Chapter 4: You understand

She backed away from the door, letting him in and closing the door behind him. He was surprised to see me. That made two of us. He looked at our things by the door and the wine glasses, then the bottle in my hand. He looked up at me.

"Kouga. What are you doing here?"

I raised the bottle. I was still bitter about what happened at work. "Drinking. Can't you see that?"

"Here you are, mother." He said handing her a bag. "A housewarming present. I knew you would be moving into Kouga's apartment building… I never would have guessed that you two would be day drinking with one another. Or drinking at all for that matter."

Kimi smiled. "Well, he is a great company."

She set the bag on the table, going back to her spot on the couch.

"What exactly were you two discussing?" Sesshomaru asked.

She smiled. "Nothing Important. Just making conversation."

Kimi's phone rang. "Excuse me for a moment," she said grabbing her phone and running into the other room.

The second she was gone, I could feel his eyes on me. I took another swig from the bottle. Waiting for whatever was about to spew out of his mouth. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Kouga what do you think are you doing?"

I leaned back into the couch. "I told you. I am drinking."

"With my mother? What? You cannot have my wife so you go after my mother instead? You drink with her and try to soften her up like this? Just to spite me." he said harshly.

I groaned and set the bottle down. "To spite you? That is very vain of you. Not everything is about you Sesshomaru. This is not what you think this is. Your mother found me in the parking lot. After you banned me from my place of work might I add. So, I'm insulted that you would think that." I scoffed. "Some brother you are."

"Do not change the subject wolf."

There was that word again.

"My name is Kouga. I get it. You're upset with me. I deserve your anger. I care about your wife more than I should. I get it, but I am doing my best. I am keeping away from you, and I am staying away from Kagome. I didn't mean to run into her. It just happened. What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to leave my mother out of this. She has been through enough already. She has not been the same since she lost Myoga that day. It is also not the first time she has lost the man that she loved. She is already dealing with enough. The last thing that she needs is some child using her as a rebound because he couldn't get what he really wanted. Is this your way of trying to lash out at me, because I want to keep my wife away from you?"

I clenched my fists. "Listen, you-"

"That is enough!"

I didn't even notice that she had come out of the room.

"Sesshomaru I think it is best that you leave right now. I will come by to see you, Kagome, and the children at another time."

He scowled and said his goodbyes to Kimi, before walking out.

She sighed and locked the door. "I apologized for his behavior."

"It's fine." I lied. "I guess he's just protective of you, but I should get going."

I put on my shoes and grabbed my coat. She opened the door for me. I gave her a nod before stepping out.

"Kouga. I wasn't being nosy." She said. "You are not the only one who is alone." She said with a small smile, as she closed the door.

These Taishos are full of surprises.

I stretched, rolled over, and looked at the clock. It was a little past ten P.M. it had been a long time since I'd been able to sleep the day away like this. I guess being placed on paid leave indefinitely had certain perks.

"What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

I sat up hearing a knock at my door. I jogged out of my bedroom, opening the door. It was Kimi.

"What are you doing here?"

"I brought dinner. I heard you wake up so I came over."

"You were listening in on me? That is intrusive. Don't you have any other friends?"

She pushed past me. "I am an Inudaiyokai. I could not turn off my hearing even if I wanted to, and no I do not have other friends. Other women find me intimidating."

They're not the only ones.

I watched her pull the Tupperware out of the bag.

"Did you cook all of that?"

She laughed. "Do I look like I own Tupperware? Come, eat."

"You're very bossy, you know that?"

She smiled. "Yes. It is one of my best qualities I would say."

We silently ate for a while.

"What are you doing here Kimi?"

She smiled without looking up at me. "I told you. You are not the only one who is lonely."

I put the fork down. "Penny for your thoughts?" I asked playing her own card

She gave me a small smile. "I do not think you would want to hear what is going on in my head."

"Try me. You listened to me. It isn't fair that you've seen me cry. It's only fair that you return the favor." I joked. "I want to know if you're okay Kimi. Are you okay?"

She pushed her food aside. It was as if she was trying her best not to crack; to hold it all in, but she was failing. It was as if no one had ever asked her how she was doing... what was going on inside. At that moment she came undone. She hunched over onto the counter. Her platinum tresses fell around her, covering her. She slipped her hands into them, and she stopped midway, grabbing fistfuls in her hands.

"I still dream about it." She whispered. "Ripping his heart from his chest. It has been six years and it is all I can think about. The worst part is… there is still a part of me that misses him. Misses the way he would hug me, kiss me, and tell me that he loved me. I have all of these amazing memories of this man that no longer exists. I'm continuing to love a man that no longer exists. A man who turned into a monster Despite everything, he had done… there are still things about him that I miss. The moment he started behaving that way and doing those things. He was no longer the man that I loved. So, why can't I just let go? What is wrong with me? Why do I keep loving a ghost?" She said whispering the last part.

She quietly wept into the palms of her hands. I didn't know what to do or what to say to make her feel better. I was in a shitty place myself. How could I help her? She violently rubbed her eyes. She let her hands drop to her sides and looked up at me. She looked so broken. I couldn't believe that this was the same woman from a few minutes ago. I clenched my jaw and walked around the kitchen island. I hesitated before I did it, but I wrapped my arms around her and gently squeezed. She froze up for a second before I felt her relax into me. I rested my chin on her head. She turned in my arms and wrapped her arms around me. She buried her face into my chest and cried some more. I felt her sinking. I sank to the floor with her and just held her while she cried. Is this what Sesshomaru meant when she was dealing with enough? How much had he really been checking on her? She turned her head resting against me. I hadn't moved and I hadn't let go. I was afraid she would fall apart if I did.

"I feel so ashamed," she whispered.

I sighed. "You should never feel ashamed of loving someone. No matter how deeply that love may run. It does not mean there is anything wrong with you Kimi. I know what you did for Sesshomaru and his family. Now, I can see how much it hurt you… how much it haunts you. He betrayed you in more ways than one. He tried to destroy everything because that is who he truly was. It is okay that you hold onto those memories of when things were better. When you loved each other the way that people should love one another because loving and loving passionately is who you are."

I heard her sniffle. "You're too young to be able to say such kind words."

I chuckled "I could just call you a hag again to even it out."

That made her laugh, and it was better than her crying.

"You're a good person. I'm glad that Sesshomaru has you. Even if you two are at odds right now."

She pushed herself off of my chest. Pushing her hair out of her face, smoothing it back. She wiped her eyes one more time.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that. It was very unbecoming."

"Don't be I asked you and you answered. Has no one ever asked you about how you were feeling?"

She shook her head. "I have never let my façade crack; not once until now. I didn't want anyone to see me that way. So... broken."

"Then… why did you let me see you that way?"

She gave me a sad smile. "You understand."