Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek. Reviews are welcome. I don't own any characters other than Fenix Flarestone. Enjoy and stay ethical y'all.

Chapter 22: The Asylum

Previously…

Lore and Fenix were back on the Enterprise and back in their old room. She saw the grief stricken look on Lore's face and gently touched his cheek. His yellow eyes met hers as tears pool. Unable to hold them back he pulled her into a fierce hug and began to silently cry. Caressing nape and his hair, she whispered sweet nothings to him, "I'm here, Lore… right here…" His grip on her tightened. "I won't let go… sometimes it's good to let it all out… you're safe with me..." and kissed his ear. A few tears began to escape her eyes seeing Lore in such a state of sadness. He's feeling so many emotions. All this time you harboured so much anger towards your dad, in the last moments of your dad's life, you were finally able to mend your torn relationship with him. It was far too short, and it's not fair. I understand. I left things with my mother on bad terms when I was put into this time. At least you were didn't have to go through that, Lore… I didn't have that chance. Such as life… You had a chance, and I'm so proud of you for taking it. You've grown so much… I'm so glad I took the chance and reactivated you. It means the world to know that something I did made somewhat of a difference to someone. That gave my life meaning… my never-ending life… And I have you with me. She squeezed him as he kept crying in silence, her shoulder becoming damp from his tears. In that moment, she thought of her biological parents and why they didn't want her. In those moments, her tears flowed freely. Why did they give me away? Was I… unwanted? But… why? Fenix would never know why her biological parents rejected her at birth.

Data was in Captain Picard's ready room as he had some questions he needed to answer since he took over the Enterprise to come to Terlina III. When everything was settled, Picard agreed with his choice to bring Fenix and Lore since they are his family after their him and Lore's father's demise. Data asked to be relieved of duty for a little while due to distractions and excused himself, leaving Picard in his cabin. He sighed feeling torn about Data. I've always seen Data as a person, but then that incident… his homing device setting off because of his father. Data has a homing device built into his neural net… Why do I have such a difficult time accepting him as an android and as a person at the same time? Perhaps us organics aren't as evolved as we liked to think we are. Are we destined to discriminate? Why must we always categorize and organize people to fit into certain boxes? It is not right. I am catching myself doing the same thing I preach on not doing. That is all I can do is try to stop or change my thoughts, I suppose… Just try.

Data walked back to his quarters and looked at the emotion chip in his hand. Contemplating on what his father has also confirmed. This small chip would give me emotions in an instant… emotions I longed to experience. Fenix and father both speculate I will learn to feel more elaborate emotions over time in my own way... He put the chip away and looked at the Polaroid photo of Lore and Fenix, the same picture he took from their home before he ever met them. Lore… I want to feel emotions like you do, like everyone else does. But I still want to see if I am able to experience them slowly over time without the chip. It would be more rewarding if I were not to use the chip when I finally start feeling emotions. His eyes lingered on Lore while he still held the Polaroid in his hand. Lore… I remember your sad expression when our father passed away. Perhaps I was lucky in that moment to not be able to feel. Pained… you looked pained. Sadness and pain.

Lore and Fenix were back in their old room, room 3650 near Data's quarters. "Fenix, give me the sacred sake. I don't want to feel whatever this feeling is. It's driving me mad and not in a good way." Lore demanded. "You know, you gave me that speech on how I shouldn't be depending on substances to mask my emotional turmoil, right? This is kind of a hypocrite thing to do now if you decide to drink, but I won't stop you. I can guarantee you'll feel worse than you already do now. But I'll guide you through it if you insist. Bottle's in my bag." She warned as she kept playing a melancholy tune on her acoustic guitar. Lore growled in frustration as she played devil's advocate.

"How'd you do it? Get over these... feelings… when you were put into this time?" She stopped playing guitar to answer, "I cried a lot. I hated every minute of it. But I cried. I experienced every negative emotion under the sun. Anger, hate, guilt, anxiety, depression, denial, loneliness, sadness, despair, apathy... you name it. I also didn't have the luxury of time or companionship either." Lore sat beside her as she leaned her guitar back on the stand. "I was enrolled in Starfleet almost right after my time-move, and I had to adjust to a whole new world. I was alone, I didn't have anyone to talk to, besides, what was I supposed to say? 'I was thrown into the future, I lost my home, my parents and the world that I remember is gone.' Between school and studying, I cried. I played guitar. I drank. Did some celestial snow... Over time... I cried less. I drank less. Then I made friends with Vaum and Strenn, it helped that they're Vulcan, they didn't show much emotion, you know? Spending time with them kept me from diving deep into depression."

