Chapter 3: Understanding

She just smiled at me as she swished the wine in her glass from side to side. Did she just lure me up here to dig into Sesshomaru's business? Was she just being a nosy mother? Or was she actually concerned for her friend's son? I took the glass and gulped it down. Wasn't much in there, to begin with. Probably shouldn't be drinking on a Monday morning, but it wasn't like I had work to go to. So what exactly did I have to lose?

"Why?" I asked.

She kicked off her shoes and set them on the rack, taking a seat on the couch.

"Please make yourself at home, and I'm just curious is all. Curious as to why a grown man would cry like that. As if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Especially like that first thing in the morning."

I took off my shoes and coat, sitting across from her.

"Are you curious? Or just nosy?"

She smiled. "Possibly a bit of both I suppose. I'm a great listener too. Besides. I know what heartbreak looks like all too well. Especially after having seen in the mirror every day for this many years? Seeing as you sat down, I would say you have something to get off of your chest, no?"

My eyes went wide for a second. I didn't expect her to say something like that. To see right through me like that. I vaguely remember her saying something about being on the wrong end of love, but I hadn't paid too much attention to it.

"If I am asking too much Kouga, please say so. I will not ask again."

I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. I needed to get this out.

"After the shower, your son showed up at my house the next morning. He came to check on me but to also set me straight. Apparently, it was very obvious how much I kept staring at her... at his wife. Longing looks and pouting is what he called it. As my friend he wanted me to move on and find someone else that wasn't his wife. That I understand, but as her husband, he found my behavior disrespectful, which I also understand. As pathetic as it sounded I just couldn't help myself. It's been this long and I still can't let go and I don't know why. Apparently, I make her uncomfortable with me being all sad and looking at her the way I do. That was the last thing I wanted to do. Now they both want me to stay away until I can get my shit together. The kicker is, I go to work this morning and find out that I have been put on paid leave. I'm pissed but do I even have the right to be? It's… It's just that all those centuries ago when she had just up and disappeared for five hundred years. He wasn't the only that lost her… I lost her too. I lost the woman that I loved and held onto for so long and it was his fault. Then she magically just comes back into my life one day... and she's even further out of my reach than ever. He didn't even want her to begin with. Not the way I did. He used every ounce of himself to fight it, to fight the way he felt about her but not me. I loved her publicly to any and everyone who would listen. I used every chance that I had to tell her that I loved her; that I wanted her to be mine. I missed her, I longed for her. I searched for her, I fought for her. It was me that protected her. She is all I have ever wanted, but she wanted someone else; again… and now I can't even see her. I can't see either of them. All because I fell for someone that I will never have."

I looked up at her and she had this look on her face. It wasn't sadness or pity, but understanding. She had her knees pulled to her chest. She was listening so intently. I couldn't believe I had told her all that. It just came out like word vomit and I couldn't stop it. She set her glass down.

"I won't tell you that I'm sorry, because that will do nothing for you but make you feel as though I am pitying you. What I will say is that I do understand. To love someone that loves someone else. Sesshomaru and Kagome are right in how they feel… but so are you. You're entitled to your feelings. In my experience, the only way is to find someone else or they have to up and die on you, and both the men I have loved left me and died. You seemed to have loved her for a long time. I'm not sure if you're ever going to get over her on your own. So I have no words of comfort to offer you. Only understanding and open ears."

She reached for her glass, but I grabbed it first, and down it and she smiled.

"Could I have some more of that?"

She got up and came back with the bottle. She poured some out in the glass for herself and slid me the bottle, which I gladly took. I took a swig from it.

"This tastes very expensive."

She laughed. "You have good taste, and that is because it is. Half a million for one bottle if I remember correctly. When you've been alive as long as I have, you accumulate a lot of wealth. More than you know what to do with. So, I can afford the luxury of century-old wine. It is how I will spend the rest of my days."

I guess her company wasn't so bad after all. It was nice to have someone who understood how I felt.

"I guess I must look pretty pathetic right now."

"I have no room to judge dear. I am convinced that there is no bigger fool than I when it comes to love. You're on your first heartbreak. You will live, even if it feels like it is the end of the world it is not. We live for a very long time. Getting your heart broken is a part of living."

"I guess that does make sense, and please stop calling me dear. It makes me feel like a child."

"Well, if we look at our ages I do have quite a few years on you. What was it you said earlier about me being a hag?"

I choked on the wine I was drinking. "I never called you a hag," I said knocking my chest.

She lay down on the couch. "You might as well have."

I looked at the bottle and then back up at her. I wasn't sure if it was the wine or the heartbreak but she was starting to look more and more attractive the more I looked at her. I was so sad. The last thing I need was this. I should not be looking at any woman like this. Especially not Sesshomaru's mother. Thankfully she changed the subject. We just for a while, and mostly about nothing. It was just smooth conversation. It was nice to just be able to talk to someone for a while.

"I think that I should get-"

Before I could finish my sentence there was a knock at the door. I looked at her and she looked at me. Judging by the look on her face, she was not expecting anyone. She got up off the couch and went to open the door.

She smiled. "Oh, Sesshomaru. What a surprise."

Great.