9. The Bar
The nightmare woke Pony around 5, and she dragged herself out of bed, giving up on sleep. She didn't want to sleep anymore if she just had to keep reliving that night anyway. So instead, she headed out to the back porch, grabbing a blanket from the couch and curling up on the swing. The sun was just starting to come up, and for a few minutes, she managed to lose herself in the sight. She didn't usually get up early enough to see the sunrise anymore, but it was so beautiful…it made her think of the book of Robert Frost poetry and mornings spent with her dad and brothers, hunting rifle that she wouldn't use to shoot anything in hand.
The screen door opened and shut behind her, and she glanced over at Darry who rubbed his eyes, not looking like he'd gotten any more sleep than she had. "What are you doing up?" he wondered, dropping onto the swing beside her, and she wrapped the blanket more firmly around her shoulders, remembering their fight from the night before. At least he didn't seem angry at her now.
"Couldn't sleep."
"You still having those nightmares?"
She nodded.
"I might have to take you back to that doctor," he murmured, more to himself than to her.
Pony shook her head, not liking the sound of that. Doctors meant money. "I'm fine."
"Are you sure, Pone?"
No. She wasn't sure. She was exhausted and terrified and her brother didn't want her and her only friend didn't either and her parents were dead and so was Bob Sheldon because she'd killed him. But she couldn't say any of that to Darry. So she just nodded.
"Hey, look at me for a sec," he ordered, and she did, wincing when he brought a hand up to her face and brushed his thumb over her bruised cheek. Darry shook his head, jaw tight. "He hit you hard, Pony. Are you sure you're okay?"
She nodded again, and his hand moved to the back of her head, making her flinch away when he brushed against the knot that still hadn't gone away. He swallowed hard, looking mad as he turned to stare at the sunrise for a moment.
"You've got to stop walking around on your own, you hear me?"
She bristled. "I didn't think he'd jump me, Darry."
He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair, getting it out of his face. "I know…I didn't either. But I ain't gonna chance it happening again. Don't worry about Russell…we'll take care of him. But you need to quit wandering around town on your own, okay? At least until all this dies down. Why aren't you walking with Susie?"
She dropped her eyes, shrugging and hoping he couldn't see her ears getting hot in the weak morning light.
"Look, call one of us for a ride or to walk with you if you need to go somewhere, okay? Any of the guys'll do it. Just for a while. Johnny's going to walk you home from school next week. I'll give you a ride when I can. Tell the guys if Allen says anything else to you."
"I don't even know if he'll be in school. Soda about killed him."
"Good," he grumbled, then hesitated, putting a hand on her shoulder, shaking her a little until she looked at him. "And let me or Soda know if you start feeling bad, okay? You ain't looking so good."
"If I ain't dead of a concussion yet, I'll probably be fine," she told him dryly, and he huffed out a sigh, giving her a look. "But I'll tell you if the headache gets worse."
"Take some aspirin after breakfast."
Pony nodded, staring out at the sunrise. Then, after a lot of deliberating, she unwrapped herself from the blanket and threw some over him. "It's cold," she told him simply, and he scooted closer, ruffling her already messy hair and making her laugh in surprise, swatting him away.
Despite what he'd just said, she knew she needed to figure out a way to hunt Dally down so they could talk. A phone call might be overheard and besides, everyone would think it was weird, her calling Dally. She didn't even know if he'd be at his room at Buck's place, or if he was staying with someone else. But she knew Buck was having some kind of party, and Dally usually went to those. So that was her best bet.
But she was going to have to make an excuse to be alone long enough to head up there on her own.
"Can I go to Janet's tonight? Just for a few hours…she's having Lucy over too."
"Yeah that's fine. I can give you a ride."
"We're going to meet at the library. I was going to hang out there for a while."
"Okay. Just make sure you're home by 11."
Pony nodded.
"You can invite them over to the house, you know? We could have them for dinner."
That sure as hell wasn't going to happen. Still, she nodded.
"Where does Janet live?"
"Not too far."
"The west side?" he asked, with a little smile in his voice.
That would be a good excuse, she thought, for not wanting them to come over. But she couldn't stand the thought of her brothers thinking she was ashamed of them, or where they lived. "She ain't a soc. She just…a person." She shrugged, even though the words felt strange to her, like she was saying socs weren't people.
