Chapter 15: She had moved on

One month had passed. It had been one month since I started avoiding her. I had no right to see her. Especially after what I had almost done. I'd almost taken advantage of her and broken my word to Sesshomaru. I dragged my hand across my face. How could I be so stupid? I had ruined everything. She would leave her apartment and I would wait at least thirty minutes before leaving, just so I would not run into her. I felt so pathetic listening in on her like this. I had three minutes left before I could leave. I sat up, got out of bed, and grabbed my keys. I needed to get out of the house for a while. It wasn't healthy to stay locked up like this.

The best I could do was sit in a park. It wasn't as if I had any other friends to spend my time with. It was the park by that cafe where I had found Kagome all of those years ago. I wondered how she was doing. I sighed, leaning back onto the bench; soaking up the sun. I missed when things were simpler. Times when I could literally just run from my problems if I didn't want to deal with them; but were we in modern times and things were different. I couldn't run from this problem because it lived right down the hall from me. All I could do was hide like some coward.

"Kouga, is that you?"

I sat up looking around.

"Ginta?!"

I got up giving him a brotherly hug. He patted me on the back before pulling away.

I smiled. "I haven't seen you in centuries man. How have you been? How's Hakkaku?"

"It's been too long. Life has been kind to me, and I can't complain. He lives in Okinawa now with his wife and kids. What about you? Where have you been? You disappeared all those years ago without a word. We were all worried about you."

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I was on a path for revenge back then, but that's over and done with now. I live in the area, but I was just taking a breather."

He smiled. "That's good to hear. Say, you got time for a beer?"

"For you? Of course."

I took a gulp of my beer. "So, no wife or kids?"

He shook his head. "I've got an old lady, but no kids. At least not yet. What about you? Still chasing after Kagome?"

I chuckled. "No. She is married with a family now. So no I'm not chasing after Kagome anymore."

He nodded. "Then who?"

"What do you mean?"

"You said that you aren't chasing after Kagome anymore. Not that you weren't chasing anyone at all. So, then who?"

"I wouldn't call it chasing. I mean we're just friends."

He gave me a look. "Friends you say."

I nodded.

"Is that why you look all sad when you talk about this woman?"

"It's just that we aren't really speaking right now."

"And how do you feel about that?"

I gulped down some more beer. "Honestly. Like shit."

He grinned at me. "You don't say. Why do you feel like that?"

"Obviously I miss her Ginta."

"No shit. Why do you miss her, don't give me some bullshit excuse about friendship? So, why do you miss her Kouga? Or, what do you miss about her?"

I sighed. "I miss… the sound of her voice. I miss how funny she is. She has a really funny sense of humor. If you didn't pay attention enough you'd think she was picking on you. She likes to put on this brave front, but she actually a big softy. She's very kind even though she doesn't like to show it, or even let people close enough to see how great she is. I miss the way that she gets me… she lets me in and in return, I do the same. I don't know man, we just fit together that's all."

I looked up at him. He had a surprised look on his face. "So, when did you realize that you had feelings for her."

I shook my head. "No, I think you've misunderstood. We're just friends."

He finished the last of his beer. "Friends don't talk about friends the way you just did. You should have seen your face when you were talking about her."

"I do not have feelings for her."

"You don't have feelings for her or you don't want to admit it?"

"I can't."

"Well, why the hell not? What's stopping you?"

"I told her son I wouldn't cross that line."

He palmed his forehead. "Not to sound like an ass, but who cares about what some snot-nosed kid wants?"

"No. You don't understand. Her son is my best friend, my brother. He's married to Kagome and now you're telling me that I have feelings for his mother? She and he are taking time away from me because I had trouble letting go. I am not using his mother as a rebound, especially after I was hung up on his wife for so long."

"So… you're telling me. You had feelings for his wife while they were together. You made him a promise that you wouldn't put the moves on his mother, because he saw this coming from a mile away. Now, you're moving on, but onto his mother which was the last thing he would want."

"Yes, and I gave him my word. So, do you now see my dilemma?"

"Shit man."

"Exactly."

"Okay, which means more to you? Would you rather lose her forever, or have your friend be mad at you for a while?"

I said nothing.

He shrugged. "The decision is you, but I know that you know what the right decision is."

Shit, he was right.

I stood by her door. I had already been waiting for her to come back for three hours now. I looked over the flowers in my hands. They would start to wilt soon if they weren't put in some water. I adjusted the card in the bouquet. I had gotten her a bouquet of peonies. They symbolized healing and care... a fresh start and I hope we could have one after I explained myself. If she even gave me the chance to. My heart was pounding. It would be the first time I would have seen her in an entire month. I was nervous. I'd practiced my speech over and over. I just hoped that she would forgive me. The elevator dinged, and the doors opened. That's when I saw her, I smiled. Until I saw him right behind her. My shoulders sank… and my smile faded. She no longer needed me. She had moved on.