ember was very wrong. But she could not remember why. Another piece of herself she would need to discover, and they were running out of time.
Fenghuang down resonated again, bringing Senti's attention back to the SO-1129 upload. There was something about the machine that did not feel like just a memory archive, it felt as if there was - more - something more like Fenghuang Down's power than a mere simulation engine. It felt more alive than mere ones and zeroes in a server, something more kin to Senti than data should be. Senti carefully extended her senses - but ran into the same barrier as before, one that felt like Fenghuang Down's cage, but more like a living thing.
Maybe she could leave a feather inside.
Before she could think any further along those lines, however, the memory upload pod's cover opened with a hiss of steam and groaning hydraulics. A blond technician peered down at Hua and reached a hand out to Hua, "Ma'am, you will be feeling disorientation, please rest for at least fifteen minutes at the observation area before leaving. Water and refreshments have been provided."
Hua smiled faintly, and accepted the hand. Senti felt a shock of familiarity at the touch, but the fleeting sensation was gone before it began as the technician let go.
Senti was immediately alert, but the technician had already moved on to the next pod. The pod cover hissed open to reveal the deep golden eyes of Little Miss Rich herself. Even after just waking up from a pod, somehow, she still had a perfect waterfall of velvet hair, not a hair out of place. But all Senti wanted was to shake the impossibly perfect woman and demand that she answered - why would she place this burden on Hua? Potential? So Hua could have her own life and grow into her own? Ha! So she could spend the rest of her long, miserable life curating civilisation from mud huts and stone tools to computers and spaceships, just to watch Honkai descend and turn everything to ashes-
Hua sprouted translucent wings pulsing with fire fueled by her own soul as she burst into a raging inferno and her own fiery doom, towards a looming presence Senti could not even bear to look at directly-
Wha-what was that-
Images and sensations assaulted Senti, of dragon wings and burning phoenix, death and sacrifice, of thunder consumed, reason brought low and eternal flames extinguished, of deliverance denied, and of last hope lost…
And Senti once more fell into oblivion.
Again, Senti dreamed. It felt like she had dreamed forever. She dreamed of an endless void. She dreamed of looking at herself, distorted in a fluid mirror. She dreamed of a mountain, of loneliness, of duty, of watching over all living things. She dreamed of deliverance. She dreamed of failure. She dreamed of betrayal. But always the dreams ended the same way - a looming figure, death and fire, dragon wings and a scream.
No matter what Senti tried, screaming and pushing, the path never changed, never deviated, and the harder she pushed, the tighter the chains bind her, the same chains - or strings - that ensnared her since she remembered anything-
Senti felt an almost unbearable lightness - her eyes snapped open.
The chains are gone. Senti looked around. The endless glowing threads, the filaments that bound and strangled and suffocated her, they were gone.
What should have been freedom and exhilaration brought nothing but an unnamed fear in Senti's heart. Something changed, something of indescribable significance.
She had been freed.
And everything had a price. Freedom for someone like her (and what's that?) carried a price.
Senti felt the little violet in her heart pulsed, and knew with dread certainty.
She cast her mind beyond, reaching blindly and wildly, trying to cling to something - someone to hold on to -
Elysia.
~o~
Author's notes:
Now it's time to talk about some of the earliest inspiration for this work. Do people remember Chapter 17? Yes, it was a while ago, but something that always struck me was Mei's conversation with the Herrscher of Thunder, it ran a little something like this:
"Keep going and you'll fall into a deeper abyss."
"It doesn't matter, I'll take her place instead."
"You'll leave everything behind. You'll lose your friends and family."
"It doesn't matter, I've always been alone."
"Mistrust and suspicion will hound you. You'll fall further down this lonely path."
"It doesn't matter, this is a fate I should have faced years ago."
"You will leave her for all eternity. You will no longer be by her side. You will no longer see her smile or hold her hand. There is no turning back once you go down this path. Are you sure this is your choice?"
"...it doesn't matter. I have made my choice, this is something that I must do."
"Then go, take my fury and my power, and bury me with your hands."
Compare and contrast this with the conversation between Hua and Fenghuang Down in Hua's fourth remembrance vessel recollection: Soldier's Memory: Break From the Binding:
"This is too cruel, don't you think?"
"Last chance. You can use Fenghuang Down's throughput to give yourself a sweet dream. Duration..."
"...Forever."
"No... I want to use it some other way."
"You'll forget why you did this today. Are you alright with that?"
"I don't care."
"You'll forget 'yourself' too... is that alright?"
"It is."
"..."
"One day, you will know the weight of the decision you're making."
"But till that day comes..."
"Fenghuang Down, Level 1 output... Go on, take it."
Note the clear parallels - and the differences. I am fairly sure that this is entirely intentional - so this actually raised a lot of questions - who was Fenghuang Down? Unlike Void Archive, Fenghuang Down had never canonically exhibited any personality or will, but seemed instead to be an extension of Hua's will.
And well, this was the result.
The sharp-eyed amongst you may have noticed that the number of chapters kept increasing from the original 23 to the present 29. There is a reason for that. That is because while I have the complete story plotted out and planned, I rather underestimated the actual scope, and some of the chapters, if left to their original structural, would have been easily 15K words long, which... was not optimal, and honestly would have broken the pacing of the story.
And now, onto the grand finale of the Previous Era arc! It probably won't surprise anyone that the climax will be the Final Battle, and I have about 30% of the chapter written and the scenes plotted, including about half the battle scenes, but about halfway through writing but the question arises, do people really need to see in graphic detail the Flame-Chasers going down one by one? I mean, we already know how the battle went, there was never going to be a happy ending, but in the words of Fenghuang Down, this is too cruel, don't you think?
The chapter will go up this weekend, I guess we'll see what I decide in the end.
This chapter was written while listening to Circling, from Punishing Gray Raven. The Chinese lyrics seemed rather appropriate:
What I love, what I poured my heart and soul into
The one I love, I hold on to my one truth
The decisive moment is here, and I will spare no effort
Soaring, I keep my original wish close
The origin of everything
Sacrifice for this everlasting flame