Her brothers were greasers and everyone associated her with greasers, but they were all just people…her and her brothers and the guys too. Even Dally was just a person. And Bob…he'd been a person, even if he was a soc.
"Well, if you want to have her over for dinner or something, let me know. You gonna eat with them?"
"Yeah," she lied. "We'll go to the diner or eat at her place or something."
"You need any money?"
She shook her head. No way she was taking money from Darry to meet her fake friends.
"Alright, kiddo. I'm going to get started on breakfast. Come on inside. It's cold out here."
And, with a sigh, Pony followed him into the house, curling up on the sofa instead and watching TV until she dozed off, not waking until Darry chuckled and shook her shoulder. "Come on, Pone. Eat something and take some aspirin, then you can go back to sleep."
And, figuring if she listened to him now only to break the rules later, it might all kind of even out, she did as he asked, eating the eggs and toast he'd made her, swallowing some pills, then curling up on the couch once more. She heard his footsteps coming into the living room and opened her eyes, figuring he was going to tell her to do the dishes. Instead, Darry glanced down at her with one of his rare smiles, reaching down to smooth a hand over her hair and pull the blanket up some. "Be good."
"I'm always good," she muttered, which was maybe the biggest lie she'd ever told considering she'd killed someone a week ago.
He chuckled, his smile making her chest ache. "I know you are. You're a good kid, Pone."
He wasn't supposed to be nice. Not anymore. It would just make it harder when he hated her again. In the end, she had to look away, not able to stand seeing him look at her like he still loved her.
Soda didn't come out of his room until almost 9, and by then she'd woken from her morning nap and was watching TV on the sofa. He joined her in the living room, yawning and wiping a hand over his face, and he seemed surprised to see her awake so early on a Saturday morning.
"What are you doing up?"
"I've been up, you lazy greaser." She grinned when he laughed. "Darry made breakfast. He left you a plate on the stove."
Soda went and got his food, then joined her in the living room again with his plate, shoveling cold eggs into his mouth. "What are you up to today?" he asked around a mouthful of food, and she winced, scooting away from him so none of it got on her. She needed to make her bed and the house could stand to be cleaned some. She figured if she went to the library later, that would give her plenty of time to read, then hunt down Dally while her brothers thought she was with Janet and Lucy.
"I'm meeting some friends at the library later. Can you walk me over?"
"Sure. You staying over at their place?"
She shook her head. "Nah. I'll be home before 11."
"Which friends?"
"Janet and Lucy."
He nodded to himself, thoughtful.
"What about you?" she asked before he could ask for last names or any other pieces of identifying information. "You going out with Sandy?" Her brother hadn't talked about Sandy since last Saturday when they went to a game…at least not that she'd heard, but him and Steve usually took her and Evie out on Saturdays, either to a game or a race or even just out to eat or something so it was a safe bet to ask.
Soda dropped his eyes, shaking his head, and she realized she hadn't been paying all that much attention to him lately since she'd been so wrapped up in her own problems. His eyes were downcast and sad, and he looked real tired. "Nah. She, uh…she's moving away for a while."
Pony blinked at him, sitting upright. "Moving? Where?"
"To live with her aunt."
She thought for a second, then shook her head as she tried to figure that out. Moving to live with her aunt? But why?
Then it hit her.
She'd been plenty old enough to get the talk before their mom had died. She knew how girls could get in trouble, and what would happen if they did. She'd heard of more than one girl getting shipped away for a year to live somewhere else, sometimes coming back looking sad, like they'd lost something. Sometimes they never came back at all. "You didn't want to marry her?" she asked carefully, hoping she wasn't blushing, and he gave her a sad smile, shaking his head again.
"I would have. But it wasn't mine."
Her heart dropped and she reached out, putting an arm around his shoulders. He'd really loved Sandy. More than he'd ever loved anyone before. She'd never seen him crazy about a girl like he was with her. They'd all known it. And even if Pony had resented her for taking her big brother away, Sandy had always been nice to her. "I'm sorry, Soda."
