Just like what you've promised to Erwin, you indeed slept your brains out. You also cleaned the area, bought a stock of food and furniture you had previously desired but didn't buy, and tried greeting your new neighbors. So when you came back to the barracks, you're more than your best form. You noticed Erwin having a darker mood and even though you brushed it off as it's not any of your business, you tried to help him with workloads somehow.

However, as soon as you left Erwin's company, Vander grabbed you outside the hall. Even before you could speak, he immediately snapped at you. "You know, I thought highly of you because you used to be an elite soldier. I never thought you'd be this shallow and stupid. Your brother must've been so burdened having someone like you by his side, so easy to be fooled around."

And oh, forgive the slip of your unwavering composure but you always get sensitive at the mention of your brother especially if it's ill-willed. You stretched his arm hardly on his back until he shrieked in pain. "Fucking pathetic bastard who has nothing to do but berate people for no reason. I hope you know better than flashing such an attitude on me when you don't have anything with you to fight back with."

"You think I'd be held down with just this? How good things would be if you went with your brother as well protecting that manipulative bastard until death. You're no different after all, both sucking on him like the leeches that you are." With that, you finally cracked his arm for good which garnered a louder scream from him. Soldiers walking your way halted and watched as the commotion unfolds.

"Where are you even coming from?" You flatly retorted.

"Someone fucking saw you with Erwin on places under suspicion of having large forces from the anti-expedition faction. I never thought you'd really go snitching them when you told me eagerly how you'd see for yourself the ugly things in this good-for-nothing regiment."

"I don't understand how I could get easily accused of snitching when I have no idea regarding those places in the first place." You shoved his head down to the ground. "And I told you not to mix me and my brother in with the likes of you. This anti-expedition crap is not any of my business."

"Then why are you there? I'm sure Erwin went to that place to gather intel, are you telling me you went along with him completely oblivious of his errands?"

"I don't owe you any explanation," The trip was all personal for you and despite the lack of knowledge regarding Erwin's errands, you don't have the interest to pry on it.

"So you really went there without the slightest idea?" He chuckled weakly at first until it tipped up in a crescendo as if realizing something. Vander then kicked his way out of your grasp. "Damn, I understand it now!" He wiped his eyes in an attempt to get down from it but chuckles still fluttered. "So comical. I underestimated that fucker."

You stood up again and brushed the dust on your uniform. "Just tell me what it is and go away."

"Didn't I tell you? You're not taking me seriously like I thought you would! I told you if you're too careless you'd be placed under suspicion."

You curled your eyebrows at him. "I didn't even tell him anything about what you've told me."

"But he's sharp enough to figure it out, especially when you have a reason to! After all, your brother's death made an impact on the faction members especially because both of you were once elite MP soldiers. They completely sympathize with you— all forced to leave the comfortable life because a deranged man brainwashed your poor brother. So I gave your name and they had expected you to join them sooner." He lamented. "You know, I don't mind getting kicked out if they ever caught me having connections with the faction. It'd be easy for me to clear my name to avoid getting blacklisted from transferring because I have connections. How about you? You'd have nothing left if they were to kick you out because of insubordination. You won't be able to even go back to the Military Police if the anti-expedition faction gets busted along with you."

"So what are you trying to say? Stop beating around the bush and tell me properly."

"I'm just reminding you to be careful. He won't bring you there for no reason. I'm sure he's expecting to garner a reaction from you and make you talk on the spot. Fucking pathetic. And I thought you're good and sharp enough to be under his command." His spats finally came to you. Blood drained your face as you did.

It was a good memory somehow. A solemn comfort and a reminder that grief can be battled collectively, all towards pushing through the will of those who are gone. He sounded so sincere about it. There's no way he'd have ulterior motives.

"Finally realized it? You have no idea how hilarious you look right now," He bantered.

Even before he could row more nonsense and an annoyed higher-up reached out for the commotion, you ran towards Erwin's office. You thought nothing would terrify you anymore after your brother's gone, but the thought of you overlooking his suspicion, to have him usher you as a pawn, and everything else— how stupid have you become? Being ahead of everything is your job and you've been on it your whole life. You were able to bring food to your table because of it.

You abruptly banged the door open without regard to the basic manners of knocking and introducing yourself in a higher-up's office. Erwin was taken aback as well.

"I expect you to be well aware of speaking your intentions first before I allow you to enter my office." He's vexed. It seems like he's already in a bad mood even before you came.

"The errands you claimed to be doing that day," You panted with attempts to stabilize your breaths from all the running. "The errands I went along with, what were they about?"

Erwin shifted into a much darker demeanor then. He put his elbows on the table and gave you a grim look. His composure made you feel like you were a little girl caught red-handed by a tiger in the woods. It was more than enough to confirm your hunches. "What do you think the errands were about?" He questioned back, every syllable he spat was so low that you just know this conversation will end badly.

You let out a ragged exhale and felt a faint sweat drip down your forehead. Despite the trembling hands and the attempt to conceal it from the silently enraged man, you closed the door.

"Answer." He pressed and you heaved no response. The lump on your throat felt like any word that'd come out of your mouth could be taken against you and would evoke further interrogation. It's not about you fearing him and his authority because your conscience is clear. You do not deserve any kind of disapprobation for this. It was rather the terrifying feeling of being fooled yet again. The comfort and sentimentality of everything blurred your lenses of seeing his prejudice. It might be a petty thing to feel, perhaps a pride shattered because you tried your best to not be behind people all the time. You feel stupid and somehow betrayed. "You know, you running here made this quite easier for me. It seemed like you brought yourself here and I don't need to play mind games with you anymore."