Lore listened to her story and realized even though circumstances were different, he understood that she too, went through something similar to himself. He put the bottle back in her bag and sat down beside her. Fenix added, "It's hard to deal with emotions, but like anything else that kept getting thrown my way, I had to adjust. But I was lonely even with Vaum and Strenn around. I didn't have a deep connection to them. When I connected with you, it was the best thing that's ever happened. You helped me out more than you know." she finished and touched her head to his. Lore stoked her knee and leaned in to kiss her. She was eventually on her back as he continued kissing. He started kissing her neck and Fenix sweetly asked, "Are you doing this because you just want to feel something other than what you've been feeling?" He stopped and laid his head down on her chest.I'm only replacing the sacred sake with arousal… that's no good. I want to feel good but it has to come from a better place, not a place of wanting to forget.He sighed in defeat. "Yes. I'm sorry." Fenix wrapped her arms around him and reassured him, "It's okay, I want you to feel good. I love you."

He looked up at her face with love as he kissed, "I want to feel you. I want closeness. I want to drown in you." He whispered in her ear. He slipped her shirt off and proceeded to take her bra off. He took his own shirt off wanting to feel as close as possible to her as he kissed her senseless. His attentions averted to her perky breasts. He lovingly buried his head in her small mounds and continued to play with her nipple with his mouth as he tweaked and gently tugged on the other with his skilled long fingers. Fenix moaned in pleasure until eventually, she unexpectedly peaked, her voice raising. Lore's eyes widened in surprise while he still had her nipple in his mouth. He realized she reached orgasm and smiled as he kissed her breast. He lowered his kisses and undid her pants, then slid them off. She tried to cover herself feeling embarrassed but Lore pushed dominantly her hands away. He pried her legs open and hungrily stared at her slick womanhood as he nuzzled his face on her velvety inner thigh. "Lore! Stop looking, it's too embarrassing! I-" She was cut off mid-sentence as he spoke seductively, "-You're beautiful. I've wanted to see you like this for a long time." He took one long lick up her dripping wet folds. Fenix put her hands up to her face in shock, "Ah! What are you-!"

"-Shh... Fenix, you taste delicious. Let me enjoy you, in return, come for me. I want every last drop of you in my mouth." Before she could protest, he hungrily covered her womanhood with his mouth as he massaged her clitoris with his strong skilled tongue. Fenix couldn't hold in her voice from absolute pleasure as she kept her face covered out of sheer embarrassment. Lore slid his hands up from her thighs, to her torso, and pushed her arms away from her face. He saw her flushed face contorted with pleasure and confusion. He smiled as he continued to devour her. It didn't take long for her to release all her nectar into Lore's eager mouth as she screamed. He happily lapped every drop of it up with his tongue making her shiver. He undid his pants and pulled his rock-solid member out as he slowly climbed on top of the still-panting Fenix. Lore touched the side of her face to kiss her. She could taste herself on his lips and tongue. She felt embarrassed again for what he did for her. He made his way between her legs, his manhood teased her still slick folds as he readied her for him.

"LORE STOP!" She yelled with tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

He backed down with confusion and worry in his eyes when he saw Fenix with tears rolling down her cheeks. "Lore, I-I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry... I... I don't know what's wrong with me. It's not you. W-what you were doing felt wonderful, I-I don't know why... I'm so sorry, Lore. I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." Fenix kept apologizing, Lore zipped his pants and held her in his arms as he tried to soothe her rocked her back and forth. Her sobbing stopped and her eyes fluttered closed.

"Fenix? Fenix?" Lore quickly dressed her and carried her bridal style heading towards sick-bay. Lore glanced at her unconscious face with worry. Is it because of those fucked up experiments that Admiral Pressman did to you? I didn't know it would set that part of you off… I didn't mean to… I'm sorry...

Five minutes later, she woke up to see Lore holding her hand and sat back up quickly feeling extreme guilt for her unexplainable panic earlier. "Woah, Fenix. Lay back down... It's alright. You fainted for about five minutes. Just relax." Beverly subdued. Fenix laid back down and sighed. "Lore..."

