A/N: A Song of Ice and Fire, House of Dragon, and Game of Thrones aren't mine.
Summary: When Alicent went to cut her son's eye and Rhaenyra stopped her, Rhaenyra felt her mind drift from her immediate surroundings. Instead of giving a cutting remark, she blurted out a question without properly thinking about it.
Rhaenyra's mind had drifted to a moment of time that made her uncomfortable; she couldn't help but think over the days when she'd lay her head on Alicent's lap reading a book and how in such a short time, she was now trying to hold back Alicent from gouging one of her children's eyes out as retribution. Alicent kept spewing something about duty and honor, but Rhaenyra's mind couldn't help but settle on the wistful irony of how their lives had turned out. Alicent's face was inches from hers, she could feel the tickling of Alicent's breath, the light of insanity that had overtaken Alicent's eyes, holding back Alicent's body as she failed to physically overpower Rhaenyra, and Rhaenyra felt a knot drop in her stomach as she looked at the visage of pure hate radiating from Alicent.
Did I mean nothing to you? The thought came to her unbidden, did you ever truly care about me? Why the obsession with the throne? What happened to leaving it all behind with just the two of us eloping on a ship?
Tears began to rain down her cheeks as she tried to wrap her mind around the days when she'd look up at Alicent after reading a chapter and just smile up at the warm, loving gaze that had always been her pillar up until shortly after her mother passed. The sun shining down on both of them in the shade of the courtyard tree as they just enjoyed the feeling of the wind and each other's presence.
Why aren't you by my side? I thought we'd always be together and I could always come to you unimpeded of all that family drama. I thought you saw me as I was . . . thought Rhaenyra, as the downpour of her cheeks continued and a horrible cold feeling overwhelmed her. Why? Why was I not . . . Did you ever love me or was I just some scheme for you to get close to my father? Did any of what we shared as youth truly matter to you? I thought we'd always be the ones we could count on . . .
"Has your shame final –"
"Why're you always hurting me?!" Rhaenyra interrupted Alicent, her voice throaty and croaked as she continued to cry. Did you always hate me that much?!
Rhaenyra felt her body jolt when Alicent abruptly stilled. Alicent's face inches from her and her eyes slowly losing the spark of insanity. For a moment, Alicent just examined Rhaenyra and to Rhaenyra, it felt as if Alicent was suddenly noticing who she had been trying to struggle against with the knife. Slowly, Alicent pulled back but brought the knife up and clutched it tightly with both hands. Rhaenyra felt her arms fall to her sides. Alicent's eyes darted across everyone in the room and paused at Ser Criston Cole struggling against Daemon Targaryen. Alicent immediately directed her attention back at Rhaenyra with the glint of insanity returned. Rhaenyra felt a cry of frustration throughout her body, but didn't move.
"You . . . you had certain . . . indiscretions, didn't you?!" said Alicent, her voice rising an octave. "Ser Cole . . . he told me, told me about those . . . certain . . . those indiscretions."
Rhaenyra felt ready to yell, but stopped herself and just looked at Alicent. Her body wavering, but the knife clutched tightly. Everyone in the room seemed paused with bated breath on what would happen next.
Fuck it, they all think I'm a whore now regardless. If I'm being judged, I may as well just say it.
Rhaenyra briefly flicked her eyes at Cole and Daemon. She couldn't help but sneer before her attention returned to Alicent. The knot in her stomach returned and she felt an uneasy pain in her chest.
"Those indiscretions meant nothing to me," said Rhaenyra, her eyes directly meeting Alicent's eyes. Alicent took an involuntary step back, her face briefly remained blank, and then contorted with a jealous rage. She ran at Rhaenyra in a mad dash and Rhaenyra no longer felt like she had the strength to stop her. Alicent could surely slay her now, so Rhaenyra blurted out the next part. "I pretended they were you."
The entire room seemed to freeze at Rhaenyra's comment and an ominous, chilling pause enveloped the room. Alicent nearly tripped and then froze. She blinked and finally seemed to stare back at Rhaenyra in the eyes. "What?"
"Those indiscretions . . . I pretended it was you and sometimes to drown out the images . . . of us, because it couldn't be us." said Rhaenyra, Alicent's hands began to shake and her face remained blank. "Us on a ship . . . just sailing together, just the two of us."
"Ser Criston Cole told me!" screeched Alicent, her voice cracking in a sharp tone. Her body shaking. Rhaenyra's eyebrows knotted. "He . . . he offered to flee with you to Braavos, to elope! And yet you spurned him! You dishonored and spurned him!"
Several pairs of eyes turned to Criston Cole, who gazed at Alicent aghast before his eyes blazed. He froze when he spotted the King giving him a look of raw ire.
"Because he wasn't you."
All eyes returned to Rhaenyra and Alicent's jaw hung agape. Tears began falling down Alicent's cheeks too. Rhaenyra felt the pain within her slowly ebb and she took a shaky breath before exhaling. "The only one I wanted it to be was you. If it couldn't be you, then part of me just couldn't care who it was. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about you, so I just pretended they were you. They're just men, after all. Men will fuck anything that looks pretty to them."
"That's a lie!" roared the one-eyed child of Alicent, "My mother would never –!"
"This discussion has gone far out of –!" began the Hand of the King, Lord Hightower.
The knife clanged to the floor and Alicent covered her mouth with both her hands as she backed away. Alicent's eyes darted around once more and she dashed out of the room in full force. Once she left, Rhaenyra found all eyes on her. Her father turned his gaze from Cole then to her with a mix of confusion and disbelief on his visage. The knot in her stomach worsened.
"I'm sorry, Father," said Rhaenyra, her shoulders began to shake. She began to look at the floor. "I'm so sorry!"
She quickly spotted the fastest exit and left the room with all eyes trailing upon her.
"You hear that, Prince Daemon?" said Cole, figuring he would be killed soon regardless. "She was just using you."
Daemon blinked. May as well just fake knowing about it.
"Well, of course," said Daemon, a grin raising his lips. Cole's teeth clenched. "You spent all that time with both of them and you couldn't figure that out? My brother, the Hand, and their respective children I would understand, but you? You're more of a dullard than I thought."
Ah shit, better make sure my brother's ire doesn't fall upon me.
"I see the way you look at the Queen," said Daemon, noting the King's gaze drifted to him. Daemon kept his eyes on Cole. "Do you think she considers you anything more than a platonic replacement for her? They were both using you to get back at each other. You heard what the Queen said, did you truly think it was about the Princess's virtue? It was jealousy. She feels the same for the Princess. You ought to remember your place."
Disquiet set into the room as Cole's face slowly broke into rage as he began to attack Daemon.
"I order you to stop." said the King, but Cole continued his rage induced attack. Daemon spotted the children looking agitated as if they wished to rush over and help. He slammed his elbow onto Cole's neck and the other guards quickly tackled him to the ground.
Even as the rustles and shouts of struggle continued amongst the King's guard, a pervasive cold remained in the room as each familial occupant contemplated the words they heard of a love between the two women that was safer left unsaid.