In the middle of a field right in front of a large frozen lake was nothing, except snow and naked trees surrounding it. The only thing disturbing the quiet, peaceful scenery was a running Jeep. The headlights of the Jeep illuminated a shivering, crying hunter sitting alone in the snow.
The young hunter was almost completely numb from the cold and the tears streaming down his face were almost frozen to his cheeks. But the young man just sat there and stared straight ahead. Sam wasn't entirely sure why he was sitting there right now and why he felt the need to do it like this but the hunter felt drawn to the lake since he first saw it. The fact that it was snowing and that the lake was frozen just made the thing even more appealing. The cold didn't even bother him. It calmed him in a sense he didn't understand but he knew that if he was going to die, he had to be cold while it happened. Another thing the hunter knew for certain was that it was a good thing to end it here and now. It would make Dean happier in the long run, Sam was sure of it.
Without Sam, Dean would still be with Lisa and Ben, he would still have a family and he would be happy without having to worry about his little brother. Now Dean had to be around Sam because it was his job to take care of him and he couldn't do that without being around him. He put Sam first in every way.
Just like always Sammy.
Sam shuddered as he heard a voice that sounded like lucifer but also a lot like his older brother and shoved his hands in his damp, cold hair. His eyes stung as the tears began to flow even harder and he rested his head on his knees, while sobbing until no more sounds came out. The young man wasn't sure how long he sat there or if Dean found his letter yet but he knew what he had to do to. His only goal right now was to make his big brother, who always took care of him, happy. He had to put Dean first for a change. Even tho Sam knew that this was the right thing to do he still stalled a while.
You're so selfish. Hoping your older brother comes to the rescue even tho you always hold him back. I bet he was relieved when he saw the letter and even more so after he realized what it meant.
This time the scolding voice was his own. With that the young Hunter made up his mind, he just needed to decide how to do it correctly. While thinking of his next move all the things he did wrong in his life came flooding back into his mind. How he drank demon blood, how he started the apocalypse, how he ran around soulless for a year while killing innocent people, how he dragged Dean back into the hunting life even after he saw how happy he was with Lisa and how Castiel, an angel of the lord, is now running around with Lucifer in his head just because Sam wasn't strong enough to deal with it himself. He was never strong enough to deal with it. He always needed someone to rescue him even if he didn't deserve to be rescued. Even if he wasn't worth it.
Taking in a shuddering breath he slowly got up and walked towards the frozen Lake in front of him. The only thoughts that swirled in his head while he took wonky steps forward, were that this was the right choice and how the cold seemed to be his salvation in every sense of the word. After a few steps he finally reached the ice and stilled for a moment. Doubt came into his mind but he knew that Dean needed him to do this and that this was his only way to become clean. He had to save the righteous man before he made even more sacrifices for the boy with the demon blood.
Sam took a few calming breaths and smiled a little as he took his first step onto the ice. He walked slowly but confident further and further until he heard the first crack. He stopped and turned around to look how far he walked. The hunter saw the still running Jeep in the distance and was sure that he was far enough from the shore. He put his hand in his pocket and searched for the amulet he saved all these years ago. With shivering hands he put it around his neck and pressed it against his chest for a few seconds, before he stomped his foot onto the ice. A loud crack was heard but the ice didn't break quite yet.
The hunter let out a hollow laugh at that because not even his end could be fast and easy. He stomped his foot a few times more and felt the ice finally breaking beneath him before he fell into the freezing water. His first instinct was to grab the ice and to pull himself up but he grabbed the amulet instead and let himself sink.
The water was colder than he imagined as it soaked his clothes and filled his boots. The cold was biting at his face and his hands especially but he still felt calmer than he had in a while. After a few seconds that seemed like minutes, he felt how he breathed in the water and how his senses were leaving him one by one. He couldn't feel the amulet any longer, black dots clouded his vision and he couldn't feel the cold any more. The only sense that hadn't left him comlpletely yet was his hearing. He could hear his slight movements in the water and how the water moved around him.
The last sound he heard before he closed his eyes for the last time was the screeching of familiar tires in the snow.