Soon We'll Be Found
Summary: After another fight, Jade threatens to break up with Tori. Tori, although exhausted, isn't willing to give up on them so quickly.
Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or any of its plots and characters. This is simply for entertainment purposes. All rights belong to Nickelodeon. I do not own the song Soon We'll Be Found. All rights belong to Sia.
Come along, it is the break of day
Surely now you have some things to say
It's not the time
For telling tales on me
Tori sighs as Jade begins to walk away. "Jade, come on! Let's just talk about this!"
"Go to Hell, Vega!" the goth snaps back. Tori decides to leave it alone, heading over to the typical lunch table.
"What's going on?" Cat inquires.
"Jade spotted me talking to this boy named Dylan. He's cute and a lot of people know that he likes me. She told him to back off and I told her to leave him alone. She didn't take too kindly to that and.."
"Did she threaten to break up with you?" Beck seems to know the answer before he even asked.
"Yep," Tori replies with a sigh.
"This is the third time she's threatened breaking up with you," Andre comments.
"I'm aware. It's exhausting but… Luckily, she's never gone through with it. She is… very insecure. More than I ever would have thought."
"She seems to be better with you, though. She isn't as angry and she doesn't lash out. She seems happier." Beck gives Tori a smile. "You're doing wonders for her. That's why she's more nervous about losing you… She gave you an actual birthday present, right?"
Tori nods, a smile forming. "A little music note necklace. I'm giving her a specially designed dress for her birthday. I think she'll like it. But… I'm not even sure what I should do. I don't want to beg for her not to leave me but… I really do love her and breaking up with her is the last thing I want."
"Let me give you some advice," Beck now says.
xxxXxxx
Tori lays in bed that night, staring at her phone before texting Beck. You sure this will work? What if it just makes her angrier?
Did he agree to meet up?
Yeah but he thinks it's a date. This feels wrong.
Relax. Just wait until she heads inside and decline any advances that he makes on you. Just make sure that you're there when you see Jade enter so he's walking over to you and it doesn't look like you're the one expecting him.
But if I'm sitting there and she sees him walk over to me, that'll look like I'm waiting for him.
Wave her over and act surprised when he walks over.
What if he shows her the texts? There are so many things that can go wrong. I don't think this is a good idea.
Tori, it'll be fine. If shit hits the fan, you can blame me. All you're trying to do is to prove your faithfulness.
I'm going to have to decline this plan, Beck. I'm sorry. I don't want to risk her getting more upset. I'm sure you understand.
I do. Good luck, Tori. She seems far more flexible and even understanding to you than she ever was with me. Good night. Sleep well.
Thanks, Beck. I appreciate you trying.
Of course.
Tori sighs before deciding to text Jade. Jade, can we talk? She's surprised to see her instantly read it.
Talk.
What are you so worried about? Have I not proven myself? I mean, doesn't literal years of attempting to just be your friend prove anything?
He has a thing for you.
What does that have to do with anything?
Come on. Every girl in school says that he's a catch and a lot of people think that you two would be cuter together.
Jade, if I listened to what others said, I wouldn't be with you. I would have given up being your friend long ago.
So come along, it won't be long
'Til we return happy
Shut your eyes, there are no lies
In this world we call sleep
Let's desert this day of hurt
Tomorrow we'll be free
Whatever.
No Jade. Not whatever. Why can't you understand why you don't believe me. Why you didn't believe Beck either. He never cheated on you. All he did was love you. I don't understand! Why can't you just be honest with him? Why can't you be honest with me?! Why don't you trust me?!
Tori watches as the three dots appear and her stomach seems to twist up more and more. She cringes after ten minutes pass and a large paragraph is sent. She takes a deep breath before she begins to read it.
It's not that I don't trust you. It's that I don't trust others. Beck had women after him left and right and he never pushed them away, so naturally, I got worried. Look, Tori. You're so sweet and kind that it's almost sickening and that was one of the main reasons I fucking hated and loved about you for the longest time. And I don't even know when I fell for you. I just did and it was too late when I realized it. But that's the problem. I'm not good enough for you so I started to treat you like shit even more in hopes that you'd leave and not waste your time with me like the idiot you are. But the fear of you leaving now is worse than Beck dating someone whilst I was with him.
Fuck, Tori, I'm not actively trying to be scared or assume that you'll cheat on me but I'm scared. Stupidly scared because what if one day you look back at all the shit I did to you and think it isn't worth it? That you deserve better? Because you do. I can't tell you how sorry I am because it's impossible. I love you, Vega. More than you know but I keep beating myself over things I've done to you and you don't even know how I really am when I get very jealous. Like, really really jealous. I've hospitalized people before, Tori.
What I'm saying is that I don't have limits. You should know this. If I have to kill someone to ensure that you're still mine, then so be it.
The text ends there and Tori can't help but stare at the last sentence, reading it over and over again, as if refusing to believe that her girlfriend just admitted to the fact that she would readily kill someone to ensure that Tori stays hers. I… Didn't realize you were that possessive.
