We're a legend
Arthur closed the book and put it down on the desk. He smiled to himself. Merlin was right, Geoffrey really had messed up impossibly in describing their story. He had clearly confused Merlin with Gaius. Or did he do it deliberately? It's hard to say what was actually going through his mind. He was a man of above-average intelligence, with a strong literary bent and, in addition, a considerable imagination. He probably got carried away his imagination after a few glasses, sipped alone among the dusty books.
He got carried away to such an extent that at times Arthur felt as if he were reading the story of someone else entirely. Actually, it was the story of someone else entirely, only loosely based on their fate. Some elements of it even frightened him, but he didn't have the strength to dwell on that now. He'd ask Merlin later. Perhaps over dinner, provided he was in a good mood, or tomorrow? Asking a hundred important questions a minute wasn't the best idea. Somewhat against his nature, he tried to limit himself to two or three a day and calmly process the information he received.
He got up, took Merlin's fleece sweatshirt from the chair and walked out across the terrace into the garden. He spent the whole afternoon reading, which he discovered with no small amount of amazement.
It was a cool September evening. The setting sun was shining through a thin layer of clouds. There was a smell of smoke and dampness in the air. Arthur noted that, despite the passage of an unimaginable amount of time for him, this hadn't changed. Autumn in Camelot smelled quite similar.
He spotted Merlin among the raspberries. He picked them fiercely for perhaps a second hour. Three large containers already stood on the garden table, filled to the brim with the sweet, red fruit. Merlin plunged his hands into the prickly branches, completely unconcerned about the thorns leaving tiny wounds on his skin. Apparently the cold didn't bother him either, because he was wearing only a short-sleeved shirt and trousers, admittedly long, but made of thin material. He looked like... Well, like Merlin; tall, skinny, dark-haired, with those his funny ears. It was strange to know that here you had before you a man who had spent a dozen centuries in this world, watching from the sidelines the passing of great kingdoms, notable rulers, ordinary people. But it became even stranger when the realisation came that this powerful man had served him faithfully for years, humbly enduring his bad moods and not even hoping for recognition, and then waited incredibly long for him. This waiting left a terrible mark on him, as Arthur became convinced every day.
Occasionally he would find him in strange places in the middle of the night, or early in the morning, usually semi-conscious, shaken and sanctimoniously convinced that the events of the past weeks had been a dream. The first time Arthur almost panicked because whatever he said didn't help. Merlin had put it into his head that it was a further part of the dream, a cruel product of his brain. It took him several hours to calm him down.
Arthur was in a far better position. In Avalon, he found himself outside of time; he didn't feel its passage. It could have been a moment, or an eternity.
„What's up"? Merlin spoke up. He was perfectly aware of his presence, though he didn't turn away for a moment.
"Why don't you do it… your own way"? Artur asked.
"It doesn't make any sense. How do you imagine picking raspberries with magic?"
"I can't imagine, but you'd do it. Wouldn't you"?
"I suppose yes". Merlin vigorously shook an army of red ants off his forearm.
"So"? Didn't give up Arthur.
"The neighbours rather wouldn't be happy if they saw raspberries falling into the container themselves".
„Magic is still forbidden"?
Merlin finally looked at him.
„No", he replied after some thought. "It is practically non-existent. I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that I'm currently the only person in this world with some abilities".
"Some abilities", Arthur snorted. He remembered well Gaius's words about Merlin probably being the greatest sorcerer the earth had borne. At this point, he had changed the word 'sorcerer' to idiot for his own use, because he really couldn't understand why the hell he was wasting his time and crippling his hands when he could get things done in seconds.
„Merlin", he said, stepping closer. "You were, are and most likely always will be a riddle".
"I thought you were going to say an idiot", muttered Merlin.
"Did I disappoint you"?
"I didn't say that". He brushed a strand of hair off his forehead. "Do you want to know why I don't use magic for everything"? Arthur nodded. "Gaius kept telling me that the seemingly simplest solutions aren't necessarily the best. That's how it is with magic. I didn't understand it when I arrived in Camelot. Over time I have... learned and tried not to use it for myself. Only for you, Arthur. For Camelot".
"Don't explain yourself. I don't want you to explain yourself. You did what you had to do".
A grasshopper called out on a nearby apple tree, apparently not caring about the cold weather. Somewhere in the distance a large dog was barking lazily.
