Yang walked among trees in the dark, away from the family's cabin. Away from Ruby.
She loved her sister, she really did. She wanted to be the best big sister she could, taking care of Ruby and protecting her from everything that would do her harm. She wanted to be with Ruby when she laughed, when she cried, when she was afraid. She wanted to help Ruby grow up, to make the transition from little girl to young woman. She wanted to be someone Ruby looked up to.
But sometimes, she just needed some space, to put some distance between Ruby, and get away from that goddamn Zone of Terror.
Because no matter how hard Yang tried to fight it... no matter what she did, what feelings or thoughts she tried to bury the feeling with, she could never truly get rid of that fear.
It had gotten easier to fight, it was true. Yang had come a long way since the time Ruby first acquired her power. After the Zone first manifested, it had been weeks before Yang was even willing to be in the same room as Ruby. That fear had threatened to form a rift between two sisters who had always been close. But Yang had been determined to overcome it, and gradually, she learned to endure long enough to go near Ruby, to hold a conversation with her, and eventually to play and laugh and go shopping and train and do everything sisters were supposed to do. Okay, most sisters didn't train to become Huntresses together, but Yang and Ruby weren't most sisters, despite their best efforts.
And yet, sometimes Yang just needed to get away from Ruby for a while. Tonight especially. Normally, the Xiao Long-Rose cabin was big enough that Yang could simply go elsewhere in the house and be outside Ruby's Zone of Terror, but Yang wanted to be alone as well as away.
Yang finally came to stop when the cabin was well out of sight, lost in the forest that surrounded it, the way back just another dark space between the trees. Perhaps she'd traveled more than was really necessary, but she didn't care right now. She just leaned back against a tree and sighed. The memory of her last conversation with Ruby played again in her mind:
"Yang..." Ruby folded her arms. "You're always making some kind of excuse. It's like you don't want to spend time with me..."
Yang narrowed her eyes. "Well, maybe if you weren't so clingy, I wouldn't be trying to get away from you so much!"
Ruby gasped faintly, jolting back as though Yang had physically struck her. It wouldn't have been much worse if Yang had. The Zone pulsed, growing stronger in an instant, feeding off Ruby's negative emotion.
Yang wasn't prepared for the sudden emotional assault. She knew Ruby wasn't doing it deliberately. But that didn't make it any easier to bear. She backed away, trying to find the words to say.
"I'm just… going to go out for a while."
Ruby took a step forward, but with the Zone at the strength it was, it looked to Yang like Ruby was a predator moving to strike. "Yang-"
"Just leave me alone!" Yang turned and ran for the front door, throwing it open and quickly continuing on into the woods. It was two whole minutes before she stopped running. But she didn't turn back.
The Zone of Terror really had taken a toll on their family. Their father and Qrow seemed to deal with it pretty well, but even they needed time away from Ruby. The difference between them and Yang was... well, Yang was Ruby's big sister. Yang had to have more of a connection with Ruby than they did. It wasn't that they spent that much less time with Ruby – Taiyang and Qrow both taught at Signal, after all. Taiyang, of course, lived in the same house, and Qrow visited a lot more than anyone would expect an uncle to do. But... they were both guys. There were things they couldn't quite connect with Ruby on, especially as she started transitioning into a young woman. Yang was the oldest woman in the house, so the responsibility of being, well, a mother fell on her.
Of course, that wasn't her fault, or Ruby's fault. It wasn't their father's fault or Qrow's fault. They just... had to grow up without mothers. That couldn't be helped with Ruby's mother. Sometimes... people died, especially huntresses. Yang couldn't fault Summer Rose for that. But... she could fault her mother.
Yang grit her teeth, anger rising in her again, this time directed towards her mother, Raven Branwen. What was her excuse? Yang never really knew. Her father and Qrow had no real explanation. Yang had asked why so many times, first to them, then to herself. Why had her mother left? Why had the rest of her team been left with Yang? Why was Yang left to figure out how to become a young woman on her own, then to try and explain the same to her little sister?
Why were Yang, Taiyang, and Qrow left to deal with Ruby?
Why?! Yang bared her teeth in frustration. She pushed off the tree that had supported her, turned, and punched it as she dwelled on unanswerable questions. She didn't pull her hand away, keeping her fist pressed against the bark, and instead took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. ...Okay, maybe that's not fair. Mom left before Ruby was born, it's not like she could have known. Unless she bothered to visit at some point... She sighed. Actually... dad wasn't even with Summer at that point. And maybe he wouldn't have been with her if mom had stayed. ...So I guess Ruby is mom's fault.