I wouldn't do it for Beck, Jade responds truthfully. Strangely enough, I believe you're the only one I'm willing to literally kill for. I have this strange need to protect you at all costs and I mean, all costs.
It's silent and the singer simply doesn't know how to respond nor feel about Jade openly stating all this, quite suddenly too. She didn't expect for her to tell her all this but rather get defensive like she used to with Beck.
Well, there you have it, Vega. Everything and more that you can need to break up with me.
If I do, will you hurt me? Tori tests the waters now. It's about five minutes before the goth responds.
No. I don't think I could hurt you. Never again
Wait, what?
You read what I said.
You won't… At all?
I can't bring myself to hurt you, Vega. Not after loving you for this long. I told you why because. I… don't think I'd be capable of watching you get hurt, especially because of me. So just tell me already. Are we done? Is this it?
No. Tori responds now.
No?
No. I'm not breaking up with you. You've been very honest with me so it's only fair that I am with you. I think that… it's surprising, to say the least but for a couple of different reasons. I honestly never thought that you, weirdly, care that much about me. It's a.. strange feeling. I'm truthfully unsure if it's good or bad because I don't know how to feel about, well…
It's been rough, but we'll be just fine
Work it out, yeah we'll survive
We mustn't let
A few bad times dictate
So… You're.. fine with this?
Yes and no. Jade, there's a lot we have to do if we want this relationship to work. We have to be open and honest with each other and… please don't get mad at me… Do you think you'd be willing to… go to a therapist? Tori sucks in a deep breath, waiting for a reaction, either an explosion or maybe something less… awful.
A… therapist?
Yes. If you want, I can go with you to the sessions.
I don't know. Why do you think I need therapy?
…
Well?
I think I'll head to bed.
Vega! You can't just say something like that and then head to bed! Why do you think I need therapy?!
Jade, this isn't something to be texting about. How about we meet up before school starts tomorrow and we'll talk about it then? Please?
Fine. Goodnight.
Love you.
Tori waits for a response, sighing when she doesn't get anything before laying down, part of her wanting to sleep with Jade again. The last couple of nights have been lonely for the both of them but Tori doesn't want to appear clingy and Jade… She doesn't want to not be Jade.
"So…." Tori walks over to the goth when she finally gets to school. "We have about twenty minutes. Do you-?"
"I'm not going to therapy, Vega. My dad has told me to go for years but it's just a waste of time and money. They try to 'fix' you and if you think you're just insane, you're sent away!"
"No. That's not what happens, Jade. Not at all."
"Yeah, like you'd fucking know," she mumbles as she heads inside. Tori stops her, grabbing her arm now. She pulls her into the janitor's closet, truly not wanting anyone else to hear or see what she's going to do next.
"I do know," Tori states. "Jade. I know. I dealt with depression for years. I've been going to therapy for literal years. I'm still going! And if it weren't for my therapist, I'd be hanging from the ceiling by a rope." She digs through her backpack, taking out a pencil case filled with razor blades of all varying sizes. "All of these had my blood on them at least once. All of them are sharp, still. My parents found at least ten. I had way more than this. I used a knife one time and sliced down the length of my arm like I was fileting a fucking fish. Look!" She rolls up her sleeve and wipes away some makeup that reveals a scar noticeable against her skin ton. "Look, Jade!" she repeats when her girlfriend refuses to.
"… But why? You seem to be living well off," Jade whispers.
"You know who I have as a sister though," Tori answers. "She is… Worse than you think. She's exhausting and draining but she's not the only reason. I have an awful taste in… men I trust and it's left me scarred in more ways than one… Way more ways than one. I've been humiliated and… fuck, Jade, this isn't the point and you know it! I've been doing therapy. That's the point I'm getting at and it's done wonders for me. I've stopped cutting. I've stopped abusing sleep medicine. You don't have to go alone. I'm gonna be here for you."
"Tori… I… I don't want to."
"Why not?"
"Why does it matter to you?"
"Because I love you! I started therapy young! I was scared and I had no one to support me! You'll have me sitting right besides you for moral and emotional support! I know it's scary. I fucking know but if it comes down to it, I'll drag you to therapy myself! You push away everything and everyone who cares about you and who genuinely wants what's best for you. We love you, even if you don't see it. Jade. Please. Trust me."
Jade stares at her in silence before shaking her head. "They'll put me on meds. They'll experiment on me. They'll force me to say shit that I don't want to. I'm not going and that's final. Now fuck off and leave me alone."
"If you're not willing to work with me, then why should I work with you?" she demands. "This is a two way street, Jade. Beck might have put up with your crap but I won't."
Jade was just about to grab the door handle to leave but she stops, dropping her hand before turning to her. "What are you saying?"
"I will not hesitate to break up with you until you decide to get your shit together. I know this seems manipulative, maybe even abusive, but if you care about me to where you still want to be together, then you'll recognize the fact that I love you enough to sacrifice as much time as possible so that you can heal. I don't want to do this alone. I want to do it together!"
So come along, it won't be long
'Til we return happy
Shut your eyes, there are no lies
In this world we call sleep
Let's desert this day of hurt
Tomorrow we'll be free
"You're threatening me."
