Spencer wasn't sure why he was standing on the roof of his building in the middle of the night, with his hands clenched in his hair while the rain poured down on him. The last few weeks went like they always did but he just kept on feeling worse and worse with every passing day without knowing why.
The young man shivered as the wind picked up and choked down a sob as he moved his hands towards his face. His feet were dangling over the edge while his hands were now pressed against his eyes to stop the tears from leaking out.
Still shivering and crying the agent let out a sigh and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He stared at it for a while before he flipped it open and dialed the number of his best friend. Before calling him, the young genius tried to regulate his breathing to avoid Morgan from figuring out that something was wrong.
After he finally calmed down enough he pressed the call button and waited anxiously for his best friend to pick up. A few seconds went by in which only the sound of the rain hitting the concrete and his still slightly heavy breathing could be heard before Morgan finally picked up his phone.
"Hey Reid is everything alright? It's kinda late, kid." The older agent sounded tired and a little worried which made Spencer smile a little. With a new calmness he answered, "I know I'm sorry I just wanted to tell you that I can't make it tomorrow." His voice sounded raspy and exhausted even to his own ears.
"Is everything alright with you? You don't sound so good." Morgan sounded even more worried than before but Spencer was fast to think about an answer that would hopefully reassure him a little. "Everything is fine. I just feel a little sick and want to rest, you know."
That wasn't a lie technically. Spencer did feel sick, sick of himself and everything else to be precise. Spencer also wanted to rest, he wanted to rest so badly it made his heart ache and his hands shake but he had to cancel his plans with Morgan first. It wouldn't have been fair of him to leave his friend waiting after all.
A few seconds went by without either of the two saying a word before Morgan finally spoke up again, "Since when do you volentarily want to rest when sick? Do you want me to come over?" Spencers eyes widened in shock and he began shaking his head while stuttering out an excuse, "I promised my mom to- to take better care of myself, you know. It's fine, you don't need to come over."
Morgan hummed and asked again if the younger agent was sure about that and if he really was just a little sick. Spencer smiled softly and told Morgan not to worry about him and that he would be fine with rest. Shortly before Spencer ended the call Morgan said, "If you need me I'll be there for you alright kid?" With fondness and worry lacing his words.
The young man froze slightly at that and answered with a meek, "Yeah.", before hanging up. Without having to call Morgan he could finally execute the final step of his plan, he just needed a final push and everything would be over.
Spencer was still sitting with his feet dangling over the edge when his phone started ringing againg. Confused he picked it back up and looked at the screen. He could see a lot of unread messages and that he sat there for more than an hour already. Morgan was calling him again but Spencer just ignored it until his firend gave up and continued staring at his mismatched socks.
By now the tears had fully stopped and his body began shaking from the cold weather. The young man took that as his que and slowly stood up. He stumbled a little before regaining his footing and got back onto the ledge.
He took a shuddering breath and mentally prepared himself when his phone started ringing again. At first he didn't want to react but the thought of it being an important call made him relent. With a frown he answered the call after he saw that it was his boss calling him this time.
"Reid." He sounded tired even to his own ears but he didn't really care enough to make himself sound more like himself. His unit chief answered, "Are you at home?", Spencer thought that his boss sounded wierd, kinda anxious if the young agent deduced correctly but he didn't know why he would sound like that.
"Eh, yes?", Spencer voice was full of confusion as he answered. He toyed with his shirt as he waited for Hotch to answer but all he could hear for a few seconds was the sound of him fumbling around before he heard a car door close. "I am on my way to your apartment." Now he sounded reliefed but still worried which confused Spencer even more.
"Why? Do we have a case? Do I need to come in?" His voice was quiet and he sounded exhausted. Spencer felt his throat constrict and new tears run down his cheeks as he waited for his boss to answer. He desperately hoped there was no case. He didn't have the energy for that at the moment, he knew he needed to help if there was but he didn't think he could.
"Yeah, yeah there is and it's urgent so get ready. I'll come get you." He sounded off and if Spencer was able to think clearly he would have noticed that Hotch lied to him but he believed him. Trembling the young agent said, "Alright I- I'll get ready but you don't have to come here. I can take the metro." Quickly Aaron answered, "No. No it's quite alright. I'll be there in around ten minutes okay?"
After that Spencer said, "Yeah, see you in ten.", and promptly hung up the phone before he sat down. Shaking he put his head on his hands, gripping his hair tightly and started sobbing. His whole body convulsed as he cried and rocked himself all while heavy drops of rain splashed against his body.
He didn't know how long he sat there, crying and trembling, but he knew it had to be longer than ten minutes because he could hear his phone ring again. With a shaking hand he grabbed it and stared at the screen for a few seconds before declining the call. He wanted to stand up and go downstairs into his apartment but he wasn't strong enough, his limbs felt like jello and his head was swimming so bad he wouldn't be able to make it there in one piece.
He distantly heard his phone ringing again but he didn't pick it up this time. Spencer just continued sitting there, concentrating on the rain drops hitting his exposed skin, making him shiver from the cold. A few more minutes went by like that before he could feel a sudden warmth covering his body. Startled he looked up and stared right into the warm, concerned eyes of Morgan.
Confused and embaressed Reid asked, "Derek? What are you doing here we have a case." The young man looked back at the ground while he spoke and waited anxiously for his friend to answer. "There is no case pretty boy." Morgans voice sounded calming but there was worry clearly audible for everyone including Spencer.
"But Hotch said-" he wasn't able to finish his sentence because a third voice interrupted him, "I'm sorry, I lied." Shocked the youngest agent stared at his boss before saying, "Why? Why would you- why did you lie to me." Spencer sounded hurt and tired, while a new set of tears started running down his face.
Quickly the two agents engulfed the younger man into a hug, while whispering sweet nothings into their friends ears. The three men just sat there for a few minutes, entangled with each other, before Hotch spoke again. "I lied because I was scared and with good reason it seems." Aarons voice was soft and nothing more than a whisper but Spencer understood him perfectly.
When the youngest agent finally calmed down enough, the two older men let go slightly to take a better look at their youngest team member. Spencer looked completely and utterly exhausted, his eyes were bloodshot, he had deep bags under his eyes and he was ghostly pale.
Shortly after that Spencer said, with a quiet and tired voice, "I didn't mean to scare you I- I'm just so tired." The other two men looked at each other with concern before Morgan said, "We know kid, we know." He sounded sincere and like he himself was tearing up. Hotch then said, "It's going to be alright Spencer, we're here for you if you need us, we all are."
The young man started crying again after that but this time it wasn't completely out of anguish. The two older agents held him while he cried for a little while longer before Hotch slowly stood up, gently pulling Spencer up with him.
With slow steps the two older agents led their youngest member downstairs back into his apartment. They then gently sat him on his couch before Morgan rushed into the bathroom to get a towel that he then put over Spencers shoulders, carefully drying him up.
After that the three agents just sat there in the dimly lit room, talking about what had almost happened. While two of them were glad that they prevented the death of their youngest member, Spencer was sad that he wasn't fast enough.
The three of them sat there for a few more hours. Hotch and Derek promised themselves to be there for Spencer, to make him better and to help him in any way he might need while Spencer promised himself to try again.