11. Trouble

When Pony opened her eyes, it didn't take three full seconds for her to realize how much trouble she was in. She had no idea what time it was, but the whole world was quiet in a way it only got early in the morning, and she felt rested enough that it had to have been more than an hour since she sat down. As she jumped up, she tried to do the math in her head. Her curfew was 11. Dal had brought her back to her house a little before 9. If she'd only slept for two hours, she might be okay. She might just be a few minutes late! Darry would be pissed, but he wouldn't yell too much. Probably. And she could just go to her room.

Swearing under her breath, she took off at a run, like shaving a few seconds off her time might make any of this better. She'd been so good…she'd followed Darry's rules and she was always on time for her curfew and she did good in school…apart from walking around on her own, she hadn't gotten in any trouble at all! Surely being a few minutes…or an hour…late wouldn't be that big of a deal. Soda's curfew was whenever the hell he decided to come home! Why did she have to be home an hour before midnight?

The light was on in their living room, and she hesitated in the street out in front of their gate, watching as Darry hung up the phone, his whole face tight and serious in a way it only got when he was really, really mad. Swearing again and wishing she could just sleep in the lot, she opened their gate as quiet as she could, then walked up the steps.

At the door, she froze, heart pounding in her chest, hand resting on the knob. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to have this fight. She wanted to go back…back to a week ago. She wanted to ask Dally to walk her out to the bathroom, even if it made her look like a baby. He would have done it. Sure, he'd have teased her and acted put out, but he would have done it! Johnny too! Or, even further back, she wished she could take back that note she wrote Susie. She wished she could act like it was fine that her best friend was quitting track, and act like she didn't think her whole world was collapsing even more because she'd lost her parents and she'd lost her brother and now she was losing her friend.

Or maybe she wished she could go back to the day of the funeral. She would avoid Two-Bit and avoid those ladies gossiping about her family and talking about how hard all this would be for Darry, and then she would walk out the back door and start running. She'd run until she was in a new town and she'd be someone else and leave it all behind and forget about all the things she'd lost.

But all of that was impossible. So Pony did the only thing she could do and turned the knob to their front door, taking a deep breath and stepping inside.

When Darry looked up and met her eyes, she thought for a second that she caught a flash of relief, like maybe he was glad she was okay. But then he threw the newspaper down, anger taking over. "Where the hell have you been?" he demanded, and she wished for her big brother with a suddenness that hit her right in the gut. Not this big brother…the one who'd carried her on his back and who'd picked her up from that sleepover and who'd let her sleep in his bed when she'd been really little and she'd had a nightmare. It was strange how she could miss someone so much when he was right there.

"Hey, Pony. Where you been?"

At least Soda wasn't mad. But when she glanced at him as she sat up on the sofa, pulling his hat up so he could look at her, she could tell that he'd been worried sick, and that was almost as bad. She hadn't meant to worry him…hadn't meant to make Darry angry. Hadn't meant for any of this to happen.

"I fell asleep in the lot," she told Soda, starting to walk past Darry and flinching a little when he jumped out of the recliner and blocked her path. He wouldn't hurt her…so why did she feel like it was a soc towering over her instead of her brother just standing there?

"You what?" Darry asked incredulously, doing that thing where he made each word its own angry sentence.

"I sat down in the lot and I fell asleep."

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"

She hesitated, wishing she could go into her room and get just a second to think…to calm down. But Darry was looming over her and looking madder than ever and Soda was hesitating in the background and she just wanted to run back out their front door and back to last Saturday and make everything okay again. "No," she admitted, her voice coming out angry when all she felt was sad and scared.

"Well it's two in the morning kiddo. And I couldn't even call the police because they would have taken you away and put you in an orphanage so fast it would make your head spin!"

"Darry…" Soda started, voice soft, but she couldn't help trying to defend herself.

"I didn't mean to! I just fell asleep!"

She thought about turning around and taking her jacket off. Anything to get a little bit of distance between them. But her feet felt frozen in place. She'd never been scared of Darry like this before…but she'd also never made him this mad before. It wasn't fair, him yelling at her like this, when she hadn't even done it on purpose!

"Where were you tonight?"

She couldn't tell him she'd been at Buck's place talking to Dally…no way in hell. Not only was she not allowed to be there, he'd want to know why she'd needed to talk to Dally so bad, and standing there with her brother breathing down her neck, she couldn't think of a single good excuse. So she went with her cover story.

"I was with Janet at her house," she lied quickly. They might be mad at her for walking home alone but that was better than them finding out the truth. "Then on my way home I sat down at the lot…"

But Darry was shaking his head before she could finish, looking even madder than before. "There ain't no Janet in your math class!" he shouted, even louder now, and Soda flinched a little beside them. "You want to know how I know that?"

Honestly she was kind of surprised that he'd remembered she was supposed to be in her math class.