"I have made many mistakes. Terrible mistakes. When I wanted to do well, it usually ended badly. On the other hand, I don't know if, had I done things differently in some cases, it wouldn't have ended even worse. I often think of Morgana, of Mordred... Maybe it was me, not them, that led to what happened? I've analysed it all a thousand times, but I still don't know what could have been avoided and what had to happen. This isn't how it was all supposed to happen. Forgive me if you can". Tears glazed in his eyes. Arthur looked at him, unsure whether he should allow him to deliver another litany of accusations against himself. "Even that last trip of ours to Avalon", Merlin continued. "I've only proved to myself that I'm a complete fool. After all, I could have summoned a dragon. I didn't do it... out of habit, because I didn't do it in front of you and it didn't even occur to me... Oh, it was as if my brain had evaporated"!
"You were in a state of severe nervous breakdown". Artur began carefully. "Towards the end you were already... yhm... on the verge of hysteria. I don't blame you at all, because I didn't facilitate anything". Merlin looked at him in amazement.
"Is that how it looked"? He asked with embarrassment.
"A bit. But I really understand".
- I hadn't thought about it. I didn't think to summon the dragon". He turned his head abruptly so that Arthur couldn't see his face. He set the raspberry container down on the ground and stared ahead. "It only dawned on me when it was too late".
"Merlin, you yourself just said something about the simplest solutions".
"But in this case…"
"You don't know that", Arthur interrupted him impatiently. "I needed to come this way with you. We both did". Merlin sighed heavily.
"I wonder, if I hadn't interfered…"
"Stop it at last"! Arthur was slowly starting to get on his nerves. "Shut up and listen to me, because I don't usually say things like that. And I'm not going to say it again. You helped me build a kingdom, if I'm not mistaken, one of the greatest in history. Others have failed, and you've always been by my side. Always. Even when you left before Camlan, though I didn't understand at the time. And we all make the wrong decisions. It's hard to avoid that if we're alive. Merlin fixed an emotional gaze on him. They stood in silence for a moment. "Get dressed, or you'll get sick", Arthur finally threw in, handing him a sweatshirt.
-"I'm beginning to fear that it wasn't Arthur Pendragon who left Avalon after all", muttered Merlin. "Normally you wouldn't care".
"If you think so". Arthur tilted his head slightly and smiled provocatively, hoping the wizard would respond with the same. He would never admit it in his life, but he longed to finally see the smile he had once called sily.
"No worries. I'll be fine".
"Yeah? In the past, you used to go with a cold after every second hunt".
"Things have changed. There was a time when I wanted to... never mind. Anyway, I don't get sick, poisons don't affect me, I haven't even managed to get under a truck successfully".
"What haven't you managed to do"? Arthur asked, making no effort to hide how moved he was by what he had just heard.
"To get under a truck. It's the kind of vehicle for carrying a lot of stuff. Believe me, sometimes I really didn't have the strength for another day. I just wanted to get it over with. I wasn't at home anywhere. I was moving from place to place. I often had to change so as not to arouse suspicion". He laughed unhappily. "Sometimes... I would like to become a tree". He pointed with his hand to a leaning, twisted apple tree. "To die like a tree, to fall in some storm and never raise again. To have no chance to raise".
"You have to be you to come up with something like that", replied Arthur. He stood next to him and put his arm around him. He encapsulated everything he wasn't used to saying in that gesture. Merlin seemed unusually fragile to him. He couldn't shake the feeling that a stronger gust of wind might blow him away. If he had not seen it with his own eyes, he wouldn't have believed in his power.
„Finally, you will rest too", he declared in a confident tone, not quite sure where this conviction actually came from. Strangely enough, Merlin visibly relaxed, as if the words of the old king themselves were a guarantee that this would indeed be the case. "Can't you guess why I've come back just now"? Arthur asked after a while.
"No. I don't know it yet. But it must be something great. After all... you're a legend".
„We're a legend", Artur corrected him. They both laughed, heartily and sincerely, as before.
"The legend of the royal ass, and his fool servant", snorted Merlin. "I'm really not surprised people wrote it their way".
„Hey"! cried Arthur, poking him slightly in the side. „You wait".
"Ok, of the his pratishness king Arthur. Is it better"?
„No". Now, according to tradition, he should slam him on the head, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Somehow it doesn't seem right to hit a living legend, even if that living legend happens to be one of the people closest to you, almost a part of you.
"About the royal, conceited asshole"?
Merlin took the container of raspberries and went back to picking.
"Don't slide yourself".
Arthur started to help him, although half of what he gathered didn't land in the container.
And the next day Merlin was forced to admit that he had caught a cold.
This is one of my oldest fanfics, written five or six years ago. I imagined it, as indeed most things I write, as a film scene, just while picking raspberries. :)