((Okay, getting from Saint Petersburg to Hasetsu (or its real-world counterpart Karatsu) would be a hassle. And yes, the time for this last train is accurate as well as how long the whole thing would take, optimistically. Poor Viktor.))

4. Voices of Old Despondency

When Viktor reached Hasetsu station, he'd been travelling for pretty much twenty-four hours straight and he felt ready to fall asleep where he stood. He'd run after the last train at 11:09 pm and regretted it severely. His head and his upper body hurt almost as badly as the day he'd woken up in hospital, and lying down on a bench in the train station felt like a really good idea. If he didn't know for a fact that Mari would be up for at least another two hours, he might have done just that. At the last stop, a fellow passenger had woken him up, doing a horrible job at hiding the pity in her eyes. She'd even asked if he needed help and smiled when he explained in Japanese that he was fine, just very tired because of his long trip from Russia. She had bowed out of the conversation when it was clear he wasn't going to fall over and die. He wasn't surprised. He'd caught a glimpse of his reflection in a window. He looked like a walking corpse.

How he made it from the station to Yu-topia, he had no idea, but when he knocked the door and for a few seconds there was no answer, he had to fight the impulse to walk straight back. He was a mess and not fit for seeing anyone.

Before the temptation became too strong, the door opened by a sliver, revealing the young woman he'd expected to be awake. Mari took him in with badly veiled shock. 'Goodness, are you even still alive? How did you get here?'

'By plane,' Viktor said simply, deciding to ignore the first question.

'Really? By the looks of you, I'd have thought you tried to ride a Siberian tiger.'

'I feel like that, too, so if I could come in and collapse in a corner, that would be really wonderful.'

'I very much want to say no, but I'll be nice. So it depends.' Mari folded her arms and glared at him. 'If you came to give poor Yuuri more grief, you can go right back. Inside the tiger, for all I care.'

'I hear you, Mari.' Viktor rubbed a hand over his face. 'I never … I don't know why Yuuri thinks I want him to … I'd never say anything like that. I have no idea how …'

'Oh, shut up. I know he's an idiot. I told Minako that, too. You're an amazing guy, Yuuri just got something really wrong.' Her stance relaxed a little but she didn't seem to want to let him in just yet. 'You're not here to dump him?'

'No. I'm here to convince him that he's the brightest light in my life and that …' His voice broke and he looked away. 'I love him, Mari. So much. I need him to know that. If he wants me to leave despite that, I will.'

'Yeah, I wouldn't worry about that.' She stepped aside and Viktor entered gratefully. 'So, I assume he just ran away, taking full responsibility for something that totally wasn't his fault, then? That's what I figured, but he never said what happened between you except that you wanted him to die. Oh, don't start, we figured that's bull. But all we really knew was that he was miserable and heartbroken.' The woman gave him another critical once-over. 'You can go straight to him, if you want. Or have a shower first, you look like you were eaten and spat out again.'

'Don't you have a spare couch or something? Or a spot on the floor? I don't want to wake him up.'

'He's awake. Least he was about ten minutes ago. Come on, Viktor. Get yourself presentable and then scrape my brother and yourself off the floor. You're both as pathetic as wet kittens and it's getting old.'

Ϡ

Hair dripping and wearing a clean robe, Viktor stood at the door to Yuuri's room. He'd never hesitated just going in before. Granted, he'd been working on a false assumption when he'd first been here, believing that Yuuri remembered the way he'd acted around him, but he hadn't actually known him, then.

Now though …

On his trip, Viktor's mind had gone through an array of increasingly unlikely scenarios about what his welcome would be – ranging from Yuuri flying into his arms with a bright smile to him pummelling him until he fled back to Russia. He knew it would be neither.

Steeling himself, Viktor rapped the door.

'Go away, Mari, I'm trying to sleep here.'

The voice Viktor loved so much settled somewhere in his chest and some of the tension left him. It would be all right. Maybe no at once, but it would be all right. They loved each other. They'd figure out the rest. Feeling more confident about what he was doing for the first time, Viktor slipped inside. Yuuri wasn't looking at the door and grumbled something in his dialect that he didn't catch. He'd learned a lot, but muttering into a pillow hadn't been on the curriculum. 'Yuuri,' he said simply.

Yuuri didn't come running. He turned to face him, however, looking at him as if he wondered if he'd gone mad. Under the intense look, Viktor felt his cheeks go hot and anything he wanted to say fled his tired mind.