"I called your teacher hours ago! Asked him for Janet's number. There is no Janet. Or Lucy. Who the hell are these people? Who have you been going out with?"

She glared, eyes hot, but she wouldn't cry. Not just because her big brother was mad at her. She wasn't a coward and she wasn't a baby.

"Where were you tonight?" he demanded again, louder this time.

"I was at the lot and I fell asleep," she ground out, eyes filling with tears she refused to let fall.

"Darry, let's just talk about this tomorrow," Soda reasoned, his voice soft as he glanced between them, but Darry wasn't having it. Spinning around, he pointed a finger in their brother's face, making Soda take a step back.

"Give it a rest, Soda! I'm sick and tired of you sticking up for her!"

That's when Pony's temper flared hot, hands forming fists at her sides. Darry could yell at her all he wanted. Hell, he did! But she wasn't going to let him turn around and take this out on Sodapop. "Don't you yell at him!" she yelled right back, taking a step forward and ready to keep yelling, but he spun around and a sharp pain in her face knocked her back a step.

It took her a second to realize that he'd backhanded her.

Darry had hit her.

Suddenly, it was like all the air had been sucked out of the room…like she couldn't breathe. It was worse, somehow, than when Allen had hit her, even if that had hurt worse. Neither of her brothers had ever hit her…not ever. They weren't like that…they were family! They were supposed to love each other! Every bit of her anger drained away then, leaving her cold and shaking.

Pony stared up at her brother who had gone so pale she thought he might pass out, his eyes darting down to his hand as though he didn't recognize it. She pressed her own hand to her hot cheek, taking a step away from him, then another. To her horror, her lips trembled, tears spilling over and pouring down her cheeks, and when he met her eyes, his widened. Behind him, Soda was silent, mouth open, eyes darting between the two of them, like he was trying to figure out how to make time turn back, just like she'd been earlier.

She'd known. Of course she'd known. Darry hated her.

But knowing it and getting proof were two different things.

"Pony, I didn't…"

And then the spell was broken.

She was running before she was aware of it, ignoring his voice calling for her as she turned and grabbed the door, yanking it open and nearly tripping as she jumped off the porch and sprinted down the street.

"Pony! I'm sorry!'

She didn't care. She didn't care if he was sorry! Tears poured down her face as she ran, arms pumping, her feet moving so fast she almost didn't feel the pavement underneath them. She wanted to run away…wanted to find somewhere to hide until she was eighteen. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair that her brother hated her! She didn't have anywhere else to go!

It wasn't until she slowed down that she realized she was on Susie's street. Not caring that they were in the middle of a stupid fight, she made her way to her friend's house and walked around the side until she reached her window. Tears still pouring down her cheeks, she pulled herself up on her tiptoes and tapped at the bedroom window she'd climbed in and out of a hundred times.

It only took a moment for Susie's exhausted face to appear, and she wiped her eyes tiredly before she seemed to realize who it was. As soon as it seemed to click, she yanked her window open, leaning out and staring at her, incredulous.

"Pony? What are you doing here?" she hissed. "Are you okay?"

She didn't blame her for being confused…they hadn't had a conversation since last Friday, and it was past 2 in the morning. But she didn't have time to think about any of that. "Can I come in?" Pony whispered, a sob breaking through her words, and Susie reached out a hand, helping her climb through the window. Pony landed on her bed, the two of them trying to be quiet, but as soon as Susie got her inside, she was crying again, her hands covering her face as she tried to stop.

"What's going on? Are you okay?" her friend demanded, but Pony just shook her head, and Susie wrapped her arms tight around her like they'd never fought.

Footsteps came close then, and they both froze as there was a knock on the door. "Suze? You alright?" Keith called, pushing the door open a little. Pony didn't even look up, hiding her face in her friend's shoulder, but she heard him come closer. "Pony? Hey, what's going on?" he asked, and she felt him sit on the bed beside them.

"She just showed up at my window…I don't know," Susie whispered.

"Pony, what's the matter? What happened?"

In the other room, she could just hear the radio playing, and she wondered if he'd been up listening to it and drinking. She looked up at him, trying to tell from his eyes exactly how much he'd had to drink, but as soon as she did, his eyes widened, fingers coming up to brush over her cheek where it still stung a little. He looked real sober then…sober and angry. "What happened?" he repeated, voice hard.

She knew he wasn't talking about her new black eye…the guys would have told him about that already. But her face stung bad enough that her cheek had to be red where Darry had slapped her.

Keith had always looked out for her since she was friends with Susie, and probably because she was Darry and Soda's sister too. He was the first member of the gang she'd gotten to know and actually liked. She could always call him for a ride or to walk her somewhere, and he wouldn't even tease her about it or act irritated. And a few times right after her parents when money had been really tight, he'd given her money for lunch at school.

But she still didn't want to tell him.