"I am," Tori agrees, crossing her arms over her chest. Jade stares at her before scoffing.
"Fine, then I guess we're done," Jade whispers.
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine."
"FINE!" They both finally say at the same time, turning and leaving the janitor's closet, walking in opposite directions. Tori stops, groaning when she realizes that she has to go the same way that Jade did, remembering that their first class is with Sikowitz.
"God fucking damn it," she mumbles to herself before lingering behind a bit. After ten minutes, she enters the class, Sikowitz looking up for he was in the middle of talking.
"You're late," he informs her.
"Yeah," she sighs in return, huffing as she sits down next to Andre. "Jade and I are… at odds."
"Again?" Robbie asks.
"Yeah."
"Shut up," Jade snaps at the both of them. "This isn't your fucking business," she snarls at Robbie.
"Hey, hey, hey! Calm down! What's the matter this time?" Sikowitz demands as he sits down on the stage.
"Tori and Jade are fighting again," Beck responds.
"Again? This has to be a new record." Sikowitz sighs as he stands, clapping once. "Alright. Jade. Tori. Up here. Let's go."
Tori seems hesitant as she stands, looking over at the goth who looks more annoyed than anything else. "Are you sure? What are we doing?"
"Alphabet improv." He sits down, taking Jade's seat. "Someone give me a prompt or scene for them."
"Uh… Making up after a fight," Andre gives. Jade rolls her eyes, looking as though she's about to go after Andre but she relents, knowing well it isn't going to change anything.
"Fine… I'll go first," she mumbles, leaning against the whiteboard. "Anything else that you're mad about?"
"By your expression, I don't think you care," Tori responds.
"Care? Of course I care. Why wouldn't I?"
"Don't lie to me."
"Even if I was lying, it wouldn't benefit me in any way."
"Fine. Maybe you do care, but you're certainly not showing it."
"God, as if you'd see the difference."
"How can I see it if you're not trying?"
"I'll go out of the way for you. I'll ensure you're happy. I am trying."
"Just because you say it, doesn't mean you're trying. You won't even go to therapy with me!" She knows it's a personal topic but for now, she's completely forgotten about the small audience watching them.
"Kiss my ass, Vega! Therapy isn't going to do shit!"
"Let's go and you'll see that it will!"
"Maybe if you weren't so dense, you can see that I'm beyond repair!"
"No, you're not, Jade."
"Oh really?"
"Problem?"
Let's not fight, I'm tired, can we just sleep?
Tonight, don't turn away, it's just there's nothing left here to say
Turn around, I know we're lost but
Soon we'll be found
"Quite the problem, yes."
"Say it."
"The fact that you're lying. I'm useless. I'm awful. I… I'm worthless."
"Utterly untrue."
"Vega…"
"Why can't you just try?"
"… Xavier told me not to," Jade says slowly, remembering what they're doing and she can't help but chuckle at that.
"Zealous, aren't you?"
"Always."
"Because you wish to annoy me?"
"'Cause I'm trying to tell you how I fee and you're not accepting that I'm telling the truth?"
"Do you not think that I'm telling the truth too based on what I'm saying?"
"Either you are or you're fucking with me."
"Fucking with you?! You think I am?!" Tori demands, anger beginning to roll through her veins now.
"Guess so," Jade responds, shrugging.
"How is that?! How do you think that?! I've shown you nothing but love and… and!" Tori stops, looking rather hurt now. "… Do you not believe me when I tell you things?"
"It's not that I don't' believe you. It's… It's that I… I have a hard time agreeing with you. It's difficult for me. I- I don't know why but it's just that… No one has gone out of their way to do the things that you do for me. No one also ever has dealt with my bullshit for as long as you have. It's strange for me, Tori… And I… Don't know how to respond."
"Just accept it. Accept me. I love you so much, Jade… I just wish you'd see it and… take it. Take my love because… That's what I think you deserve. And that's all I want to give you. Because I love you."
Jade stares at her in silence before grabbing her face in her hands, staring at her. "Kiss me then, damn it," she whispers before pressing a kiss on her lips.
Tori yelps out of surprise in return, blushing a deep red before kissing her back. She pulls away momentarily, forgetting about the class watching them. She places her forehead on hers, letting out a shaky breath and a few tears. "Love you," she whimpers.
"Maybe a bit too much?"
"No… Now… Will you try? For me?"
"… Okay," Jade relents.
"Promise?"
She nods. "Quiet now. I don't want to discuss personal matters in front of the class," she whispers, a grin breaking out.
"Really? It's a bit late for that."
"Shut up," she mumbles, shrinking back a bit however, Tori playfully shoving her in return. "So, what do we do now?"
"To continue until we reach Z?"
"Umm… I suppose so, yes."
"Vile thought,, though. I think his lesson already worked."
"Well, we owe it to him."
"Xavier needs to give me another word that starts with X."
"You think he's that giving?"
"Zealous, I am, so he better." She smiles and takes Tori's hand before bowing in front of the class, all of them erupting into applause.
Tori turns to Jade. "Any hope for one last kiss?"
"Before I change my mind," Jade teases before kissing her again, rather content.