2.
Levi and his squad rode to the old HQ within Wall Rose at the end of the next week. It was time to get a debrief on what Hange had discovered on her newest test subject. Erwin would be there as well, presumably with a new idea for their next operation in Wall Maria. Levi felt restless, ready to begin their next foray. It was like he liked being a scout; he never had to stay in one place for too long. They were the first, the only source of information from outside the walls, and the fact that they had been reduced to exploring what had once been their own territory bothered Levi endlessly. They would retake Wall Maria. One day. As expected, Hange talked their ears off about her findings—Levi managed to tune out most of it, as he didn't deem the speed at which titan toenails regenerated important. Erwin, however, paid attention to every word. Of course he would. Everything was important to him. Levi was sure Erwin had a plan for an operation, but if he did, he remained tight-lipped about it. His only instructions were to plan to stay at HQ for two weeks, so Levi set his team to a thorough scrub down of the dusty castle, and channeled his own frustrations into cleaning. Another upside of cleaning: it gave him an opportunity to be a hard ass to his squad, which was something he didn't get to do as much now that they were performing so well. "Gin, did you even take a step into the kitchen? I was sure I gave you enough time to dust the shelves." Levi heard Eld gasp from the other room and a clatter of equipment as he hurried to the kitchen. "Of course, sir," Eld said, red-faced. Levi continued his inspection, pointing out various flaws and missteps along the way. His squad obeyed him, and by the time it was all done, Levi was in high spirits. Afterwards, they ran several training sessions in the woods surrounding the castle using the wooden titan dummies as their targets. It wasn't as good as an actual outing, but still beneficial for teaching and to keep in shape. There was always a new technique to master, a new trick that could keep them alive when they were in titan country. After they were done, Levi was absolutely disgusting. He'd gotten caught on the forehead with a branch, which had bled everywhere despite being barely a scratch. It was stitched up for now courtesy of Petra, who excelled in field medicine, but he still needed to thoroughly clean himself. It was annoying, really, how often his thoughts wandered to Rachel. To how chilly her hand had been when she laid it atop his perpetually warm skin. To how she was smart, but scared. To how well she could read people, particularly himself. To her hair, which still mesmerized him. Levi told himself it was because it was longer than the military regulations for hair; his fascination was simply because he wasn't used to it. He almost believed that argument, but not quite. He would go to the tavern again tonight, even though he barely had paperwork this week; only detailing their training exercises for the past few days. Levi knew he was using the work as more of an excuse to go than anything, but he packed his worn leather bag anyways. He was half tempted to stay in his filthy military gear, to let those men see who'd really be after them if they so much as touched her, but Levi had a hunch that Rachel wouldn't appreciate it if he did that. She couldn't have been clearer that she wanted to fight her own battles. Plus, Levi couldn't stand wearing dirty clothes longer than he had to.
The tavern's oil lamps burned a warm yellow color. Levi thought it was a nice color, something he'd expect to see in a home, where a family lived, unafraid of the monsters beyond the walls. He sat in his usual place, tucked away in a corner. She'd know he was there. She always did, bringing him tea and bread only seconds after he sat down. True to form, Rachel appeared in front of him mere moments later, balancing a loaf of bread, two bowls of soup, a kettle, utensils, and two teacups on a tray in her arms. Levi raised an eyebrow. "What's all this?" "Dinner," she said, unloading her tray. She took a seat across from him, pouring the cups of tea. "I have a few spare minutes." "And you've chosen to spend them with me," Levi stated, deftly slicing the bread with the knife she'd provided. It was a good blade; it must be sharpened regularly. Rachel shrugged. "You're an interesting person. I don't mind spending time with interesting people." She reached for a slice of bread and dunked it into her soup. Levi followed suit. It was delicious—warm and fresh. "And what makes me interesting?" Levi asked, genuinely curious to know the answer. It was fascinating, the way he found himself staring at her. He was usually so good at knowing precisely what was happening around him, even when he was speaking to someone. It was not so, apparently, when speaking to Rachel. The only thing he could focus on was the way her fingers held her spoon, gentle but strong.