"It's what happened when you were being experimented on wasn't it?" Lore asked worriedly. Fenix shook her head, "Not just that... I remembered what happened when I was in the asylum. Beverly, if you're done with me, may I go see Deanna? This is more of a mental thing than a physical thing." Fenix softly spoke. "Lore was worried sick about you. But your pulse has returned to normal and everything checks out fine so I suppose I can let you go." She saw the pain in Fenix's eyes, "I'll let Deanna know what happened and that you're on the way." Fenix nodded and slid off the table with Lore still holding her hand, worry written all over his face. "Lore, thanks for taking me here. I'm sorry I worried you. Let's go see Deanna. I want you to be here with me when I talk to her. I know you're going through the loss of your father but I really need you with me." She pleaded. "Fenix, I'll always be here for you no matter what." She smiled and made their way to Deanna's quarters.

Fenix and Lore entered Deanna's quarters and sat down. "Fenix, I heard from Beverly what happened. Are you okay?" Deanna asked. "No. I had a dream... more of a flash-back when I passed out, when I was put in the insane asylum." She paused remembering her lost memories, "My parents didn't know what to do with a problematic child that I was. I blocked that part of my life and I need to come clean. I… I need your support..." Her eyes flickered to Lore, "This is for me... and Lore needs to know." Fenix nervously spoke, her eyes looked down on her lap and began fidgeting the hem of her shirt. Deanna sensed her unease, "Start with how you felt when you were first put into the asylum. And stop if you feel like you're feeling overwhelmed." Deanna guided.

Fenix closed her eyes and started, "The asylum... I remember feeling so isolated, scared, and angry because I felt betrayed by my parents. I couldn't deal with all the emotions I felt and I lost my mind. I became… violent towards the staff. I didn't have my strength at the time but I was still a danger to them. The staff kept drugging me over and over. I wanted to kill everyone and myself... I remember I used to claw at my arms and legs, and watch them heal. I would do that over and over as a reminder that I'm here in the asylum, this is real, I'm not dreaming. My hands covered in blood... Skin lodged under my nails... the smell of my blood..." Fenix took a moment as she blankly looked into the distance and sighed.

"There was this one psyche doc, he was in his thirties, his name was Dr. Gunderson. He would drug me, hypnotize me, you know? Play mind games to make me go insane more than I already was and... he would... he would touch me. Never raped me or anything so it wasn't as bad..." She nervously laughed. Deanna's eyes were full of concern. It's not about how bad it was… he was your doctor, it should've never happened in the first place, Fenix. "He would tell me how fucked up I was, that I was a lost cause, that I could never be anything, the only thing I could ever be was to be his doll… his plaything… a cute little doll he could play with." Lore tried to hide his anger for the man that used to harm Fenix as he clenched his fists as she continued, "He would call me 'baby-face' as he touched me. I was thirteen. I didn't have my strength yet at the time. I couldn't fight him off." She chuckled with unshed tears. "The more I tried to fight the worse my punishment." Her hands shook. Lore was doing his utmost best to hold in his rage knowing that his wife was getting abused when she was just a child and he couldn't do anything about it. On top of that, she got experimented only a few years later… "His advances increased over time during the few months I was there. I knew sooner rather than later that he would..." She wiped her eyes, "… he would fuck me. Ha ha, I remember the moment I gained my strength." She bitterly smiled and chuckled, "One day, he came into my room and it started off the same as usual. Had me strapped down to the chair, injected me with a heavy sedative since nothing lasted more than ten minutes... He played his usual mind games on me and started to touch my face, smell my hair, I can hear him call me 'baby-face', then he'd touch between my inner thighs. Like I said, the usual. Then he started to take my clothes off... not the usual. Even in my heavily medicated state of mind I knew something was off, I started to panic. He..." She looked up, eyes closed and took a deep breath.

"Sorry, he uh... unzipped his pants and pulled his dick out, I didn't see it but I felt it on my thigh. That's when I screamed, then my strength suddenly increased, my body felt burning hot as it changed or evolved... whatever you want to call it…"

Thirteen-year-old Fenix struggled in her chair as Dr. Gunderson pried her legs open. The straps on her wrists cut her against her struggles as she kept aggressively jerking her body as she tried to get away from the perpetrator. Her screams could be heard throughout the entire building, but no one blinked an eye assuming it was just a patient that was going about her business. Her eyes wide with fear and dread feeling his hardened member against her inner thigh. Her body was a raging inferno, her eyes clenched in pure agony feeling her body change. Pain and hot searing heat rushed through her entire body as she broke through her restraints with a feral guttural scream. Dr. Gunderson backed away from her, his member still exposed. Without any warning, Fenix jumped on him and began pummelling his face to a pulp. Tearing his muscles off his forearms, she couldn't stop. Wouldn't stop. The tables were turned and it was him screaming for his life, now. It didn't matter that she was still naked, driven by pure rage, she mutilated him as she ripped and clawed his manhood off. The other staff rushed in and tried to pry her away from him. "Why is she naked!?" "Did Dr. Gunderson…?" "She's too strong!" "We need to tranq' her!" "Get Dr. Gunderson to the ER NOW!" She felt the needle jab the side of her neck and everything began to blur as she slowly fell into the arms of one of the wardens.