Yang's arm slowly went limp and fell back to her side, while Yang's face took on an dark, empty expression, one prompted by a realization that she didn't really want to make. ...If mom hadn't left, Ruby would never have been born. And her fear powers wouldn't be a problem. She tried very hard not to think of the question that eventually came to her mind anyway – would I trade Ruby for mom?
It was a question with no easy answer. As much as Yang loved Ruby... the fear had taken its toll. Yang had dealt with it, but so many others hadn't. At Signal, her friends kept their distance from Ruby, and Yang always had to choose between spending time with either them or Ruby. She'd dated three boyfriends and one girlfriend, only to break up with them when it became obvious that they couldn't or wouldn't look past Ruby's powers. When she was out in public with Ruby, they always had to avoid crowds, and keep to corners in restaurants and movie theaters to avoid frightening people – and that was when they went out at all.
And of course, there was the fact that she was constantly in fear around Ruby. A fear that could be conquered, sure. But eventually... Yang needed a break. Or else... stuff happened, like it had this evening.
Maybe it would have been easier if the fear weren't so specific. If it was just a general sense of terror, that would be one thing, but, as long as Yang looked at Ruby, it was always fear of her. So while Yang would have liked to have solidly blamed everything on the Zone, the fact was that whenever she thought of the Zone, she thought of Ruby, and how afraid it made her feel of her own sister.
Maybe that was why Yang got frustrated with Ruby now and then. Maybe she was subconsciously blaming everything on her.
It's not her fault, Yang told herself, as she buried her face in one hand, leaning forward and pushing on the tree with her other arm to support her weight. That's just... how things turned out. It's part of what she is.
And... maybe mom left because that's just what she is. It wasn't much an answer to the eternal question of why, but it was one that was better than repeatedly asking herself questions that had no answers. I mean, it's not like there was anything bad about her life here, right? It's not like she had someone she she was afraid of in her own house? Because I do! She stood up straight, her arms falling back to her sides as her fists clenched. I've sure got problems to deal with! And I'm not going to leave! Because I'm stronger than that!
It had been difficult, and there was still a rough road to travel. She didn't exactly have an ideal life. But she was going to stick with it, and with Ruby. Because that was what family did. And she was not her mom.
Yang turned back in the direction of her home and took a few determined strides towards it, only to hear a growl from behind her. She spun around, and found herself facing a quartet of Beowolves, their white bony parts standing out in the darkness. Young ones most likely, ones that hadn't learned to stay clear of her family's cabin. Speaking of being stronger...
"Not your lucky day, guys. I'm in a bad mood."
When Yang finally came back, her father was waiting in the living room. He was sitting on the couch, but the TV wasn't on. Instead, he was simply looking at Yang, as though he'd expected her to walk in at that very moment.
Yang smiled, just a little. "Worried?"
"With you storming off into the night? Yeah." Despite his words and his tone, he returned her smile. "But... well, you needed your space." He stood up from the couch. "Besides, I figured you'd be fine for an hour or so, although I hadn't realized you'd left your weapons..."
"Yeah..." Yang chuckled nervously. "I was... kind of in a hurry. Besides, there was nothing out there I couldn't handle."
Taiyang raised an eyebrow. "Do the Grimm need culling again?"
Yang smirked. "Not anymore, they don't."
Her father chuckled in response. "Well, I'm glad you're all right. They've been getting bolder these past few years..."
Yang waved her head dismissively. "It's fine. They're nothing Ruby and I can't handle. It just means we don't need to walk as far to find some practice targets!" Her smile faded. "Hey, where is Ruby?" She couldn't feel the effects of the Zone, which indicated that Ruby wasn't close.
"Upstairs. She went to bed early."
Yang glanced at the time display beneath the television. 21:14. Ruby generally went to bed earlier than everyone else, because for some reason her Zone of Terror didn't work while she was asleep, so it was a lot easier for everyone else to go to sleep once she'd already done so. But this was early even for her. Yang felt a small stab of guilt. "...That's probably because of me. I said things I shouldn't have..."
"She might still be awake, if you want to talk to her. She only went upstairs a little while ago." He nodded in the direction of the stairs.
Yang simply stood there for a moment, folding her arms and thinking. "...Not until I figure out what to say this time." She walked over to the couch and sat down before slouching back. "I need to unwind a little, anyways, after that fight."