She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed…hadn't seen how upset her brother had been lately, or even that Sandy hadn't been in school. She couldn't be if she was pregnant…they'd kick her out. There were special schools for girls that got in trouble like that…that's what their mom had told her. You had to be real careful, and keep yourself safe, or you'd be shipped off to one of those schools, and you'd probably never get to see that baby again…not if you wanted to come back home.
He leaned against her shoulder and she squeezed him hard, feeling like a jerk. "I'm real sorry," she repeated, and he patted her back.
"Thanks, kiddo."
"I never liked her anyway."
He snorted in surprise. Let him think it was a joke, she thought as he laughed. Better than letting him know that she'd resented his first serious girlfriend because she was jealous and sad and lonely.
Sometimes she was disgusted at how pathetic she was.
"I was thinking about writing her," he admitted, eyes downcast.
She tilted her head, confused. "What for?"
He hesitated, and when he glanced up at her, he looked so young and hopeful that it hurt to see. "I wanted to offer…see if she still wanted to get married," he all but whispered, and her jaw dropped.
"You'd still marry her?"
"Sure. I'll be seventeen soon. We could make it work."
"But…she cheated on you."
"I know." He sighed, shrugging a little. "But I still love her, you know?"
Pony couldn't believe it. He still wanted to marry her? Even though she'd gotten pregnant with some other guy? It sounded like a real stupid idea to her, but she didn't have the heart to say it. Not when he looked like that.
"I haven't done it yet. I was just…thinking about it."
Pony didn't want to think about him getting married. Not when it meant him leaving her with Darry for another four years. She didn't think she'd be able to stand that house without Soda. But she didn't have the heart to say that either.
"Does Darry know?"
He shook his head. "Nah. He's got plenty to worry about. I figured I'd keep it quiet until he asks about her."
She squeezed him again, wishing there was something she could do. What she wanted to do was find Sandy and tell her how she really felt…how that had been a real shitty thing to do to her brother, who was the best guy around, greaser or not. She wanted to tell her Soda was better off without her, and that if she knew what was good for her, she'd stay away! Pony hadn't liked Sandy before, but she hated her now. It didn't matter though, she knew. It was just like when they'd been kids and she'd saved up her allowance for months to try and buy Sodapop that horse he'd loved so much. The guy who'd owned him had sold him off somewhere, and Soda had been so sad she hadn't been able to stand it.
But there was never really anything she could do. Not about any of it.
"Are you and Steve doing anything tonight?" she asked, hoping to distract him.
"Nah. I might see what Two-Bit's up to if he ain't out with Cathy."
"What about Dally?" If he was going to hang out with Dally, she'd have to find another time to go see him. Still, she didn't mind if it made Soda happy.
"He's going to be at Buck's. You know Darry doesn't want me over there." He didn't even need to say it out loud that that went double for her. "It's not really my scene anyway. I'll be alright, Pone. Don't worry about me?"
"You want to come with me to Janet's? We'll paint your nails and everything." It wasn't real. There was no Janet and no Lucy, but for a moment, Pony wished there were. She wished that all she was doing that night was going to a friend's house to hang out, and that her biggest concern was comforting Soda after his girl cheated on him and worrying that he'd still propose.
He laughed, jumping to his feet to take his plate to the sink. "No thanks, kiddo."
Pony wished she could be more help when it came to talking about this, but she doubted calling Sandy a cheating bitch and telling him to forget about her would help, and that was the only thing Pony could think about the girl that had hurt her favorite brother. So instead, she went to her room and made her bed, then cleaned up the house some while Soda did the dishes. She ran the vacuum and dusted and made sure the blankets were folded and fluffed the mostly flat cushions. Their house was pretty clean, considering it was two teenagers and Darry living there. But he was pretty strict about keeping things nice since the social workers could come and check on them any time they wanted.
Since Darry had gotten custody, they'd checked on them about every month, usually on weekdays after school when they'd been eating dinner. Darry always got extra stressed when they stopped by, so she'd learned to stay out of his way after. But thanks to them keeping the house clean and Darry working himself to death, they never got into any trouble.