"He had it coming. They took him to the emergency. Long story short, he lived, but he would never move, at least he can never violate anyone, ever again." Fenix smiled and continued, "The worst part was that I remember I felt... joy from hurting him. And part of me hates myself for it even though I believe he deserved it. All the times he fucked with me... I was finally able to fight back. Poetic isn't it? He was right about one thing..." she paused as more tears ran down her face.

"...I'm so fucked up I haven't been even been able to make love..." Then she burst into uncontrollable tears as she hunched over her knees. Lore cautiously put his hand on her back and caressed. Wrapping his arms around her gently, he tried to soothe her, "Fenix… it wasn't just Dr. Gunderson… when you were taken away by Admiral Pressman..." Fenix nodded, "I don't know how I didn't remember the asylum when I was there… it was a similar repeat of it, even..." He answered, "It's a way of survival. Remembering those events at the asylum would've only put you into more fear during those moments." Deanna backed up Lore, "It's true, we tend to unintentionally block or forget certain things to keep going..." Fenix looked down her at fidgeting fingers silently, tears still streaming down her face. Deanna gingerly asked, "If it's okay to share… what happened, the experiments she endured…?" Fenix looked up at Deanna with tears running down her face, "I was conscious then entire time… They'd cut me completely open… they've crushed and exploded my head… drained gallons and gallons of blood… and..." Fenix inhaled, "They wanted to make a different species: an indestructible, controllable species for the Federation. They tried to get me to mate with many different species of males by force. But I was strong enough that they were unsuccessful to say the least. I ended up killing every one of those males but I was aware of what I was doing unlike the time in the asylum. Eventually they gave up and just took my eggs since I keep making more everytime they took them." Fenix finished with a shrug.

Deanna felt both of their pain as tears welled in her own eyes. Fenix… I know what it's like to have someone forcing themselves on you, too. It's a terrible horrifying experience. I...I'm so sorry you went through so much at such a young age. The Federation, the VERY Federation each of us had dedicated our lives for… This needs to be stopped at all costs!Fenix calmed down after a few moments and continued, "No wonder I'm always so torn when I'm being intimate with Lore. There're two sides to me, like Jekyll and Hyde. One is wanting pleasure like a promiscuous deviant whore, no emotions attached. The other one is a scared, cowering little girl. They fight every time we're intimate." Lore paled upon hearing those words. That's why she's always so embarrassed when we're intimate. Her body reacts to my touches but she's always so timid… And I was getting aroused from that… I didn't know… I didn't know… even just recalling those memories still arouses me even when I know why she is the way she is. I… I'm a monster.

"I don't want either of them, Deanna. I want to feel pleasure and love at the same time. Not just one or the other. It's been four years since the incident happened at the asylum… and over a year now since I was kidnapped by the Admiral… I want to move on and have a healthy mindset when I'm with Lore." Fenix stated as she touched Lore's knee breaking his thoughts. He was relieved in that moment to stop his conflicting thoughts from spiralling. Deanna held back her emotions she felt from both of them, took a deep breath and spoke, "That was very brave of you for opening up to me and to Lore. It is very natural to feel those two-opposing sides as you experienced when being intimate. 'The pleasure seeker' is when one is detaching themselves of all emotion and seeks only pleasure. It happens because one wants to feel pleasure, it's a basic need for humans. But is disconnected from emotions due to previous trauma. 'The child' is the vulnerable part of you that's clinging on to your innocence as a way to protect oneself. Intimacy, sex, love making, whatever you want to call it should be done through both consenting adults. You were still just a child when you experienced unwanted sexual contact by an adult, a doctor, an authority figure no less who violated the fragile trust of safety." If only everyone was willing to stop when someone says no… "And those experimentations… the Federation… I don't know how, but I'll do everything I can to get justice for you and to prevent anyone else from getting harmed as you have."Her eyes flashed to Lore for a split second, "I ask you, Fenix. Do you feel comfortable with Lore?"