"Nothing. I'm fine." She tried to wipe her eyes, but he wasn't gonna accept that answer.

"Did somebody hit you? Did that soc come after you again?"

Knowing he wouldn't keep it to himself but having no choice but to tell him, she shook her head. Part of her wanted to blame that soc or something, but he'd find out the truth sooner or later. "I got home late…got into it with Darry."

He blinked at her, seeming to struggle to understand for a moment before his eyes went wide. "Darry hit you?"

She nodded, shame making her face hot. Their family wasn't supposed to be like that. They were supposed to care about each other! Darry had never acted like he'd hurt her…not before their parents had died. He'd loved her before…loved her and Soda more than anything. Even when he'd been a teenager and it hadn't been cool to hang out with your little sister, he'd never made her feel like he didn't love her.

What had she done to make him hate her so much? Was it because he had to work all the time now? Or because she just couldn't seem to be good enough? Get good enough grades or do her homework fast enough or keep the house clean enough? Or because she liked walking around on her own instead of feeling like a baby and asking one of the guys to walk her places?

Keith was real quiet beside her, and Susie put her arms around her again, letting Pony cry into her shoulder. "It's not fair," she whispered. "I didn't mean to come home late! I fell asleep! I didn't mean to!"

She expected Keith to stick up for Darry…to say he must have been worried or something, but he didn't. He just put a hand on her back and maybe he was whispering something to Susie but she couldn't hear over her sobs. After a moment, he got up, and when he was gone, she pulled away a little.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I was just…" she shook her head, wishing she could explain it right. "I miss you," she whispered finally, meeting her friend's eyes.

Susie nodded, smiling kind of sadly. "I miss you too. I figured you just didn't want to talk to me anymore."

Pony shook her head. "It ain't that. I…it's just…it's like I don't have anyone anymore." She didn't want to go into all that…not right now, but for some reason, she kept talking. Now that they were okay, it felt safe to confide in her for the first time in so long. "I miss my brother," she admitted. "He never used to be like this…before. He used to love me. But now…now he don't even want me around."

"You really think so?" Susie asked, quiet, and Pony wondered if she was being so quiet because their mom was home or if she was still working at the bar.

"He hates me, Susie." More tears fell with the words, and she didn't bother wiping them away. "I don't know what I did…but he really hates me."

"That ain't true! Pony, it ain't." Keith's voice startled both of them, and she would have been embarrassed except he came in and grabbed her shoulder, a glass of water in his other hand. His eyes were wide and he shook his head, almost spilling the water. "Honey, Darry loves you more than anything. He'd do anything for you!"

"He doesn't love me," she scoffed, shaking her head. She was so sick of this…sick of people telling her how much her brother cared about her when he made it clear how much he couldn't stand her.

"Look, kiddo…" He sighed, holding out the glass of water that she took, draining most of it in one gulp. "I know you're pissed at him. So am I. He shouldn't have hit you, and I'm sure as hell going to tell him that. I'll bet Soda already gave him an earful." She put the glass of water down, meeting his eyes. It was kind of weird to see Keith this serious, especially when he was drinking. Whatever he was going to finish that little speech with, he seemed to scrap it. Instead, he smiled, ruffling her messy hair. "Sleep here tonight, okay? I'll call your brothers so they don't send out a search team or nothing."

Pony nodded. She didn't want Soda to worry…she didn't care if Darry did, though. Let him worry himself gray, she thought with a stab of anger. He sure deserved it.

Susie found her a pair of pajamas to wear, and when she turned the light back out, the two of them curled up on Susie's twin bed, huddled against the cold under her blankets. In the other room, Pony heard Keith talking, and they both went quiet, trying to listen.

"Hey, Dar. Yeah…yeah I know. Don't worry, she's here." There was a long pause, and Susie found her hand under the blanket and squeezed it. "I don't think that's such a good idea." Two-Bit's voice went kind of hard. "She can stay here tonight. It ain't no problem."

Another long pause, and Pony realized her and Susie both were holding their breath to hear better.

He lowered his voice. "She didn't have to tell me. I can see her face, Darry."

There was another pause, and Susie squeezed her hand again.

"Save it, man. Sleep it off. You can talk to her tomorrow."

Technically, Pony thought, it was tomorrow. It was probably close to three in the morning. But she didn't want it to be. She didn't want to talk to Darry anymore. Not when he hated her so much he'd hit her. Rolling over, she faced Susie in the dark.

"Do you think he'll do it again?" her friend asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Outside Susie's bedroom, she heard Keith shut his own door.

Pony thought about it. "If he gets mad, maybe." He'd looked sorry. Maybe he'd even meant it when he'd been yelling after her but why did she care if he said he was sorry. He sure didn't care when she did.

"You can stay here. If you need to."

She smiled, closing her eyes and scooting closer to her friend. "Thanks."

At least she had Susie back.

Thanks for reading!