Soda hung around the house with her, the two of them playing cards with the radio blasting. She was scared to bring up Sandy again…too worried that it would make him sad. And he was acting like he was okay, even though she'd known that he loved her. Instead, they played cards, then made sandwiches for lunch. After they cleaned up, she asked if they could make a cake, and that cheered him up even more. She liked Darry's better, but Soda liked making them, and she pretended to be grossed out when he licked the bowl, which made him laugh. Afterwards, they made sure to clean up real good. Then they hung around and watched TV while it cooked.
The later it got, the more nervous she got. She couldn't let on that anything was wrong, but she had to admit, if only to herself, that going to Buck's on her own scared her. She had to talk to Dally, though, so around 4, she asked if he could walk her to the library.
"Sure, kiddo. Janet's going to meet you there?"
"Yeah."
"How are you gonna get home?" he asked, pulling his coat on while she laced up her shoes.
"She can borrow her mom's car and give me a ride. Her or Lucy."
"Alright."
It was cold out, the wind whistling as it blew, and Pony pulled her coat tight around her, ready for warmer weather.
"You call us if you need a ride, okay? Don't walk on your own," he pressed.
"I won't," Pony lied.
"I mean it kiddo." He turned to her, real serious. "That Allen guy might come after you again. Or one of his friends. We can't risk you getting hurt, you dig?"
"Yeah. I know." She felt awful, lying to his face like that, but she knew she couldn't help it. She had to see Dally, and there was no way she could explain why. So she promised again to call if she needed a ride when they got to the library, then headed inside, waving as he walked away.
Pony figured the party wouldn't start until after dark, so she camped out at the library for a while. It was easy to find a place in the back where no one would bug her, and she lost herself in a book, trying to forget the reason she was doing all this in the first place. Her eyelids were heavy despite her nap on the couch earlier., and she had to keep getting up and walking around to wake herself up before she fell asleep and messed up her plans.
She had to leave when they closed at 6, and she walked over to the diner to get something to eat since her stomach was growling. She peeked in the window first, making sure none of her brother's friends were there, then headed inside to order dinner. There were a few girls she kind of recognized from school, and one she was pretty sure was in her math class. She ate slow, trying to kill time. Even though it was already dark outside, she didn't know when the party started, and there was no way to ask that was safe. Her asking about a party at Buck's would absolutely get back to her brothers.
Pony managed to kill a little over an hour by reading at the counter after she ate, but it was getting busy, and she knew that the waitress would get mad at her if she hung out for too long, so she climbed off the barstool, hoping no one told her brothers that she was at the diner rather than at Janet's. She doubted they would…if all went to plan, Darry wouldn't have any reason to ask anyone about tonight.
So, pulling her coat more firmly around herself to ward off the cold and hoping it was late enough, Pony headed out to talk to Dally.
It was a long walk in the dark, and part of her wished that she'd brought Soda's blade, but she hadn't dared to even pull it out of her nightstand in the week since she'd last used it. She pulled her hood over her head, hoping people thought she was a guy. Pony didn't mind walking much, but it made her nervous to walk alone at night, and she knew Darry and Soda both would skin her if they found out.
It wasn't just her brothers' warnings, or Keith's, keeping her away from Buck Merril's bar. She thought Buck was a creep, and all that ever happened at this place was loud music and lots of drinking and drugs. And sex, probably, but she didn't want to think too much about that. Either way, it wasn't a place she wanted to hang out even if she were allowed. So she tended to steer clear of this side of town. But she needed to talk to Dally, and she didn't know when she'd run into him again around town.
Even though she never went out to the bar where Dally worked sometimes and slept a lot of the time, she still knew where it was. Just about everyone did. So when she finally got there, she pulled the hood of her jacket further over her face and hurried through the parking lot. There were a couple of greasy hoods outside despite the cold, talking to girls and leaning on cars just like in her school parking lot, but she ignored them, and the occasional guy calling to her. None of them came after her, but she needed to make this fast. It was getting late, and she still had to walk home.
Pony hesitated at the door, then knocked. Apparently not just anyone could come in, and tonight, Buck himself was the bouncer. "Ain't you kind of young to be here?" he asked without much interest, looking her up and down. She rolled her eyes, trying not to show that she was creeped out.
"I need to talk to Dallas."
"He's busy."
