BEYOND THE SEA (1x13)
When Captain William Scully first anointed Dana with the nickname 'Starbuck,' he hadn't really considered that he subconsciously positioned himself as Ahab.
It was clear the nickname suited the little girl with curly red ringlets that framed her thoughtful expressions. All of the discipline and rationality that the Navy had to instill in him seemed innate in the child.
When she started calling him Ahab, he presumed his daughter just associated him with the fictional captain as a result of their shared position and love of the sea. Even though he didn't see himself as the obsessive, self-destructive protagonist from Moby Dick, if his baby girl said he was her Ahab, he would be a fool to turn down such an honor.
Over the decades spanning his career, he accumulated two things, colors on his breast and absences in moments he should have been present for. Charlie's first steps were during his time in the Atlantic. He wasn't there to instill the fear of God into Melissa's first boyfriend, and he wasn't there to mend the ache of her first heartbreak. Bill Jr went from a bike to a beat-up Ford over the span of one deployment.
He supposed that's where he differed slightly from Ahab. His leg wasn't taken whole by his whale, but instead gnawed on for years while he was none the wiser. Perhaps he never felt it because he knew that no matter how far he went, once his boat docked ashore his family would be there waiting to steady him with open arms.
It wasn't until he came back from deployment to find only Maggie there to greet him that he realized Ahab was a name far more fitting than he'd ever imagined. William Scully never felt the acute pain of his peg leg until it was burdened by the weight of a family man standing in the middle of his childless home.
How much had he missed while trying to make his family proud?
For all men tragically great are made so through a certain morbidness. Be sure of this, O young ambition, all mortal greatness is but disease.
One autumn night, when the absence of bickering kids was too loud and the unused rooms in the house looked a little too empty, he confessed his fear to Maggie. From the look on her face, you would've thought he told her hell had frozen over.
"Do you have any idea how much your kids respect you?" she asked, placing gentle kisses along his shoulder.
"I know that," he replied with a sigh. He'd mastered the art of the unspoken only to realize it left him speechless when there was so much that needed to be said.
Maggie was quiet for a moment, and decades of marriage told him that she was reading his mind and coming up with a solution to his problems. He didn't know how she did it, but she was his true guiding light.
"They know you love them without you needing to say it," she affirmed, nestling closer to him on the bed.
"But?" he supplemented.
" But -" she drew out teasingly. "I think it would do good if you were a little more verbally communicative. Not everyone is as proficient in the art of non-verbal communication as we are. Tomorrow when we visit Dana, you should try asking her about work. You know how much she worries about disappointing you."
A frown tugged at his lips and he tsked in reply. As the kids grew older, they worried Bill Jr.'s temper would get him into trouble, they worried about the dangers that came with Melissa's carefree spirit, and they worried the world would hurt Charlie's sensitive heart. Dana was the child they never really worried about, and while she was bright as the sun, his daughter took their worry as a sign that she'd disappointed them.
"She just wants to know you're proud of her," Maggie pressed, squeezing his arm lightly.
"Of course I am," he whispered firmly. "I'm her father."
Death is only a launching into the region of the strange Untried it is but the first salutation to the possibilities of the immense Remote, the Wild, the Watery, the Unshored...
For once, words came easy to him.
"I'm so proud of you, Starbuck."
"I love you."
His daughter was staring at him from her position on the couch with the familiar look of intrigue that she'd worn since she was a child. He wasn't sure when he'd have the opportunity to speak to her again, but he hoped it wasn't until the concentration line on her face was well-worn in and her hair was long and white.
As a ringing sound broke the tranquility, William Scully found himself sitting in a boat that was tethered to a dock by a single rope. His beloved wife and children were standing at the dock, just like they always were when they sent him off to sea.
His temple was warmed by his mother's kiss while his father patted him on the back for a job well done. William felt the familiar sensation of his childhood dog, Dagoo, jumping on his shins. Turning around, he was met with the kind expressions of more loved ones than he could count — all of them making a path for him to the helm of the ship.
Turning back to look at his family, he noticed they were joined by a nervous-looking man standing further back, looking like he was about to fall into the water until he suddenly disappeared.
His attention was drawn back to his wife as he heard Beyond the Sea playing. Maggie smiled at him with all the love in her heart, and he knew she was telling him it was time to go.
With a gentle tug of the rope, the boat started off toward the horizon.