Kotone: Astrology is fun because i can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Gemini and not symptoms of mental illness.
Oliviarose: Being a Gemini is a mental illness. That's not hate it's just a fact.
--
At a dinner party, the guests converse while the host is away*
Kotone: So how do you know the host?
Antonio: They were a former vegan, and they bought milk.
Marvin: That BITCH!
Jack: I pulled them over for money laundering.
Sebastian: I'm chaperoning their dinner party.
Oliviarose: They stole a baconator!
Marvin: That BITCH!
Kotone: I tanked the store they were managing and they convinced me to quit from one of the only jobs I've ever had. Now I'm living off of unemployment checks and fear!
--
Oliviarose, rubbing her temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.
Jack: But Oliviarose, we don't smoke.
Oliviarose: Cut the crap, Jack. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.
Oliviarose: *points at Marvin* One! *points at Kotone* Two! *points at Sebastian* Three! *points at Antonio* Four! *points at Jack* Five!
Oliviarose: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers!
Antonio: *puts a cigarrette in Oliviarose's hand*
Oliviarose: Thank you. ...Light?
The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*
--
Sebastian: *dies*
Antonio: Timer starts now! When is he coming back? I say two months!
Oliviarose: Bullshit. One month.
Kotone: Nah, half a month.
Marvin, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Sebastian JUST DIED!
Jack, scratching chin in thought: One week.
--
Antonio: Dumbest scar stories, go!
Marvin: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.
Oliviarose: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.
Kotone: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.
Sebastian: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn.
Jack: I have emotional scars.
--
Jack: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.
Oliviarose:
Antonio:
Marvin:
Kotone:
Sebastian: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.
--
Oliviarose: We have a problem.
Marvin: Let me guess, you caused it?
Sebastian: Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet.
Antonio: And it's another Tuesday, your point?
Jack: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then shut up.
Kotone: If you're mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.
--
Oliviarose: So, did everyone learn their lesson?
Kotone: No.
Marvin: I did not.
Sebastian: I may have actually forgotten one.
Jack: Also no.
Oliviarose: Oh good, neither did I.
Antonio: *Exhausted sigh*
--
Sebastian: Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Oliviarose: Okay, but what is updog?
Marvin: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Antonio: No, that's a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Jack: No, that's an update. You're thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Kotone: Surely, that's Uppsala, where's updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Sebastian: That's Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Antonio: You're thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Marvin: No, that's an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Oliviarose: What's a henway??
Sebastian: Oh, about five pounds.
--
Oliviarose: Croissants: dropped
Kotone: Road: works ahead
Antonio: BBQ sauce: on my titties
Marvin: Shavacado: fre
Sebastian: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead
Jack:
Jack: ...I didn't understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
--
Marvin: A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they're loved. Jack has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for him.
Antonio: By forcing him to have fun at a party that he doesn't want to be at?
Marvin: I knew you'd understand.
--
Kotone, Entering Sebastian's room: Oliviarose did it again.
Sebastian: Peace disturbance?
Kotone: What no-
Sebastian: Arson..?
Kotone: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-
Sebastian: uh...Attempted murder?
Kotone: NO, SHE ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-
--
Antonio: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life.
Sebastian: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back...
Kotone: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.
Jack: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years.
Oliviarose: I knew I lost that potential somewhere.
Marvin: Mental stability, my old friend!
Antonio: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?
--
Jack, walking into his house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Kotone: Hey.
Oliviarose: Hi.
Sebastian: Hello.
Marvin: Hey!
Jack: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Antonio: We were out of Doritos.
--
Jack: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?
Marvin: *crouches down*
Oliviarose: *kneels down*
Kotone: *sits on the floor*
Jack:
Jack: I hate all of you.
--
Antonio: If you got arrested what would be the charges?
Marvin: Theft.
Jack: Disturbing the peace.
Sebastian: Aggravated assault.
Kotone: Arson.
Oliviarose: All of the above. In that order, probably.