She glared, leaning in. "Tell him it's Pony. I've got to talk to him. Right now."
He huffed out a sigh, shutting the door in her face, and she pulled her coat more tightly around herself, shivering in the cold. The least he could have done was let her in, but she'd heard about the kind of stuff that went on at his place, so she guessed it was better she didn't take her chances standing around inside without Dally.
Anyway, it wasn't more than five minutes later that Dally was there, yanking the door open and staring at her. He was shirtless with his hair mussed like he'd been in bed. She tried not to blush at the thought of what he might have been doing in bed so early. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, looking around, wide-eyed, like Darry might be waiting in the bushes to beat the shit out of him for not immediately stealing a car and driving her away from this place she very obviously wasn't allowed to be at.
"I need to talk to you."
"Ain't you ever heard of a phone?"
She crossed her arms and tried not to show how terrified she was. She knew what kinds of stuff happened here…how guys got stabbed or beat with pool cubes, not to mention what happened to the girls. He gave in quick, looking around again, then grabbing her shoulder and steering her inside. "Come on," he ordered in a hiss, and she followed him inside, wincing at the wave of honkey tonk music that washed over her. Hank Williams had always made her skin crawl, but she guessed she wasn't in a place to complain. Instead, she followed him through the bar, not able to help noticing the eyes that followed them. She'd be lucky if no one reported this to Darry before the night was over.
Dallas slung an arm around her shoulders, glaring daggers at every person that so much as glanced their way. One guy wasn't deterred though, and stumbled up to them, laughing. Pony flinched back when he got too close, the alcohol coming off his breath hitting her right in the face when he pointed at her. "Hey, Winston, after you're done with…"
Dally grabbed him by the front of his shirt and shoved him so hard he slammed into a barstool and went down, the barstool landing on top of him. "You finish that fucking sentence, I'll knock your teeth out," he snarled in the sudden quiet.
Pretty much everybody turned back around then, knowing Dally by reputation apparently and not willing to piss him off. He pushed her toward the stairs and she all but ran up them, hating how scared she was…how she regretting coming there at all, even if it felt like she'd had to. Once they'd reached his room, he slammed the door behind them, crossing his arms, still glaring.
She was just glad his room was empty.
"Sorry to drag you away from your party," she muttered, lowering her eyes, and he softened a little.
"I was asleep. Now why the hell are you here? Do you know what your brother will do to me if he finds out I let you come here?"
"You didn't let me…"
"Yeah, explain that to Darrel after he kills me." He huffed out a sigh, moving past her to sit on the rumpled bed, then jerked his head towards one of the folding chairs and lit a cigarette.
"Why were you sleeping? It's only 8 o'clock."
"Got into it with Tim. He broke a couple of my ribs. Now talk. What do you need?"
Pony couldn't help being curious about why exactly he'd fought with Tim, but she had bigger problems at the moment. "Allen Russell knows I have something to do with Bob," she whispered.
"That prick that jumped you? Hell, kid, you didn't have to come all the way out here to tell me that. We're gonna take care of him, don't you worry."
"You gonna rumble?"
He shrugged. "You didn't hear it from me. Superman went and tracked him down yesterday. Told him he'd see him next Saturday night."
She'd known that Darry would be pissed…but she was kind of surprised he'd hunted Allen down and that he was actually going to fight over this, especially after Sodapop had beat him half to death. Soda, sure. But Darry? "Guess he wasn't going to tell me," she muttered, and he rolled his eyes.
"Jesus kid, give your brother a break, huh? You ain't exactly easy to deal with all the time."
Pony flinched, lowering her eyes, ears hot. She hated Dally sometimes, but not as much as she hated herself. He was right. But she couldn't help it! It was like…like ever since her parents, and ever since she skipped a grade, and ever since Darry started working all the time, all she could feel was angry and guilty and miserable half the time.
"You're his kid sister. There ain't a thing in the world he wouldn't do for you, Pony. Including kill me if he found out you'd been here, and Tim Shephard done broke one of my ribs tonight. I ain't itching to fight your big brother right now."
She cocked her head, giving into her curiosity so she didn't have to think about Darry. "Why'd you fight with Tim?" she finally asked.