"Hmmm," she said, narrowing her eye. "There's something about you. I can't pinpoint it." Levi gave a low chuckle. "I can tell when someone is lying to me, you know." For she wasn't being entirely truthful. She was good at it, lying, he could tell that much. But she was still hiding something. Rachel's nose turned pink. "Okay then, why are you humoring me?" Levi considered this. "Indulging myself, I suppose." Because he was indulging himself. It was nice to talk to someone outside of the military. Different. And she was pretty, the fact of which Levi was still trying unsuccessfully to push to the back of his mind. But that dream, from all those weeks ago, with the woman whose face he couldn't remember but whom had wanted him so badly…he didn't let himself think about it. "How'd you get the stitches?" She asked, nodding to his forehead. Levi brushed his fingers across the wound gently. It stung, but just barely. It had been a bitch getting it sewn together though, despite Petra's gentle touch. Face injuries were always a pain in the ass. Or, the face, he supposed. "Had a run in with a tree branch. I won." She laughed, a full, lovely sound. Levi cracked a smile, unable to help himself. "Well, we'll have to keep a tally then," she said. "Levi versus tree, 1 to nothing." She sat with him for nearly an hour, occasionally leaving to refill rinks for other tables or serve new guests. Eventually, the tavern filled up enough that she was too busy to come back and talk with him, but she laughed and talked to the guests as she worked. She seemed…happy. Levi distracted himself by filling out his paperwork, taking as long as he could. Even when he was done, he found new work for himself, starting individual evaluation forms for each of the members of the Levi squad. It was a long job that he usually pushed to the last moment, but there was no harm in starting it now. The two weeks they were stuck at HQ with Hange would be the perfect time to evaluate them anyways. Gradually, the tavern emptied itself. Rachel served everyone, working with the other kitchen staff that apparently preferred to work behind the scenes. The kitchen staff left just after most of the guests did, and soon it was just the two of them, Levi at his table and Rachel sweeping the floors. "You missed a spot," Levi said. She turned to him. "And you're still here. Indulging yourself?" "Yes, I think so," Levi said, putting his work away. "And what about you?"
She leaned against her broom, eyeing him. The flickering of the oil lamps gave her a slightly haunted look, bringing her scar into sharp focus. "You're small." "So are you," Levi said flatly, wondering again about what she could want. "Yes," she agreed. "And yet, you said you could overpower anyone you wanted." "Tch. I'm sure there are some exceptions," Levi said. "But if so, I've yet to run into them."
"Mm," Rachel said. "Well, I'd like you to teach me. Please." Levi reached for her broom, leveraged it against her weight, and flipped her to the ground. He caught her head before it could hit the floor, cradling it in his hand. He knelt beside her, placing the broom on the ground. She gasped softly, staring straight into his eyes. "Are you willing to hurt another human being?" He asked quietly, savoring the feeling of her hair in his hand. It's…a heavy burden to bear. But it feels good too, in a way." "Yes," she said, still not moving. "If the humans in question were going to hurt me, yes I would be willing to hurt them." She touched her fingers to the scar that marred her face, to her empty eye socket. "I don't want to be helpless. I can think my way out of most situations, but not all of them."
Levi tightened his hold on her hair, and she inhaled sharply. Not in pain, he thought. He could tell when someone was in pain. "Okay," he said. "I'll teach you. But fair warning, I won't go easy on you." "I wouldn't expect you to," she said, reaching her hand to him. Levi helped her up. She smelled nice, some sort of flowery shit that he'd never noticed before. "Evenings," he said. "Three nights a week, after you close the tavern. There's a clearing in the woods about half a mile from here, a good enough place to practice." "Evenings," she agreed, squeezing his hand. He'd forgotten she was still holding it.
The next evening, as they had agreed, Levi rode to the tavern after they had closed their doors, and there she was, sitting on the stairs outside. Her hair was unbound from its usual tight braid, swirling around her in long brown waves. She'd have to tie it up to fight, it would be only too easy to pull her to the ground with a good tug. "Hop on," Levi said, scooting back on the saddle. The two of them could fit on one horse easily, especially so short of a distance. She mounted smoothly, her hips wedged firmly between Levi and the saddle. He willed himself to not think too hard about this, and instead busied himself with reaching around her to grab the reigns. She leaned back against him to make it easier for him to reach, giving Levi a whiff of that flowery smell again. So different from the standard cedar-scented soap used in the Scout Regiment. Levi nudged his horse into a trot, causing Rachel to thump against him rhythmically as the horse made its way to the clearing. "So," she said. "What will we start with?"
"The basics, mostly," said Levi. "Stance and footwork."
"So you won't beat me too badly?" She asked, and Levi thought he heard a smile in her words. "Oh, you'll be black and blue for a while," Levi said, only half-joking. Their horse reached the clearing a few moments later. It was a good spot. Not too far into the woods, but far enough away from the town that they wouldn't be bothered. Oak trees surrounded them, tall and sturdy, with leaves just starting to turn colors for autumn. It was a beautiful place, perfect for their purposes. The stars shone brightly enough to give them enough light to see by, and the moon was full. Levi had a few torches they could light in case they needed them, but it was bright enough without. "Okay," Rachel said after they dismounted. Levi had directed her to the middle of the clearing. She stood in what she clearly thought was a fighting stance, but her feet were too close together, her fists too low. Her hair was still unbound. "So what do I do?" Levi walked towards her, and she shifted, trying to keep him in her line of sight. Good instincts. When he was close enough, Levi leaned in, reached over her fists, grabbed her hair, and yanked her to the ground. "Ow!" Rachel yelled, slamming to the leafy forest floor. "First lesson," Levi said, holding out a hand to help her up. "Tie your hair up. Don't give an enemy an easy way to grab you." "Yeah," Rachel agreed. "Lesson learned."
