8. Here Is No Cause to Mourn

Yuuri was fussing. His cheeks were painted in a faint pink hue and his fingers shaking slightly. It was incredibly endearing but Viktor knew better than to say anything. This had led to one of their very few real fights, when he'd started laughing because Yuuri was fretful over nothing. He hadn't meant to laugh at Yuuri, but for the young man it had been devastating to think so. Once he'd managed to convince him that he didn't enjoy seeing him suffer, Viktor had apologized profusely and meant it – the last thing he wanted was to make Yuuri feel bad.

Smiling gently, he took Yuuri by the shoulders and pulled him close. Since he was shot of the splint, he could do this properly again. He still had to exercise his fingers back to full mobility, but he was making good progress and trying to move the joints no longer hurt. 'You're not going to stand trial, you know,' he said softly, running his hands up and down his back until he felt him lean against him. 'No-one's going to eat you. If they try, they'll have to go through me.'

'It's stupid,' Yuuri said with a scowl when Viktor released him. 'You didn't panic when you met my family.'

'Well. Your family is wonderful. And I met them under very different conditions. We weren't a couple.'

'And you're not stupid enough to get anxious because you have to talk to someone. Hell, I wanted this, I should really not get like that. I'm useless.'

'You're not stupid or useless, Yuuri,' Viktor said quietly. 'Meeting strangers is hard for you. It isn't news for me. Please stop demeaning yourself like that.'

'I … I know. I'd got better, but somehow … I don't like myself much when I get like this, so I can't imagine you do. Sometimes I really don't get why you bother with me.'

Over the past months, Viktor had grown confident that he'd wake up next to Yuuri for the rest of his life. His worry that the younger man might one day just decide that he wasn't worth it and run away for good threatened to resurface, but he had to stay calm. 'You murdered your confidence when you left. I'm not sure why, though. I came after you. I'd have thought that's a pretty solid hint that I want you in my life and that some minor snag isn't going to change that.' Viktor swallowed when Yuuri looked away from him, unable to shake off his demons. He kept one hand on Yuuri's waist, knowing the contact would help him resurface. 'I'm trying so hard to hammer that home to you, but I'm clearly doing a lousy job about it.' Hearing the frustration in his own voice despite his attempt to stay composed, Viktor closed his eyes. 'Why can't you see how much I love you, Yuuri? What else can I do to show you, to prove myself? I will, anything.'

Yuuri blinked at him. 'You don't need to prove a thing.' He turned away to stare out of the window, hugging himself. 'You followed me because you love me. I know that. What I don't know is why and I don't think I ever will. Because I don't see what you do when I look at myself. But I was getting better. I will again.'

Viktor really wasn't good at this. Or he hadn't been. Maybe he'd learned a little, had grown with Yuuri because he knew what to do – not just that, every fibre of him wanted to. He stepped close enough to feel the warmth from Yuuri's body and wrapped himself around the shorter man. 'My Yuuri, please look at me.' The young man turned in his arms, his eyes settling on Viktor's, their noses almost touching. He wasn't crying, but he was close. Viktor didn't let go, kept his arms around his shoulders to keep him near. 'There isn't any one reason and if everything I told you the morning after I arrived didn't give you a clue, then I don't know what else would. But maybe an extensive list isn't what you need at all.

'What I can tell you, is that you swooped into my world and rocked it to the core with a few words and a dance. Why you had that effect on me … you'll have to answer that yourself, you're more qualified in that department than I am. And now that I actually know you, I can't imagine being without you. It's too bleak a thought. I need to believe that you'll be there tomorrow like I need to breathe.'

A small smile formed on Yuuri's face. 'Pheromones. That's what had that effect.'

Viktor let himself relax. The knot of pain in Yuuri's soul had started to break. 'Before this conversation turns into the death of all romantic sentiment, I'll ask you something else: Do you want to go or would you rather stay here? I'm absolutely fine with either.'

'Liar, you're really looking forward to this.' His slightly tremulous smile manifested to something much more substantial. 'But … I'll also regret it if we don't go. I … want to. I'll be all right.'

Viktor ran a hand through Yuuri's hair – carefully, he didn't want to muss it up. 'In that case we should really get going. Could you drive? I'm not all that confident with this entire left-hand traffic situation just yet. But if you're too stressed, it's all right.'

'No, no, I'm fine.' He leaned his head onto the tall man's chest. 'You know, Viten'ka, I think you've got this all wrong. I feel totally secure because you're doing such a wonderful job of showing me your love. I can only say all this so openly because you leave me with no doubt about how much I mean to you. I've always felt like I fall short of what I need to be, but before I met you, I couldn't speak about it. So … when I derail like that, please don't worry. I'll be there. I'm not saying things like that to hurt you but because … I know you'll hear it and not walk away. Or think less of me. It doesn't mean I don't trust you, Viktor, or your love for me, or that I don't believe you should stay with me. On the contrary. If I say something like that … If I open my heart to you and let you see where I'm hurting, it's because I trust you that you'll know how to ground me again. All I need from you then is what you just did: Hold me until I find my feet. Just … love me the way you do, Viktor, and I'll be all right.'