Dal waved a hand. "Don't worry about it. And don't worry about Allen either."
"He knows something."
"No way he knows you did it. No one was there, remember?"
"Then he might have thought you did it! Cherry knows I went to the bathroom alone. Her friend too. They watched me go without you! What if Allen asked them? You weren't with me! You came and found me after." Pony glanced at the closed door and lowered her voice even more. "What if they told Allen that I went to the bathroom on my own? What if Bob told them he was coming after me? They might think you caught him doing something."
"I wish I had," he grumbled.
"Dally!"
He pointed a finger at her. "Keep your head down, and keep your trap shut. If anyone asks, you don't know shit. And if they ask me, I'll tell them the same. You weren't there. You've got no idea. You hear me?"
"But if they think you did it…"
"They ain't got any evidence."
"So? You're a greaser with a rap sheet. Since when does evidence matter?"
He sighed, shaking his head and swearing under his breath.
That's when the horrible idea started to form in her mind, dots connecting themselves as the inevitable hit her. Allen hadn't asked her if she'd killed Bob. He just thought she knew who did. But she wasn't going to let Dally go down for this. No way in hell. She might not be brave all the time, but she sure as hell wasn't that kind of coward.
It was Dally that broke her out of her thoughts. "You need to go home, you hear me? The longer you're here, the better the chance someone sees you and word gets back to your brothers and then we're both dead. Come on. I'll get Buck's car and give you a ride."
"You ain't got to do that."
"You think I'm letting you walk home?"
"I walked here."
"Well cut it out! Are you trying to get in more trouble? Fuck, kid. You're going to give Darry a stroke one of these days. You already look like someone beat the hell out of you."
"They did," she muttered, and he shook his head, rubbing both hands over his face and looking like he wished he'd never met her.
Pony let him lead her back downstairs, figuring that to him, the conversation was over. But it wasn't for her. Because it was bound to get out that she'd gone to the bathroom alone, and that Dally had come to find her. Someone would know that Bob had come after her, specifically, and that her and Dally had gone to the concessions together after. Someone would notice that they hadn't been surprised or even that upset when the news had spread around the theater.
She watched the dark landscape pass by as Dally drove her home in Buck's convertible. Pony didn't want to go home. She didn't want to go back inside that house with Darry, who didn't even like her half the time, and Soda, who was always worrying about her now, even though he was obviously torn up about Sandy and trying to hide it.
It had been a whole week since she'd killed Bob Sheldon, and she still felt like it couldn't be real. Surely he hadn't actually attacked her out behind the bathrooms, right? No one ever tried to pull that stuff with her, not really, because Darry and Soda had never lost a fight, and everyone in town knew what would happen if they tried to hurt her. The whole gang would come after them, and that included the guys who might not be her best friends, but they were real tough guys and good fighters, and Dally even carried a gun around! Sure, it was unloaded, but not everyone knew that for sure.
But she still had the bruises from where Allen had punched her, and the knot in the back of her head from where she'd hit the concrete. She could remember how it had felt to have him shove her against her locker, and Evie's hand on her face when she'd asked if she was okay.
It was all real. It wasn't like one of her nightmares. She couldn't just wake up and throw herself into Soda's arms.
When Dally drove away from her house with strict orders to stay out of trouble, she was sure he thought she'd go right inside. But she still had some time before her curfew, and she didn't want to be in that house. Not now. Not when she felt like she was on the verge of breaking apart. So instead, she waited for his car to disappear around the corner, then headed to the lot.
Sometimes Johnny slept in the abandoned lot near their house, but she didn't see him around. This was where he'd gotten jumped by those socs. There was no one in sight, though, so she sat down in the shadows of the house next door and stared up at the sky, watching the stars and shivering a little in the cold. She'd worn a coat, but not a real thick one…not one warm enough for the dropping temperatures that night. Ignoring how cold she was and hoping that Johnny was sleeping somewhere warmer, she stared up at the stars until her eyes started to droop.
If pressed, Pony would say that the whole thing started because of a fight with Susie. That's the reason she was at the movies alone. In the bathroom alone. Walking home alone. But, looking back, falling asleep in that lot sure didn't help.
Thanks for reading!