"Completely, in every way. I feel loved, and safe with him. He's very patient and always stops when I don't feel comfortable about doing something. And never makes me feel bad for not being able to do certain things. Honestly, he's got a patience of a saint." Fenix answered whole-heartedly. Deanna wasn't sure if that was the case. She's telling the truth… but I wonder if she's masking his actions for herself… No… I can't think like that. I can't assume that he's pushing her. I can't let my own past experiences poison others perspectives… That's wrong of me, especially as a counsellor. Fenix believes he holds back, and I can feel that she's telling the truth. "That's good, because you need a man with patience. What the two of you are doing, taking things slow is exactly what Fenix needs, not veer away from intimacy. Avoiding intimacy altogether will only keep you stuck in that state of mind and you will not move on. And for you to be able to remember and confront your past is a huge step towards healing." Deanna guided. Fenix smiled softly, "I'm glad to hear that. I really do want to make love to Lore. I'm married to him and I feel like an inadequate jackass, especially as a wife to not be able to have sex with him." Fenix shrugged dejectedly. Lore stepped in, "Fenix, I'll remind you, I'm not like most men. I don't have needs like biological creatures, I have the desire but it stems from wanting to love you on all levels. I don't ever want you to feel like you're disappointing me by not being able to make love to me. Forget about me in that sense. I love you. I will always wait for you. You're all I want. This is about you." Deanna smiled. This is why I shouldn't be judging people based on my own experiences. Lore, you truly are someone that Fenix needs to have as her partner. I can tell how much you love her… that you want nothing more than for her to be happy and healthy.

"Keep being intimate and stop if you feel uncomfortable. When you think you're ready to have sex, ask yourself, 'Do I feel love as well as pleasure?'. I'm sure you'll know when you're ready. But that question might help you give you a clearer answer." Deanna reassured. Fenix thought for a moment. How come I've never thought of asking myself that? Duh… Deanna's right. That probably will help me know if I'm ready. "You know what, I figured out why this all came back to me now. For the first time, I have time to let things come back naturally. I've been too damn busy and preoccupied to deal with the past. I pushed it aside because it was one thing to the next, no breaks in between. It's been non-stop since I was thirteen. Since I met Lore, I've had time to think and start healing in a safe environment... thanks to Lore. If he had been someone else, I don't think I would've had that connection. It was Lore that helped me through it all up to this point. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here talking to you about my past. I would've been stuck." Fenix concluded. And I wouldn't have been able to talk to anyone but you, Deanna. I wouldn't have had the courage to tell Lore alone. I needed that middle ground. Lore faintly smiled from hearing her words of appreciations for him. Never in his life, anyone has ever expressed as much gratitude as she did. "Deanna, thanks for listening to me. You… you really helped me out so much." She leaned over and hugged her, "Oh Fenix… I just want you to be healthy, and mental health takes a lot of work no matter who you are..." and released her. "Thank you so much… Deanna." Fenix smiled kindly,"You're welcome Fenix. Thank you for sharing that with me. Take good care of yourself and each other." Deanna bid good-bye to them with a nod.

Lore and Fenix walked back to the room. Lore was doing everything he can to not let his tears fall. Fenix touched his hand and pulled him in for an embrace. She knew Lore needed a hug just as much as she needed one. He held her in his arms and let his yellow tears fall. The initial anger and rage he felt the moment he heard Fenix was getting sexually abused repeatedly under different circumstances. Then, combining the love and appreciation she held for him was overwhelming. He also felt an undeniable sting of guilt that still lingered from the time he lost control of himself and almost did the same to her, even though she had forgiven him. "I love you Lore, thank you for coming with me to see Deanna. I wanted you to be there since I wanted you to understand why I'm always having… issues when we're intimate." Fenix softly spoke as she gently caressed his back. Lore began crying, unable to contain his emotions as he clung to her narrow shoulders for dear life. Fenix whispered in his ear, "I'm here for you. I'm alright. I'm right here. I love you. I want you to feel safe in my arms as you make me feel." Fenix… I don't know if I can be the man you need me to be. Why am I so twisted? I take pleasure when you shy away from my advances. Even now, knowing why you are timid when we're intimate, it still arouses me… why am I so twisted? I don't know if I can ever stop getting aroused when you become shy around me, Fenix. I know it's not right, but I… I can't help it. He lifted his head and kissed her lovingly.