Rachel was a quick learner. She didn't have much power behind her punch, but she was nimble. He walked her through the basics, correcting her form, solidifying her stance, teaching her to dodge, to duck, to be quick. She was small, like he was. Her greatest ally would be speed, not strength, and that was a good thing. She wouldn't be tempted to stick around in a battle she knew she couldn't win. There was a quiet determination about her, showing itself even in the awkwardness of learning a new skill. "Where did you learn to fight like this?" Rachel asked, panting slightly. It had been a couple of hours; they were both drenched in sweat. Levi handed her a water jug he'd packed. "Mostly, I figured it out for myself. You learn some tricks growing up in the underground." "The underground?" She said, in a tone of surprise. She sat down on the soft ground, motioning for Levi to sit beside her, He sat, reaching to grab the water jug from her. "Yeah," he replied." He didn't feel like getting into all the details now. Levi hoped she would understand this without him having to tell her. "I thought you fought dirty," Rachel said, sounding vindicated. Perhaps she was still sore about the hair-pulling move. She leaned back to gaze at the stars. "You fight like a windstorm. You move too quickly to have learned things the right way." Levi laughed shortly. "You sound like—" he stopped himself. He was going to say that she sounded like Erwin when the commander had first recruited Levi, but he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to share that information yet. "I sound like who?" She asked, turning to face him. The starlight illuminated the freckles on her face. Levi wondered how many there were; if it would be possible to count them all. Were they only on her face? Or were they on her shoulders too? Her chest? People didn't have freckles in the underground; there wasn't enough sunlight. "Have you always had these?" He asked, reaching out to brush her cheek. "What, my freckles?" She laughed. "As far as I know, yes." "I like them," Levi said, brushing his thumb across them again. She leaned into his touch, sighing. Levi did it again. Her skin was soft against the roughness of his, like a balm on chapped lips. "Why did you agree to help me?" Rachel asked, taking his hand in hers. Her skin was cool again, just like it had been the other day. Was she always this cold? She traced the thick calluses on his palm with a finger. Levi shivered faintly at the touch. "I spent a good deal of my life running," he said. "Even when I could've fought back. IT wasn't until someone knocked some sense into me, and I lost a few people close to me, that I ever really looked beyond getting what I needed in life. I…I have a lot of people that I'm responsible for now. And I want to keep as many of them alive as I can." It was more than Levi had intended to say, but it felt good to say it. "Why did you ask for help? You seemed content handling things by yourself." "You've seen my face," she said. She pulled up her shirt, just enough to show her lower belly. It was…there was no other way to describe it than a mess. A tangle of thick white scar tissue twisted around, made from what Levi guessed to have been several deep cuts with a knife. The same one that had sliced her face open, most likely. "Well," she continued, "this is the worst of it."
"What—" Levi began, but Rachel interrupted him. "It was when Wall Maria fell. I was…overtaken when trying to flee. A few of my former neighbors thought that if they wounded me, the titans would be more likely to eat me than them. They got…carried away. Some Garrison Regiment officers on horses saw me struggling to crawl to Wall Rose after, and they took me to safety before any titans could get to me. They knew some basic field medicine, and were able to keep me from bleeding out before we could find a doctor. I was lucky."
Lucky. It wasn't the worst story Levi had heard about the day Wall Maria fell, but the cruelty was still unnecessary. "Did any of them make it into Wall Rose?" "Never tried to find out," Rachel said grimly. "It's not something I like to think about." "No, I can't imagine it is." "Can I tell you something really fucked up?" She asked, finally pulling her gaze from the stars to look at him. Levi nodded, meeting her eye with his. "The doctor who fixed me up afterwards, who helped me recover—he said I can't carry a child now. The scar tissue is deep. Too deep. He says my body couldn't cope with the trauma of it all. And maybe that should've devastated me, but all I felt was relief. I don't have to subject a kid to this world, to people who would hurt someone like they hurt me." "I don't think that's fucked up," Levi said, deciding that perhaps he could divulge some personal information. "I watched my mother die a slow, painful death. I don't know who my father is, because she prostituted herself to keep us both alive. Seeing what she went through, what we both went through—I can't do that to someone. Give them a child they can't take care of. It killed her." They were silent for awhile, processing the unexpected seriousness of their conversation. Levi was a little taken aback by it, but not in a bad way. He was relieved, really, to know that someone else understood how he felt about the world. "Tell me about her," Rachel said quietly. "About your mother." Levi hesitated. He'd said too much already, more than he normally would've. But nobody had ever asked about his mother before, and he was surprised to find that when asked, he did want to talk about her. To make sure someone else besides him knew her story. So he told her. He didn't remember much, and most of it was sad, but he spoke of everything that he'd ever wanted say about her. It was more than he'd talked in a long while, maybe ever. His voice grew hoarse by the time he was finished. The ride back to the tavern was held in comfortable silence. Levi couldn't help holding her a little closer than strictly necessary, but Rachel leaned into it, into him, resting her head back against his chest. He was almost sad to get back to the tavern stables, but they did, and he waited until she was safely inside before setting his mare into a trot again. Levi had learned that she slept in a small apartment above the main room, and that she'd taken over ownership of the tavern from an older couple that she'd befriended after the fall of Wall Maria. She seemed contended with her choices in life. Levi couldn't say he felt the same about his own life choices—he didn't regret them; he had no time to regret anything. But he wasn't sure he'd call himself content.