Viktor's mouth had opened at that speech and he had to actively remind himself to close it. 'I can so do that,' he said eventually, his voice rough. He nuzzled the top of Yuuri's head. 'Going forwards, I'll be able to handle it better, knowing what is going on with you. Thank you, Yuuri. That really helped a ton.' He extricated himself from the younger man. After a lingering kiss on his lips, he slung an arm around his shoulder, and marched them both out. 'And now we need to leave. We don't want to keep the vultures waiting.'

Ϡ

It was a two-hour drive to Oshima Island and they started early. Yuuri would have borrowed Mari's car, but Viktor had insisted on his. Yuuri felt partly honoured that he let him drive the pink monstrosity of a Cadillac and partly intimidated. That the wheel was on the wrong side didn't help, but he was used to it by now. Mostly. He still wanted to leave early because overtaking others with this setup wasn't something he did much. Or at all. But he was thrilled by the presence of the car. Viktor's decision to have it shipped to Japan had cemented that they were, indeed, staying or the man wouldn't have gone through that hassle.

Since he actually liked driving the Cadillac after the first, anxious five minutes of an outing, Yuuri had opted for the slower of two routes. And somehow on the way, talking to Viktor about who would be at the hotel, who would not, and what to expect, he stopped worrying about it. After one hour on the road, Viktor fell asleep next to him, and Yuuri let him. He felt serene when he finally pulled into a parking space in front of the hotel. He had found the kind of love that he had thought could exist only in dreams. Grinning to himself, he checked that no-one was watching. Content that they were quite alone, he licked over Viktor's cheek before blowing on him.

His companion cracked one eye open. 'And what do you think you're doing? Licking me to mark me as yours?'

Still grinning, Yuuri kissed him. 'Nah. Just waking you. Although you were clearly awake already.' Even though no-one could hear them, Yuuri lowered his voice. 'About staking a claim, I'll say I've licked you sufficiently in a place more appropriate for something like that, don't you think?'

Viktor laughed. 'We can argue about "sufficiently", but let's skip that conversation for later, please, I'd like to look somewhat presentable when I go in there. As for waking me, making the turn onto the parking space like a teenager with too much testosterone did the trick.' He grabbed Yuuri's arm and kissed the back of his hand. 'And now, I'll need just a moment to …' He held the sleeve of his shirt down and pulled up the one of the suit jacket so he could wipe his quite dry cheek on the white cotton to make a point. 'Shall we?'

Yuuri rubbed over Viktor's cheek some more just to make sure it was ruddy from the friction. 'Hold on a second.' He slipped out of the car and hurried around it. With an exaggerated gesture, he opened the door on the left and held it open. 'If you would, Mr Nikiforov,' he said in his best British-butler-imitation.

'Thank you, Katsuki.' Viktor got out, the ghost of a smile playing around his lips. 'Please don't do that in there. They'll get the wrong idea about our relationship. Trust me, they don't know egalitarianism if it kicks them in the crotch. They'll think you're a glorified courtesan and then I'm going to throw a tantrum.'

Hooking his arm into Viktor's, Yuuri started towards the entrance. 'I'm not sure egalitarianism does that kind of thing, you know.'

'Maybe it should. Hey, Yuuri, before we … oh crap.' Viktor had frozen in mid-step as three people stepped out through the entrance. His entire demeanour changed to something stiffer than your average chunk of rock. 'Yuuri, you have seen my sister Anya over the phone. The other two are our cousins Valery and Valeriya.'

Hearing the names of the twins, Yuuri had decided that the parents must have a weird streak to name their children almost identically. Seeing how they looked like night and day, he was even more convinced of that. Valery was very tall, dark hair falling to his shoulders in waves framed a classical face with sharp cheekbones that could cut glass. His sister barely reached up to his shoulders, her entire build stockier. In a physical fight between the two, Yuuri's bet would be on her by a long shot.

Valeriya made a face. 'Call me Lera, please. It gets really confusing really fast otherwise.' Her accent was heavy, much more pronounced than Viktor's.

'And don't call me Valera or it'll defeat the point.' The young man smiled and offered the butchered hint of a bow.

'I'm really glad you came,' Anya told them. She made a beeline for Yuuri and hugged him. 'I've wanted to do that from the moment I saw you. Thank you for being there for Viktor.' At a loss for something to say, Yuuri stammered something incomprehensible. Viktor's chuckle told him all he needed to know about his expression and he wanted to crawl into a hole.

Anya was oblivious and flung herself at Viktor, kissing both of his cheeks. 'Vitya, I'm so happy.'

For a moment, he remained still as a statue, then he crushed her to his chest and beamed. 'Me, too.' His eyes squeezed shut and Yuuri would have sworn he was fighting tears. 'Me too, Nyurochka, my Nyurochka.'

((One more diminutive: Витя - /Vitya/. You know that one.

And Нюрочка - /Nyurochka/ is a diminutive for Anna.))