After Yuuri had taken him in, his eyes resting on the splint on his arm for a long time, he got out of bed in his briefs, walking towards him. He stopped out of Viktor's reach. Knowing that it was intentional stung. 'Did you come to ask for my ring back?' the younger man asked, his voice flat.

Viktor blinked. What he wanted to say was that yes, of course, he'd come all the way for that because even though he hadn't actually bought the rings, he felt entitled to Yuuri's. What came out of his mouth was, 'Yuuri, please don't hurt me. I'm so exhausted,' in a pitiful, broken whisper that made him flush even worse. Damn it. He'd wanted to seem strong and composed.

The shift in Yuuri couldn't have been more abrupt if he had shouted. The sweet man's eyes warmed visibly and he closed the distance between them, pulling Viktor into an infinitely tender embrace. One hand came to rest on the back of his head, fingers curling in his hair, and the last strength bled out of Viktor when he heard a small, suppressed sniff. He wondered if he'd have fallen if he hadn't clung to Yuuri as if he were a life buoy. He felt himself steered to the bed and sat down. 'Then let's go to sleep, Viten'ka,' Yuuri said softly. 'I have so much I need to say to you, but not tonight.'

'Just … you're not going to comfort me tonight and break up with me tomorrow, are you? I don't think I could handle that.'

Yuuri's lip trembled. 'Never. I'm so glad you came. Not sure if I deserve it, but really, really happy.'

Curling up into a ball in Yuuri's arms, Viktor fought back all the pain he'd been carrying since he'd last seen him. He buried his face in Yuuri's chest, inhaling his familiar scent, and feeling his strong arms come around him to hold him close, he fell asleep almost at once.

Ϡ

Yuuri woke up to warm breaths caressing his bare chest. He kept his eyes closed, reinforcing that he wasn't losing it, that the impossible had happened and Viktor had shown up last night out of nowhere. It would be all right. If Viktor didn't intend to stick with him, he wouldn't have come, wouldn't be right here with him. 'My Viktor, I love you so much,' he breathed into his hair, inhaling him. The arm that had been thrown around him tightened slightly before the Russian shifted. The blue eyes found him, tired and vulnerable. Yuuri swallowed. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.'

'I was awake for a couple of minutes. Yuuri, we really need to talk. I was very worried about you.'

Letting his eyes slide close again, Yuuri nodded. 'Hey, did you bring Makkachin?' Viktor gave no answer, but in the way his breath caught and his body tensed, he knew. He wanted to hold him firmly, but he wasn't sure how injured Viktor was, so instead, he just kissed the top of his head. 'I'm so sorry, my love. I left you all alone when you were having the worst possible time. I let you down so badly.'

Viktor never let go of him while he struggled to get himself in check. He wasn't mad at him, Yuuri would know that. He should have been, though. He held the slender man gently, running his hand over his side, waiting for him to ground himself.

Yuuri knew every inch of Viktor's body, how he looked, how he felt under his fingers. 'Viktor have you eaten … well, anything really, since … ah.' Since he'd abandoned him. He couldn't say the words.

Viktor looked back up at him, eyes bright. 'Yes. I have. But not enough.'

Yuuri carded his hand through his hair, smoothing it back gently. 'You need to take care of yourself. It's not like there is a lot of you to start with.'

'I didn't feel like eating.'

When he sat up, Yuuri followed, almost as if glued to him, his hands never entirely leaving the other man.

He noticed that, of course. 'Worried I'll vanish if you don't touch me?'

'No. That would be ridiculous.' Yuuri forced himself to pull away a little to reinforce his point, drawing a soft chuckle from his fiancé. But the underlying sadness never left him. It wouldn't fully for quite some time, he knew that much. 'Hey, how about I get you some breakfast and then we take a walk. There's so much that needs saying and I need to move to do it.' He saw the dismay that Viktor tried to suppress and cupped his face. 'Viktor, losing you is about the last thing in the world that I want. But I hurt you and I realise that we need to figure out how to move on from that. That you just thought … Well, it proves that I'm right.'

Viktor nodded slowly. He leaned close and let his lips brush over Yuuri's. When the younger man returned the kiss with an almost inaudible sigh, he melted, his healthy hand grabbing Yuuri's while he kissed him gently but thoroughly. 'That was helpful,' he said, his accent heavy. 'Food first. Talk later. But I do feel better knowing that the best thing in my life isn't running through my fingers like water.'

Yuuri felt his face go warm. 'Please don't ever think that again.' He slipped out of bed and smiled sheepishly. 'Don't go anywhere. I'm fetching breakfast. You can face the rest of the family when you've been fed.'