"So am I really suspected of being part of the Dissolution Faction?" You curled your eyebrows in disbelief. Erwin's dead look confirmed the answer so you just added, "I must've looked so foolish back there, completely swayed that it was nothing but a kind gesture so I won't have to sleep on the cold ground."

"You might be misunderstanding something here. I really sympathized with your brother's demise. I regard him with so much respect after risking his life to save someone like me." Someone like me? What a heavy dagger to throw. You've been trying to take that fact no mind because your brother would've chosen it one way or another and you don't want to trample on his choice. Still, the man he died for spitting it out like this would be your last straw. "However, if our suspicions are true I'd be really disappointed with you being consumed with your emotions just like that. You have the sheer potential of being a prominent Scout, it would be such a waste if you get blinded by anguish and pain and let these, along with other people, make the decision for you."

"Spare me such nonsense and be straight on with your motives this time."

"Information reached us that you are affiliated, if not an actual part of, the rising Dissolution Faction that wants to halt Survey Corps' activities for good. At first, I was very reluctant to believe it because I'm sure the spies that the faction will be sending aren't here yet. To confirm it, I brought you to the places that apparently shelter its forces based on our leads, and I expected these forces to act out upon seeing you there with me. After observing you sharply, however, I concluded that you weren't aware of anything so I completely dismissed the idea, at least until now." Having him explain it grimly had the lump in your throat harder to swallow. It churned your stomach so bad that hips started to tremble. "Now, I want you to answer how you figured this out. I'm sure someone told you, considering your reaction."

"As I run all the way here, I thought you'd have enough decency to spare me such distrust because I've clearly shown neither dissent nor the slightest bit of dismay towards you, even after knowing the fact that my only family died protecting you." Your voice trembled midway. "I really have no idea how to embody the mission of the Scouts yet in seeking answers beyond the walls, but because my brother gave his life to someone so eager to have it, I was very willing to understand where that's coming from. I just hoped I would get the same energy from you."

"Well, what I hoped though was that you'd remember the things I told you the day you transferred here; what you leave behind, first and foremost, is the sheer attachment to human life. But I can see you have the same problem with emotions. All of the things your brother had done, all of the horror you've faced during your first expedition, and you're still the bland and incompetent soldier that you are. I am extremely disappointed with your attitude. Skills alone won't make you out alive. You have to have the utmost willpower. I won't be surprised if you'd end up dead in the next expedition." He spat out. The tremble heightened. The fear of betrayal transcended into seething anger. Not only the ruthlessness but the completely below-the-line remark. "Now we must get straight to the point here, who told you about all of this? How much do you know? How deep was your involvement with them? Are you actually a part of it even before joining the Scouts?" His series of questions was quickly interrupted when you swiftly went to his table and banged both of your hands on it. Your face laced with sheer disdain; with eyes as wide as your anger and the grit of your teeth to stop unwanted emotions, such as sadness, from slipping away. Erwin remained seated, completely unmoved at your sudden outburst.

"Is this your true colors now? Are you finally showing me how much of a cold-blooded scum you are, Erwin Smith?" You grimaced and made sure every syllable that came out of your mouth would be thrown like daggers. Vander's words crippled your rationality as well. "Did my brother really die for someone like you, completely devoid of emotions and grief? Have you ever shown this to him? Did he know you're an empty shell and just an all-talk man?"

"I can't say you're completely wrong with that. As I told you, I have high regards for your brother who chose to die for someone like me. However–"

"Your fucking regards won't bring my brother back to me." You exclaimed in disbelief. "When that friend of Vander and yours got eaten in your stead, did you really not heed him with grief and remorse? Were you actually happy with your life being spared because people are willing to die for you? Do you really consider people like me as nothing but mentally weak pawns for not doing the same?"

And as if you finally hit him with your sharpest dagger, Erwin widened his eyes. Your anger's well reciprocated now, but he still remained his composure on his seat nonetheless. "You don't know what you're saying right now."

"I sure am, because my poor brother went through the same thing. If you're that angry with this Dissolution Faction but maintain such an attitude, how are you different from them? These noblemen who lead the faction might be thrilled with the money it'd bring them once this regiment shuts down and you might be so angry at the thought of it, but!" You huffed as tears started to well up. "—what difference does that make you? You're just as greedy as they are. So greedy of life, willing to use your comrades as pawns, showering them with your eloquence to gather their affection enough to secure your protection. You are all the same."

He flatly but darkly called out your name with an order to stop but you took it no mind because you want to throw more. No rational thoughts, only hopeless attempts to make him feel as distraught as you are.

"Don't you think you could fool everyone into believing you're a selfless being who thinks of nothing but humanity's welfare because I can see right through you. You're just too thrilled to have the answers for yourself that you're willing to deprive other soldiers of such. Your desperation to have it instead is what keeps you living." And with that, you finally regained your composure. You didn't give your tears a chance to fall down, absolutely not in front of this man. You turned back and opened the door. "I don't have any illicit involvement with the anti-expedition faction and have no slightest knowledge about the people working there or how things even work there. But what you've shown me just now gave me an idea of where they're coming from. Worry not about your disappointment in me, I'm feeling the same with you." You banged the door shut.

As you walked down the hallway, you wondered if you really mean all the things you just said. However, your wrath at the fact that you don't have someone anymore because of this made you disregard any impending guilt or regret. It's more than enough to ruin your coherence.

It wasn't worth throwing away my brother's life. Never.