Taiyang raised an eyebrow. "With the Grimm or with her?"
"Both?" She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe she wants some distance from me for once. She did go to bed early, after all."
Taiyang sighed. "Maybe you're right. But don't put this off. It's not good for either of you to just... bottle things up."
Yang looked away. "I know. But..." She looked up towards the ceiling, to where her sister's room was. "I'll talk to her. I just don't want to put my foot in my mouth this time."
Sticking by her sister was one thing, all that took was endurance. Trying to make things better was a different thing entirely.
It was another hour until Yang finally went upstairs. By that time, however, Ruby was definitely asleep, since Yang still couldn't feel the Zone's effect. After another half-hour, Yang herself was showered and ready for bed. But as she put her hand on the door to her bedroom, clad in her pajamas and definitely tired, she hesitated. After a moment's thought – or rather, a moment's feeling – she turned and walked over to Ruby's bedroom instead. There was a second bed there, one that Yang had slept in as a child. But after Ruby's Zone had appeared, Yang had effectively made the cabin's guest bedroom into her own room. Still, Yang did sleep in Ruby's bedroom from time to time, whenever she thought Ruby needed it. Tonight seemed a good night for that. If she couldn't talk to Ruby tonight, then Ruby would at least see Yang near her when she awoke, and know she cared.
Softly, Yang opened the door and crept inside, looking at Ruby as she did so. She couldn't help but smile. Maybe it was weird for her to just... observe her sister while she slept, but this was one of the only ways she could look at her sister without being afraid of her. It was times like these that Ruby seemed to be just a normal little girl. Well, she was fourteen now, so she wouldn't be a little girl for much longer, even if she was still little. But still... when she was like this, she was adorable... and peaceful. It was good to see her like that, as opposed to looking troubled or isolated like she did too often.
Then, Ruby twitched in her sleep, wriggling a little and letting out a sharp grunt. Yang frowned. Ruby was probably having one of her nightmares again. That ruled out the possibility of waking her up to talk, since Yang knew from experience that she couldn't be awakened out of those damn nightmares. Things would have been a lot easier for Ruby otherwise, but as it were, she had no choice but to see through those nightmares until she either "won," or died.
Yang sometimes wondered what those nightmares were like. They sounded horrible, no doubt about that. Ruby said she could feel everything as though it were real, including her pain and injury. And that made it worse than anything Yang had ever experienced.
Yang sighed. I complain about being afraid of a cute little girl, and she has to deal with fear that's... actually justified. She fights for her life at night, and I... she shook her head. Damn it. The worst thing I go through is... not being able to help her.
"...Good luck, Ruby," she said softly, then turned away and slowly made her way to the bed on the other side of the room, her limbs feeling even heavier. She pulled back the blankets and slipped underneath them, lying down facing away from Ruby. She closed her eyes, and prepared for sleep. Only, she couldn't help but think of what she'd say to Ruby in the morning.
Man, I'm not very good at mushy stuff... what am I supposed to say, anyway? "Sorry about saying I don't want to be around you, I'll try not to do it again?" ...You know, it's no wonder she spends most of her time with books. Or with Qrow, he does the whole "brooding loner" thing pretty well. I'm going to have to-
Suddenly, her focus was ripped from her thoughts to the room around her. She gasped as she became aware, instinctively, that she was in danger. There was something in the room with her, something that wanted to kill her. She focused everything on her senses, her eyes opening wide, her ears straining to hear, just in time to hear a sharp cry behind her that made her flinch. Shit, it's-
Then, she heard her sister gasping for breath, her bed creaking and her blankets ruffling as she sat up. ...It's just Ruby. Though the fear didn't go away, Yang still breathed a sigh of relief. But the relief didn't last long. In her hyperaware state, she heard Ruby let out a quiet whimper. ...I guess she lost this round.
Yang lay still for a moment, as her sister tried to get her breathing under control. What do I even say to this? I don't even know how to make her feel better after fighting me. ...But I've got to do something.
She started to sit up and turn around to look at Ruby, only to suddenly get an idea. Instead, she closed her eyes. She then threw back the covers, carefully stepped out of bed, and made her way to her sister's, not opening her eyes. As long as she could keep her eyes closed, she wouldn't be afraid of Ruby, she'd be afraid of some unknown other. Something that she had to protect her sister from.
Yang felt for her sister's bed, then fumbled around for Ruby herself. She managed to touch Ruby's leg, eliciting a gasp from the younger girl, then carefully reached for where she thought Ruby's upper body might be. She lucked out and rested a hand on her shoulder, at which Ruby made the task easier by wrapping her arms around Yang, holding her tightly as she awkwardly sat on the bed beside her little sister and returned the embrace.
"Yang," Ruby began, sounding like she was holding back tears. "I'm sorry for waking you-"
"Shh." Yang cut her off, holding her tightly. "I'm here for you, Ruby. It's all right, you're safe."
Ruby didn't say anything else for a long moment, and just buried her face in Yang's shoulder. Yang tried to keep her breathing steady, and kept her eyes closed, gently rubbing Ruby's back in an attempt to help her calm down. Only when Ruby stopped panting did Yang ask, "Didn't go well?"
Ruby took a deep breath. "There was... a whole horde of them. They surrounded me, and when I focused on one, the others would attack me. Eventually I... ran out of Aura." Ruby drew her next breath sharply, holding Yang even tighter. "They didn't wait until I was dead to start eating me."
Yang winced, matching the strength of Ruby's embrace. "It's all right, Ruby. They're just nightmares."
"They're not just nightmares, Yang!" Ruby drew back, releasing Yang. "They're... they're not like other dreams, they're pretty much real. Like... everything's so much clearer than in my other dreams! And... it hurts so much more... And even though I know it's just a dream, I... I can't make myself wake up."
Yang hesitated for a moment, then opened her eyes. The focus of her fear shifted instantly to the girl in front of her, as though she'd opened her eyes to find a monster there. But this wasn't a monster, this was her own sister. Yang could see now that Ruby's arms were wrapped around herself as she shivered, her eyes cast downwards, tears forming in them. And despite the fear, Yang still felt affection. "Ruby, look at me."
Ruby looked up into Yang's eyes, a faint hint of surprise in her own. Yang went on, "You're right, I don't really understand what goes on in your nightmares. But... I know that in them, you're alone and scared and aren't safe." She leaned in, trying to will away the fear, so her sister would see only determination in her eyes, and took hold of Ruby's shoulders. "But win or lose, when you wake up, you're here. You're safe. And you're not alone. You've got dad, and Qrow... and me." She pulled Ruby into another embrace. "And I'm not going away. Whenever you need me, I'll be here for you."
Ruby accepted and returned the hug... and then sniffled. "I'm sorry..."
Yang frowned. "What?"
"I'm sorry that..." She sniffled again. "You have to be around me when you should be spending time with other people..."
Yang pulled back, looking into Ruby's eyes again. "Don't talk like that, Ruby. This is important to me."
"But-"
"You need me more than they do!"
Ruby still looked like she wanted to cry. "Even if I just make you scared...?"
Yang paused, thinking for just a moment. "...It's just a feeling, Ruby. I know you won't hurt me. I know I have to fight that feeling and see you for who you are. And... if other people can't do the same, well that's their fault, not yours."
For a long moment, Ruby said nothing. But then, she wiped her eyes with one hand, and when she took her arm away, there was a faint smile in the place of her tears. The Zone started to lose strength, counteracted by Ruby's happiness. "...Thanks, Yang. You're the best big sister I could ask for."
Yang smiled in return. "Thanks, Ruby. You don't deserve anything less." She start to shift herself, trying to inch her way further onto the bed. "Now, let's lie back down. You need to get back to sleep."
"You can... go sleep in your room, if you'd like." Ruby said that, but she was already making room for Yang. Maybe she knew Yang wouldn't just run away just because things were tough.
Yang closed her eyes again. "No. I'm staying with you until you fall asleep. Then I can get to sleep just fine, knowing you're safe."
Ruby smiled, then yawned and lay back down on the bed. Yang followed suit, holding Ruby close to her. The fear of Ruby soon faded away, replaced by the ambient, lurking fear of danger, along with the urge to run and hide. But Yang wasn't going to leave. She'd stay here, and protect her sister with her embrace, until the monsters realized they weren't going to get her, and left them alone. No matter how long it took.
Author's Notes:
I'm rather proud of this chapter. It was actually kinda fun to get in Yang's headspace and write out her thoughts. Hopefully they're believable.
And now, my first song recommendation. It's a bit of a stretch, and you have to interpret the song platonically rather than it's intended interpretation, but I associate Right Now (the cover by Asking Alexandria, specifically) with this chapter and with the concept of Yang wanting to make things right.